Talk:Harvest Moon

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This week’s featured topic: April Absurdity!

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

There is no “weeeee” in evil. #21

Arena Tournament: HM vs KWSN

No holds barred! Bring it!

Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY April 13th… the Officers of HM and the KWSN present April Absurdity! KWSN vs HM in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.

Come one, come all for some good old-fashioned smoting. Say “Ni!” to your foes until they quiver in submission! Cover the arena in a Blood Moon red! Settle old debts with honor (and a pup-a-pult)! Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges PLUS instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.

Contact GodDoctor Frank-n-Furter , GodHairplug4men , GodShannonus  or GodBudapesties  to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here:

At Home with Bella Stewart

Queen of evil
Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: GodBellatrixie The Strange !

This week we go back to the mailbag to answer a question from one of our readers!

“Dear Bella, I recently got gum stuck in my hair. I tried everything to get it out, from Dark Flame to super glue. Then I read in an ‘Ask Bella’ column that shaving your head was a simple solution to this everyday problem. I'm wondering if you have any more simple solutions to everyday problems.”

I just love coming up with easy, innovative solutions to the day-to-day problems that plague us all! Here's a sampling of some of my favorites:

  • Can't get that pesky blood stain out of the carpet? Don't rip it up and throw it away. Simply stain the rest of the carpet to match! Take your workout to that room, and after your puppy-kicking leg exercises you'll have the job done in no time! Hides those stubborn pet stains, too.
  • Trouble with cobwebs? Spray them with hairspray - they'll last longer, and sticky webs attract more dust. Soon your rooms will be beautifully festooned with cobwebs in every corner!
  • Uh-oh, Dumbo had a run-in with a skunk? Forget the tomato juice bath (what a mess!). Just visit the guild hall of your choice (preferably in the dead of night), leave him in the cellar with plenty of food, and vacation in Last Resort for a couple of weeks. By the time you get back, the odor will have dissipated - plus your former friends will have had fun trying to figure out where the smell was coming from.
  • Moths dining on your clothes? No need to break out the mothballs. The answer is spiders. Lots of 'em. Moths are one of their favorite meals, and more spiders means more cobwebs! (See above.)
  • Mildew stains on your tile grout got you down? Stop scrubbing with bleach! Who says grout has to be white, anyway? Spray the tile with ink, let sit for five minutes, then spray the tiles clean. No stains ever show on black grout, and you'll be making quite a fashion statement.
  • Speaking of tile, do you have a soap scum problem? First of all, ewww! Second of all, what on earth are you doing using soap? Stop it! Stop it now! This is Harvest Moon, you know. Have you no pride?
  • I've gotten several requests for help getting cat hair off the furniture. Well, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The solution is simple: use plates with your kitten sandwiches, people! Honestly, where have manners gone?
  • Wondering what to do with the bits of paint left over in the cans? Invite four of your friends over, give each one a paint can and brush, have them stand in the center of the room while you stand in the doorway with a stopwatch, and tell them the first one to paint themselves into a corner wins. The fun really starts when they finish and you walk away.

I hope this solves some of your household problems. Still have a question I haven't answered? Send it to me, Bella Stewart! I'll try to find a solution that's easy and fun. Because let's face it, I'm lazy and easily amused.

Get To Know a Deity

Pay no mind to the baa-ing in the background...
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodRufustjynd 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: Girls at the gym.
  • Q: What GV pet would you like to have?
  • A: Anything that will finally, finally love me.
  • Q: Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
  • A: Each encourage is another splinter in my soul - they never go away, they just fester forever.
  • Q: What are your hero's marketable skills?
  • A: Iron Horse riding and debauchery.
  • Q: What is the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
  • A: Ate one of the barmaids.
  • Q: If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
  • A: Hugging the puppy, of course... like an anaconda on a wildebeast.

If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. This top ranked god in the gratitude pantheon believes that impatience is a virtue.
  2. This is the first god to reach level 100.
  3. This is the level a god/dess needs to be before s/he may edit the wiki.
  4. This is the date the original, Russian-language Godville was launched.

Congratulations to last week’s winner GodArtsonian ! She’ll be joining GodGodofbeer  and GodRoyal Highness  in the next Championship. Who will be the final competitor for this exciting event? It could be you! See you in the forum!

