Difference between revisions of "User:Tlazolteteo"

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(added ~35 approvals, updated stats)
(Newspaper mentions, Quest acceptances, Favourite Rejected)
 
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<span id="Approval">'''Ideabox News (107 so far)'''</span>
+
<span id="Approval">'''Ideabox News (121 so far)'''</span>
  
 
Longest streak: 7 days in a row
 
Longest streak: 7 days in a row
Line 138: Line 138:
 
* Day 3195 g.e. “Sources report that Cotzbalam has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
 
* Day 3195 g.e. “Sources report that Cotzbalam has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
 
* Day 3196 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
 
* Day 3196 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
 +
* Day 3213 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
 +
* Day 3242 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Cotzbalam, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
 +
* Day 3244 g.e. “Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.”
 +
* Day 3261 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
 +
* Day 3263 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
 +
* Day 3275 g.e. “Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.”
 +
* Day 3278 g.e. “Cotzbalam feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let him stop.”
 +
* Day 3289 g.e. “Tlazolteteo feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let her stop.”
 +
* Day 3297 g.e. “Cotzbalam says that he and his friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
 +
* Day 3300 g.e. “Tlazolteteo finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but she promises to continue to do it.”
 +
* Day 3301 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre. That's why he never did anything until the ER was invented.”
 +
* Day 3321 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Tlazolteteo was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
 +
* Day 3323 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
 +
* Day 3331 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre. That's why he never did anything until the ER was invented.”
  
 
* more to come...
 
* more to come...
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<div class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="border-width:0; padding:0;">
* <span id="Approval">Quests: 30</span>
+
* <span id="Approval">Quests: 35</span>
 
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
 
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
 
{| class="sortable" border=1
 
{| class="sortable" border=1
Line 465: Line 479:
 
|-
 
|-
 
|| 06/12/18 || describe an abstract concept in no uncertain terms
 
|| 06/12/18 || describe an abstract concept in no uncertain terms
 +
|-
 +
|| 08/14/18 || complete an annual performance review (epic)
 +
|-
 +
|| 01/07/19 || read the tea leaves to see if there's trouble brewing
 +
|-
 +
|| 02/06/19 || see who's laughing now
 +
|-
 +
|| 03/12/19 || delegate this menial task to a nameless underling
 +
|-
 +
|| 03/29/19 || put the harm in harmony
 
|}
 
|}
 
</div>
 
</div>
Line 637: Line 661:
 
</div>
 
</div>
  
(last update — Stats: Feb 13, 2019 — Approvals: Feb 13, 2019)
+
(last update — Stats: Feb 13, 2019 — Approvals: July 12, 2019)
  
 
=== Favourites ===
 
=== Favourites ===
Line 650: Line 674:
 
|-
 
|-
 
|| 07/10/15 || Diary, while traveling || Sensed something intimately familiar from a smoldering piece of clothing near a campsite. Turned out to be the lingering scent from an old flame.
 
|| 07/10/15 || Diary, while traveling || Sensed something intimately familiar from a smoldering piece of clothing near a campsite. Turned out to be the lingering scent from an old flame.
|-
 
|| 07/21/15 || Duel, for exploding bosses || Saw the %boss% start to glow red, and knew my job was done. I turned my back and walked away, 'cause cool hero{│in}es don't look at explosions.
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
|| 07/29/15 || Diary, wasting gold in town || Invested %gold% in the global stork market, but an abrupt change in the earth's magnetic field sent all the storks crashing. How depressing.
 
|| 07/29/15 || Diary, wasting gold in town || Invested %gold% in the global stork market, but an abrupt change in the earth's magnetic field sent all the storks crashing. How depressing.
Line 676: Line 698:
 
|-
 
|-
 
|| 02/28/18 || Quest || request to go on fraternity leave
 
|| 02/28/18 || Quest || request to go on fraternity leave
 +
|-
 +
|| 08/20/18 || Quest || eat to diet another day
 +
|-
 +
|| 05/25/18 || Quest || cause a fight worth dying for
 +
|-
 +
|| 07/09/18 || Quest || come up with a groundbreaking design for a new type of shovel
 +
|-
 +
|| 08/20/18 || Quest || eat to diet another day
 +
|-
 +
|| 10/02/18 || Quest || untwist the infinity symbol
 +
|-
 +
|| 12/27/18 || Quest || prove that fortune favors the bald
 +
|-
 +
|| 01/07/19 || Quest || harvest the wind energy from whirlwinding barbarians
 +
|-
 +
|| 01/08/19 || Quest || help a vampire find love at first bite
 
