Difference between revisions of "Talk:Harvest Moon"

From GodWiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
m
m
Line 1: Line 1:
 
{| style="text-align:center;border:0; margin-top:1.2em; background-color:#A40000; width:100%;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"
 
{| style="text-align:center;border:0; margin-top:1.2em; background-color:#A40000; width:100%;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"
| colspan="2"    style="border:1px solid #aaa; border-bottom:0; background-color:FF4500;" |
+
| colspan="2"   style="border:1px solid #aaa; border-bottom:0; background-color:FF4500;" |
<!------------------ Grey block at the top  ----------------------->
+
<!------------------ Grey block at the top ----------------------->
 
{|style="width:100%; margin-top:.7em; background-color:#FF4500; border:0px solid #ccc"
 
{|style="width:100%; margin-top:.7em; background-color:#FF4500; border:0px solid #ccc"
 
|style="width:70%; color:#000; text-align:center;"|
 
|style="width:70%; color:#000; text-align:center;"|
Line 12: Line 12:
 
{|style="width:100%; background:#E3DAC9;"
 
{|style="width:100%; background:#E3DAC9;"
 
|style="width:7%; font-size:95%; vertical-align:top;"|
 
|style="width:7%; font-size:95%; vertical-align:top;"|
This week’s featured topic: '''A Visit to Town'''
+
This week’s featured topic: '''Content Contest!'''
  
 
Other useful links:
 
Other useful links:
Line 27: Line 27:
 
----
 
----
 
{| cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" style="border: 1px solid #ccc; text-align: center; margin-bottom: 8px; background:#E3DAC9; width:100%;"
 
{| cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" style="border: 1px solid #ccc; text-align: center; margin-bottom: 8px; background:#E3DAC9; width:100%;"
|'''''No refunds.''''' #24
+
|'''''Who ya gonna call?''''' #25
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
  
<!--        WEEK'S FEATURED CONTENT        -->
+
<!--       WEEK'S FEATURED CONTENT       -->
 
{| id="mp-upper" style="width: 100%; margin:4px 0 0 0; background:#FF4500; border-spacing: 0px;"
 
{| id="mp-upper" style="width: 100%; margin:4px 0 0 0; background:#FF4500; border-spacing: 0px;"
<!--        WEEK'S FEATURED ARTICLE; DID YOU KNOW        -->
+
<!--       WEEK'S FEATURED ARTICLE; DID YOU KNOW       -->
 
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:50%; border:1px solid #cef2e0; background:#E3DAC9; vertical-align:top; color:#000;" |
 
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:50%; border:1px solid #cef2e0; background:#E3DAC9; vertical-align:top; color:#000;" |
 
{| id="mp-left" style="vertical-align:left; background:#E3DAC9;"
 
{| id="mp-left" style="vertical-align:left; background:#E3DAC9;"
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''What Heroes Do In Town'''</p>
+
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''Weekly Harvest <s>Hoity-Toity</s> Poetry Contest'''</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:InTown1.jpg|right|thumb|Drinking and wasting money and drinking some more!]] The great random controls all...or does it? Upon close inspection by {{god|Syrocko}}, our heroes seem to be very structured when it comes to heading back to town. Now, this can be very useful to know when trying to revive your pet, as sometimes he will not waste his money and sometimes he'll waste more, and in the end it is very interesting...
+
| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:Limerick.png|right|thumb|Keep em clean, folks!]] In an effort to entertain and educate the masses in fine literature, we are announcing our very first Weekly Harvest Poetry Contest.
  
Upon entering Godville, your hero will get one of three options:
+
We ask that all submissions be sent via PM to one of the paper staff. The staff will vote on all submissions. The top four poems will be published (anonymously) in next week’s paper to be voted on by our readers in the [[Harvest Moon]] forum. The winner will be publicly lauded and showered with adoration and their work, of course, will be posted in the forum for all to see. In addition, the winner will be featured in the next issue of the Weekly Harvest.
# 1 to 4 gold coins per brick in your temple (more when temple has grown a bit, with 2 to 4 gold coins per brick when your temple is complete);
 
# a charge (only if your temple is complete); or
 
# a trade of 10,000, 20,000 or 30,000 gold coins for experience (again, only after your temple is complete).
 
  
Sometimes,  a guard will charge them taxes first, which can be a real pain if it makes the difference between getting a trade for experience or not. None of this happens if you send your hero to the arena or use an artifact to transport back to town. It is also skipped if the hero has a cancelled quest.
+
'''For this particular poetry contest,''' we are looking for a rare art form: five-line anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (AABBA)... also known as the limerick! Yes, clean limericks are seldom funny and and funny limericks are seldom clean, but that’s part of the challenge!
  