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#807 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1050 g.e.
Kanar - 64th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Pain of the Moon.”, stands at the 39th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god GodTeristen . We've had many reports that an Attilla The Nun has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.

Member of the Week

The nicest evil goddess we know.
Get to know a newer member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodLady Up Above 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: While I was away from Godville, my 'good' hero joined Harvest Moon. When I got back, I felt like he wasn't meant to be there but I couldn't bring myself to leave, so I decided it was time for my first alt, an evil one, and here we are!
  • Q: Where does your heroine hide her coin purse?
  • A: She only thinks that she's hidden it by keeping it under her maiden's battle vest, but the jingle of the coins doesn't fool anyone.
  • Q: Name some things that you and your heroine have in common.
  • A: We're both incredibly stubborn. We don't take orders from anyone but ourselves.
  • Q: What's the best game advice you've gotten from another player?
  • A: In the end, it's a game. Don't be disheartened by duel losses or pet deaths. You'll always get another chance.
  • Q: What advice would you give a newer player?
  • A: My advice would be to go have a look at the forums. I found out about them quite late into the game but they're a great place to meet experienced players who will willingly help you and they also serve as a storehouse of knowledge on almost any topic.
  • Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
  • A: The insides of puppies that have been kicked in half. ;)
  • Q: Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
  • A: First date? *laughs* One of those music concerts, maybe. But she'll make her date pay. Her gold is reserved for wasting on beer.

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!


Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

SERVICES: It's that time of year again when we think about getting out and having tournaments. Unless, that is, you have chronic lower back pain. Don’t let pain slow you down! Contact HM Spa Services. Our concrete encasement will have you feeling right as rain.

FOR SALE: New lollipop clock. It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Warning: may be a choking hazard. Visit Larry’s Gift Emporium in Tradeburg.

PERSONALS: Tall drink of water looking for a glass hole to call his own. Call YOU-FAM-ISMS.

WANTED: Test subjects for weapons study. Will compensate for loss of limbs. Contact OMG-IT-BURNS Aaaaaaaaah! Hang up! Hang up! They charge per letter!

FOR SALE: One conscience. Never been used. Comes with matching soul. Gets in the way of me doing evil so it must go ASAP. 120 charges OBO. Call EVI-LMO-OOCH.

SUPPORT: Are you a man? Are you feeling blue? We have a group for you! Contact the Blue Man Group today! Support group meets twice each evening in Anville.

SERVICES: Ponzi's Pet Protection Agency. Have you ever wished you had pet insurance, but thought you couldn’t afford it on your hero’s meager income? Your worries are over! Just give us your checking account number and we’ll transfer a small amount weekly so it’s there in case you need it. Visit one of our many locations: Last Resort, Los Demonos, Anville, and coming soon to Herolympus!

WANTED: Louder god voice. The one I have now is hard for my hero to hear. Call 573-2HIGH-UP.

FOR SALE: Are the bums around your guild hall an eyesore? Cover them up in style with Fuzzy Bum Covers! On sale now in Tradeburg!

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

In this new, weekly article, you're going to hear a voice of reason, sanity and wisdom. You want information on goings-on in the world around you? Then you've come to the right place. This first article deals with one of the most important issues of all time in human suffering.

Toilet paper rolls in restrooms. How freakin' hard is it to put the blasted thing on the right way? Whether a public facility or private, it never fails that some dingleberry will put the new roll on facing the wrong direction. In my own protest, I refuse to use the TP. I just use my hands and then go around to every stall handle or door knob in the place and grasp it firmly, leaving my "protest" as a symbol of disgust.

The roll should face the "business" person. Pull TOWARD the seat, not away from it! This is a very simple concept, but it seems the logic of it has escaped some minds. If the paper gets hung up, it's nice to slap the roll down to break it loose. How awkward it is to have to put your hand on the top or bottom and spin it quickly in hopes that the paper will reveal itself.

If you are sane. If you are a breathing human being. If you are in the custodial services. Please, please, don't be a geek. TP should face the seat! That's my motto, and I hope it's yours.

If you have questions, comments or a topic you'd like discussed, please shove off. No one cares what you want.

Special Announcements

Happy (slightly belated) Birthday to our very own Crusader of the Moon: GodA R I E S ! We’d like to suggest his fans skip the card and just send money. Or maybe skip the in-between steps and just send him charges? You’ll figure it out.

Happy Birthday, Aries! :)

Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20