Difference between revisions of "Talk:Harvest Moon"

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This week’s featured topic: '''April Absurdity!'''
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This week’s featured topic: '''Tribble Trouble?'''
  
 
Other useful links:
 
Other useful links:
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|'''''There is no “weeeee” in evil.''''' #21
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|'''''We do all our own stunts.''''' #22
 
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{| id="mp-left" style="vertical-align:left; background:#E3DAC9;"
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''Arena Tournament: HM vs KWSN'''</p>
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''Trouble with Tribbles?'''</p>
 
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:MoonNi.jpg|right|thumb|No holds barred! Bring it!]]
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:Tribbles4.jpg|right|thumb|What bad hair day?]] [[File:Tribbles1.jpg|right|thumb|Tribble pit!]] '''What trouble with Tribbles?  Nine easy uses:'''
'''Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!'''
 
  
SATURDAY ''SATURDAY'' '''''SATURDAY''''' April 13th… the Officers of HM and the KWSN present '''April Absurdity'''! [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Knights_who_say_Ni KWSN] vs [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Harvest_moon HM] in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.
+
#  It's still coldish in some of these god's climes... Hunt down two, spear them on either end of a metal strip shaped to one's head and use them as earmuffs!
 
+
#  Is it getting too warm for your tribble earmuffs? Take one tribble off, straighten the metal, and you have a handy dandy duster!
Come one, come all for some good old-fashioned smoting. Say “Ni!” to your foes until they quiver in submission! Cover the arena in a Blood Moon red! Settle old debts with honor (and a pup-a-pult)! Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges '''PLUS''' instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.
+
# Are you hungry? Heat the skewered tribble over a grill on high heat. The excess hair (and dust) should burn off this way. Nothing makes mouths water more than the scent of burning hair and they’re a great substitute for kitten sandwiches.
 
+
# Bad hair day? Collect a bunch and arrange them for a fantastic hair piece.
Contact {{god|Doctor Frank-n-Furter}}, {{god|Hairplug4men}}, {{god|Shannonus}} or {{god|Budapesties}} to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here: [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity].
+
# Switch a similar colored one out for your friend's guinea pig or chinchilla and see how long it takes them to catch on.
 +
# Stash one in those silly casks of booze these guilds keep tithing each other. Smile, knowing that you've given them the gift that keeps on giving!
 +
# Use a lint roller to pick up excess tribble hair, and use it to knit holiday sweaters for friends and family!
 +
# Short on balls for your kid's birthday ball pit?  Why not a tribble pit instead?
 +
# Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a veterinarian, blow them out of the airlock!
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">At Home with Bella Stewart</p>
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Doctor Frank's Advice Corner</p>
 
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| [[File:Bella Stewart.jpg|thumbnail|Queen of evil]] '''Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: {{god|Bellatrixie The Strange}}!'''
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| [[File:Drfrank.jpeg|thumbnail|right|An evil queen]]''Dear Dr. Frank,''
 +
 
 +
''I have a question for your column: I am a good goddess but I have found it intoxicatingly fun to punish my heroine. What is wrong with me? Am I turning evil? Will I soon develop a craving for small animal sandwiches?''
 +
 
 +
''Signed, Anonymous''
 +
 
 +
Dearest as-if-we-don’t-know-who-you-are,
 +
 
 +
As much as I hate to admit it, I encourage my hero now an then. It’s fun to watch birds of paradise fly up his nose and in general confuse the heck out of him by healing his opponent in the arena. Does this make me a goody-goodie? I should think not! There is nothing wrong with you, darling. It’s perfectly natural to enjoy punishing her.
  
This week we go back to the mailbag to answer a question from one of our readers!
+
She wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for you and she back-talks and sasses and infuriates you whether you’re kind to her or not. She deserves to be knocked down a peg. And how are you supposed to help her kill monsters without the occasional punish? How is she supposed to get a leg up in an arena match or a skirmish without you helping her hit a little harder than the other guy? I have it on good authority that even those at the tippy-top of the [[Pantheon of Creation]] hit the Punish button now and then (they’ll deny it, so don’t bother asking).
  