Other than the above-mentioned scenarios, a typical town visit goes like this:
+
'''Also wanted:''' articles and article ideas. Tell us, dear readers, what you want to see here! Is there a question you’ve always wanted answered about game mechanics? Does the Random thwart you at every turn? Submit your question and our team of experts (we’ll find them, don’t worry) will do their best! If you’re asking it, others are, too. Think of it as public service.
# go to the doctor and heal,
 
# go to the trader to sell your loot and possibly buy a skill upgrade,
 
# head to the equipment shop to windowshop and maybe buy equipment or a brick,
 
# idle in town, possibly going to the tavern, to a show, or on a hot date, all of which generally result in wasting gold (maximum gold wasted is about 54% unless in you're in Beerburg or Los Adminos, in which case it's more like 45%-99%),
 
# go to your temple to pray and often donate more gold, and finally
 
# leave town. Normal gold wastage can be and usually is much, much lower than the maximum of 54%.
 
  
After arena or with an aura of abstinence, the equipment shop, idling in town and money wastage phases are skipped. Note, however, that the hero can still upgrade a skill, since this happens immediately after selling loot.
+
Is there a topic, real or imagined, you’ve always wanted to see covered here? Send it in! Don’t have a question, but have all the answers (or at least one of them)? Write up an article and submit it. All authors will be credited. Don’t have an answer but feel like making something up GV-releated and seeing your name in print? Great! Send us that, too.  
  
With a cancelled quest, the temple reward and healing are skipped, but the other phases proceed as normal.
+
'''''Note:''' All ideas and articles will be considered regardless of guild affiliation or hero alignment.''
  
With a completed quest, your hero sells loot as the first phase after getting the temple reward. Then he has the skill upgrade phase. At this point, his health is checked and different things will happen depending on whether health is in the red level (roughly a third or less), or a higher level.
+
For inclusion in next week’s paper, please submit your limericks, articles and ideas no later than midnight CST, Sunday, April 28.
 
 
With red health, he'll skip the equipment shop and buying of bricks and equipment, then heal up, skip idling in town and money wastage, and head straight for the temple.
 
 
 
With health above the red level, he'll shop for equipment and bricks, skip the healing phase, idle and waste money as usual, then go to the praying phase.
 
 
 
Finally, if a hero decides to go to town due to low health and he's carrying less than a certain percentage of his maximum amount of loot, including potions (this percentage varies with the town milestone, being only about 33% before about the 50th milestone and slowly rising to 50% after that point), there will be a special diary entry about him heading to town to heal or because he forgot something. He will then ONLY heal (skipping his chance of a special guild health boost at the beginning of his healing, which he would otherwise get) and then leave town again, without any of the other phases (except the temple reward phase at the beginning ONLY if the town he visits is Godville).
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
|
 
|
 
{|
 
{|
! style="padding:2px;" | 
+
! style="padding:2px;" |
|-
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That?</p>
 
 
|-
 
|-
! style="padding:2px;" |
+
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Doctor Frank's Advice Corner</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| [[File:Firefox1.jpg|thumbnail|right|Pumba the Firefox, PITH Deity Relations Department]]'''Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That? Part I'''
+
| [[File:Drfrank.jpeg|thumbnail|right|An evil queen]]''Dear Dr. Frank,''
 
 
Lately, we of Pets Into Tormenting Heroes (PITH) have noticed an alarming increase in the proportion of “punish” incidents where heroic pets come away flambéed, shorn, smashed, and electrocuted. We attribute this to the fact that PITH has not lately reminded the deities that we are on your side. We’d like to remedy this oversight by answering your most common variations on the question, “Why does my hero’s pet do that?”
 
 
 
This week, the question we get the most often:
 
 
 
''Eating Bold or Activatable Artifacts''
 
 
 
''What Deities Think:'' That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!
 
 
 
''Why a PITH Does It:'' Unlike dumb heroes, we smart beasts can actually tell when an artifact is useful to a deity. When one of these has been sitting in a trophy bag for a little while, we will deliberately target it for theft, begging, eating, burying, or other form of destruction. This is not to annoy you, the deity, but to heighten the emotional impact of a deity’s eventual punishment of a hero; somewhere, deep within the hero’s thickened, dense, lightning-scarred skull, he is tracking that these are the artifacts that make you, his deity, exceptionally upset to lose. It takes a while to bubble to the surface, so any decently-skilled PITH can get one of these artifacts away from the hero, but soon thereafter the hero will start to feel dread.
 
 
 
“Was that one of ''those'' artifacts?” he wonders.
 
