Difference between revisions of "Talk:Harvest Moon"

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This week’s featured topic: '''Content Contest!'''
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This week’s featured topic: '''Retirement'''
  
 
Other useful links:
 
Other useful links:
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|'''''Who ya gonna call?''''' #25
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|'''''A for-Prophet organization.''''' #26
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''Weekly Harvest <s>Hoity-Toity</s> Poetry Contest'''</p>
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''The Arena: Your Opponent'''</p>
 
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:Limerick.png|right|thumb|Keep em clean, folks!]] In an effort to entertain and educate the masses in fine literature, we are announcing our very first Weekly Harvest Poetry Contest.
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:Research.jpg|right|thumb|Removing the mystery one click at a time.]] '''Researching Your Arena Opponent'''
  
We ask that all submissions be sent via PM to one of the paper staff. The staff will vote on all submissions. The top four poems will be published (anonymously) in next week’s paper to be voted on by our readers in the [[Harvest Moon]] forum. The winner will be publicly lauded and showered with adoration and their work, of course, will be posted in the forum for all to see. In addition, the winner will be featured in the next issue of the Weekly Harvest.
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I never thought I would be in the finals of the Harvest Moon vs KWSN tournament. But, now that I'm here, I thought I would take this opportunity to share a little bit of how I look at each match that I’m in from the first step to the last.
  
'''For this particular poetry contest,''' we are looking for a rare art form: five-line anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (AABBA)... also known as the limerick! Yes, clean limericks are seldom funny and and funny limericks are seldom clean, but that’s part of the challenge!
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Upon entering the arena, I am always prepared to go the distance. “The distance” being as far as I can with the charges I have and with the intent to win it. It also means fighting until the last step is done. If you run out of charges and are not dead yet, don’t give up! Use voice commands and hope for the random prayer to give you more GP.
  
'''Also wanted:''' articles and article ideas. Tell us, dear readers, what you want to see here! Is there a question you’ve always wanted answered about game mechanics? Does the Random thwart you at every turn? Submit your question and our team of experts (we’ll find them, don’t worry) will do their best! If you’re asking it, others are, too. Think of it as public service.
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You’ve entered... and you match. You see your opponent for the first time. You have four steps to decide your response to who you are facing. Are they a serial loser, a serial Punisher or a serial Encourager? Are they a payer or a non-payer? A lot of those questions can be determined by their alignment and arena record. Look for significant differences in the win/loss column. If they're close together you might have somebody who plays possum and wins some and loses some. I suggest hitting these people hard out of the gate to intimidate them. But do not think you have them and walk away. A possum is always a possum and will wait until your guard is down.
  
Is there a topic, real or imagined, you’ve always wanted to see covered here? Send it in! Don’t have a question, but have all the answers (or at least one of them)? Write up an article and submit it. All authors will be credited. Don’t have an answer but feel like making something up GV-releated and seeing your name in print? Great! Send us that, too.  
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The serial loser is easy to pick out by his larger than necessary loss number. I suggest using voice commands only to defeat these players. You can save your GP and still win the fight. Be on the lookout for people who help revive pets and give losses away. Sometimes these people will fight for a win if they match for any other reason, so always be on guard.
  
'''''Note:''' All ideas and articles will be considered regardless of guild affiliation or hero alignment.''
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When it comes to alignment, I like to consider anything that is not “pure” to be a neutral. This meaning that these people will just as readily throw a encourage as a punish. Pure good or Pure evil will typically not risk ruining their alignment, but don't put it past them to try in desperation.
  
For inclusion in next week’s paper, please submit your limericks, articles and ideas no later than midnight CST, Sunday, April 28.
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Arena record and alignment are the first two things you should check everytime you face an opponent, but there are other things that can help you know who you are facing such as guild. Some guilds are designed around certain activities such as arena or pet revival. Other guilds are small and leaderless. The small guilds that you probably have never heard of are less likely to have fighters who have been educated by the likes of Harvest Moon or the Knights Who Say Ni. You have resources within your guild who love to help in any way possible, so don't forget to ask them for advice in the arena! While your opponent in a no-name guild suffers the wrath of our accumulated knowledge you will be sitting pretty.
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The more you arena, the more you will come to see things in your opponents that are common. You will be able to notice things you didn't notice before and and be able to relate it to mistakes you made in the past. Learn from your mistakes and know what to look for in the next match so as to not repeat it again. The Great Random may control all in the arena but that doesn’t mean you can’t do everything in your power to try and sway its judgment. Good luck!
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">At Home with Bella Stewart</p>
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Doctor Frank's Advice Corner</p>
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| [[File:Bella Stewart.jpg|thumbnail|Queen of evil]] '''Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: Bellatrixie The Strange!'''
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| [[File:Drfrank.jpeg|thumbnail|right|An evil queen]]''Dear Dr. Frank,''
 