''“Dear Bella, I recently got gum stuck in my hair. I tried everything to get it out, from Dark Flame to super glue. Then I read in an ‘Ask Bella’ column that shaving your head was a simple solution to this everyday problem. I'm wondering if you have any more simple solutions to everyday problems.”''
+
If you happen to crave the occasional sandwich with less goody-goody ingredients, don’t fear! We have plenty! Besides, everyone cheats on their diet now and then. You think I have it easy finding low-fat heroes all the time? I do not. And, if you decide that evil is more fun than good, you’re always welcome to join the dark side. Besides... we have cookies. ;)
  
I just love coming up with easy, innovative solutions to the day-to-day problems that plague us all! Here's a sampling of some of my favorites:
+
Yours,
  
* Can't get that pesky blood stain out of the carpet? Don't rip it up and throw it away. Simply stain the rest of the carpet to match! Take your workout to that room, and after your puppy-kicking leg exercises you'll have the job done in no time! Hides those stubborn pet stains, too.
+
~Dr. Frank
* Trouble with cobwebs? Spray them with hairspray - they'll last longer, and sticky webs attract more dust. Soon your rooms will be beautifully festooned with cobwebs in every corner!
 
* Uh-oh, Dumbo had a run-in with a skunk? Forget the tomato juice bath (what a mess!). Just visit the guild hall of your choice (preferably in the dead of night), leave him in the cellar with plenty of food, and vacation in Last Resort for a couple of weeks. By the time you get back, the odor will have dissipated - plus your former friends will have had fun trying to figure out where the smell was coming from.
 
* Moths dining on your clothes? No need to break out the mothballs. The answer is spiders. Lots of 'em. Moths are one of their favorite meals, and more spiders means more cobwebs! (See above.)
 
* Mildew stains on your tile grout got you down? Stop scrubbing with bleach! Who says grout has to be white, anyway? Spray the tile with ink, let sit for five minutes, then spray the tiles clean. No stains ever show on black grout, and you'll be making quite a fashion statement.
 
* Speaking of tile, do you have a soap scum problem? First of all, ewww! Second of all, what on earth are you doing using soap? Stop it! Stop it now! This is Harvest Moon, you know. Have you no pride?
 
* I've gotten several requests for help getting cat hair off the furniture. Well, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The solution is simple: use plates with your kitten sandwiches, people! Honestly, where have manners gone?
 
* Wondering what to do with the bits of paint left over in the cans? Invite four of your friends over, give each one a paint can and brush, have them stand in the center of the room while you stand in the doorway with a stopwatch, and tell them the first one to paint themselves into a corner wins. The fun really starts when they finish and you walk away.
 
  
I hope this solves some of your household problems. Still have a question I haven't answered? Send it to me, Bella Stewart! I'll try to find a solution that's easy and fun. Because let's face it, I'm lazy and easily amused.
+
''No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
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| [[File:RufusTJYND.jpg|thumb|right|Pay no mind to the baa-ing in the background...]]Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Rufustjynd|temple=0|breeder=0}}
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| [[File:DerMoerder.jpg|thumb|right|So scary, his hero beat 115 people <s>on accident</s> with both hands tied behind his back.]] Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Der Moerder|temple=0}}
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Girls at the gym.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I have a problem. I like to suck on salty metal. The handle of my sword, loose change, that stuff.}}
 
* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
 
* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Anything that will finally, finally love me.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' a Multi-legged lugage or dreaded gazebo could be nice.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
 
