Difference between revisions of "Talk:Harvest Moon"

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This week’s featured topic: '''Tribble Trouble?'''
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This week’s featured topic: '''Retirement'''
  
 
Other useful links:
 
Other useful links:
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|'''''We do all our own stunts.''''' #22
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|'''''There can be only one.''''' #23
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''Planning for “Retirement”'''</p>
 
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:Tribbles4.jpg|right|thumb|What bad hair day?]] [[File:Tribbles1.jpg|right|thumb|Tribble pit!]] '''What trouble with Tribbles?  Nine easy uses:'''
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:RetSavings.jpg|right|thumb|Better than filling your mattress with gold coins.]] '''Influencing your hero's Savings'''
  
#  It's still coldish in some of these god's climes... Hunt down two, spear them on either end of a metal strip shaped to one's head and use them as earmuffs!
+
 
#  Is it getting too warm for your tribble earmuffs? Take one tribble off, straighten the metal, and you have a handy dandy duster!
+
You have a temple and BOOM! A new goal pops up: Retirement and the [[Pantheon of Savings]]. If you decide you want to climb the ranks, here’s some information you might find helpful.
# Are you hungry? Heat the skewered tribble over a grill on high heat. The excess hair (and dust) should burn off this way. Nothing makes mouths water more than the scent of burning hair and they’re a great substitute for kitten sandwiches.
+
 
# Bad hair day? Collect a bunch and arrange them for a fantastic hair piece.
+
 
# Switch a similar colored one out for your friend's guinea pig or chinchilla and see how long it takes them to catch on.
+
Whether your hero/ine donates in town is a random occurrence, but here are towns that have higher donation percentages when they do donate. If you want to work on savings the trick is to visit those towns that typically have a larger percentage donation rate when your hero does donate. The two best towns for savings post temple are, not coincidentally, the two known for being the worst for wasting pre-temple: [[Beerburgh]] and [[Los Adminos]]. The new town of [[Herowin]] also appears to be great for savings and horrendous pre-temple wasting.
# Stash one in those silly casks of booze these guilds keep tithing each other. Smile, knowing that you've given them the gift that keeps on giving!
+
 
# Use a lint roller to pick up excess tribble hair, and use it to knit holiday sweaters for friends and family!
+
 
# Short on balls for your kid's birthday ball pit?  Why not a tribble pit instead?
+
In addition to visiting those towns you will want to have plenty of gold/bold items to sell. Best-case scenario: when a donation happens, you have a large sum to donate from and are in a town with known large-percentage donations. With a temple comes the occasional free charge and the handy-dandy miracle button! If you’re a payer, even better. Use your charges for miracles while traveling to fill your inventory with bolds on the way back to the targeted towns to increase the gold balance. Digging for gold, bricks and bosses also helps, but we all know the miracles are a sure thing for bold items.
# Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a veterinarian, blow them out of the airlock!
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 +
The "go to town" Voice Command seems to increase in the chance for a donation but this is anecdotal and not definitively proven. Also note: an aura of abstinence will prevent any retirement donations.
 +
 
 +
 
 +
Good luck with retirement! 30 million gold coins seems a lofty goal, but one of us is bound to get there sooner of later and it might as well be you!
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''Special thanks to {{god|SBFH}} for letting us <s>plagarize</s> borrow his savings info! You rock bearfriend!''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Doctor Frank's Advice Corner</p>
 
 
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| [[File:Drfrank.jpeg|thumbnail|right|An evil queen]]''Dear Dr. Frank,''
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| [[File:Bella Stewart.jpg|thumbnail|Queen of evil]] '''Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: Bellatrixie The Strange!'''
  
''I have a question for your column: I am a good goddess but I have found it intoxicatingly fun to punish my heroine. What is wrong with me? Am I turning evil? Will I soon develop a craving for small animal sandwiches?''
+
Hello, Evil Readers! It's time again to answer some of your inane, I mean astute questions! Nothing brightens my day like a good belly laugh after opening the mailbag, so keep sending them in!
  