 
 
For a hero new to punishment, this leads to wondering if a punishment will come. In deliciously wretched terror, the hero first tries to pretend that everything is normal, and hopes you will not notice. This is a notion stillborn, so he soon switches to trying to win your favor and get out of punishment. He hits every monster harder, digs every hole deeper, and slaughters every opponent faster in a mute and desperate bid to escape your wrath.
 
 
 
For a hero experienced in punishment, the question becomes not “if,” but “when.” He let his stupid animal eat something he suspects was valuable. It’s a foregone conclusion that you’ll be upset, as if you really needed a reason to punish him, so where is the blasted lightning bolt? He starts in a bad mood, expecting your fury at any moment, and taking out his frustrations on nearby monsters. When you wait longer, he ends up with a full inventory and has to visit the trader, where his scowl deepens because now he’s certain that you will decide he deliberately sold the artifact, not that his pet tricked him out of it. The look on his face terrifies the trader into giving better prices. ''And,'' if you should refrain from punishment during trade phase, the hero becomes sure that you’re saving something special for him. By the end of the rest and prayer phases, when the hero has done everything he possibly can to ''make'' you drop your deific combat boot, he is jumping up and down in the middle of the town square, demanding in loud and no uncertain tones that you punish him. Imagine the fear this engenders in the populace, and then send him to the Arena.
 
 
 
In the Arena, the hero knows you will finally punish him, and he only has to hold out for a few more minutes. He pummels his opponent, sick to his stomach but mentally euphoric, as prepared as he can be for what will surely be tantamount to the firmament falling on his head. And then it happens.
 
  
A punishment.
+
''Guess what. My heroine was asked on a date. A date! She was told it would only happen if she completed a specific quest. She was so excited, she completed it faster than I’ve seen her do any other quest, spent 6000 coins on a new outfit... and then (predictably) waited five hours before realizing she was stood up. Now my heroine is so heart broken, she’s using mating calls to find him (she’s convinced something must have happened).''
  
A normal punishment.
+
''My question: How can I help her stop grieving?  She's spending half her money on beer, skills and equipment in an attempt to find him and her mating calls are keeping me up all night (they keep attracting monsters which she refuses to fight). I'm at loss as to how to continue.''
  
A ''NORMAL'' punishment?! ''This'' is what he’s been anticipating all. Day. Long?!
+
''Signed, Out of ideas''
  
And because he can’t do anything to you, he displaces his rage onto the pansy before him and rends limb from limb in glorious fountains of gore.
+
Dearest You can't be serious,
  
All this anguish, all this horror, all this productivity was made possible because a pet laid the groundwork of eating a bold or activatable artifact. A PITH did this, which makes punishing one of us entirely counterproductive. So let’s review.
+
First of all, if it isn't this, there will be some other reason she wastes half her money (and only that little if you're lucky and actually paying attention at least 80% of the time). "My pet's knocked out and I'm depressed," or "My friend said this equipment would look totally cute on me compared to the cheaper stuff I usually go for," or "Hey! It's five o'clock somewhere!" You can't stop her. But...
  
''What Deities Think:'' That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!
+
You can make ''yourself'' feel better. You may have noticed the button marked "Punish" on your Remote Control. Use it! “But, Frank, I’m a goody-goodie!” I know! And it’s okay! By making your heroine run around dodging lightning bolts, she’ll have less time during the day to pine for her unrequited love ''and'' she’ll sleep better at night, giving you your much needed beauty rest. Think of it not as “punishing” her, but as motivating her to move past these petty issues. After all, she’s never getting a real date so coddling her now would be terribly misleading.
  
''What Deities Should Think:'' That beast ate--! Ohhh… that pet’s a PITH. I have an ally down there. Heh-heh-heh. Let’s see what I can do with this.
+
Do it! Punish! It’s not like hitting that button is addictive or anything. You can go back to Encouraging the little princess next week. It’ll be fine. Really. Just remember: this is for her own good.
  
