Difference between revisions of "Talk:Harvest Moon"

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This week’s featured topic: '''Godville History'''
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This week’s featured topic: '''April Absurdity!'''
  
 
Other useful links:
 
Other useful links:
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|'''''A rare medium well done.''''' #20
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|'''''There is no “weeeee” in evil.''''' #21
 
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{| id="mp-left" style="vertical-align:left; background:#E3DAC9;"
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''History of Godville 101'''</p>
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">'''Arena Tournament: HM vs KWSN'''</p>
 
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:Geezer.jpg|right|thumb|Young Gods these days, I tell ya...]]
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:MoonNi.jpg|right|thumb|No holds barred! Bring it!]]
''Shuffles up to the podium with his walker, puts in his teeth, adjusts his trifocals and peers out at all the young faces in the audience.''
+
'''Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!'''
  
Good afternoon. I'm your guest lecturer today for History of Godville 101, and I'm going to tell you what playing Godville was like back in the early days. You young whippersnappers have no idea how soft you have it. Spoiled, the lot of you! Why, in my day....
+
SATURDAY ''SATURDAY'' '''''SATURDAY''''' April 13th… the Officers of HM and the KWSN present '''April Absurdity'''! [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Knights_who_say_Ni KWSN] vs [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Harvest_moon HM] in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.
  
* There was so little game content, it's a wonder our heroes didn't die of boredom doing the same things over and over and going on the same old quests.
+
Come one, come all for some good old-fashioned smoting. Say “Ni!” to your foes until they quiver in submission! Cover the arena in a Blood Moon red! Settle old debts with honor (and a pup-a-pult)! Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges '''PLUS''' instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.
* Level 60 was elderly. Now 60 is the new 30!
 
* There was only one guild pantheon. That's right. ONE!
 
* 3G was considered pretty darned speedy!
 
* We had to live with grammar and spelling errors. That's right - there was no grammar correction button. No report button, either, though a few trolls remedied that in a hurry.
 
* Our heroes didn't just lose a skirmish, they died! Poof! Gone!
 
* We could count all the temple owners on less than ten pairs of hands.
 
* Due to the Great Glitch of 2010, our heroes occasionally went to negative milestones and kept moving backwards into no man's land. Or maybe another dimension, we never knew.
 
* Tied in the arena? The flip of the coin counted on your arena record.
 
* Guild Council? What's a Guild Council? That's right, kiddies, we actually used our forum for fun and roleplay!
 
* Monsterdam, Last Resort, Bumchester and Unspecifiedstan hadn't even been built yet. It was all just wasteland.
 
* Our pets didn't get knocked out, they all died of broken necks! No humane release into the wild, no trips to the vet. The countryside was littered with their furry,  lifeless bodies.
 
* There were no mini or epic quests, no break from the tedium of normal questing.
 
* We had no dig or boss monsters, either. We had to earn our gold and build our temples the hard way.
 
* Retirement fund? Ha! We didn't even have banks!
 
* To get from Godville to Tradeburg and back again, our heroes had to walk uphill both ways. Barefoot. In the snow.
 
  
So next time you pass an old timer in the GC or around the forum, remember what a hard life they had and thank them for helping make Godville what it is today. And be sure to say it good and loud, because they're probably pretty darned deaf by now.
+
Contact {{god|Doctor Frank-n-Furter}}, {{god|Hairplug4men}}, {{god|Shannonus}} or {{god|Budapesties}} to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here: [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity].
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">At Home with Bella Stewart</p>
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Fun with Fiends</p>
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| [[File:Bella Stewart.jpg|thumbnail|Queen of evil]] '''Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: {{god|Bellatrixie The Strange}}!'''
 +
 
 +
This week we go back to the mailbag to answer a question from one of our readers!
 +
 