''Signed, Anonymous''
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''"Dear Bella, My solar bear keeps relieving himself all over my new shiny temple. I've tried all the traditional ways of potty training but nothing's working - help!"''
  
Dearest as-if-we-don’t-know-who-you-are,
+
I hate to break it to you, but there is no way to potty train a solar bear, though it would have been really amusing to see you try. I don't suppose you have any video....? At any rate, you've apparently forgotten that you have a hero to do your dirty work. A shovel, bucket, scrub brush and an itchy punish button finger are all you should need to convince him to keep your temple clean and odor-free. He's still balking? Tell him you want a new temple. I'll bet he starts right in scrubbing.
  
As much as I hate to admit it, I encourage my hero now and then. It’s fun to watch birds of paradise fly up his nose and in general confuse the heck out of him by healing his opponent in the arena. Does this make me a goody-goodie? I should think not! There is nothing wrong with you, darling. It’s perfectly natural to enjoy punishing her.
+
''"Dear Bella, It's STILL snowing. Make it stop!!"''
  
She wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for you and she back-talks and sasses and infuriates you whether you’re kind to her or not. She deserves to be knocked down a peg. And how are you supposed to help her kill monsters without the occasional punish? How is she supposed to get a leg up in an arena match or a skirmish without you helping her hit a little harder than the other guy? I have it on good authority that even those at the tippy-top of the [[Pantheon of Creation]] hit the Punish button now and then (they’ll deny it, so don’t bother asking).
+
Can you see me shaking my head in disbelief? Why on earth would you even think of wanting such a thing? You do know what follows winter, don't you? Spring! The worst season of the year! Trees budding, flowers blooming, birds singing, bees buzzing, rainbows, baby things, cheerful, happy faces. Gag. How nauseating. Relish the snow as long as you can! And when you can't hold back the warm weather anymore, shut the drapes, stay inside and pretend there's still a blizzard out there! Honestly, I'm tempted to revoke your Evil License.
  
If you happen to crave the occasional sandwich with less goody-goody ingredients, don’t fear! We have plenty! Besides, everyone cheats on their diet now and then. You think I have it easy finding low-fat heroes all the time? I do not. And, if you decide that evil is more fun than good, you’re always welcome to join the dark side. Besides... we have cookies. ;)
+
''"Dear Bella, What can I do with all my leftover decorations now that Easter is over and done with?"''
  
Yours,
+
Well, obviously, if it's anything chocolate, eat it. Or better yet, send it to me. I'll...dispose of it. Here are some fun ways I recycle some of my other Easter stuff:
 
+
* Old Easter eggs? Keep them out at room temperature until they're good and ripe, then - to the pup-a-pult! Pelting your friends' and rivals' temples with rotten eggs is a perfect way to ruin one of those awful lovely spring days!
~Dr. Frank
+
* Stale Peeps? A cardboard box, a knife, and a bottle of ketchup are all you need to make a fun diorama of "After the Battle of Waterloo." Microwave for added authenticity!
 
+
* Baby bunnies, chicks and ducklings? Are you sure you're in the right guild? I mean, really...you may need a total alignment adjustment at the Harvest Moon day spa. Hurry. It may already be too late.
''No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.''
 
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
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| [[File:DerMoerder.jpg|thumb|right|So scary, his hero beat 115 people <s>on accident</s> with both hands tied behind his back.]] Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Der Moerder|temple=0}}
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| [[File:Beeps.jpg|thumb|right|Watch out, kiddos, this one bites!]] Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Beeporama|temple=0}}
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I have a problem. I like to suck on salty metal. The handle of my sword, loose change, that stuff.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The tears of my hero.}}
* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
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* '''Q:''' What are your hero’s marketable skills?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' a Multi-legged luggage or dreaded gazebo could be nice.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' He's been renting himself out as a lightning rod for parades and picnics.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What color underwear are you wearing?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Black. Like the color of my soul.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
 
* '''Q:''' Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I don't encourage in times of crisis. There is no time when I should alleviate my hero's suffering.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Fortunately I am a sociopath and incapable of feeling emotion.}}
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I love to send my hero to the arena and hope he loses. It’s my favorite part of Godville. At times I've thought about abandoning my main account, but then my work to be an honored favorite would go to waste. This is the account that keeps me coming back everyday, though.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Hiking, reading, long walks on the beach, quiet evenings in front of a fire, watching my foes crushed before me and hearing the lamentations of their women.}}
 