And have you ever wondered why your heroine’s pet heals her just as soon as she’s down into the red where you want her? See this spot, next week.
+
Yours,
  
''Pumba the Firefox is a long-serving member of PITH and delights in his work fully. He began in the PITH Deity Relations Department shortly after his predecessor retired with a severe case of seared fur and mange.''
+
~Dr. Frank
  
''Pets Into Tormenting Heroes: We don’t get mad—they get pithed!''
+
''No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.''
|-
 
 
|}
 
|}
 
|-
 
|-
Line 123: Line 87:
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| [[File:BawsB.jpg|thumb|right|Scary in every way... except in the arena.]]Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Baws Banger|temple=0}}
+
| [[File:ValarMorghulis.jpg|thumb|right|Just relax, he won’t bite.]]Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Tamlynn|temple=0|breeder=0}}
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH! THE TIME OF THE PURIFICATION IS AT HAND!}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The tears of the babies of the Knights Who Say Ni, and all other goody two-shoes of the land. }}
* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
+
* '''Q:''' What song do you like to dance to?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Feral Hero. In all seriousness though, I think the devs should make the Feral Hero a tameable monster. Does anyone else agree with me... or should I start seeing a counselor again?}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Kali's Mantra of Death and Destruction.}}
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I like to meet women with tattoos. Women without tattoos. Women without any kind of facial piercings, especially labrets, and those that have them.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Laughing at my heroine behind her back.}}
* '''Q:''' Do you have any hidden talents?
+
* '''Q:''' What are your heroine’s marketable skills?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I frequently offend those who are easily offended, and those who are not.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' We don't market, we take what we want.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Puppy. A saw a fine litter of hell hounds get whelped the other day.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
 
* '''Q:''' Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I think Felipe would be unstoppable with the Banhammer and Diplomatic Immunity, topped off with the Falcon Punch skill.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Anything but Icarus Wings. Will they not die already?!?!}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Told thousands of people that donating money to my church will get them to everlasting paradise after they die.
  
 
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
 
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
 +
|}
 
|-
 
|-
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
+
|
 +
{|
 +
! style="padding:2px;" |
 
|-
 
|-
|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
+
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
  
'''How to play:'''
+
{| style="float: left; margin-center: 3em; border: 3px solid gray;"
 
+
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 125%; padding:0.2em 0.4em;" |
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
+
Did you know...<br>...used Weekly Harvests make great kitten sandwich wrappers? <br>Evil doesn't mean irresponsible! Read the Weekly Harvest next week for more "green" tips!
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
+
|}
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 
 
 
'''This week’s Answers:'''
 
 
 
# These are seven of the ten (or more) known attack keywords in the arena.
 
# This is the time that the Godville Times will change to the next day's issue on 17 April 2013 (give time zone also).
 
# This is the minimal number of characters a Godname can be.
 
# This is the major significant event to occur on 10 May 2013.
 
 
 
Congratulations to last week’s winners: {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Varza}}! Who will be joining them in this month’s Championship round? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
| style="border:1px solid #E3DAC9;" |
 
| style="border:1px solid #E3DAC9;" |
<!--        INTRO TEXT; IMAGE OF THE DAY        -->
+
<!--       INTRO TEXT; IMAGE OF THE DAY       -->
 
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:50%; border:1px solid #cedff2; background:#E3DAC9; vertical-align:top;"|
 
| class="MainPageBG" style="width:50%; border:1px solid #cedff2; background:#E3DAC9; vertical-align:top;"|
 
{| id="mp-right" style="width:100%; vertical-align:right; background:#E3DAC9;"
 
{| id="mp-right" style="width:100%; vertical-align:right; background:#E3DAC9;"
Line 168: Line 127:
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
 
|-
 
|-
! style="padding:2px;" | #825 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1069 g.e.
+
! style="padding:2px;" | #831 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1075 g.e.
|-
 
| '''Gehena''' - 75th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Striving for medio☾rity”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/mastery?page=1#p_68 68th position] in the [[pantheon of mastery]] under the vigilant supervision of the goddess {{god|Starryshine}}. We've had many reports that a Major Disappointment has been afraid to make eye contact with her since their last encounter.
 
 
|-
 
|-
! style="padding:2px;" | #826 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1070 g.e.
+
| '''Will71653''' - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Hi there! =D”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/might?page=1#p_20 20th position] in the [[pantheon of might]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Will71635}}. His worst enemy - a First Person Shooter. Favorite trophy - something that looks like a plot device. He is also a huge fan of Herolympus’s pubs.
 
|-
 
|-
| '''Sauriva Amon Shie''' - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “☾ Rest in pieces”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/mastery?page=1#p_17 17th position] in the [[pantheon of mastery]] under the vigilant supervision of the goddess {{god|Sauriva}}. She's asking someone to take the moral high ground, by force if necessary and report the results via express mail.
+
! style="padding:2px;" | #833 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1077 g.e.
 
