Water balloon launcher

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This review was found in a tavern, probably lost. It got submitted to the library later. Most of the notes in the book are illegible, most likely from the author being drunk most of the time, but this page could be read well enough to be entered into the database.

Equipment of Godville
Water balloon launcher
Water-balloons-2510416 960 720.jpg
Necessary ammunition for the launcher.
Worn 🗡️Weapon
Durability Unknown
Description Not the most effective weapon. Only truly effective at close range.

The Water balloon launcher would be a great weapon if the balloons actually broke on impact.

Contents

About

The launcher has many variations, though they usually have the same goal: hurling a balloon filled with water towards the monster's face. Upon doing this, the water balloon is supposed to burst and cover the monster in water. This does not work the way the hero thinks it will.

The first problem with this is that, due to false advertising, some heroes believe that there is enough water for the hero to drown the monster. It isn't. It is enough, though, to embarrass the monster if the water balloon bursts in the right areas.

The second problem is that the water balloon doesn't often burst on impact. Sure, it'll leave a bruise on the monster, but it doesn't accomplish the advertised feature of drenching the monster in water. There's about a 10% chance that the balloon will actually burst at long range. At close range, with extra force from the hero, there is a 50% chance of it bursting in the intended area. Sometimes, it'll backfire and the hero will take the damage, and other times it misses the hero and the monster entirely.

The third problem is the variations. The hero might see an ad in the newspaper, but, due to the many variations available, end up buying a different item from what they wanted. There are various types of launchers: guns, crossbows, slingshots, and giant slingshots. They are meant to be used with three people, but most heroes find it easier to string the giant slingshot between two trees and wait for the monster. Sometimes, the box with the water balloon launcher is empty except for a bunch of water balloons, expecting the hero's arm to be used as a launcher. This defeats the whole purpose of the existence of the water balloon launcher. Why do it by yourself when you can have a machine do it for you?

Usually there's a manual telling the hero how to use the specific launcher, but there are no pictures. How are heroes expected to read these?

Usage

Okay, If you're reading this, your hero or heroine messed up big time by buying this. Sure, it might be powerful ordinarily, but if the person doesn't know what they're doing, it useless! And as I mentioned, heroes won't read the manual. You can't unbuy it, as the trader's shop is known as the land of no returns, refunds, or exchanges. You can punish them, but if you're heading towards a good alignment, you might not want to do that. You must teach your hero or heroine to learn how to use it using the Voice of god command, which your champion will ignore 99.999999999999999% of the time. But maybe you'll be that 0.000000000000001% who will actually get through that thick skull of their hero (or heroine) and teach them how to use it.

Guns

What.

So, I have no idea what's happening with this. Your hero will eventually learn how to use it, but by then they'd probably switch it out with another weapon. It'd be easier to figure these weapons out if they weren't all Russian

Not to mention, guns aren't supposed to exist yet.

Crossbows

I never figured out how to use the crossbow version either. Or... a crossbow in general. Thankfully, your hero will probably know how to use a crossbow already and will just replace the bolts with water balloons. Or they can ask someone on the side of the road. In a world like this, everybody knows how to use weapons. Evil hero raids are actually pretty common.

Slingshots

Y'know, this looked better when seeing it on the catalog. It looked large enough to possibly hold a water balloon. Until I got it in the mail and learned it didn't.

So, apparently, the manufacturers just bought some regular old slingshots, which are meant for rocks, and they replaced the rocks with water balloons. But water balloons are bigger than the regular pebble used in the slingshot. It's better to just leave the water balloons along the road for other heroes to find. Pebbles should be easier to find.

Bigger slingshots

There was another product under the smaller slingshot for this, which is actually pretty good. The correct way to use it is to have 2 friends to hold 2 ends, and have another person stretch the band back and launch it. However, this doesn't usually work out for many reasons. One reason is the fact that the heroes will probably argue about experience division, since one hero will insist on taking more than the others.Another issue is the fact that the different heroes are usually on different quests. One hero might be trying to leave no stone unturned, and another hero might be annoyed with the constant pauses since they're trying to roll a rock up a hill.

Heroes fix this problem by not bothering with friends anyways. They instead tie both ends of the large slingshot to the conveniently located trees and use that for fire the water balloon. They aren't able to move around as much, but gives a lot of experience.

Final Opinion

There are a lot more variations, like the catapult, arm, trebuchet, and something that looks like a sausage link. But there are so many types that I can't go over here. You're free to come up with your own opinions about this.

But if you asked me personally, I think it's pretty... ok, with people who actually know how to use them. And as long as the trader doesn't try to scam the hero.

SummerWiki 2019
🐟 Monsters🐟 Aquaphobic Fish • Copfish
🐚 Artifacts 🐚 Ark safety checklist • Bottle of demonade • Coy fish • Exotic seashell • Fool's goldfish • Pocketful of sunshine • Shellphone
👙 Equipment 👙 Water balloon launcher
💠 Others 💠 Beasties