  
''Guess what. My heroine was asked on a date. A date! She was told it would only happen if she completed a specific quest. She was so excited, she completed it faster than I’ve seen her do any other quest, spent 6000 coins on a new outfit... and then (predictably) waited five hours before realizing she was stood up. Now my heroine is so heart broken, she’s using mating calls to find him (she’s convinced something must have happened).''
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* First up was the Blood Bath room, where Hairplug4men was relaxing, getting the kinks out after his latest grueling duel win in the Moon-Ni Tournament. Everything looked fine until the trainee gnome dumped a load of celery and some tabasco sauce in the bath. Startled, HP began thrashing around, chucking out the celery sticks, until some splashed in his mouth. He grinned and submerged. Apparently, the trainee got the blood bath mixed up with the grog soak and filled the tub with Bloody Marys. As I left, HP had found a straw and a rubber ducky and was drunkenly singing old show tunes. It was definitely time to move on.
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* I next looked in on Lady Darkness, whose concrete body mask was ready for removal. We were chatting about shoes as we waited for her trainee gnome to fetch the hammer and chisel when there was an ungodly noise, and the trainee came at her with a jack hammer! Her eyes got big and she wriggled her fingers and toes frantically, but, of course, she couldn't move. I shouted at the gnome to cease and desist, but he couldn't hear me over the racket. I had no choice but to loose a lightning bolt. Such a waste of a good gnome...
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* Next up, the Body Waxing room. SBFH waved hello just before he disappeared behind the screen and gave his order to the trainee. I lost track of time as I leafed through my magazine until there was a blood-curdling shriek. "What have you done??!  I said a mini-wax, not the full Bumchester!!!" I decided to discreetly leave.
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* I saw Dogess heading into the Gnome Massage room and asked if I could observe. She had no objections once I handed her a Dark Flame and promised to submit my column on time. Things were going along smoothly as her trainee gnome kneaded her with his knobby fingers. She was so relaxed, she was almost asleep, when the gnome suddenly climbed up on a chair and prepared to walk on her back. Being that gnomes weigh upwards of 300 pounds, well, let's just say he, too, became a crispy critter.
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* My last stop was the Alignment Adjustment room. Sarika Nepartak was there to have her halo buffed and polished. I could hear all sorts of grinding, squeaking, creaking and whirring going on behind the screen. She finally emerged, smiling broadly. "I feel fantastic!" she beamed. "Never better!" As she was checking her alignment rating, I was trying to think of how to tell her about her new horns. "PURE EVIL!??? Aaaargh!" And lightning coursed from her fingers. I was about to french fry my third trainee when she put her hand on my arm to stop me. "Not so fast, Bella. I could get used to this...," she said with an evil grin. "But shhhhhh."
  
''My question: How can I help her stop grieving? She's spending half her money on beer, skills and equipment in an attempt to find him and her mating calls are keeping me up all night (they keep attracting monsters which she refuses to fight). I'm at loss as to how to continue.''
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Obviously, the whole batch of gnomes have been sent back to Dr. Frank for some much-needed refinement. But the Harvest Moon Day Spa doors are still open, so come on by! I'm sure today was just a fluke. Really. Most likely. I hope.
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
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| [[File:DANger.jpg|thumb|right|Hard hats required to read further...]] Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|DANgerzone 79|temple=0}}
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* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Double Dragon on a stick. Yuummm!}}
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* '''Q:''' What song do you love to dance to?
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Dance with the Devil. Duh!}}
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* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I really want a Dreaded Gazebo! It's just something about having a building following you around... I know it can't be ridden, but you'd never have to look for shelter on the road.}}
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* '''Q:''' What are your hero’s marketable skills?
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' There's so much lightning flying around him, he could easily power a moderately sized city on his own.}}
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* '''Q:'''Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Totally! It goes completely against everything I stand for. I have asked the mods to put "For emergency use only" instead of "Encourage" on the button, but it hasn't happened yet.}}
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* '''Q:''' If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I miss you Simba, my loyal Sun Dog! So much lightning struck you down before your time. Wait, what was the question?}}
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* '''Q:''' What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' It' not so much what he's done, but what he's said he'd do. And for that... he's my hero. ''05:36 – You know, Almighty, one day the world will shout ‘Save Us!’ and I’ll whisper ‘No…’.''}}
  
''Signed, Out of ideas''
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''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Tournament Updates</p>
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:The_Arena.jpg|right|thumb|Tournament time! It'll be a scream!]]
  
Dearest You can't be serious,
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'''April Absurdity,''' aka the Moon-Ni tourney, is wrapping up! Our very own {{god|Hairplug4men}} will be facing KWSN’s {{god|Nuanen}} in the fight for 1st place! Fighting for 3rd/4th are our {{god|Imprecise Master}} and KWSN’s {{god|Charles the Greatest}}. [[Lucky God Casino]] is taking bets. Place your bets and cheer on your guild-mates in their forum! You can follow the brackets [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity here]. Best of luck to HP and IM - ''may the Random be ever in your favor!''
  