|-
 
|-
! style="padding:2px;" | #828 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1072 g.e.
+
| '''Samuel Vimes''' - 82nd-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “No guild shall have me!”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/gratitude?page=1#p_12 12th position in the [[pantheon of gratitude]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Belteshazzar}}. He always wanted to fill the Den of Evil with monsters, but never found the time.
|-
 
| '''The420Bob''' - 66th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “BIRD'S THE WORD! ”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/taming?page=1#p_13 13th position] in the [[pantheon of taming]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Damienpoe}}. He was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during his youth.
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] '''New feature!''' {{god|Belteshazzar}} ''can'' predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found <s>three, no, wait</s> five questions from {{god|SourceRunner}}.
+
| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] '''New feature!''' {{god|Belteshazzar}} ''can'' predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This weeks confoundee is {{god|Lady Darkness}}. Here's her oh so easy questions to answer, for someone with a brain like mine.
* '''Q:''' Is the Robopocalypse really coming, or is that nutty Cray just talking through his grey hat?
+
* '''Q:''' Will I ever find the matches to the lone socks from the dryer?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Cray, you say? Erm, um...yes, let me see what the future holds for this Robo-clips, is it? Not sure why robots would need barbers, but to each its own. Unless, of course, they've figured out how to harvest humans for our hair, thus perpetuating the end of civilization as we know it! But that's getting too far ahead. You didn't want to know all that. Nope, you just wanna know if androids will need wigs or if they'll sprout locks that need a good trim from time to time. My prediction: yes...or no...I'm 100% positive that this might happen.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Not unless you're willing to enter your dryer and discover the new dimension beyond. A trip down the lint trap, and you'll find your lost socks being used in a tug of war match in Dust Bunny Mansion.}}
* '''Q:''' Where will those scourges of the relays, the most ancient enemies of all beings electronic, the Moths, strike next? Knowing places to pre-site zappers would be so useful.
+
* '''Q:''' Is it ok to use emoticons with every message? :)
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Knowing that computers will be interested in hair growth, the Moths will most likely strike at the hair follicle receptor thingies. You can't get this kinda accuracy just anywhere. My cubic zirconia ball sees everything.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Of course, it is. Especially if you wanna be viewed as a complete imbecile. The only acceptable reason to use emoticons is when you're chatting with someone who hates the things. Then, I say go for it and watch them slowly get angry through text.}}
* '''Q:''' Will we have to switch from "magic" to "more magic" to deal with them this time? Please say no; that surge makes for an unpleasant reboot.
+
* '''Q:''' Why is it 38 degrees where I live in April?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I dare say, you'll have to switch to "most magic". All of your "more magic" will be tied up in hair-cell research. And what's all this "we" business? I thought I was answering human questions. I can't be certain my readings are accurate with all this electro-hoohah floating around! Did the government put you up to this?! Wait, don't answer that. Let me read the ball...}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Because God hates where you live. I know, it's harsh. It's not my views, just what the cubic zirconia ball is telling me.}}
* '''Q:''' I get that I'll still have to go through the motions so that it'll actually happen in the future, but that smug petascale twerp Blue Waters is using every billionth flops to taunt me about being slow: what will this phrase he challenged me with say when I finally get it unencrypted?
+
* '''Q:''' How much wood could a curmudgeon chuck if a curmudgeon could chuck wood?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Let me check the tea leaves...very interesting. It will say, "Your mother was nothing but a cheap Acer laptop and your father smells of MS-DOS."}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Aha. Aha. Aha. A curmudgeon (especially a dashingly good-looking one) could chuck not only the finest wood, but also he could chuck the most wood. At least twice as much as half the amount, I'd estimate.}}
* '''Q:''' So I met this super-cooled guy who... well, let's say just thinking about him sets my hard drive thrashing. He might have a few shorts, since he has an unpredictable habit of killing off other people's heroes, but he has an awesome sense of humor that makes it all better and I've never met another electronic so adept at teasing the bone-and-bloods. Preeeeety sure I've got dedicated port access, but before I start making silicon wafers, exchanging keys, and considering token rings, I have to know: what does our future hold? It doesn't feel like I'm in the cloud, but am I headed for a crash?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' This "fella" you speak of...I'm feeling a strong connection here. The initials T.G.R. are pouring out of the Alphabet Spaghetti-O can nicely. I'd say he's exactly your type. Just don't leave him unattended for three days, or he may be capable of atrocities unheard of and mood swings that'll send you running. He definitely won't disappoint in the spontaneity department. Go for him...it...whatever!}}
 
 
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
 
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
|-
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Member of the Week</p>
 
|-
 
| [[File:AngelShinra.jpg|thumb|left|Pfft! She ain’t no angel!]]Get to know a member of [[Harvest Moon]]! This week's guest is: {{God|Angel Shinra}}
 
* '''Q:''' How did you choose HM?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' When I first started the game, I made friends with {{god|Syrocko}} and it all just kind of went downhill from there.. lol }}
 