* '''Q:''' Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Each encourage is another splinter in my soul - they never go away, they just fester forever.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I don't encourage in times of crisis. There is no time when I should alleviate my hero's suffering.}}
* '''Q:''' What are your hero's marketable skills?
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* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Iron Horse riding and debauchery.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I love to send my hero to the arena and hope he loses. It’s my favorite part of Godville. At times I've thought about abandoning my main account, but then my work to be an honored favorite would go to waste. This is the account that keeps me coming back everyday, though.}}
* '''Q:''' What is the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
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* '''Q:''' If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Ate one of the barmaids.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' If I were to eat my hero, it would all be blended up into a smoothie. I’d start with the heart, though.}}
* '''Q:''' If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Hugging the puppy, of course... like an anaconda on a wildebeast.}}
 
  
 
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
 
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
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|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
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|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|right|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
 +
 
 +
Over the past four weeks, our readers have vied for the chance to compete for fun and prizes in the “Over The Moon” quiz. Questions (and crosswords puzzles) were posted here and answers were posted in the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum].
  
'''How to play:'''
+
Each week’s winner received four (4) charges ''and'' was automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo. {{god|Artsonian}}, {{god|Royal Highness}}, {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Static Panda}} will be competing for 45 charges!
  
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest.
+
'''This month’s OtM Championship:'''
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 
  
'''This week’s Answers:'''
+
Think “Password”, but call it the OtMC! Each contestant will attempt to get a “celebrity guest” to guess a word without saying it themselves.
  
# This top ranked god in the gratitude pantheon believes that impatience is a virtue.
+
All participants and audience members (all are welcome!) should join the [otm game show] group on Palringo. We’d like to ask the contestants to please message either {{god|Hairplug4men}} or {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to let us know what time(s) work best for you. Our hope would be to finish in time to publish the results (along with our next quiz) in next week’s ''Weekly Harvest''.
# This is the first god to reach level 100.
 
# This is the level a god/dess needs to be before s/he may edit the wiki.
 
# This is the date the original, Russian-language Godville was launched.
 
  
Congratulations to last week’s winner  {{god|Artsonian}}! She’ll be joining {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Royal Highness}} in the next Championship. Who will be the final competitor for this exciting event? It could be you! See you in the forum!
+
Good luck to the contestants and happy viewing to our audience!
 
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!</p>
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | #807 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1050 g.e.
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:MoonNi.jpg|left|thumb|No holds barred! Bring it!]]
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| '''Kanar''' - 64th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Pain of the Moon.”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/savings?page=1#p_39 39th position] in the [[pantheon of savings]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Teristen}}. We've had many reports that an Attilla The Nun has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.
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There are still three open spots for HM members in '''April Absurdity'''! It's [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Knights_who_say_Ni KWSN] vs [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Harvest_moon HM] in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.
 +
 
 +
The Absurdity begins Saturday, April 13th. Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges '''PLUS''' instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.
 +
 
 +
Contact {{god|Doctor Frank-n-Furter}}, {{god|Hairplug4men}}, {{god|Shannonus}} or {{god|Budapesties}} to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here: [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity].
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Member of the Week</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Member of the Week</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| [[File:LadyUA.jpg|thumb|left|The nicest evil goddess we know.]]Get to know a newer member of [[Harvest Moon]]! This week's guest is: {{God|Lady Up Above}}
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| [[File:StaticPanda.jpg|thumb|left|What? Static is evil. It’s not his fault he’s cute.]]Get to know a newer member of [[Harvest Moon]]! This week's guest is: {{God|Static Panda}}
 
* '''Q:''' How did you choose HM?
 
* '''Q:''' How did you choose HM?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' While I was away from Godville, my 'good' hero joined Harvest Moon. When I got back, I felt like he wasn't meant to be there but I couldn't bring myself to leave, so I decided it was time for my first alt, an evil one, and here we are!}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' I already had an evil alignment, so I definitely wanted a guild that matched that. It was just my luck that {{god|Bellatrixie The Strange}} had recently commented and the HM thread was top in the guild headquarters forums.}}
* '''Q:''' Where does your heroine hide her coin purse?
+
* '''Q:''' Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' She only thinks that she's hidden it by keeping it under her maiden's battle vest, but the jingle of the coins doesn't fool anyone.}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Tucked in his underwear, the guards in cities don't usually check there when their shaking you down for an "entrance fee". ;)}}
 
* '''Q:''' Name some things that you and your heroine have in common.
 