First of all, if it isn't this, there will be some other reason she wastes half her money (and only that little if you're lucky and actually paying attention at least 80% of the time). "My pet's knocked out and I'm depressed," or "My friend said this equipment would look totally cute on me compared to the cheaper stuff I usually go for," or "Hey! It's five o'clock somewhere!" You can't stop her. But...
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'''Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!'''  
  
You can make ''yourself'' feel better. You may have noticed the button marked "Punish" on your Remote Control. Use it! “But, Frank, I’m a goody-goodie!” I know! And it’s okay! By making your heroine run around dodging lightning bolts, she’ll have less time during the day to pine for her unrequited love ''and'' she’ll sleep better at night, giving you your much needed beauty rest. Think of it not as “punishing” her, but as motivating her to move past these petty issues. After all, she’s never getting a real date so coddling her now would be terribly misleading.
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Are you ready for a bloody, old-school massacre? Sign up now for our '''''Summer No-Influence Tournament!'''''
  
Do it! Punish! It’s not like hitting that button is addictive or anything. You can go back to Encouraging the little princess next week. It’ll be fine. Really. Just remember: this is for her own good.
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The start-date is May 7 and you'll need to join Palringo to participate. Not on Pal yet? No worries! [https://sites.google.com/site/harvestmoonguild/howtochat We'll get you started!] For folks new to Pal, sign up will be May 1-3. Already there? Sign up May 4-5. Admins and Council members may sign up May 6.
  
Yours,
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The [https://sites.google.com/site/harvestmoonguild/hmtr rules] are very simple:
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NO use of influence, NO use of voices, and the strictest rule: Have fun!
  
~Dr. Frank
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This time, we especially want our younger guild members to enter so that they can be better involved. So don't be shy and sign up! There's nothing to fear! This is an AFK tournament, everyone has a chance to win even if you're not an arena professional! As an added bonus, you can win fabulous prizes! There will be options for [http://www.cafepress.com/harvestmoonmerchandise Harvest Moon merchandise] or simply good, old-fashioned [[charges]].  
  
''No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.''
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If you can bring somebody new to Pal you'll get an early sign up!  
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
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| [[File:KaliTamlynn.jpg|thumb|right|Did someone ask for death and destruction?]]Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Tamlynn|temple=0|breeder=0}}
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The tears of the babies of the Knights Who Say Ni, and all other goody two-shoes of the land. }}
 
* '''Q:''' What song do you like to dance to?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Kali's Mantra of Death and Destruction.}}
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Laughing at my heroine behind her back.}}
 
* '''Q:''' What are your heroine’s marketable skills?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' We don't market, we take what we want.}}
 
* '''Q:''' If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Puppy. I saw a fine litter of hell hounds get whelped the other day.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Anything but Icarus Wings. Will they not die already?!?!}}
 
* '''Q:''' What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Told thousands of people that donating money to my church will get them to everlasting paradise after they die.}}
 
  
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
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Sign up now by messaging {{god|Domerthos}}, {{god|Hairplug4men}} or {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}}.
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
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Did you know...<br>...used Weekly Harvests make great kitten sandwich wrappers? <br>Evil doesn't mean irresponsible! Read the Weekly Harvest next week for more "green" tips!
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Do you have a special GV date coming up or recently past? Let us know! We like to celebrate with our guildmates and love any excuse for a party! A godiversary, new temple, guild rank, pet medal or in-game achievement can be very exciting. Share it with us, and we'll share it with the world!
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Congratulations to {{god|Rufustjynd}} on reaching the rank of Prophet in [[Harvest Moon]]! Thanks for sticking with us, Ruffy!
 
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | #831 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1075 g.e.
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! style="padding:2px;" | #834 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1080 g.e.
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| '''Will71653''' - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Hi there! =D”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/might?page=1#p_20 20th position] in the [[pantheon of might]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Will71635}}. His worst enemy - a First Person Shooter. Favorite trophy - something that looks like a plot device. He is also a huge fan of Herolympus’s pubs.
 
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | #833 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1077 g.e.
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| '''EvilSnoopy''' - 65th level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “For worlds end!!!!”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/savings?page=2#p_155 155th position] in the [[pantheon of savings]] under the vigilant supervision of the goddess {{god|EvilSnoopy}}. All he ever wanted was a little love and affection.
|-
 
| '''Samuel Vimes''' - 82nd-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “No guild shall have me!”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/gratitude?page=1#p_12 12th position] in the [[pantheon of gratitude]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Belteshazzar}}. He always wanted to fill the Den of Evil with monsters, but never found the time.
 