* '''Q:''' If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
 
* '''Q:''' If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' If I were to eat my hero, it would all be blended up into a smoothie. I’d start with the heart, though.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The brain... best to start with a very light aperitif, practically an amuse-bouche, before a meal of substance. Fortunately the liver is sufficiently pickled to save that part for a rainy day.}}
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* '''Q:''' Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' SEVEN PAIRS OF ICARUS WINGS.}}
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* '''Q:''' What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' That is base slander cooked up by my political opponents. I did not have relations with that [[Blue Feather]]. This interview is over. ''(throws mic on floor, storms off)''}}
  
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
+
''Okay, then! If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">April Absurdity is about to begin!</p>
 
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|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|right|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:MoonNi.jpg|left|thumb|No holds barred! Bring it!]]
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 +
It's [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Harvest_moon HM] vs [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Knights_who_say_Ni KWSN] in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney!
  
Over the past four weeks, our readers have vied for the chance to compete for fun and prizes in the “Over The Moon” quiz. Questions (and crosswords puzzles) were posted here and answers were posted in the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum].
+
The Absurdity begins this Saturday, April 13th. The gladiators will be competing for Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges '''PLUS''' instant self gratification (and bragging rights for their respective guilds).
  
Each week’s winner received four (4) charges ''and'' was automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo. {{god|Artsonian}}, {{god|Royal Highness}}, {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Static Panda}} will be competing for 45 charges!
+
There are some great matchups in this tourney and we’re sure you won’t want to miss a beat!
  
'''This month’s OtM Championship:'''
+
Feel free to join the [godville tournament of champions] group on Palringo for more “live” action! Special thanks to the ToC organizers for letting us borrow the group. Not on Pal? Get there! Or you can you can track your favorite gladiator’s progress by keeping an eye on the brackets: [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity].
  
Think “Password”, but call it the OtMC! Each contestant will attempt to get a “celebrity guest” to guess a word without saying it themselves.
+
Good luck to the warriors of Harvest Moon!
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
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In lieu of anything special to announce, we give you:
  
All participants and audience members (all are welcome!) should join the [otm game show] group on Palringo. We’d like to ask the contestants to please message either {{god|Hairplug4men}} or {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to let us know what time(s) work best for you. Our hope would be to finish in time to publish the results (along with our next quiz) in next week’s ''Weekly Harvest''.
+
''~Words of Wisdom from H. J. Simpson''
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 +
“All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
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Good luck to the contestants and happy viewing to our audience!
 
 
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
 
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:MoonNi.jpg|left|thumb|No holds barred! Bring it!]]
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! style="padding:2px;" | #819 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1063 g.e.
 
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There are still three open spots for HM members in '''April Absurdity'''! It's [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Knights_who_say_Ni KWSN] vs [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Harvest_moon HM] in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.
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| ''Masselin'' - 76th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Blood Moon Marauder ☾”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/might?page=1#p_47 47th position] in the [[pantheon of might]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Masse}}. He is a huge fan of Anville’s pubs.
 
 
The Absurdity begins Saturday, April 13th. Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges '''PLUS''' instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.
 
 
 
Contact {{god|Doctor Frank-n-Furter}}, {{god|Hairplug4men}}, {{god|Shannonus}} or {{god|Budapesties}} to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here: [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity].
 