|-
 
|-
 
|| 08/14/15 || Monster || Deckard Canine
 
|| 08/14/15 || Monster || Deckard Canine
|-
 
|| 09/10/15 || Monster || Wire-fu Master
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
|| 09/10/15 || Monster || Mind Filleter
 
|| 09/10/15 || Monster || Mind Filleter

Latest revision as of 21:13, 12 July 2019

Tlazolteteo
Las amiguitas de coatlicue by ah puch zegno-d6lkgdg.png
Championed by the Hero: Chutzpahtl
Personality: Up to interpretation
Gender: 4× Female
Guild: Guildy Pleasures



Divine Origins

Tlazolteteo is the collective embodiment of four Aztec goddesses of love and desires. Depending on the context, this could be interpreted positively (marital love and fertility) or negatively (debauchery and depravity). If you ask her though, the interpretation that is arrived at is more reflective of the viewer than of herselves.

Mentions in the Godville Times

Having received numerous verbose prayers from her hero Chutzpatl about his overly voluminous Chronicles, Tlazolteteo finally caved and offloaded the chapter of newspaper mentions onto here.

Famous Heroes of Godville

  • Day 2019 g.e. “Chutzpahtl – 38th-level adventurer, member of the “Asylum” guild, with the motto “¡¡nus-nus ʎq ɥʇɐǝⱭ ✔”, stands at the 106th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Tlazolteteo. He was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during his youth.”
  • Day 2686 g.e. “Chutzpahtl - 72nd-level adventurer, member of the “Guildy Pleasures” guild, with the motto “It's Reyn Time!! ✔”, stands at the 59th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Tlazolteteo. He's asking someone to put in a little life into dying and report the results via telegram.”
  • Day 2934 g.e. “Kizu Mai-azu - 77th-level adventurer, member of the “The Ideaboxers Union” guild, with the motto “Ѯ Trogdor? ✔”, stands at the 136th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the god Cotzbalam. We've had many reports that a Cinnaminion has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.”
  • Day 3024 g.e. “Chutzpahtl - 82nd-level adventurer, member of the “Guildy Pleasures” guild, with the motto “It's Reyn Time!! ✔”, stands at the 37th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the god Tlazolteteo. All he ever wanted was a little love and affection.”

Ideabox News (121 so far)