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
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| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] '''New feature!''' {{god|Belteshazzar}} ''can'' predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This weeks confoundee is {{god|Lady Darkness}}. Here's her oh so easy questions to answer, for someone with a brain like mine.
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| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] This weeks confoundee is {{god|Zeerty}}. His simple questions might inspire one of you other simpletons to submit some. Rest assured, I can confound you, too.
* '''Q:''' Will I ever find the matches to the lone socks from the dryer?
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* '''Q:''' If I were a little green sea turtle, would I be able to imagine that I'm human and say "God bless you," whenever appropriate ?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Not unless you're willing to enter your dryer and discover the new dimension beyond. A trip down the lint trap, and you'll find your lost socks being used in a tug of war match in Dust Bunny Mansion.}}
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* {{color|red||'''A:''' Nope. The main problem here is a little known fact, that marine biologists have tried to keep hidden for centuries. Sea turtles are jerks. They're crude, arrogant, and unmannered. Just look one in the face long and hard next time you're at Sea World, and tell me their expression doesn't say, "I'm better than you."}}
* '''Q:''' Is it ok to use emoticons with every message? :)
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* '''Q:''' Is there something wrong with me if I enjoy (misplaced parentheses?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Of course, it is. Especially if you wanna be viewed as a complete imbecile. The only acceptable reason to use emoticons is when you're chatting with someone who hates the things. Then, I say go for it and watch them slowly get angry through text.}}
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* {{color|red||'''A:''' Nothing wrong with that. Now, misplaced commas is a different story. Let me help. It should be "Is there anything wrong with me, if I enjoy (misplaced parentheses?" It's not too big a deal, though. I myself have problems with misplaced quotation marks sometimes, but a "smart" "guy" such as yourself shouldn't struggle to get my meaning.}}
* '''Q:''' Why is it 38 degrees where I live in April?
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* '''Q:''' Why isn't it okay to use the disabled persons stall when all the other stalls are occupied?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Because God hates where you live. I know, it's harsh. It's not my views, just what the cubic zirconia ball is telling me.}}
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* {{color|red||'''A:''' Um, it isn't? What do they expect us to do? Use the sink?! ...which I have been know to do on rare but necessary occasions. Using the disabled stall is one of the few joys one can have in the bathroom. I mean, perching on the rails, dropping one from above, and hearing the sweet "Ka-sploosh!" of a well-aimed deposit is one of the greatest moments in a man's life. Of course, PC gone mad dictates this is ridiculous, but what do they know? Nothing fun, I'll tell you that.}}
* '''Q:''' How much wood could a curmudgeon chuck if a curmudgeon could chuck wood?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Aha. Aha. Aha. A curmudgeon (especially a dashingly good-looking one) could chuck not only the finest wood, but also he could chuck the most wood. At least twice as much as half the amount, I'd estimate.}}
 
 
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
 
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
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| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Two tickets to gangsters paradise. Only serious buyers, call 867-5309.
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| <br>'''EVENT:''' Sign up today for Godville's first ever forum Pub Crawl. Tickets to this event can be purchased through the Weekly Harvest staff for the very cheap price of one Weekly Harvest idea, article, or suggestions to our writers.
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Come to the brand new pet shop in Dogville - where every pet is dishwasher safe!
 
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Pet dead? Bring it back to life, free of charge, soul intact! Leave a message on the hot line. ''Disclaimer: contract required, intact soul refers to the pet.'' Call 666-PET-REZZ today!
+
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Human-sized bear trap. Spiked hinged door preferred, but not required. Payment will be sent once the trap is placed outside Ceccetticat's temple door.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Rehab. Addict looking for wet house to spend long, terrible nights in. Find me under the bridge in Trollbridge.
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Try our “Morning Glory Whole Coffee” with a piece of our new Hot Pie Hole at the Wake and Bake Coffeehouse in Bumchester!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Have you ever wanted a disease named after you? We’ll make you famous! Contact Disease Naming Industries, LLC and we will infect you with a deadly disease that people will surely be talking about for years. Call DYING-4-FAME today!
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Wok & Bowl restaurant, located in Last Resort. Balls not included. Ask for Pinhead in the alley out back.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''CAMP:''' Hero Adventure Camp in Beerburgh. Quit watching him and let us take care of your pain in the... can we say *** here? No? What do you mean we pay by the letter? Stop typing!
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Wookin' Pa Nub in all da wong paces? Call 1-877-BUH-WEET now for the award winning self-help CD set.
 
|-
 
|-
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
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| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
  
You know what really gets me going? When someone starts a great conversation with me, but then stops midway through and never finishes. I would rather punch them in the neck the next time I see them, rather than listen to a single word they have to say.
+
Anime. Need I say more? Of course, I do. There is not much more in life that irks me quite like crap "cartoons" and their lame attempt at animation. Yeesh.
 +
 
 +
If I wanted to watch something like that, I'd have a child show me their flip book artwork of a dog chasing a man. "Wow, Timmy, that's great. I like the way the story line progressed with loads of movement left out. I see here the man is looking back in terror, and in the next image, the dog is holding his leg in his jaws while the man passes out in a pool of blood. I wonder, whatever did happen in the moment after his leg got torn off and before he succumbed to blood loss? But you're just an inept little kid, who's 'tried his best'."
 +
 