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Member of the Week</p>
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
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| [[File:StaticPanda.jpg|thumb|left|What? Static is evil. It’s not his fault he’s cute.]]Get to know a newer member of [[Harvest Moon]]! This week's guest is: {{God|Static Panda}}
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| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] '''New feature!''' {{god|Belteshazzar}} ''can'' predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found three questions from {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}}.
* '''Q:''' How did you choose HM?
+
* '''Q:''' Should I build an interocitor?
* {{color|red||'''A:''' I already had an evil alignment, so I definitely wanted a guild that matched that. It was just my luck that {{god|Bellatrixie The Strange}} had recently commented and the HM thread was top in the guild headquarters forums.}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Yes. Then, you can find out just how unintelligent you really are for asking this question. An interocitor? I have the brain power to move galaxies, and you ask that?!}}
* '''Q:''' Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
+
* '''Q:''' Will I one day succeed at building the perfect man?
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Tucked in his underwear, the guards in cities don't usually check there when their shaking you down for an "entrance fee". ;)}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Not if you waste your time on that blasted interocitor! Plus, once you find out how feeble-minded you are after the interocitor finishes your test, you'll be too depressed. Your "perfect man" will end up a goth.}}
* '''Q:''' Name some things that you and your hero have in common.
+
* '''Q:''' Will my hero’s dust bunny rule an evil empire? (Fingers crossed!)
* {{color|red||'''A:''' my hero likes to question the purpose of a lot of things, which is not unlike me at all.}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' If it's stuck with someone more interested in interocity, then I highly doubt it. Besides, everyone knows the most evil place a dust bunny can rule is dark corner in a storage shed.}}
* '''Q:''' What advice would you give a newer player?
+
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Use voice commands when you don’t have enough for an influence but are in need of some sort of kick.}}
 
* '''Q:''' What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
 
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Bacon is a must! Along with a bit of shredded cheese and ketchup.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Where would your hero go on his first date...assuming he ever gets one?
 
* {{color|red||'''A:''' My hero get a date? Hah! But if he did, I'd guess he would go to Monsterdam. The cries of the creatures in the night under a full moon are quite peaceful.}}
 
''What would you like to know about your [[Harvest Moon]] guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!''
 
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
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| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Tribble cage, tribble bed, tribble exercise wheel, tribble leash and halter, tribble food bowls. Like new, barely used. Call 1-THEYRE GONE
 
 
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| <br>'''WANTED:''' One puppy by the name of “Squishy”. For a <s>certain ballerina</s> goodie goddess looking for <s>new puppykicking material</s> a friend to cuddle with! Talk to Cecc for information - and bring the puppy. She’s just the messenger, really!
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| <br>'''NEW''' from Wamco: the first ever selective hearing aids. Now you can ignore your boss, mother in law, or wife with a clear conscience but still be able to hear your best friend, girlfriend, or hero whenever you want. Inquire at your local healer!
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| <br>'''FOR  HIRE:''' Boa constrictor. Will work for food. No references <s>alive</s> available.
 
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| <br>'''NEEDED:''' One-dozen flying monkeys for evil plot. Must be purebred. I will know if you’re gluing wings onto lemurs! Call 254-WITCH-WEST for delivery details. I’ll get you, my pretty!
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Dead Again Mortuaries. Rebury your hero in a lovely ceremony. Call DEAD-AGAIN2 for a quote today!
 
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| <br>'''HELLO READERS:''' This is your mother. Why don't you ever call me anymore?
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| <br>'''NEW:''' [[Blue Feather]] tour bus. See the sites that will scare the pants off of even the most evil gods on this goody-goody bus tour! Mild sedatives provided. Call SCARY-GOOD-1 to book your ticket today!
 
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| <br>'''NEW:''' Gag-a-Maggot Incense, for all your ritual purification needs. Now available in: Putrid Flesh, Decaying Flesh, Burning Hair, and Apocalypse Rush. Available at all fine retailers.
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Deity Bank - we put a high rate of interest in your coin purse. Multiple locations to <s>service</s> serve you.
 
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| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Leftover Easter eggs sold by the dozen. Great for egging your neighbor’s temple. Call NO-HARD-BOIL.
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| <br>'''PRODUCTS:''' Executive Lines Pet Leash now available with a rent-to-own plan or lease. Even the poorest hero can afford to make their Heffalump look like a superstar with a brand new rhinestone leash. Call today: RHI-NO-STONE!
 