Longest streak: 7 days in a row

  • Day 1932 g.e. “Rumor has it that Tlazolteteo submits especially good ideas and votes for the submissions of others.”
  • Day 1960 g.e. (for ER contributions)
  • Day 1961 g.e. “Warning: Tlazolteteo is busy in the ER, enhancing ideas left and right!”
  • Day 1975 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says that she and her friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 2004 g.e. “Cotzbalam: leader in innovative ideas since… yesterday.”
  • Day 2006 g.e. “Tlazolteteo finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but, as a masochist, she promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 2008 g.e. “Apparently, every entry that Tlazolteteo simply looks at in the ER becomes three times better.”
  • Day 2022 g.e. “Tlazolteteo was spotted in the Ideabox. All ideas are requested to form an orderly line and await improvement.”
  • Day 2037 g.e. “Let’s celebrate Tlazolteteo and her devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 2057 g.e. “Warning: Tlazolteteo is busy in the ER, enhancing ideas left and right!”
  • Day 2076 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Cotzbalam, claims that improving ideas is not painful really.”
  • Day 2080 g.e. “Tlazolteteo finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but she promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 2083 g.e. “Tlazolteteo has been busy in the ER. She doesn’t care much about idea quality, but she does love to meddle with things.”
  • Day 2087 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful really.”
  • Day 2088 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says she loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes she even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2109 g.e. “Let’s celebrate Tlazolteteo and her devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 2112 g.e. “Warning: Tlazolteteo is busy in the ER, enhancing ideas left and right!”
  • Day 2118 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says she loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes she even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2131 g.e. “According to reports, honored ER contributor Tlazolteteo makes everything better. Especially new ideas.”
  • Day 2166 g.e. “Sources report that Tlazolteteo has been prettying up phrases in the ER for brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 2186 g.e. “Tlazolteteo has been busy in the ER. She doesn’t care much about idea quality, but she does love to meddle with things.”
  • Day 2194 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Tlazolteteo was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 2243 g.e. “Tlazolteteo has been busy in the ER. She doesn't care much about idea quality, but she does love to meddle with things.”
  • Day 2321 g.e. “Cotzbalam was spotted in the Ideabox. All ideas are requested to form an orderly line and await improvement.”
  • Day 2344 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says she loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes she even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2372 g.e. “Tlazolteteo finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but, as a masochist, she promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 2407 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 2415 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says that she and her friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 2448 g.e. “Tlazolteteo brings out the best in her own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 2455 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Tlazolteteo was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 2456 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Tlazolteteo was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 2457 g.e. “There is an opinion that Tlazolteteo should get some credit for her content enhancements yesterday.”
  • Day 2516 g.e. “Tlazolteteo was spotted in the Ideabox. All ideas are requested to form an orderly line and await improvement.”
  • Day 2518 g.e. “Sources report that Tlazolteteo has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 2529 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says that she and her friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 2532 g.e. “Apparently, every entry that Tlazolteteo simply looks at in the ER becomes three times better.”
  • Day 2533 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says she loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes she even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2534 g.e. “Sources report that Tlazolteteo has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 2535 g.e. “Cotzbalam finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but he promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 2536 g.e. “Let's celebrate Cotzbalam and his devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 2537 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says that she and her friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 2538 g.e. “According to reports, honored ER contributor Tlazolteteo makes everything better. Especially new ideas.”
  • Day 2541 g.e. “Cotzbalam was spotted in the Ideabox. All ideas are requested to form an orderly line and await improvement.”
  • Day 2557 g.e. “It's reported that Tlazolteteo can improve ideas even with her eyes closed.”
  • Day 2572 g.e. “Improving ideas is Tlazolteteo's raison d'etre.”
  • Day 2628 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 2629 g.e. “Improving ideas is Tlazolteteo's raison d'etre. That's why she never did anything until the ER was invented.”
  • Day 2632 g.e. “Sources report that Tlazolteteo has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 2638 g.e. “Cotzbalam says he loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes he even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2641 g.e. “According to reports, honored ER contributor Tlazolteteo makes everything better. Especially new ideas.”
  • Day 2642 g.e. “Tlazolteteo says she loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes she even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2644 g.e. “There is an opinion that Cotzbalam should get some credit for his content enhancements yesterday.”
  • Day 2652 g.e. “According to reports, honored ER contributor Cotzbalam makes everything better. Especially new ideas.”
  • Day 2660 g.e. “Cotzbalam says he loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes he even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2663 g.e. “Cotzbalam feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let him stop.”
  • Day 2667 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Cotzbalam, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 2697 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre. That's why he never did anything until the ER was invented.”