 +
At least Timmy has the excuse of being a child and getting distracted in his drawings by the thought of what his booger would taste like if he snorted a Pixie Stick before tucking in to it. Anime companies and their many (why?) employees don't have the luxury of saying, "Look, I done a drawing. Ain't it swell?"
 +
 
 +
No, it's not swell. It's a pile of rubbish that should be shredded, doused with gasoline and given a Viking funeral along with its animator.
 +
 
 +
It's all about money, obviously. Less motion per frame, means less animation, means fewer artists, means less money being spent by "The Company". Therefore, a bigger bonus for the pencil pushing nerd of a CEO and his cohorts in this heinous crime.
 +
 
 +
Remember when you could watch a cat look up in horror, as an anvil came toward him at terminal velocity? You don't even have to slow it down to see that split second look of agony, followed by another short grimace of pain as the anvil lands on it, again followed by the body falling through a hole that slowly cracks, splinters and opens, allowing the cat to fall to the basement. That's animation. Amine's version if that same scenario? Cat looks up and is sees anvil, does a bizarre movement that leaves the only thing actually moving as sweat shooting from its head. Then at the crucial moment, we see the same dumb look on its friends and only hear a crashing noise. Scene ends with a look back at a hole in the floor and a protruding cat head surrounded by swirly lines and stars.
 +
 
 +
So here's to you, youth of today, for falling hook, line and sinker for this garbage. Congratulations. You've made cartoon television unwatchable.
 +
 
 +
''If you wish to complain about today's rant, don't bother. 1) you're probably not capable of putting full thoughts together into one solid complaint and 2) your mom probably is at work and can't take you to the post office to buy a stamp or give you the password of the day to log on to send an e-mail.''
 +
|-
 +
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Weekly Harvest <s>Hoity-Toity</s> Poetry Contest'''</p>
 +
|-
 +
| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">We got submissions! To be fair, a few submissions may have been coerced, but we have our four winners (published below). Vote for your favorite in the [[Harvest Moon]] forum. Without further ado:
 +
 
 +
*'''Limerick #1''' <br>Ar'catus the hero has love <br>Despite his bright lightning-caused glow <br>For his sig' otter <br>The trader's daughter <br>And beer which will cure any blow.
 +
 
 +
*'''Limerick #2''' <br>There once was a man from the sticks <br>who wanted to write limericks <br>and he never tried <br>but, before he died, <br>he jotted this down really quick.
 +
 
 +
*'''Limerick #3''' <br>I cannot find my pants, woe is me! <br>Where they are I have no way to see. <br>I am feeling my hair... <br>Could there be something there? <br>They're on top of my head, golly gee!
  
It's not like I haven't got
+
*'''Limerick #4''' <br>There was a dust bunny named Sneezy <br>Who swung on the flying trapezey. <br>As he flew through the air,<br>He choked on a hair, <br>And from then on poor Sneezy was wheezy.
  
''If you have any thoughts on this week's article feel free to contact the writer directly, as he has apparently left his post and wandered off.''
+
As promised, the winner will be publicly lauded and showered with adoration and their work, of course, will be posted in the forum for all to see. Good luck!
 
|-
 
|-
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
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'''This week’s Answers:'''
 
'''This week’s Answers:'''
  
# This is the sum of the furthest-recorded milestones reached in OriGV (Russian-language Godville) and EngGV (English-language Godville).
+
# This is the name of the upcoming Harvest Moon-only Tournament.
# This is the maximum number of characters a hero name can be.
+
# This is the maximum length of characters in a motto.
# This is the minimal length of characters a Voice Command can be.
+
# A god with 0 IQ and Gratitude points gets 50 game content ideas approved, then 50 grammar corrections approved, then 50 ER edits approved, and then tries to do one conversion of IQ points to gratitude points. Assuming the god has no gratitude points from other sources, this is the number of gratitude points the god has now.
# This is the date that pets were introduced to Godville.
+
# True or False: When a hero decides to cancel the current quest while fighting a monster, the hero leaves the fight and returns to town immediately.
  
Congratulations to last week’s winner: {{god|Royal Highness}} who will be joining {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Varza}} in this month’s Championship round. Who will be the next to advance to this month’s finals? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
+
Congratulations to last week’s winner: {{god|Kaam Dev}} who will be joining {{god|Royal Highness}}, {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Varza}} in this month’s Championship round. Who will be the final entrant in this month’s finals? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
 
|-
 
|-
 
|}
 
|}
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----
 
----
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin, SourceRunner and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37944 Issue #23] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=38170 Issue #24]
+
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37944 Issue #23] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=38170 Issue #24]
 +
[http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=38329 Issue #25]
 
|}
 
|}

Revision as of 23:05, 1 May 2013

Masthead.jpg

This week’s featured topic: Retirement

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

A for-Prophet organization. #26

The Arena: Your Opponent

Removing the mystery one click at a time.
Researching Your Arena Opponent

I never thought I would be in the finals of the Harvest Moon vs KWSN tournament. But, now that I'm here, I thought I would take this opportunity to share a little bit of how I look at each match that I’m in from the first step to the last.