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| <br>'''NEW LOCATION:''' Doctor Frank’s Discount Body World. Whether you need an arm and a leg to pay off a loan shark or you’re looking for ingredients for a delicious eyeball stew, we have body parts for all occasions! Visit our new, retail location behind the back alley of the arena in Godville. ''First come, first served. Most sales final.''
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| <br>'''NEW PRODUCT:''' Gag-a-Maggot Incense, for all your ritual purification needs. Now available in: Putrid Flesh, Decaying Flesh, Burning Hair, and Apocalypse Rush.
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
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| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
  
You know what really chaps my hide? Old ladies in nursing homes. I'm trying to take a five-second shortcut through the home to get to the bus stop, and these old coots can't get out of the way. I estimate each bump as a whole 1.25 seconds delay!
+
I can't keep silent on this week's subject anymore. One of the most ridiculous, one of the most mind-numbing, one of the most absurd and appalling issues ever to face mankind. Science in children's television programs.
 +
 
 +
Remember when science knew its role and was shoved into a program made especially for it? That buffoon Bill Nye and the strange menace Beakman's World at least had the decency to mind their business and stay put on nearly unwatchable shows.
 +
 
 +
But nowadays, science feels the need to infest many shows that it has no business being in. Dinosaur shows, for instance. Science has managed to ruin one of the once truly great things about childhood, dinosaurs. Its made them out to be sissies. Quit putting moronic designs and feathers on these terrible lizards! For the love of all that is still pure, right and sane, take a flying leap science. Why don't you just dress up dinosaurs in feathered boas, and have them doing a conga into a massive tar pit? That's what you've done, emasculated the once incredible Tyrannosaurus Rex.
 +
 
 +
If I have to hear the phrase, "Fifty million years ago..." in kid's programming ever again, I'm going to take my HDTV to the nearest broadcasting company and cram it down the throat of the first executive I meet. If you have to promote your viewpoint in the same way propaganda gets hammered into people's brains, then your stuff is weak sauce. Pathetic. "Get 'em young, and get 'em often" is science's motto.
  
That means if just five grannies can't get outta my way fast enough, I'm already losing time. How am I supposed to cheat the system if old fogies haven't learned to duck and weave properly?
+
I mean, when did nerds earn the right to our attention. These are the same dorks and dweebs that on the street you would openly mock and give wedgies to on the subway. And no one would stop you! But give them a camera and microphone, and suddenly we eat it up. That's my biggest gripe.
  
This has opened my eyes to the atrocity we know as nursing homes. What are these facilities doing, if they can't train their subjects to steer clear of the bearded lunatic running through their game room trying to reach the back exit, which is a straight shot to the #13 bus stop? I'm practicing my Jesse Owens impersonation, and these folks aren't helping.
+
All this science in kid's shows is going to be the death of imagination. One of the greatest things you have to look forward to in parenting is making stuff up and having your children's minds blown. Or just letting them make it up on their own! I want to tell my son rainbows are made when unicorns eat a particularly spicy Mexican dish and fart themselves to death as they arc across the sky, but I can't now. He says, "Oh no, daddy. Rainbows are made when light gets refracted through raindrops and..." By that time I've walked off, after grounding him to his room for "lack of imaginative humor." Soon, the only good books written will have to come from asylum inmates and drug addicts, because children will no longer be able to think for themselves.
  
I've begun to get even, though. Sometimes on my way through, I loudly cry out random letters and numbers like "B12!" or "G53!" and watch the old biddies fly into panic searching for the bingo card that doesn't exist. Of course, this only means more old ladies to practice my hockey body checking on, but it is still worth every 1.25 seconds.
+
I have a perfect solution for this, though. Why don't you scientists take your microscopes, which you're SO fond of, and put them in Sun Don't Shine Land? That's one area we'd all love to see you study. And the best part about this is, science will try to tell me that that fantastical land doesn't exist. But it does, I assure you. Just let me help you with that microscope...
  