* '''Q:''' Name some things that you and your heroine have in common.
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' We're both incredibly stubborn. We don't take orders from anyone but ourselves.}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' my hero likes to question the purpose of a lot of things, which is not unlike me at all.}}
* '''Q:''' What's the best game advice you've gotten from another player?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' In the end, it's a game. Don't be disheartened by duel losses or pet deaths. You'll always get another chance. }}
 
 
* '''Q:''' What advice would you give a newer player?
 
* '''Q:''' What advice would you give a newer player?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' My advice would be to go have a look at the forums. I found out about them quite late into the game but they're a great place to meet experienced players who will willingly help you and they also serve as a storehouse of knowledge on almost any topic.}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Use voice commands when you don’t have enough for an influence but are in need of some sort of kick.}}
 
* '''Q:''' What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
 
* '''Q:''' What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The insides of puppies that have been kicked in half. ;) }}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Bacon is a must! Along with a bit of shredded cheese and ketchup.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
 
* '''Q:''' Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:'''  First date? *laughs* One of those music concerts, maybe. But she'll make her date pay. Her gold is reserved for wasting on beer.}}
+
* {{color|red||'''A:'''  My hero get a date? Hah! But if he did, I'd guess he would go to Monsterdam. The cries of the creatures in the night under a full moon are quite peaceful.}}
 
''What would you like to know about your [[Harvest Moon]] guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!''
 
''What would you like to know about your [[Harvest Moon]] guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!''
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' It's that time of year again when we think about getting out and having tournaments. Unless, that is, you have chronic lower back pain. Don’t let pain slow you down! Contact HM Spa Services. Our concrete encasement will have you feeling right as rain.
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| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Tribble cage, tribble bed, tribble exercise wheel, tribble leash and halter, tribble food bowls. Like new, barely used. Call 1-THEYRE GONE
|-
 
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' New lollipop clock. It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. ''Warning: may be a choking hazard.'' Visit Larry’s Gift Emporium in Tradeburg.
 
|-
 
| <br>'''PERSONALS:''' Tall drink of water looking for a glass hole to call his own. Call YOU-FAM-ISMS.
 
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Test subjects for weapons study. Will compensate for loss of limbs. Contact OMG-IT-BURNS Aaaaaaaaah! Hang up! Hang up! They charge per letter!
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| <br>'''WANTED:''' One puppy by the name of “Squishy”. For a <s>certain ballerina</s> goodie goddess looking for <s>new puppykicking material</s> a friend to cuddle with! Talk to Cecc for information - and bring the puppy. She’s just the messenger, really!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' One conscience. Never been used. Comes with matching soul. Gets in the way of me doing evil so it must go ASAP. 120 charges OBO. Call EVI-LMO-OOCH.
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| <br>'''NEEDED:''' One-dozen flying monkeys for evil plot. Must be purebred. I will know if you’re gluing wings onto lemurs! Call 254-WITCH-WEST for delivery details. I’ll get you, my pretty!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''SUPPORT:''' Are you a man? Are you feeling blue? We have a group for you! Contact the Blue Man Group today! Support group meets twice each evening in Anville.
+
| <br>'''HELLO READERS:''' This is your mother. Why don't you ever call me anymore?
 
|-
 
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Ponzi's Pet Protection Agency. Have you ever wished you had pet insurance, but thought you couldn’t afford it on your hero’s meager income? Your worries are over! Just give us your checking account number and we’ll transfer a small amount weekly so it’s there in case you need it. Visit one of our many locations: Last Resort, Los Demonos, Anville, and coming soon to  Herolympus!
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| <br>'''NEW:''' Gag-a-Maggot Incense, for all your ritual purification needs. Now available in: Putrid Flesh, Decaying Flesh, Burning Hair, and Apocalypse Rush. Available at all fine retailers.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Louder god voice. The one I have now is hard for my hero to hear. Call 573-2HIGH-UP.
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Leftover Easter eggs sold by the dozen. Great for egging your neighbor’s temple. Call NO-HARD-BOIL.
 