Upon entering the arena, I am always prepared to go the distance. “The distance” being as far as I can with the charges I have and with the intent to win it. It also means fighting until the last step is done. If you run out of charges and are not dead yet, don’t give up! Use voice commands and hope for the random prayer to give you more GP.

You’ve entered... and you match. You see your opponent for the first time. You have four steps to decide your response to who you are facing. Are they a serial loser, a serial Punisher or a serial Encourager? Are they a payer or a non-payer? A lot of those questions can be determined by their alignment and arena record. Look for significant differences in the win/loss column. If they're close together you might have somebody who plays possum and wins some and loses some. I suggest hitting these people hard out of the gate to intimidate them. But do not think you have them and walk away. A possum is always a possum and will wait until your guard is down.

The serial loser is easy to pick out by his larger than necessary loss number. I suggest using voice commands only to defeat these players. You can save your GP and still win the fight. Be on the lookout for people who help revive pets and give losses away. Sometimes these people will fight for a win if they match for any other reason, so always be on guard.

When it comes to alignment, I like to consider anything that is not “pure” to be a neutral. This meaning that these people will just as readily throw a encourage as a punish. Pure good or Pure evil will typically not risk ruining their alignment, but don't put it past them to try in desperation.

Arena record and alignment are the first two things you should check everytime you face an opponent, but there are other things that can help you know who you are facing such as guild. Some guilds are designed around certain activities such as arena or pet revival. Other guilds are small and leaderless. The small guilds that you probably have never heard of are less likely to have fighters who have been educated by the likes of Harvest Moon or the Knights Who Say Ni. You have resources within your guild who love to help in any way possible, so don't forget to ask them for advice in the arena! While your opponent in a no-name guild suffers the wrath of our accumulated knowledge you will be sitting pretty.

The more you arena, the more you will come to see things in your opponents that are common. You will be able to notice things you didn't notice before and and be able to relate it to mistakes you made in the past. Learn from your mistakes and know what to look for in the next match so as to not repeat it again. The Great Random may control all in the arena but that doesn’t mean you can’t do everything in your power to try and sway its judgment. Good luck!

At Home with Bella Stewart

Queen of evil
Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: Bellatrixie The Strange!
  • First up was the Blood Bath room, where Hairplug4men was relaxing, getting the kinks out after his latest grueling duel win in the Moon-Ni Tournament. Everything looked fine until the trainee gnome dumped a load of celery and some tabasco sauce in the bath. Startled, HP began thrashing around, chucking out the celery sticks, until some splashed in his mouth. He grinned and submerged. Apparently, the trainee got the blood bath mixed up with the grog soak and filled the tub with Bloody Marys. As I left, HP had found a straw and a rubber ducky and was drunkenly singing old show tunes. It was definitely time to move on.
  • I next looked in on Lady Darkness, whose concrete body mask was ready for removal. We were chatting about shoes as we waited for her trainee gnome to fetch the hammer and chisel when there was an ungodly noise, and the trainee came at her with a jack hammer! Her eyes got big and she wriggled her fingers and toes frantically, but, of course, she couldn't move. I shouted at the gnome to cease and desist, but he couldn't hear me over the racket. I had no choice but to loose a lightning bolt. Such a waste of a good gnome...
  • Next up, the Body Waxing room. SBFH waved hello just before he disappeared behind the screen and gave his order to the trainee. I lost track of time as I leafed through my magazine until there was a blood-curdling shriek. "What have you done??! I said a mini-wax, not the full Bumchester!!!" I decided to discreetly leave.
  • I saw Dogess heading into the Gnome Massage room and asked if I could observe. She had no objections once I handed her a Dark Flame and promised to submit my column on time. Things were going along smoothly as her trainee gnome kneaded her with his knobby fingers. She was so relaxed, she was almost asleep, when the gnome suddenly climbed up on a chair and prepared to walk on her back. Being that gnomes weigh upwards of 300 pounds, well, let's just say he, too, became a crispy critter.
  • My last stop was the Alignment Adjustment room. Sarika Nepartak was there to have her halo buffed and polished. I could hear all sorts of grinding, squeaking, creaking and whirring going on behind the screen. She finally emerged, smiling broadly. "I feel fantastic!" she beamed. "Never better!" As she was checking her alignment rating, I was trying to think of how to tell her about her new horns. "PURE EVIL!??? Aaaargh!" And lightning coursed from her fingers. I was about to french fry my third trainee when she put her hand on my arm to stop me. "Not so fast, Bella. I could get used to this...," she said with an evil grin. "But shhhhhh."