''If you have had a similar experience and want to share your thoughts, bugger off. No one cares. Start your own paper, if you want your inane thoughts printed.''
+
''If you have complaints about this article, that's because your a halfwit who needs to spend more time reading science'' fiction ''and talking to the opposite sex. So instead of whining, why don't you pass me your microscope?''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
+
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
|-
 
|-
{| style="float: left; margin-center: 3em; border: 3px solid gray;"
+
|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 125%; padding:0.2em 0.4em;" |
+
 
So much pressure to be “special”... What if we had just a “regular” announcement? Could we call it “special” anyway and just pretend?
+
'''How to play:'''
|}
+
 
 +
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
 +
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 +
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 +
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 +
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 +
 
 +
'''This week’s Answers:'''
 +
 
 +
# This is the term for being afraid of an empty beer glass. ''(Hint: not to be confused with being afraid of an empty glass.)''
 +
# This is the full term of the part of the Diary that shows what your hero is doing right now.
 +
# This is the number of items your hero can carry when he or she is level 80.
 +
# This is the sum of the minimal level your hero/ine needs to be in order to be sent to the arena and the minimal level your hero/ine needs to be before they can start having sparring (challenge a friend) fights.
 +
 
 +
 
 +
Congratulations to last month’s winner: {{god|Static Panda}} The game came down to a riveting three-way tie and he won the “unGoogle-able tiebreaker.” Who will be this month's first winner and Championship round player? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
 
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{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21]
+
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22]
 
|}
 
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Revision as of 17:04, 10 April 2013

Masthead.jpg

This week’s featured topic: Retirement

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

There can be only one. #23

Planning for “Retirement”

Better than filling your mattress with gold coins.
Influencing your hero's Savings


You have a temple and BOOM! A new goal pops up: Retirement and the Pantheon of Savings. If you decide you want to climb the ranks, here’s some information you might find helpful.


Whether your hero/ine donates in town is a random occurrence, but here are towns that have higher donation percentages when they do donate. If you want to work on savings the trick is to visit those towns that typically have a larger percentage donation rate when your hero does donate. The two best towns for savings post temple are, not coincidentally, the two known for being the worst for wasting pre-temple: Beerburgh and Los Adminos. The new town of Herowin also appears to be great for savings and horrendous pre-temple wasting.


In addition to visiting those towns you will want to have plenty of gold/bold items to sell. Best-case scenario: when a donation happens, you have a large sum to donate from and are in a town with known large-percentage donations. With a temple comes the occasional free charge and the handy-dandy miracle button! If you’re a payer, even better. Use your charges for miracles while traveling to fill your inventory with bolds on the way back to the targeted towns to increase the gold balance. Digging for gold, bricks and bosses also helps, but we all know the miracles are a sure thing for bold items.


The "go to town" Voice Command seems to increase in the chance for a donation but this is anecdotal and not definitively proven. Also note: an aura of abstinence will prevent any retirement donations.


Good luck with retirement! 30 million gold coins seems a lofty goal, but one of us is bound to get there sooner of later and it might as well be you!


Special thanks to GodSBFH  for letting us plagarize borrow his savings info! You rock bearfriend!

At Home with Bella Stewart

Queen of evil
Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: Bellatrixie The Strange!

Hello, Evil Readers! It's time again to answer some of your inane, I mean astute questions! Nothing brightens my day like a good belly laugh after opening the mailbag, so keep sending them in!

"Dear Bella, My solar bear keeps relieving himself all over my new shiny temple. I've tried all the traditional ways of potty training but nothing's working - help!"

I hate to break it to you, but there is no way to potty train a solar bear, though it would have been really amusing to see you try. I don't suppose you have any video....? At any rate, you've apparently forgotten that you have a hero to do your dirty work. A shovel, bucket, scrub brush and an itchy punish button finger are all you should need to convince him to keep your temple clean and odor-free. He's still balking? Tell him you want a new temple. I'll bet he starts right in scrubbing.

"Dear Bella, It's STILL snowing. Make it stop!!"

Can you see me shaking my head in disbelief? Why on earth would you even think of wanting such a thing? You do know what follows winter, don't you? Spring! The worst season of the year! Trees budding, flowers blooming, birds singing, bees buzzing, rainbows, baby things, cheerful, happy faces. Gag. How nauseating. Relish the snow as long as you can! And when you can't hold back the warm weather anymore, shut the drapes, stay inside and pretend there's still a blizzard out there! Honestly, I'm tempted to revoke your Evil License.