 +
''“Dear Bella, I recently got gum stuck in my hair. I tried everything to get it out, from Dark Flame to super glue. Then I read in an ‘Ask Bella’ column that shaving your head was a simple solution to this everyday problem. I'm wondering if you have any more simple solutions to everyday problems.”''
 +
 
 +
I just love coming up with easy, innovative solutions to the day-to-day problems that plague us all! Here's a sampling of some of my favorites:
 +
 
 +
* Can't get that pesky blood stain out of the carpet? Don't rip it up and throw it away. Simply stain the rest of the carpet to match! Take your workout to that room, and after your puppy-kicking leg exercises you'll have the job done in no time! Hides those stubborn pet stains, too.
 +
* Trouble with cobwebs? Spray them with hairspray - they'll last longer, and sticky webs attract more dust. Soon your rooms will be beautifully festooned with cobwebs in every corner!
 +
* Uh-oh, Dumbo had a run-in with a skunk? Forget the tomato juice bath (what a mess!). Just visit the guild hall of your choice (preferably in the dead of night), leave him in the cellar with plenty of food, and vacation in Last Resort for a couple of weeks. By the time you get back, the odor will have dissipated - plus your former friends will have had fun trying to figure out where the smell was coming from.
 +
* Moths dining on your clothes? No need to break out the mothballs. The answer is spiders. Lots of 'em. Moths are one of their favorite meals, and more spiders means more cobwebs! (See above.)
 +
* Mildew stains on your tile grout got you down? Stop scrubbing with bleach! Who says grout has to be white, anyway? Spray the tile with ink, let sit for five minutes, then spray the tiles clean. No stains ever show on black grout, and you'll be making quite a fashion statement.
 +
* Speaking of tile, do you have a soap scum problem? First of all, ewww! Second of all, what on earth are you doing using soap? Stop it! Stop it now! This is Harvest Moon, you know. Have you no pride?
 +
* I've gotten several requests for help getting cat hair off the furniture. Well, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The solution is simple: use plates with your kitten sandwiches, people! Honestly, where have manners gone?
 +
* Wondering what to do with the bits of paint left over in the cans? Invite four of your friends over, give each one a paint can and brush, have them stand in the center of the room while you stand in the doorway with a stopwatch, and tell them the first one to paint themselves into a corner wins. The fun really starts when they finish and you walk away.
 +
 
 +
I hope this solves some of your household problems. Still have a question I haven't answered? Send it to me, Bella Stewart! I'll try to find a solution that's easy and fun. Because let's face it, I'm lazy and easily amused.
 
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|-
| [[File:MajorD.jpg|thumb|right|He just wants to cuddle.]]'''New feature!''' Here we sit down periodically with a common opponent (a.k.a. a Godville [[monster]]) and find out what’s behind the mask. This week’s fiend is: Major Disappointment.
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|}
* '''HMWH:''' Mr. Disappointment...
+
|-
* {{color|maroon||'''MD:''' What did you call me? I work for a living! You will refer to me as Sir Major D.}}
+
|
* '''HMWH:''' Umm.. okay, ''Sir Major D.,'' what has been the most memorable moment in your life?
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{|
* {{color|maroon||'''SMD:''' That would probably have to be the day I dropped out of high school and my parents kicked me out of the house. I joined the Monster Core that day.}}
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* '''HMWH:''' All of that happened on the same day?
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|-
* {{color|maroon||'''SMD:''' It was a long day! Anyway, my Commander said I'd make a fine piece of meat to throw up on the front lines.}}
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
* '''HMWH:''' Sounds like your Commander was not impressed?
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|-
* {{color|maroon||'''SMD:''' What?! That was a term of endearment! He had other ones for me to like “Dumbbell” because I like to lift weights. He’s also where I got my name Disappointment.}}
+
| [[File:RufusTJYND.jpg|thumb|right|Pay no mind to the baa-ing in the background...]]Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Rufustjynd|temple=0|breeder=0}}
* '''HMWH:''' Tell us about that. Did you do something to disappoint your Commander?
+
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
* {{color|maroon||'''SMD:''' Not at all! He said he’d set the standard so low for me that there was no way I could ever disappoint. It's like when you call a really big guy “Tiny” or or a tiny guy “Moron.”}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Girls at the gym.}}
* '''HMWH:''' I see. What were your duties while you were in the Monster Core?
+
* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
* {{color|maroon||'''SMD:''' Well, my main duty on day one was to check all of the ammunition. But when it accidentally went off in the barracks, I was assigned to the much more important task of holding the barracks floor down. I pretty much sat there for the rest of my stay.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Anything that will finally, finally love me.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Each encourage is another splinter in my soul - they never go away, they just fester forever.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What are your hero's marketable skills?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Iron Horse riding and debauchery.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What is the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Ate one of the barmaids.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Hugging the puppy, of course... like an anaconda on a wildebeast.}}
  