Obviously, the whole batch of gnomes have been sent back to Dr. Frank for some much-needed refinement. But the Harvest Moon Day Spa doors are still open, so come on by! I'm sure today was just a fluke. Really. Most likely. I hope.

Get To Know a Deity

Hard hats required to read further...
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodDANgerzone 79 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: Double Dragon on a stick. Yuummm!
  • Q: What song do you love to dance to?
  • A: Dance with the Devil. Duh!
  • Q: What GV pet would you like to have?
  • A: I really want a Dreaded Gazebo! It's just something about having a building following you around... I know it can't be ridden, but you'd never have to look for shelter on the road.
  • Q: What are your hero’s marketable skills?
  • A: There's so much lightning flying around him, he could easily power a moderately sized city on his own.
  • Q:Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
  • A: Totally! It goes completely against everything I stand for. I have asked the mods to put "For emergency use only" instead of "Encourage" on the button, but it hasn't happened yet.
  • Q: If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
  • A: I miss you Simba, my loyal Sun Dog! So much lightning struck you down before your time. Wait, what was the question?
  • Q: What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
  • A: It' not so much what he's done, but what he's said he'd do. And for that... he's my hero. 05:36 – You know, Almighty, one day the world will shout ‘Save Us!’ and I’ll whisper ‘No…’.

If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

Tournament Updates

Tournament time! It'll be a scream!

April Absurdity, aka the Moon-Ni tourney, is wrapping up! Our very own GodHairplug4men  will be facing KWSN’s GodNuanen  in the fight for 1st place! Fighting for 3rd/4th are our GodImprecise Master  and KWSN’s GodCharles the Greatest . Lucky God Casino is taking bets. Place your bets and cheer on your guild-mates in their forum! You can follow the brackets here. Best of luck to HP and IM - may the Random be ever in your favor!

Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!

Are you ready for a bloody, old-school massacre? Sign up now for our Summer No-Influence Tournament!

The start-date is May 7 and you'll need to join Palringo to participate. Not on Pal yet? No worries! We'll get you started! For folks new to Pal, sign up will be May 1-3. Already there? Sign up May 4-5. Admins and Council members may sign up May 6.

The rules are very simple: NO use of influence, NO use of voices, and the strictest rule: Have fun!

This time, we especially want our younger guild members to enter so that they can be better involved. So don't be shy and sign up! There's nothing to fear! This is an AFK tournament, everyone has a chance to win even if you're not an arena professional! As an added bonus, you can win fabulous prizes! There will be options for Harvest Moon merchandise or simply good, old-fashioned charges.

If you can bring somebody new to Pal you'll get an early sign up!

Sign up now by messaging GodDomerthos , GodHairplug4men  or GodDoctor Frank-n-furter .

Special Announcements

Do you have a special GV date coming up or recently past? Let us know! We like to celebrate with our guildmates and love any excuse for a party! A godiversary, new temple, guild rank, pet medal or in-game achievement can be very exciting. Share it with us, and we'll share it with the world!

Congratulations to GodRufustjynd  on reaching the rank of Prophet in Harvest Moon! Thanks for sticking with us, Ruffy!

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#834 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1080 g.e.
EvilSnoopy - 65th level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “For worlds end!!!!”, stands at the 155th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the goddess GodEvilSnoopy . All he ever wanted was a little love and affection.

Belteshazzar the Confounding

Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.
This weeks confoundee is GodZeerty . His simple questions might inspire one of you other simpletons to submit some. Rest assured, I can confound you, too.
  • Q: If I were a little green sea turtle, would I be able to imagine that I'm human and say "God bless you," whenever appropriate ?
  • A: Nope. The main problem here is a little known fact, that marine biologists have tried to keep hidden for centuries. Sea turtles are jerks. They're crude, arrogant, and unmannered. Just look one in the face long and hard next time you're at Sea World, and tell me their expression doesn't say, "I'm better than you."
  • Q: Is there something wrong with me if I enjoy (misplaced parentheses?
  • A: Nothing wrong with that. Now, misplaced commas is a different story. Let me help. It should be "Is there anything wrong with me, if I enjoy (misplaced parentheses?" It's not too big a deal, though. I myself have problems with misplaced quotation marks sometimes, but a "smart" "guy" such as yourself shouldn't struggle to get my meaning.
  • Q: Why isn't it okay to use the disabled persons stall when all the other stalls are occupied?
  • A: Um, it isn't? What do they expect us to do? Use the sink?! ...which I have been know to do on rare but necessary occasions. Using the disabled stall is one of the few joys one can have in the bathroom. I mean, perching on the rails, dropping one from above, and hearing the sweet "Ka-sploosh!" of a well-aimed deposit is one of the greatest moments in a man's life. Of course, PC gone mad dictates this is ridiculous, but what do they know? Nothing fun, I'll tell you that.