* '''Q:''' Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Usually in his signifigant otter's stomach. Where do you think all those gold brick hairballs come from?}}
 
* '''Q:''' Name some things that you and your hero have in common.
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' We both have an uncanny knack for getting ourselves into situations where we know we shouldn't, but we do it anyway.}}
 
* '''Q:''' What advice would you give a newer player?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Just have fun with the game! And don't be afraid to ask others for help, there's so many nice, friendly (even if they are evil) people here!}}
 
* '''Q:''' What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Another kitten sammich? I mean seriously, what else can satisfy the hunger you've built up from plundering all day?}}
 
* '''Q:''' Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:'''  HAHAHA-- oh wait, you were serious. Er.. probably the closest pub. My little Shinra employee certainly loves that pub. All of them. >.>}}
 
* '''Q:''' What’s your favorite voice command?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Probably the punish button, honestly... Even though I know it's technically *not* a command, its about the only thing he listens too! Lol}}
 
''What would you like to know about your [[Harvest Moon]] guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!''
 
 
|-
 
|-
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Classifieds</p>
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Classifieds</p>
Line 218: Line 152:
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Sleep No More short-term elder care. We take care of your elderly when you don't want to anymore.  Call DEAD-AGAIN2 and select option 3 from the menu for more information.
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Two tickets to gangsters paradise. Only serious buyers, call 867-5309.
|-
 
| <br>'''PRODUCTS:''' Make your enemies suffer with an overpriced weapon at Sam’s Slings and Arrows! For an outrageous fortune, you can have top-of-the-line, stylish weapons. Located 1/2 milestone east of Monsterdam.
 
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''FOR HIRE:''' Out of work woodchuck looking to forecast weather based on shadow. Call 555-PHIL today!
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Pet dead? Bring it back to life, free of charge, soul intact! Leave a message on the hot line. ''Disclaimer: contract required, intact soul refers to the pet.'' Call 666-PET-REZZ today!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' The most interesting man in the world. He doesn't always sell himself for money, but when he does he does it through the Weekly Harvest. Call DOS-OR-TRES-X. You won’t regret it.
+
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Rehab. Addict looking for wet house to spend long, terrible nights in. Find me under the bridge in Trollbridge.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Sea Biscuit recipe! Fun, salty, meaty snack.
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Have you ever wanted a disease named after you? We’ll make you famous! Contact Disease Naming Industries, LLC and we will infect you with a deadly disease that people will surely be talking about for years. Call DYING-4-FAME today!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Bob's bottom apparel. Ship your pants anywhere. Bet your bottom dollar we’ll get it handled! Visit Bob’s newest location in Bumchester!
+
| <br>'''CAMP:''' Hero Adventure Camp in Beerburgh. Quit watching him and let us take care of your pain in the... can we say *** here? No? What do you mean we pay by the letter? Stop typing!
 
|-
 
|-
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
Line 237: Line 169:
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
  
A short one for you this week, as I find this topic so annoying, that I can't be bothered to rant about it too much. Tribbles. Pointless little twerps. Here's MY list of ten things Tribbles remind me of...
+
You know what really gets me going? When someone starts a great conversation with me, but then stops midway through and never finishes. I would rather punch them in the neck the next time I see them, rather than listen to a single word they have to say.
  
# All the stupid things in life. Enough said.
+
It's not like I haven't got
# Fireside rug. Nothing like shooting, stabbing, and/or strangling a furry creature to death, gutting it, and laying its hide on your cabin floor.
 
# Dingleberries. They just won't go away, no matter how often you pick 'em and toss 'em in the furnace.
 
# Death. Not my own, but everything "cute" and "cuddly".
 
# Target practice. Remember the days when space cadets could confidently shout, "Pull!" and know their comrades would launch a Tribble in the air for them to deep fry with a laser blast? Glorious days.
 
# Smothering apparatus. They may look innocent, but I guarantee Tribbles are up to no good. Lying in wait at nursing homes, just waiting to be used by a triple-shift nurse...
 
# Something to shove my feet in to keep warm on cold, winter nights. Preferably while still alive. You know, for that extra warmth.
 
# Why Star Wars will always be leaps and bounds better than Star Trek. Ewoks would make Tribbles into slaves.
 
# Trek nerds. AKA punching bags.
 
# Nazis. Remember, they too wanted to make the "perfect race" by controlled breeding. What's more controlled than being born pregnant?! Tribbles are up to something. Don't truck with that lot.
 