|-
 
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| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Are the bums around your guild hall an eyesore? Cover them up in style with Fuzzy Bum Covers! On sale now in Tradeburg!
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| <br>'''NEW LOCATION:''' Doctor Frank’s Discount Body World. Whether you need an arm and a leg to pay off a loan shark or you’re looking for ingredients for a delicious eyeball stew, we have body parts for all occasions! Visit our new, retail location behind the back alley of the arena in Godville. ''First come, first served. Most sales final.''
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
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| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
  
In this new, weekly article, you're going to hear a voice of reason, sanity and wisdom. You want information on goings-on in the world around you? Then you've come to the right place. This first article deals with one of the most important issues of all time in human suffering.
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You know what really chaps my hide? Old ladies in nursing homes. I'm trying to take a five-second shortcut through the home to get to the bus stop, and these old coots can't get out of the way. I estimate each bump as a whole 1.25 seconds delay!
  
Toilet paper rolls in restrooms. How freakin' hard is it to put the blasted thing on the right way? Whether a public facility or private, it never fails that some dingleberry will put the new roll on facing the wrong direction. In my own protest, I refuse to use the TP. I just use my hands and then go around to every stall handle or door knob in the place and grasp it firmly, leaving my "protest" as a symbol of disgust.
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That means if just five grannies can't get outta my way fast enough, I'm already losing time. How am I supposed to cheat the system if old fogies haven't learned to duck and weave properly?
  
The roll should face the "business" person. Pull TOWARD the seat, not away from it! This is a very simple concept, but it seems the logic of it has escaped some minds. If the paper gets hung up, it's nice to slap the roll down to break it loose. How awkward it is to have to put your hand on the top or bottom and spin it quickly in hopes that the paper will reveal itself.
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This has opened my eyes to the atrocity we know as nursing homes. What are these facilities doing, if they can't train their subjects to steer clear of the bearded lunatic running through their game room trying to reach the back exit, which is a straight shot to the #13 bus stop? I'm practicing my Jesse Owens impersonation, and these folks aren't helping.
  
If you are sane. If you are a breathing human being. If you are in the custodial services. Please, please, don't be a geek. TP should face the seat! That's my motto, and I hope it's yours.
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I've begun to get even, though. Sometimes on my way through, I loudly cry out random letters and numbers like "B12!" or "G53!" and watch the old biddies fly into panic searching for the bingo card that doesn't exist. Of course, this only means more old ladies to practice my hockey body checking on, but it is still worth every 1.25 seconds.
  
''If you have questions, comments or a topic you'd like discussed, please shove off. No one cares what you want.''
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''If you have had a similar experience and want to share your thoughts, bugger off. No one cares. Start your own paper, if you want your inane thoughts printed.''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
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Happy (slightly belated) Birthday to our very own ''Crusader of the Moon'': {{god|A R I E S}}! We’d like to suggest his fans skip the card and just send money. Or maybe skip the in-between steps and just send him charges? You’ll figure it out.
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So much pressure to be “special”... What if we had just a “regular” announcement? Could we call it “special” anyway and just pretend?
 
 
Happy Birthday, Aries! :)
 
 
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! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20]
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! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21]
 
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Revision as of 17:02, 3 April 2013

Masthead.jpg

This week’s featured topic: Tribble Trouble?

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

We do all our own stunts. #22

Trouble with Tribbles?