  • Day 2700 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 2701 g.e. “Cotzbalam says he loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes he even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2706 g.e. “Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 2712 g.e. “There is an opinion that Cotzbalam should get some credit for his content enhancements yesterday.”
  • Day 2722 g.e. “Apparently, every entry that Cotzbalam simply looks at in the ER becomes three times better.”
  • Day 2732 g.e. “Cotzbalam says that he and his friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 2734 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Cotzbalam, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 2735 g.e. “Sources report that Tlazolteteo has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 2742 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre.”
  • Day 2749 g.e. “Cotzbalam says he loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes he even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2755 g.e. “Cotzbalam has been busy in the ER. He doesn't care much about idea quality, but he does love to meddle with things.”
  • Day 2774 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 2775 g.e. “Tlazolteteo brings out the best in her own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 2790 g.e. “Let's celebrate Tlazolteteo and her devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 2803 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 2851 g.e. “Cotzbalam says he loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes he even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 2886 g.e. “Cotzbalam says that yes, his ER correction skills are innate reflexes, and no, he will not autograph the reporter's t-shirt”
  • Day 2887 g.e. “Sources report that Cotzbalam has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 2896 g.e. “Let's celebrate Cotzbalam and his devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 2953 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre. That's why he never did anything until the ER was invented.”
  • Day 2956 g.e. “Cotzbalam has been busy in the ER. He doesn't care much about idea quality, but he does love to meddle with things.”
  • Day 2958 g.e. “Cotzbalam finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but he promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 2964 g.e. “Cotzbalam has been busy in the ER. He doesn't care much about idea quality, but he does love to meddle with things.”
  • Day 2968 g.e. “According to reports, honored ER contributor Cotzbalam makes everything better. Especially new ideas.”
  • Day 2971 g.e. “Apparently, every entry that Cotzbalam simply looks at in the ER becomes three times better.”
  • Day 2975 g.e. “Cotzbalam says that he and his friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 2976 g.e. “Let's celebrate Cotzbalam and his devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 2980 g.e. “Cotzbalam's extensive vocabulary was put on display in the Enhancement Room today.”
  • Day 2988 g.e. “It's reported that Cotzbalam can improve ideas even with his eyes closed.”
  • Day 3006 g.e. “According to reports, honored ER contributor Tlazolteteomakes everything better. Especially new ideas.”
  • Day 3016 g.e. “Cotzbalam feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let him stop.”
  • Day 3017 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Cotzbalam, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 3045 g.e. “Cotzbalam finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but he promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 3046 g.e. “Sources report that Cotzbalam has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 3059 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 3074 g.e. “Cotzbalam's extensive vocabulary was put on display in the Enhancement Room today. The exhibition closes at midnight. Don't miss out!”
  • Day 3075 g.e. “Warning: Tlazolteteo is busy in the ER, enhancing ideas left and right!”
  • Day 3096 g.e. “...”
  • Day 3097 g.e. “Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 3121 g.e. “Cotzbalam feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let him stop.”
  • Day 3122 g.e. “Let's celebrate Cotzbalam and his devotion to helping our ideas be all they can be.”
  • Day 3124 g.e. “Cotzbalam feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let him stop.”
  • Day 3126 g.e. “Cotzbalam says he loves the ER too much to go a single day without visiting. Sometimes he even visits twice a day.”
  • Day 3132 g.e. “Sources report that Tlazolteteo has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 3137 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 3154 g.e. “Tlazolteteo brings out the best in her own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 3171 g.e. “Tlazolteteo's extensive vocabulary was put on display in the Enhancement Room today. The exhibition closes at midnight. Don't miss out!”
  • Day 3179 g.e. “Cotzbalam says that yes, his ER correction skills are innate reflexes, and no, he will not autograph the reporter's t-shirt.”
  • Day 3195 g.e. “Sources report that Cotzbalam has been prettying up phrases in the ER for a brighter, funnier, happier Godville.”
  • Day 3196 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 3213 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 3242 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Cotzbalam, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 3244 g.e. “Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 3261 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 3263 g.e. “An honored ER frequenter, Tlazolteteo, claims that improving ideas is not painful, really.”
  • Day 3275 g.e. “Cotzbalam brings out the best in his own ideas and those of others.”
  • Day 3278 g.e. “Cotzbalam feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let him stop.”
  • Day 3289 g.e. “Tlazolteteo feels compelled to improve ideas in the ER; we just won't let her stop.”
  • Day 3297 g.e. “Cotzbalam says that he and his friends enjoy sitting in the air conditioned Enhancement Room. Oh yes, and improving ideas. That too.”
  • Day 3300 g.e. “Tlazolteteo finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but she promises to continue to do it.”
  • Day 3301 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre. That's why he never did anything until the ER was invented.”
  • Day 3321 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Tlazolteteo was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 3323 g.e. “Eyewitnesses say that Cotzbalam was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!”
  • Day 3331 g.e. “Improving ideas is Cotzbalam's raison d'etre. That's why he never did anything until the ER was invented.”
  • more to come...