We’d like to thank Major Disappointment for spending this time with us so we can get to know the monsters of Godville better.
+
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
 
 
''If you have a burning question for a Godville [[monster]], or a particular [[monster]] you’d like to know more about, submit your questions or ideas to the HMWH staff. Thank you.''
 
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
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{| style="float: left; margin-center: 3em; border: 3px solid gray;"
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|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 125%; padding:0.2em 0.4em;" | His collar says "Pinky":
+
 
 +
'''How to play:'''
 +
 
 +
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest.
 +
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 +
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 +
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 +
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 +
 
 +
'''This week’s Answers:'''
  
Will the God/dess who parked their hero/ine’s Alpha Centaur on the guild hall lawn, please come get them?
+
# This top ranked god in the gratitude pantheon believes that impatience is a virtue.
 +
# This is the first god to reach level 100.
 +
# This is the level a god/dess needs to be before s/he may edit the wiki.
 +
# This is the date the original, Russian-language Godville was launched.
  
Yes, it was St. Patty’s Day and we’re sure dying him green was amusing, but the dye is running and, quite frankly, not even the Venus Hero Traps around here are green. Prompt removal would be appreciated.
+
Congratulations to last week’s winner  {{god|Artsonian}}! She’ll be joining {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Royal Highness}} in the next Championship. Who will be the final competitor for this exciting event? It could be you! See you in the forum!
 +
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Famous HM Heroes This Week</p>
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | #799 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1042 g.e.
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! style="padding:2px;" | #807 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1050 g.e.
 
|-
 
|-
| '''Ideabox News:'''
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| '''Kanar''' - 64th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Pain of the Moon.”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/savings?page=1#p_39 39th position] in the [[pantheon of savings]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Teristen}}. We've had many reports that an Attilla The Nun has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.
* Eyewitnesses say that {{god|Mistress Of Science}} was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!
 
 
|-
 
|-
! style="padding:2px;" | #800 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1043 g.e.
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Member of the Week</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| '''ViSM''' - 81st-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Requiescat in pace ☾”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/taming?page=1#p_44 44th position] in the [[pantheon of taming]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|ViSM}}. He is deeply gratified by his place in the pantheon and is not planning to give it up any time soon.
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| [[File:LadyUA.jpg|thumb|left|The nicest evil goddess we know.]]Get to know a newer member of [[Harvest Moon]]! This week's guest is: {{God|Lady Up Above}}
 +
* '''Q:''' How did you choose HM?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' While I was away from Godville, my 'good' hero joined Harvest Moon. When I got back, I felt like he wasn't meant to be there but I couldn't bring myself to leave, so I decided it was time for my first alt, an evil one, and here we are!}}
 +
* '''Q:''' Where does your heroine hide her coin purse?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' She only thinks that she's hidden it by keeping it under her maiden's battle vest, but the jingle of the coins doesn't fool anyone.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' Name some things that you and your heroine have in common.
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' We're both incredibly stubborn. We don't take orders from anyone but ourselves.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What's the best game advice you've gotten from another player?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' In the end, it's a game. Don't be disheartened by duel losses or pet deaths. You'll always get another chance. }}
 +
* '''Q:''' What advice would you give a newer player?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' My advice would be to go have a look at the forums. I found out about them quite late into the game but they're a great place to meet experienced players who will willingly help you and they also serve as a storehouse of knowledge on almost any topic.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The insides of puppies that have been kicked in half. ;) }}
 +
* '''Q:''' Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:'''  First date? *laughs* One of those music concerts, maybe. But she'll make her date pay. Her gold is reserved for wasting on beer.}}
 +
''What would you like to know about your [[Harvest Moon]] guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!''
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | #801 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1044 g.e.
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Classifieds</p>
 
