Tequila Mockingbird
| Tequila Mockingbird | |
|---|---|
| Mimus polyglottos tequilana | |
 | |
| Class | Aves Ebrius |
| Habitat | Desert, town fringes |
| Description | Brutish birdies on a buzz |
The Tequila Mockingbird (Mimus polyglottos tequilana) is a monstrous subspecies of the ordinary mockingbird. Unlike its sweetly melodic relative the Tequila Mockingbird is a raucous, alcohol swigging nuisance with a violent nature.
History and Habits
Tequila Mockingbirds originate from the desert, where they once nested on and subsisted off agave plants. With the rise of civilization, they too began seeking adventure and alcohol of a higher proof, so the majority migrated to nearby towns. Staying true to their roots, tequila became the collective beverage of choice. This quickly turned to an addictive obsession, and nowadays they have a reputation as menacing pests. They are driven out of towns with great difficulty, where they lurk about the outer edges waiting to waylay any travelers either for the simple pleasure of a fight or to replenish their tequila stash. If they can't find tequila on their victims, they will eventually retreat and resort to scathing taunts until the victim flees from earshot. Many an unseasoned traveler has been found almost passed out in a puddle of tears, their self-esteem reduced to irredeemable smithereens by ceaseless mocking.
Battle Strategy
Although some Tequila Mockingbirds tend to be loners, most are found in voracious congregations. If a heroine is not carrying any tequila and has no desire to fight, the best strategy for escape is to plug the ears, cover the eyes, and book it. If, however, the heroine has any tequila on their person or recently drank some within the past week, the Tequila Mockingbirds will certainly sense it and pursue relentlessly. Since the heroine will undoubtedly refuse to abandon their liquor, the only recourse is for them to chug it and die happy. Resurrection is easier than winning.
Attributes
Strengths
- Looks deceivingly harmless
- Can hold its liquor
- Witty insults
Weaknesses
- Can't fly straight
- Is fond of lawyers
- Sees only black and white