Did you spot a newspaper mention for Tlazolteteo? Send her a PM!

Other Fun Facts

Best score in Bingo: 59 (2887 g.e.)

Best rank in Bingo: #1 (2887 g.e.)

Best haul from Bingo (regular day): 6840 gold coins (2513 g.e.)

Best haul from Bingo (high reward day): 16532 gold coins (2685 g.e.)

Best Godpower Capacitor discharge: 63% GP (2732 g.e.)

Highest Guild Influence in Town: 44% Popularity in Unspecifiedistan (2624 g.e.), single-handedly

Ideabox Contributions

Total Submissions: 2219

Approved Submissions: 167

Approval Rate: 7.52%

Approved Ideas

  • Bug reports: 3
  • Corrections: 73
  • The Godville Times newspaper: 1
Submitted Entry
01/16/18 %trader_hero_name% is amassing Godville's largest %artifact_base% collection, and willing to pay a premium for yours. Head down to “%trader_shop_name%” today!
  • Diary: 27
Submitted Entry
07/13/15 Rushed off to find a doctor to treat my injuries, but all I found were copy-editors and pundits. Wait, I think I'm in the wrong ER.
07/20/15 Saw a baby %random_monster% holding a piece of candy so I stole it. Judging by the angry growling coming from behind me, this may have been a bad idea.
07/22/15 My prayers must've reached the heavens, as it started raining beer inside the temple. I must hurry and help drin... I mean clean up this mess.
07/23/15 Taught the %monster% an important lesson in letting go by prying this %artifact% out of its cold, dead hands.
07/27/15 Love the smell of fresh rain on the open fields. This dank scent emanating from %pet_name% though, I could really do without.
07/31/15 Helped %monster% overcome its mid-life crisis by ending its life altogether. Was offered a lovely %artifact% as thanks.
08/07/15 Last thing I remember: I had found a fruit basket at your temple, so I tried to send you a pineapple by tossing it up to the heavens. How did I end up in the hospital, %rg%?
08/07/15 Saw a newborn %monster% hatch from its egg. Darn, now it thinks I'm its {dad│mom} and won't leave me alone. Better get rid of it before the parents show up.
08/20/15 Came across two bridges at a river crossing: One with a toll, one with a Troll. Chose the free option and charged ahead with weapon ready towards the tollbooth.
08/20/15 %monster% has been really upset ever since I dislocated a few of its limbs. I don't get why it's gotten so bent out of shape over this.
08/24/15 Unearthed an ancient stone golem with veins of gold tracing towards its torso. I smashed its core apart with my weapon and found a golden brick inside!
08/24/15 I've gotten really good at climbing the ladder of success, but I can never resist riding down the fun chute whenever I reach the top.
08/27/15 The surgeon replaced my injured colon with a new semicolon, and noted that my regular bathroom routine may become a little punctuated.
09/20/15 Dug a majestic moat around a farmer's outhouse and ran away before he came out.
09/24/15 A cartwright busily repairs a broken axle on a wagon, while an eager merchant waves me over, anxious for some business during the downtime.
10/05/15 Your wish is my command — Too bad I'm not a genie, or you could have actually gotten what you wanted.
11/25/15 A heavenly beam restored %pet_name%'s youthful looks. I, unfortunately, am still bleeding profusely.
01/12/16 Saw a coyote hold up a sign saying “%god_phrase%” before it plummeted down a cliff's edge.
06/23/16 A mushroom cloud erupted from a hilltop and morphed into the words, “god_phrase”.
09/08/16 Paid %gold% for a magical pet-training potion that I can spray at %pet_name% whenever he does something bad. This is going to be fun!
12/09/16 Heard a monk grumble, “%god_phrase%.” It's amazing what you can overhear when people think you've dozed off.
01/17/17 Sitting here watching %pet_name% sleep, wondering how I ended up on watch duty...
02/01/17 Channeled all my happy thoughts into the %monster% until clouds of rainbows and glitter erupted out of its ears.
02/01/17 A lit candle appeared above my head as I suddenly thought of a better way to %quest%.
07/04/17 Conspired with the %monster% to fake its death so we could split its life insurance payout. Received my share of %gold%.
12/11/17 I finally racked up enough “Frequent Lightning” points to redeem an Aura of Bliss. Sweet!
02/06/18 Notes from sail: This message is brought to you by the Tugboaters Union and {p│m}atrons like %hero_name%.
  • Earthly News: 4
Submitted Entry
07/10/15 Watching %pet_name% scent-mark every single milestone along the way...
08/02/15 Boosting the local economy through beer purchases...
08/12/15 Hammering the refresh button to find out if {his│her} attack landed or not...
06/11/18 Expecting red carpets when arriving... (in town or temple)
  • Duels: 20
Submitted Entry
07/20/15 %boss%'s eyes clouded with overconfidence and unleashed an epic 27-miss combo. While it was stunned at seeing its target still alive, %defender% jammed a marble up its nostril.
07/20/15 %attacker% tossed a hand mirror to {his│her} opponent, who fumbled the catch. The mirror smashed to pieces, and %defender% suffered (%dmg% of) bad luck damage.
07/21/15 %boss% consulted its “How to Serve Heroes” cookbook, and proceeded to slice-and-dice %defender%.
07/30/15 The Judge spotted and confiscated a prohibited weapon from %attacker%, and ordered {him│her} to go to the corner and face the wall.