What bad hair day?
Tribble pit!
What trouble with Tribbles? Nine easy uses:
  1. It's still coldish in some of these god's climes... Hunt down two, spear them on either end of a metal strip shaped to one's head and use them as earmuffs!
  2. Is it getting too warm for your tribble earmuffs? Take one tribble off, straighten the metal, and you have a handy dandy duster!
  3. Are you hungry? Heat the skewered tribble over a grill on high heat. The excess hair (and dust) should burn off this way. Nothing makes mouths water more than the scent of burning hair and they’re a great substitute for kitten sandwiches.
  4. Bad hair day? Collect a bunch and arrange them for a fantastic hair piece.
  5. Switch a similar colored one out for your friend's guinea pig or chinchilla and see how long it takes them to catch on.
  6. Stash one in those silly casks of booze these guilds keep tithing each other. Smile, knowing that you've given them the gift that keeps on giving!
  7. Use a lint roller to pick up excess tribble hair, and use it to knit holiday sweaters for friends and family!
  8. Short on balls for your kid's birthday ball pit? Why not a tribble pit instead?
  9. Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a veterinarian, blow them out of the airlock!

Doctor Frank's Advice Corner

An evil queen
Dear Dr. Frank,

I have a question for your column: I am a good goddess but I have found it intoxicatingly fun to punish my heroine. What is wrong with me? Am I turning evil? Will I soon develop a craving for small animal sandwiches?

Signed, Anonymous

Dearest as-if-we-don’t-know-who-you-are,

As much as I hate to admit it, I encourage my hero now an then. It’s fun to watch birds of paradise fly up his nose and in general confuse the heck out of him by healing his opponent in the arena. Does this make me a goody-goodie? I should think not! There is nothing wrong with you, darling. It’s perfectly natural to enjoy punishing her.

She wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for you and she back-talks and sasses and infuriates you whether you’re kind to her or not. She deserves to be knocked down a peg. And how are you supposed to help her kill monsters without the occasional punish? How is she supposed to get a leg up in an arena match or a skirmish without you helping her hit a little harder than the other guy? I have it on good authority that even those at the tippy-top of the Pantheon of Creation hit the Punish button now and then (they’ll deny it, so don’t bother asking).

If you happen to crave the occasional sandwich with less goody-goody ingredients, don’t fear! We have plenty! Besides, everyone cheats on their diet now and then. You think I have it easy finding low-fat heroes all the time? I do not. And, if you decide that evil is more fun than good, you’re always welcome to join the dark side. Besides... we have cookies. ;)

Yours,

~Dr. Frank

No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for GodDoctor Frank-n-furter  to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.

Get To Know a Deity

So scary, his hero beat 115 people on accident with both hands tied behind his back.
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodDer Moerder 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: I have a problem. I like to suck on salty metal. The handle of my sword, loose change, that stuff.
  • Q: What GV pet would you like to have?
  • A: a Multi-legged lugage or dreaded gazebo could be nice.
  • Q: Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
  • A: I don't encourage in times of crisis. There is no time when I should alleviate my hero's suffering.
  • Q: How do you like to spend your spare time?
  • A: I love to send my hero to the arena and hope he loses. It’s my favorite part of Godville. At times I've thought about abandoning my main account, but then my work to be an honored favorite would go to waste. This is the account that keeps me coming back everyday, though.
  • Q: If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
  • A: If I were to eat my hero, it would all be blended up into a smoothie. I’d start with the heart, though.

If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

Over the past four weeks, our readers have vied for the chance to compete for fun and prizes in the “Over The Moon” quiz. Questions (and crosswords puzzles) were posted here and answers were posted in the Harvest Moon Forum.

Each week’s winner received four (4) charges and was automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo. GodArtsonian , GodRoyal Highness , GodGodofbeer  and GodStatic Panda  will be competing for 45 charges!

This month’s OtM Championship:

Think “Password”, but call it the OtMC! Each contestant will attempt to get a “celebrity guest” to guess a word without saying it themselves.

All participants and audience members (all are welcome!) should join the [otm game show] group on Palringo. We’d like to ask the contestants to please message either GodHairplug4men  or GodDoctor Frank-n-furter  to let us know what time(s) work best for you. Our hope would be to finish in time to publish the results (along with our next quiz) in next week’s Weekly Harvest.