"Dear Bella, What can I do with all my leftover decorations now that Easter is over and done with?"

Well, obviously, if it's anything chocolate, eat it. Or better yet, send it to me. I'll...dispose of it. Here are some fun ways I recycle some of my other Easter stuff:

  • Old Easter eggs? Keep them out at room temperature until they're good and ripe, then - to the pup-a-pult! Pelting your friends' and rivals' temples with rotten eggs is a perfect way to ruin one of those awful lovely spring days!
  • Stale Peeps? A cardboard box, a knife, and a bottle of ketchup are all you need to make a fun diorama of "After the Battle of Waterloo." Microwave for added authenticity!
  • Baby bunnies, chicks and ducklings? Are you sure you're in the right guild? I mean, really...you may need a total alignment adjustment at the Harvest Moon day spa. Hurry. It may already be too late.

Get To Know a Deity

Watch out, kiddos, this one bites!
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodBeeporama 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: The tears of my hero.
  • Q: What are your hero’s marketable skills?
  • A: He's been renting himself out as a lightning rod for parades and picnics.
  • Q: What color underwear are you wearing?
  • A: Black. Like the color of my soul.
  • Q: Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
  • A: Fortunately I am a sociopath and incapable of feeling emotion.
  • Q: How do you like to spend your spare time?
  • A: Hiking, reading, long walks on the beach, quiet evenings in front of a fire, watching my foes crushed before me and hearing the lamentations of their women.
  • Q: If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
  • A: The brain... best to start with a very light aperitif, practically an amuse-bouche, before a meal of substance. Fortunately the liver is sufficiently pickled to save that part for a rainy day.
  • Q: Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
  • A: SEVEN PAIRS OF ICARUS WINGS.
  • Q: What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
  • A: That is base slander cooked up by my political opponents. I did not have relations with that Blue Feather. This interview is over. (throws mic on floor, storms off)

Okay, then! If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

April Absurdity is about to begin!

No holds barred! Bring it!

It's HM vs KWSN in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney!

The Absurdity begins this Saturday, April 13th. The gladiators will be competing for Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges PLUS instant self gratification (and bragging rights for their respective guilds).

There are some great matchups in this tourney and we’re sure you won’t want to miss a beat!

Feel free to join the [godville tournament of champions] group on Palringo for more “live” action! Special thanks to the ToC organizers for letting us borrow the group. Not on Pal? Get there! Or you can you can track your favorite gladiator’s progress by keeping an eye on the brackets: http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity.

Good luck to the warriors of Harvest Moon!

Special Announcements

In lieu of anything special to announce, we give you:

~Words of Wisdom from H. J. Simpson

“All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.”


Famous HM Heroes This Week

#819 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1063 g.e.
Masselin - 76th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Blood Moon Marauder ☾”, stands at the 47th position in the pantheon of might under the vigilant supervision of the god GodMasse . He is a huge fan of Anville’s pubs.

Belteshazzar the Confounding

Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.
New feature! GodBelteshazzar  can predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found three questions from GodDoctor Frank-n-furter .
  • Q: Should I build an interocitor?
  • A: Yes. Then, you can find out just how unintelligent you really are for asking this question. An interocitor? I have the brain power to move galaxies, and you ask that?!
  • Q: Will I one day succeed at building the perfect man?
  • A: Not if you waste your time on that blasted interocitor! Plus, once you find out how feeble-minded you are after the interocitor finishes your test, you'll be too depressed. Your "perfect man" will end up a goth.
  • Q: Will my hero’s dust bunny rule an evil empire? (Fingers crossed!)
  • A: If it's stuck with someone more interested in interocity, then I highly doubt it. Besides, everyone knows the most evil place a dust bunny can rule is dark corner in a storage shed.

If you’d like your future confounded, PM GodBelteshazzar  or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

NEW from Wamco: the first ever selective hearing aids. Now you can ignore your boss, mother in law, or wife with a clear conscience but still be able to hear your best friend, girlfriend, or hero whenever you want. Inquire at your local healer!