If you’d like your future confounded, PM GodBelteshazzar  or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

EVENT: Sign up today for Godville's first ever forum Pub Crawl. Tickets to this event can be purchased through the Weekly Harvest staff for the very cheap price of one Weekly Harvest idea, article, or suggestions to our writers.

SERVICES: Come to the brand new pet shop in Dogville - where every pet is dishwasher safe!

WANTED: Human-sized bear trap. Spiked hinged door preferred, but not required. Payment will be sent once the trap is placed outside Ceccetticat's temple door.

SERVICES: Try our “Morning Glory Whole Coffee” with a piece of our new Hot Pie Hole at the Wake and Bake Coffeehouse in Bumchester!

FOR SALE: Wok & Bowl restaurant, located in Last Resort. Balls not included. Ask for Pinhead in the alley out back.

SERVICES: Wookin' Pa Nub in all da wong paces? Call 1-877-BUH-WEET now for the award winning self-help CD set.

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

Anime. Need I say more? Of course, I do. There is not much more in life that irks me quite like crap "cartoons" and their lame attempt at animation. Yeesh.

If I wanted to watch something like that, I'd have a child show me their flip book artwork of a dog chasing a man. "Wow, Timmy, that's great. I like the way the story line progressed with loads of movement left out. I see here the man is looking back in terror, and in the next image, the dog is holding his leg in his jaws while the man passes out in a pool of blood. I wonder, whatever did happen in the moment after his leg got torn off and before he succumbed to blood loss? But you're just an inept little kid, who's 'tried his best'."

At least Timmy has the excuse of being a child and getting distracted in his drawings by the thought of what his booger would taste like if he snorted a Pixie Stick before tucking in to it. Anime companies and their many (why?) employees don't have the luxury of saying, "Look, I done a drawing. Ain't it swell?"

No, it's not swell. It's a pile of rubbish that should be shredded, doused with gasoline and given a Viking funeral along with its animator.

It's all about money, obviously. Less motion per frame, means less animation, means fewer artists, means less money being spent by "The Company". Therefore, a bigger bonus for the pencil pushing nerd of a CEO and his cohorts in this heinous crime.

Remember when you could watch a cat look up in horror, as an anvil came toward him at terminal velocity? You don't even have to slow it down to see that split second look of agony, followed by another short grimace of pain as the anvil lands on it, again followed by the body falling through a hole that slowly cracks, splinters and opens, allowing the cat to fall to the basement. That's animation. Amine's version if that same scenario? Cat looks up and is sees anvil, does a bizarre movement that leaves the only thing actually moving as sweat shooting from its head. Then at the crucial moment, we see the same dumb look on its friends and only hear a crashing noise. Scene ends with a look back at a hole in the floor and a protruding cat head surrounded by swirly lines and stars.

So here's to you, youth of today, for falling hook, line and sinker for this garbage. Congratulations. You've made cartoon television unwatchable.

If you wish to complain about today's rant, don't bother. 1) you're probably not capable of putting full thoughts together into one solid complaint and 2) your mom probably is at work and can't take you to the post office to buy a stamp or give you the password of the day to log on to send an e-mail.

Weekly Harvest Hoity-Toity Poetry Contest

We got submissions! To be fair, a few submissions may have been coerced, but we have our four winners (published below). Vote for your favorite in the Harvest Moon forum. Without further ado:
  • Limerick #1
    Ar'catus the hero has love
    Despite his bright lightning-caused glow
    For his sig' otter
    The trader's daughter
    And beer which will cure any blow.
  • Limerick #2
    There once was a man from the sticks
    who wanted to write limericks
    and he never tried
    but, before he died,
    he jotted this down really quick.
  • Limerick #3
    I cannot find my pants, woe is me!
    Where they are I have no way to see.
    I am feeling my hair...
    Could there be something there?
    They're on top of my head, golly gee!
  • Limerick #4
    There was a dust bunny named Sneezy
    Who swung on the flying trapezey.
    As he flew through the air,
    He choked on a hair,
    And from then on poor Sneezy was wheezy.

As promised, the winner will be publicly lauded and showered with adoration and their work, of course, will be posted in the forum for all to see. Good luck!

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. This is the name of the upcoming Harvest Moon-only Tournament.
  2. This is the maximum length of characters in a motto.
  3. A god with 0 IQ and Gratitude points gets 50 game content ideas approved, then 50 grammar corrections approved, then 50 ER edits approved, and then tries to do one conversion of IQ points to gratitude points. Assuming the god has no gratitude points from other sources, this is the number of gratitude points the god has now.
  4. True or False: When a hero decides to cancel the current quest while fighting a monster, the hero leaves the fight and returns to town immediately.

Congratulations to last week’s winner: GodKaam Dev  who will be joining GodRoyal Highness , GodGodofbeer  and GodVarza  in this month’s Championship round. Who will be the final entrant in this month’s finals? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!


Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20 Issue #21 Issue #22 Issue #23 Issue #24

Issue #25