Good luck to the contestants and happy viewing to our audience!

Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!

No holds barred! Bring it!

There are still three open spots for HM members in April Absurdity! It's KWSN vs HM in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.

The Absurdity begins Saturday, April 13th. Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges PLUS instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.

Contact GodDoctor Frank-n-Furter , GodHairplug4men , GodShannonus  or GodBudapesties  to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here: http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity.

Member of the Week

What? Static is evil. It’s not his fault he’s cute.
Get to know a newer member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodStatic Panda 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: I already had an evil alignment, so I definitely wanted a guild that matched that. It was just my luck that GodBellatrixie The Strange  had recently commented and the HM thread was top in the guild headquarters forums.
  • Q: Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
  • A: Tucked in his underwear, the guards in cities don't usually check there when their shaking you down for an "entrance fee". ;)
  • Q: Name some things that you and your heroine have in common.
  • A: my hero likes to question the purpose of a lot of things, which is not unlike me at all.
  • Q: What advice would you give a newer player?
  • A: Use voice commands when you don’t have enough for an influence but are in need of some sort of kick.
  • Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
  • A: Bacon is a must! Along with a bit of shredded cheese and ketchup.
  • Q: Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
  • A: My hero get a date? Hah! But if he did, I'd guess he would go to Monsterdam. The cries of the creatures in the night under a full moon are quite peaceful.

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

FOR SALE: Tribble cage, tribble bed, tribble exercise wheel, tribble leash and halter, tribble food bowls. Like new, barely used. Call 1-THEYRE GONE

WANTED: One puppy by the name of “Squishy”. For a certain ballerina goodie goddess looking for new puppykicking material a friend to cuddle with! Talk to Cecc for information - and bring the puppy. She’s just the messenger, really!

NEEDED: One-dozen flying monkeys for evil plot. Must be purebred. I will know if you’re gluing wings onto lemurs! Call 254-WITCH-WEST for delivery details. I’ll get you, my pretty!

HELLO READERS: This is your mother. Why don't you ever call me anymore?

NEW: Gag-a-Maggot Incense, for all your ritual purification needs. Now available in: Putrid Flesh, Decaying Flesh, Burning Hair, and Apocalypse Rush. Available at all fine retailers.

FOR SALE: Leftover Easter eggs sold by the dozen. Great for egging your neighbor’s temple. Call NO-HARD-BOIL.

NEW LOCATION: Doctor Frank’s Discount Body World. Whether you need an arm and a leg to pay off a loan shark or you’re looking for ingredients for a delicious eyeball stew, we have body parts for all occasions! Visit our new, retail location behind the back alley of the arena in Godville. First come, first served. Most sales final.

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

You know what really chaps my hide? Old ladies in nursing homes. I'm trying to take a five-second shortcut through the home to get to the bus stop, and these old coots can't get out of the way. I estimate each bump as a whole 1.25 seconds delay!

That means if just five grannies can't get outta my way fast enough, I'm already losing time. How am I supposed to cheat the system if old fogies haven't learned to duck and weave properly?

This has opened my eyes to the atrocity we know as nursing homes. What are these facilities doing, if they can't train their subjects to steer clear of the bearded lunatic running through their game room trying to reach the back exit, which is a straight shot to the #13 bus stop? I'm practicing my Jesse Owens impersonation, and these folks aren't helping.

I've begun to get even, though. Sometimes on my way through, I loudly cry out random letters and numbers like "B12!" or "G53!" and watch the old biddies fly into panic searching for the bingo card that doesn't exist. Of course, this only means more old ladies to practice my hockey body checking on, but it is still worth every 1.25 seconds.

If you have had a similar experience and want to share your thoughts, bugger off. No one cares. Start your own paper, if you want your inane thoughts printed.

Special Announcements

So much pressure to be “special”... What if we had just a “regular” announcement? Could we call it “special” anyway and just pretend?


Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20 Issue #21