08/01/15 %hero% didn't quite catch that last command, so {he│she} knelt down and prayed for an instant replay.
08/02/15 %attacker% checked that {his│her} liquor license was still valid, then served %defender% a spiked fruit punch to the face.
08/02/15 %attacker% tried to poke %defender%'s eye via telekinesis, but aimed poorly and gave {him││her} a nosebleed instead.
08/05/15 %attacker% shoved a bacon-wrapped, deep-fried cheesecake into {his│her} adversary's salivating mouth. %defender%'s heart exploded with joy, and saturated fats.
08/13/15 Right before %boss% bit into an exposed leg, he saw %defender%'s tattoo declaring {he││she} may contain gluten, nuts and dairy. %boss% jerked his head back in revulsion.
08/13/15 %boss% wasn't sure if his last attack connected, so he gave %defender% the benefit of the doubt and struck a second time.
08/13/15 %boss% charged recklessly towards %defender%, but suddenly froze on the spot when he noticed a nearby squirrel.
08/13/15 %attacker% thought {his│her} heat ray vision was working, but %defender% was merely experiencing hot flashes.
08/13/15 %attacker% was stumped as to what action to take next, so {he│she} used one of {his│her} lifelines to ask the audience instead.
08/24/15 %attacker% turned on the waterworks. %defender%'s heart was flooded with a deluge of sympathy, along with considerable water damage.
08/24/15 %attacker% pulled a rabbit out of {his│her} headgear and hurled the rabid beast at the foe. %defender% suffered vicious bites and started foaming at the mouth.
09/11/15 %attacker% tried to impress %defender% with some knockout humour, but forgot to deliver the punchline.
09/20/15 Colours momentarily faded from the world as a quick time event started. Unfortunately, %defender% failed to keep up and got badly slashed by %attacker%.
10/15/15 %attacker% reported {his│her} opponent for excessive exacerbation. %defender% was penalized by an outraged judge who thought that it meant something else.
11/18/16 %attacker% chucked an ice pack at %defender%'s head to cool off h{is││er} hot temper.
02/06/17 %attacker% gave %defender% such a frigid stare that {│s}he got frostbite from it.
  • Dungeon: 9
Submitted Entry
09/11/17 %attacker% reads a treasure map upside down and leads the group %dir%.
09/20/17 Here lies the remnants of an ancient ark, along with the remains of its incompetent navigator.
10/10/17 Priceless artifacts adorn the walls, but no one dares to cross the sacred velvet rope to take any.
10/13/17 The group stumbles upon %boss% in a bathrobe and hair curlers, who vows that none of them will live to tell of this.
12/28/17 A still pool in the centre of the room reflects the heroes' vacant stares.
01/26/18 A rusty mine cart, propped up by stacks of bricks, is missing all its cart wheels.
04/03/18 An obituary writer asks the heroes for their last words.
06/28/18 %attacker% let h{is│er} imagination run wild, and had to chase it %dir% to get it back.
12/03/18 A golden thermostat here is preset to keep the room %v%.
  • Sail: 19
Submitted Entry
01/03/16 What looked like a deserted island turned out to be a desserted island. %attacker% hauls a load of sugary treats back to the ark.
01/03/16 An errant lightning bolt hits a flock of seagulls above %attacker%'s ark. Looks like h{is│er} crew will be having roasted birds tonight!
01/11/16 A troop of Gopherwood Termites parachute onto %defender%'s ark courtesy of %attacker_godname%. %defender% manages to beat them off, but the damage is already done.
01/11/16 %attacker% trades for some tribal war paint from the locals, and gives h{is│er} ark a makeover by painting new racing stripes on its hull.
01/12/16 %attacker% unwinds at the beach by making a mini-temple out of sand. Curious natives crowd around and offer tribute to %attacker_godname%.
01/26/16 %attacker% found a bitmap for a treasure, but it was so pixelated that {│s}he could only work out the general direction.
11/27/16 %attacker% finds a tattered sheet of graph paper with a hand drawn map of the vicinity. How nerdy.
09/05/17 %heroes_names% leave the shore so they can finally go see what's beyond the horizon.
09/11/17 %attacker% almost regrets that time {│s}he went to the bar instead of taking those free swimming lessons. Almost.
09/18/17 %attacker% would have preferred bacon, but the beacon on this island will have to do.
09/20/17 %attacker% finds a sack bursting at the seams with treasure, and rushes it back to ark before it falls apart.
09/26/17 %attacker% is on a quest to raid a lost ark.
12/08/17 %attacker% finds an old rumor mill, and churns out clues about a fabled treasure.
12/20/17 The advanced civilization on this island deemed %attacker% too primitive and savage to be allowed to dock.
12/27/17 This island's customs agent noted that %attacker%'s exploration permit was expired, so {│s}he could only visit the port's gift shop for a souvenir.
01/02/18 %beastie% hops onto a lotus pad and serenely surveys the surroundings.
01/17/18 A horrible swamp creature chases %attacker% into the sea, at which point the sludge gets washed off to reveal a manimal.
02/27/18 Trudging through a fetid swamp, %attacker% finds a half-sunken treasure chest and hauls it out of the muck.
03/20/18 A hermit gives %attacker% some supplies in exchange for carrying a letter back to Godville.
