Difference between revisions of "User:Karen Hickey"

From GodWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Hero's Resume: Skills)
Line 169: Line 169:
#Unbearable Boredom
#[http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php/Unbearable_boredom Unbearable Boredom]
== Thank you! ==
== Thank you! ==

Revision as of 11:24, 19 November 2011

Deities of Godville
Karen Hickey 
Hero [Caethes Briseis]
Personality mediocre
Gender Female
Motto Generic Guild Name motto
Guild Name

Why Godville is better than Farmville (or any other "villes")

1. If you play Farmville, you're a farmer. In Godville, I'm a GODDESS.

2. Zynga spelled backwards is "Agnyz", which sounds a bit too much like "agonize." Godville spelled backwards is just "Ellivdog", or "a live dog". Not bad.

3. In Farmville, you must "agnyz" about whether your crops will wilt and die if you don't reap them soon enough. In Godville, my heroine may die, but she'll resurrect herself and just keep on questing away.

4. In Farmville, you need neighbors to help raise barns and build chicken pens, or you will "agnyz" about not having them. Here I have friends who are fun, but not necessary, and they feed my heroine fresh buns or kill monsters with a jaunty wave.

5. In Farmville, you are prompted to post a multitude of things to your Facebook wall almost continuously, which might cause you to "agnyz". Here, nary a post, yet my accounts are linked. Go figure.

6. Farmville animals: cows, chicken, sheep... Godville Monsters: Queen Kong, invisible pink unicorns, bipolar bears, Necrophobic Zombies...

7. Farmville goals: Build a chicken shed, build a barn, build a house... Godville Quests: Boldly go where no one has gone before, Find the Bee's knees and give them back, Find a Guildmaster and beg him to enroll me in the "Guild Name" guild, Fight your way out of a wet paper bag...

8. Farmville tools: plow, shovel, seeds... Godville tools: Edward's scissorhands, boots of depleted uranium, Voodoo doll...

9. Farmville pets: Dogs, cats. Godville pets: dust bunnies, sun dogs, firefoxes.

10. Farmville has a market. Godville has Pantheons and Guilds. At least one guild has free cheese!

11. In Farmville, you have to spend way too much time "agnyz"ing at your computer and annoying your friends to progress in the game. In Godville, the game progresses with or without your input. I totally think Jonathan Blow would agree with me.

12. Someone in the real world "agnyz"ed so much about Farmville that they murdered someone else in the real world. (Yeah, drugs were involved, too.) Somehow I just don't see that happening with Godville.

Favorite Chronicles (Good Reading, Folks!)






Rugby Jesus


Gorgeous George

Greta Octavia Didi







!Caethes Briseis asked one day...
12:34 Why don't you have your own holy book, Great One? All the other gods have one. Please accept 3 coins and hire a holy ghost-writer.

The Goddess Karen Hickey replied: "But I do! It's called, 'Why Godville is Better Than Farmville'. OK, fine, it's really more of a pamphlet, but it's still literature!"

The Goddess Karen Hickey lamented over this and finally decided to write a Bible, since ALL of the other Gods have one. After all, if everyone else does something, I should too, right? I mean, I do have to keep up with the Joneses, after all.

So here is the Bible of Karen Hickey:

The Bible of Karen Hickey

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then some crazy Gods got together and combined their skills, working very hard - slaving, really, I'm sure, and created a ZPG world they called GODVILLE, which is ruled by The Great Random. All Gods worship, praise, and are occasionally infuriated by The Great Random.

Around a year and a half later (give or take a couple of months), the Goddess Karen Hickey was quite bored one day. She started typing random things into the magical Search Bar in the infamous Android App Market, and happened across GODVILLE. After careful consideration (lasting a whole 2 to 3 minutes) of what to name her creation, the Goddess Karen Hickey created the Heroine Caethes Briseis.

The Heroine Caethes Briseis does her best to be a noble and just person, though it is rather hard for a brainless being to do the right thing sometimes. The Goddess Karen Hickey sighs and shakes her head occasionally, but mostly cheers Caethes Briseis on when she does something right or needs a little extra help.

As this world has not ended and there have been no true planet-shaking events, there's really nothing else to write in this Bible - but stay tuned, you never know when a prophet will proclaim something noteworthy...


...and so, having written a biblical pamphlet, the Goddess Karen Hickey looked down at Caethes Briseis and said: "There, my child, you have a bible."

!...to which, Caethes Briseis replied...
23:45 Why don't you have your own holy book, Great One? All the other gods have one. Please accept 19 coins and hire a holy ghost-writer.

Lessons Learned

The Goddess Karen Hickey discovered on Day 510 g.e. that you should NOT tell a hero that their pet is dead. This will apparently cause the fully healthy hero to have a heart attack and die, thus losing all their earthly possessions and gold. This was unfortunate and rather annoying. And the Dust Bunny was still just as dead.

Cool Accomplishments (in this goddess's opinion, anyway)

On Day 497 g.e., the Goddess Karen Hickey rose to the top of the Creation pantheon for the first time, which was a complete surprise, and I'm really not sure how I keep popping up there.


On Day 498 g.e., Caethes was mentioned in the Godville Times.


On Day 510 g.e., achieved the milestone of obtaining a Third Eye.

On Day 521 g.e., the God Epoch completely flabbergasted the normally talkative Goddess Karen Hickey by congratulating her on reaching the top of the Storytelling Pantheon. (Sincere thanks to anyone who voted the chronicles up – that was completely unexpected!)


On Day 527 g.e., Caethes accumulated the 100th brick for her temple - only 900 bricks to go!

Theme Song

!Caethes needs to sing.
12:34 I feel like I'd be a better heroine if I had a personal theme song.

Imagine, if you will, Metallica's Harvester of Sorrow.

Now imagine the seven dwarves from Disney's Snow White as they are leaving for work.

Mash the two together.

That is the theme song of Caethes Briseis.

If I were more musically inclined or a better video/audio editor, I'd be able to do it for you... Alas, I'll have to leave it to your imagination for now.


The Goddess Karen Hickey always wondered about Caethes and her lack of...shall we say...intelligence. On Day 524 g.e., it was discovered through a zombie that Caethes suffers from Anencephaly and Renal-Cephalic Inversus. The liver has taken over the brain's duties, as the brain is completely missing. The lack of a brain is a recurring thread in the Diary of Caethes Briseis. Excerpts below:

!Day 524 g.e.
10:01 I had a strange dream – a zombie wanted to eat my brains. It lumbered over, knocked on my head a few times, then mumbled something in disappointment and walked away. Weird.
!Day 538 g.e.
12:21 The healer told me that if I keep suffering strong blows, my vital organs may be damaged. Luckily the last one struck my head.
!Day 547 g.e.
11:11 Crazy scientists have given me another quest to undertake: Follow the golden brick road and ask the wizard for some brains.
Follow the golden brick road and ask the wizard for some brains. (completed)

(The quest was unsuccessful. Caethes was told that she should try the quest again at a higher level, which she did...but she forgot what the quest was originally about and moved on to her next idea...)

!Day 550 g.e.
09:09 Tried to get a brain transplant. Got rejected.

Hero's Resume: Skills


  1. Palm of the Panda
  2. Falcon Punch
  3. Disarming Smile
  4. Contagious Yawning (my first wiki article besides this god page)


  1. Self-Propelled Feet


  1. Unbearable Boredom

Thank you!

Thank you to Epoch for all the helpful hints and suggestions.

Special thank you to Your Ex Girlfriend and LisaAlexandra for their feedback and suggestions.

Thank you to Spode for the template section.