  
''If you are a Tribble sympathizer and are thinking of writing to complain, don't. I have a Tribble in my hands as I write this with my feet. I will strangle it, if you even so much as think of writing a letter to my editor.''
+
''If you have any thoughts on this week's article feel free to contact the writer directly, as he has apparently left his post and wandered off.''
 
|-
 
|-
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
+
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
<br>
+
|-
{| style="float: left; margin-center: 3em; border: 3px solid gray;"
+
|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 125%; padding:0.2em 0.4em;" | 
+
 
ATTENTION: You've reached the end of the paper.  Move along, folks, nothing to see here...
+
'''How to play:'''
 +
 
 +
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
 +
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 +
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 +
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 +
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 +
 
 +
'''This week’s Answers:'''
 +
 
 +
# This is the sum of the furthest-recorded milestones reached in OriGV (Russian-language Godville) and EngGV (English-language Godville).
 +
# This is the maximum number of characters a hero name can be.
 +
# This is the minimal length of characters a Voice Command can be.
 +
# This is the date that pets were introduced to Godville.
 +
 
 +
Congratulations to last week’s winner: {{god|Royal Highness}} who will be joining {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Varza}} in this month’s Championship round. Who will be the next to advance to this month’s finals? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
 
|}
 
|}
 +
|-
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
----
 
----
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin, SourceRunner and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37944 Issue #23]
+
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin, SourceRunner and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37944 Issue #23] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=38170 Issue #24]
 
|}
 
|}

Revision as of 00:46, 25 April 2013

Masthead.jpg

This week’s featured topic: Content Contest!

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

Who ya gonna call? #25

Weekly Harvest Hoity-Toity Poetry Contest

Keep em clean, folks!
In an effort to entertain and educate the masses in fine literature, we are announcing our very first Weekly Harvest Poetry Contest.

We ask that all submissions be sent via PM to one of the paper staff. The staff will vote on all submissions. The top four poems will be published (anonymously) in next week’s paper to be voted on by our readers in the Harvest Moon forum. The winner will be publicly lauded and showered with adoration and their work, of course, will be posted in the forum for all to see. In addition, the winner will be featured in the next issue of the Weekly Harvest.

For this particular poetry contest, we are looking for a rare art form: five-line anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (AABBA)... also known as the limerick! Yes, clean limericks are seldom funny and and funny limericks are seldom clean, but that’s part of the challenge!

Also wanted: articles and article ideas. Tell us, dear readers, what you want to see here! Is there a question you’ve always wanted answered about game mechanics? Does the Random thwart you at every turn? Submit your question and our team of experts (we’ll find them, don’t worry) will do their best! If you’re asking it, others are, too. Think of it as public service.

Is there a topic, real or imagined, you’ve always wanted to see covered here? Send it in! Don’t have a question, but have all the answers (or at least one of them)? Write up an article and submit it. All authors will be credited. Don’t have an answer but feel like making something up GV-releated and seeing your name in print? Great! Send us that, too.

Note: All ideas and articles will be considered regardless of guild affiliation or hero alignment.

For inclusion in next week’s paper, please submit your limericks, articles and ideas no later than midnight CST, Sunday, April 28.

Doctor Frank's Advice Corner

An evil queen
Dear Dr. Frank,

Guess what. My heroine was asked on a date. A date! She was told it would only happen if she completed a specific quest. She was so excited, she completed it faster than I’ve seen her do any other quest, spent 6000 coins on a new outfit... and then (predictably) waited five hours before realizing she was stood up. Now my heroine is so heart broken, she’s using mating calls to find him (she’s convinced something must have happened).

My question: How can I help her stop grieving? She's spending half her money on beer, skills and equipment in an attempt to find him and her mating calls are keeping me up all night (they keep attracting monsters which she refuses to fight). I'm at loss as to how to continue.

Signed, Out of ideas

Dearest You can't be serious,

First of all, if it isn't this, there will be some other reason she wastes half her money (and only that little if you're lucky and actually paying attention at least 80% of the time). "My pet's knocked out and I'm depressed," or "My friend said this equipment would look totally cute on me compared to the cheaper stuff I usually go for," or "Hey! It's five o'clock somewhere!" You can't stop her. But...

You can make yourself feel better. You may have noticed the button marked "Punish" on your Remote Control. Use it! “But, Frank, I’m a goody-goodie!” I know! And it’s okay! By making your heroine run around dodging lightning bolts, she’ll have less time during the day to pine for her unrequited love and she’ll sleep better at night, giving you your much needed beauty rest. Think of it not as “punishing” her, but as motivating her to move past these petty issues. After all, she’s never getting a real date so coddling her now would be terribly misleading.