  • Quests: 35
Submitted Entry
08/21/15 figure out where the blind are leading the blind (epic)
09/09/15 break the record for most records broken
09/16/15 count how many steps it takes to wear out a pair of shoes (epic)
10/19/15 go soul searching in a cemetery
11/02/15 outwit the other voice in your head
01/14/16 liberate a captive audience
01/27/16 catch a bloodmage red-handed
01/28/16 convince the smoking gun to quit smoking
05/16/16 erase the finish line
11/07/16 unlock the next quest area
11/07/16 spot a glitch in the deja vu simulator
11/14/16 make an emergency landing on a flight of fancy
11/18/16 hit the snooze button on the fire alarm
11/28/16 round up a triad of squares
01/20/17 pull the swordfish out of the stone
05/08/17 cash in some street cred
06/22/17 escape out of a time loop through a loophole
07/05/17 atone for future mistakes
08/09/17 correct an off-by-one error in the quest counter
08/09/17 help an endangered species by pushing its predator to extinction
08/28/17 give the ugly duckling a total makeover
08/31/17 bring a literary thief to poetic justice
09/20/17 give an ice queen the cold shoulder
09/26/17 fetch a pail of heavy water from a gravity well
10/25/17 stand firm on tenuous ground
01/03/18 disable the Scroll Lock so scholars can read again
01/11/18 insulate a train conductor
04/06/18 take out the weak link in a chain reaction
04/12/18 keep a secret secure by telling everyone not to talk about it
06/12/18 describe an abstract concept in no uncertain terms
08/14/18 complete an annual performance review (epic)
01/07/19 read the tea leaves to see if there's trouble brewing
02/06/19 see who's laughing now
03/12/19 delegate this menial task to a nameless underling
03/29/19 put the harm in harmony
  • Quest Endings: 13
Submitted Quest Ending
05/17/16 extinguish the eternal flame Sealed the eternal flame inside Schrödinger's box. Now it's both burning and extinguished.
05/08/17 cash in some street cred Finally found someone who'd approve my cred, but had to pay it all back in transaction fees.
07/19/17 conquer the night and save the day Finally vanquished the night by procrastinating on this quest until dawn came. Now what I supposed to do with all these daylight savings?
08/18/17 claim compensation for that accident last quest Submitted a claim, but sadly they said that incontinence isn't covered by my policy.
08/18/17 plant a seed of doubt in the plains of optimism I'm mostly hopeful, but slightly doubtful, that the seed will flourish there.
08/18/17 throw a monkey wrench into the works The tool was exactly what the grease monkey needed to finish the job. I even got a banana as thanks!
08/24/17 calculate the interest rate on borrowed time The shoddiness of my calculations clearly show that there is a complete lack of interest in this case.
08/26/17 unlock the next quest area Distracted the farmer then plucked a chicken feather to tickle the troll who dropped a golden trumpet which woke the sleeping Gorons who ate the pile of rocks that was blocking the path forward.
08/30/17 bring balance to the force Rigged a forcefield generator to apply a secondary force equal and opposite to the original.
08/30/17 weigh an anchor Ran into the Godville Nightly News anchor while she was on vacation. She graciously allowed me to measure her weight.
03/27/18 take advantage of an unlimited time offer Took my sweet time before making the most advantageous decision, which was to not buy any useless junk.
06/13/18 provide rest for the wicked Helped a kind old lady convert her gingerbread house into a Bed & Breakfast. I'm sure her guests will all have a good night's rest here.
06/15/18 wrestle gravity into submission Accidently tripped and pinned it under me. Gravity finally gave in and I was able to stand up again.
  • Monster: 24
Submitted Entry
09/13/15 Perverse Engineer
09/23/15 Blunderachiever
10/26/15 Kryptoknight
10/29/15 Groove Robber
11/25/15 Misinterpretive Dancer
12/14/15 Adminitraitor
12/26/15 Discordion Player
01/05/16 Hired Mussel
01/27/16 Snowball Fighter
08/18/16 Awkwarg
09/07/16 Blood-curdling Whale
11/05/16 Cyborganic Chicken
11/18/16 Subconscientious Objector
02/01/17 Malignant Tutor
05/08/17 Obsolete Technologist
08/18/17 Detention Centaur
08/18/17 Hawktopus
08/21/17 Wild Borg
08/24/17 Gangsta Raptor
09/26/17 Swan Songwriter
04/17/18 Unidentified Caller
05/24/18 Hexplorer
08/21/18 Trade Warrior
09/19/18 Ghostbusker
  • Artifact: 23
Submitted Entry
07/24/15 massage-in-a-bottle (@)
09/14/15 subject-verb agreement
09/14/15 fingerprint magnet
10/06/15 random lumber generator
10/14/15 medicine-flavoured fruit
01/30/16 award-winning award
02/26/16 pack expansion slot (@)
03/01/16 cooties vaccine
03/05/16 cheat codex
04/25/16 jar of pre-counted beans
05/16/16 hostile makeover kit
05/18/16 spirit guidepost
11/18/16 loitering permit
02/06/17 character-building blocks
07/05/17 false god particle
07/20/17 implosive detonator [this was actually a Correction to the "implosives" artifact]
07/31/17 mirth control pills
07/31/17 loser pointer
12/19/17 misconception pills
01/02/18 rant proposal
03/27/18 misfire alarm
04/30/18 realtime machine
06/25/18 the daily special
  • Equipment: 2
Submitted Category Entry
01/27/16 talisman religious cymbal
10/25/16 talisman technobauble
07/05/17 body avant garb