FOR HIRE: Boa constrictor. Will work for food. No references alive available.

SERVICES: Dead Again Mortuaries. Rebury your hero in a lovely ceremony. Call DEAD-AGAIN2 for a quote today!

NEW: Blue Feather tour bus. See the sites that will scare the pants off of even the most evil gods on this goody-goody bus tour! Mild sedatives provided. Call SCARY-GOOD-1 to book your ticket today!

SERVICES: Deity Bank - we put a high rate of interest in your coin purse. Multiple locations to service serve you.

PRODUCTS: Executive Lines Pet Leash now available with a rent-to-own plan or lease. Even the poorest hero can afford to make their Heffalump look like a superstar with a brand new rhinestone leash. Call today: RHI-NO-STONE!

NEW PRODUCT: Gag-a-Maggot Incense, for all your ritual purification needs. Now available in: Putrid Flesh, Decaying Flesh, Burning Hair, and Apocalypse Rush.

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

I can't keep silent on this week's subject anymore. One of the most ridiculous, one of the most mind-numbing, one of the most absurd and appalling issues ever to face mankind. Science in children's television programs.

Remember when science knew its role and was shoved into a program made especially for it? That buffoon Bill Nye and the strange menace Beakman's World at least had the decency to mind their business and stay put on nearly unwatchable shows.

But nowadays, science feels the need to infest many shows that it has no business being in. Dinosaur shows, for instance. Science has managed to ruin one of the once truly great things about childhood, dinosaurs. Its made them out to be sissies. Quit putting moronic designs and feathers on these terrible lizards! For the love of all that is still pure, right and sane, take a flying leap science. Why don't you just dress up dinosaurs in feathered boas, and have them doing a conga into a massive tar pit? That's what you've done, emasculated the once incredible Tyrannosaurus Rex.

If I have to hear the phrase, "Fifty million years ago..." in kid's programming ever again, I'm going to take my HDTV to the nearest broadcasting company and cram it down the throat of the first executive I meet. If you have to promote your viewpoint in the same way propaganda gets hammered into people's brains, then your stuff is weak sauce. Pathetic. "Get 'em young, and get 'em often" is science's motto.

I mean, when did nerds earn the right to our attention. These are the same dorks and dweebs that on the street you would openly mock and give wedgies to on the subway. And no one would stop you! But give them a camera and microphone, and suddenly we eat it up. That's my biggest gripe.

All this science in kid's shows is going to be the death of imagination. One of the greatest things you have to look forward to in parenting is making stuff up and having your children's minds blown. Or just letting them make it up on their own! I want to tell my son rainbows are made when unicorns eat a particularly spicy Mexican dish and fart themselves to death as they arc across the sky, but I can't now. He says, "Oh no, daddy. Rainbows are made when light gets refracted through raindrops and..." By that time I've walked off, after grounding him to his room for "lack of imaginative humor." Soon, the only good books written will have to come from asylum inmates and drug addicts, because children will no longer be able to think for themselves.

I have a perfect solution for this, though. Why don't you scientists take your microscopes, which you're SO fond of, and put them in Sun Don't Shine Land? That's one area we'd all love to see you study. And the best part about this is, science will try to tell me that that fantastical land doesn't exist. But it does, I assure you. Just let me help you with that microscope...

If you have complaints about this article, that's because your a halfwit who needs to spend more time reading science fiction and talking to the opposite sex. So instead of whining, why don't you pass me your microscope?

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. This is the term for being afraid of an empty beer glass. (Hint: not to be confused with being afraid of an empty glass.)
  2. This is the full term of the part of the Diary that shows what your hero is doing right now.
  3. This is the number of items your hero can carry when he or she is level 80.
  4. This is the sum of the minimal level your hero/ine needs to be in order to be sent to the arena and the minimal level your hero/ine needs to be before they can start having sparring (challenge a friend) fights.


Congratulations to last month’s winner: GodStatic Panda  The game came down to a riveting three-way tie and he won the “unGoogle-able tiebreaker.” Who will be this month's first winner and Championship round player? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!


Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20 Issue #21 Issue #22