Do it! Punish! It’s not like hitting that button is addictive or anything. You can go back to Encouraging the little princess next week. It’ll be fine. Really. Just remember: this is for her own good.

Yours,

~Dr. Frank

No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for GodDoctor Frank-n-furter  to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.

Get To Know a Deity

Just relax, he won’t bite.
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodTamlynn 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: The tears of the babies of the Knights Who Say Ni, and all other goody two-shoes of the land.
  • Q: What song do you like to dance to?
  • A: Kali's Mantra of Death and Destruction.
  • Q: How do you like to spend your spare time?
  • A: Laughing at my heroine behind her back.
  • Q: What are your heroine’s marketable skills?
  • A: We don't market, we take what we want.
  • Q: If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
  • A: Puppy. A saw a fine litter of hell hounds get whelped the other day.
  • Q: Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
  • A: Anything but Icarus Wings. Will they not die already?!?!
  • Q: What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
  • {{color|maroon||A: Told thousands of people that donating money to my church will get them to everlasting paradise after they die.

If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

Special Announcements

Did you know...
...used Weekly Harvests make great kitten sandwich wrappers?
Evil doesn't mean irresponsible! Read the Weekly Harvest next week for more "green" tips!

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#831 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1075 g.e.
Will71653 - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Hi there! =D”, stands at the 20th position in the pantheon of might under the vigilant supervision of the god GodWill71635 . His worst enemy - a First Person Shooter. Favorite trophy - something that looks like a plot device. He is also a huge fan of Herolympus’s pubs.
#833 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1077 g.e.
Samuel Vimes - 82nd-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “No guild shall have me!”, stands at the 12th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the god God[http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar Belteshazzar . He always wanted to fill the Den of Evil with monsters, but never found the time.

Belteshazzar the Confounding

Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.
New feature! GodBelteshazzar  can predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This weeks confoundee is GodLady Darkness . Here's her oh so easy questions to answer, for someone with a brain like mine.
  • Q: Will I ever find the matches to the lone socks from the dryer?
  • A: Not unless you're willing to enter your dryer and discover the new dimension beyond. A trip down the lint trap, and you'll find your lost socks being used in a tug of war match in Dust Bunny Mansion.
  • Q: Is it ok to use emoticons with every message? :)
  • A: Of course, it is. Especially if you wanna be viewed as a complete imbecile. The only acceptable reason to use emoticons is when you're chatting with someone who hates the things. Then, I say go for it and watch them slowly get angry through text.
  • Q: Why is it 38 degrees where I live in April?
  • A: Because God hates where you live. I know, it's harsh. It's not my views, just what the cubic zirconia ball is telling me.
  • Q: How much wood could a curmudgeon chuck if a curmudgeon could chuck wood?
  • A: Aha. Aha. Aha. A curmudgeon (especially a dashingly good-looking one) could chuck not only the finest wood, but also he could chuck the most wood. At least twice as much as half the amount, I'd estimate.

If you’d like your future confounded, PM GodBelteshazzar  or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

FOR SALE: Two tickets to gangsters paradise. Only serious buyers, call 867-5309.

SERVICES: Pet dead? Bring it back to life, free of charge, soul intact! Leave a message on the hot line. Disclaimer: contract required, intact soul refers to the pet. Call 666-PET-REZZ today!

WANTED: Rehab. Addict looking for wet house to spend long, terrible nights in. Find me under the bridge in Trollbridge.

SERVICES: Have you ever wanted a disease named after you? We’ll make you famous! Contact Disease Naming Industries, LLC and we will infect you with a deadly disease that people will surely be talking about for years. Call DYING-4-FAME today!

CAMP: Hero Adventure Camp in Beerburgh. Quit watching him and let us take care of your pain in the... can we say *** here? No? What do you mean we pay by the letter? Stop typing!

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

You know what really gets me going? When someone starts a great conversation with me, but then stops midway through and never finishes. I would rather punch them in the neck the next time I see them, rather than listen to a single word they have to say.

It's not like I haven't got

If you have any thoughts on this week's article feel free to contact the writer directly, as he has apparently left his post and wandered off.

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. This is the sum of the furthest-recorded milestones reached in OriGV (Russian-language Godville) and EngGV (English-language Godville).
  2. This is the maximum number of characters a hero name can be.
  3. This is the minimal length of characters a Voice Command can be.
  4. This is the date that pets were introduced to Godville.

Congratulations to last week’s winner: GodRoyal Highness  who will be joining GodGodofbeer  and GodVarza  in this month’s Championship round. Who will be the next to advance to this month’s finals? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!

|}


Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin, SourceRunner and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20 Issue #21 Issue #22 Issue #23 Issue #24