(last update — Stats: Feb 13, 2019 — Approvals: July 12, 2019)

Favourites

  • Favourite Rejected Ideas
Submitted Category Entry
07/10/15 Diary, while traveling Sensed something intimately familiar from a smoldering piece of clothing near a campsite. Turned out to be the lingering scent from an old flame.
07/29/15 Diary, wasting gold in town Invested %gold% in the global stork market, but an abrupt change in the earth's magnetic field sent all the storks crashing. How depressing.
07/31/15 Diary, for evil heroes When I saw %pet_name% do something stupid just now, I almost wanted to throttle him. This must be how you feel all the time, %rg%.
04/21/16 Diary, while traveling While I was taking a whiz, %pet_name% took a bite out of my wiener. I really should’ve known better than to leave my barbecue grill unattended like that.
08/17/15 Quest investigate who scribbled “REⱭЯUM” on the tavern door
12/28/16 Quest quell a pheasant uprising
11/06/17 Quest knit a sock that fits like a glove
11/09/17 Quest make an apathetic owl give two hoots
11/23/17 Quest save a bunch of gold on cart insurance
01/14/18 Quest rise above the debilitating fear of heights
01/23/18 Quest give a doctor a prescription for writing lessons
02/07/18 Quest launch a smear campaign against smudge-proof makeup
02/28/18 Quest request to go on fraternity leave
08/20/18 Quest eat to diet another day
05/25/18 Quest cause a fight worth dying for
07/09/18 Quest come up with a groundbreaking design for a new type of shovel
08/20/18 Quest eat to diet another day
10/02/18 Quest untwist the infinity symbol
12/27/18 Quest prove that fortune favors the bald
01/07/19 Quest harvest the wind energy from whirlwinding barbarians
01/08/19 Quest help a vampire find love at first bite
08/14/15 Monster Deckard Canine
09/10/15 Monster Mind Filleter
10/29/15 Monster Disarming Slime
12/16/15 Monster Supremacist Court Judge
03/03/17 Monster Notorious P.I.G.
06/15/18 Monster Reincarnivore
10/14/15 Artifact JAMMED CAPS LOCK
06/24/16 Artifact Newtonian fig
01/03/18 Artifact model trainwreck
01/10/18 Artifact vaporware condenser
02/20/18 Artifact doodie-free alcohol