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| '''Quadfather''' - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “☾Speaker of the Moon ☾”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/might?page=1#p_12 12th position] in the [[pantheon of might]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Thirdeye0pen}}. He always wanted to catch a tiger by the tail, but never found the time.
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! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
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|-
! style="padding:2px;" | #802 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1045 g.e.
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' It's that time of year again when we think about getting out and having tournaments. Unless, that is, you have chronic lower back pain. Don’t let pain slow you down! Contact HM Spa Services. Our concrete encasement will have you feeling right as rain.
 
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|-
| '''Landica''' - 62nd-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “☾There is only Landica☾”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/savings?page=1#p_47 47th position] in the [[pantheon of savings]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Lucidic}}. She is a huge fan of Anville’s pubs.
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' New lollipop clock. It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. ''Warning: may be a choking hazard.'' Visit Larry’s Gift Emporium in Tradeburg.
 
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! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Classifieds</p>
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| <br>'''PERSONALS:''' Tall drink of water looking for a glass hole to call his own. Call YOU-FAM-ISMS.
 
|-
 
|-
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
+
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Test subjects for weapons study. Will compensate for loss of limbs. Contact OMG-IT-BURNS Aaaaaaaaah! Hang up! Hang up! They charge per letter!
 
|-
 
|-
| ''This week’s Classifieds are sponsored by:'' Monsterdam Urinal Cakes. ''“We aim to please, you aim, too, please!”''
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' One conscience. Never been used. Comes with matching soul. Gets in the way of me doing evil so it must go ASAP. 120 charges OBO. Call EVI-LMO-OOCH.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''NEW:''' Mindbleach. For those moments when a goody-goody gets in your head with stories of puppy dogs and gingerbread. Now available at shady traders everywhere. Ask for it by name!
+
| <br>'''SUPPORT:''' Are you a man? Are you feeling blue? We have a group for you! Contact the Blue Man Group today! Support group meets twice each evening in Anville.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Big-brained applicants wanted for hire at ZombInc. No experience necessary.
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Ponzi's Pet Protection Agency. Have you ever wished you had pet insurance, but thought you couldn’t afford it on your hero’s meager income? Your worries are over! Just give us your checking account number and we’ll transfer a small amount weekly so it’s there in case you need it. Visit one of our many locations: Last Resort, Los Demonos, Anville, and coming soon to  Herolympus!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' The number one bestseller "Ye Tome of Goodvile Spells and Missteaks" now available in pubs across the land!
+
| <br>'''WANTED:''' Louder god voice. The one I have now is hard for my hero to hear. Call 573-2HIGH-UP.
 
|-
 
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Learn the new martial art of self abuse. Hit yourself before others can! ''Warning: self abuse may cause blindness, stiff joints, or public embarrassment. If you self abuse for more than four hours, hit harder.'' Visit our new training center in Bumchester to sign up!
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Are the bums around your guild hall an eyesore? Cover them up in style with Fuzzy Bum Covers! On sale now in Tradeburg!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Hair grease. From my hairs to yours. Psssssst! I'm under the stairs...
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! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
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| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Lost your shoe and don't know what to do? Call MOM-CAN-FIND. Whether she wore it last or not, she can find anything!
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
 
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|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|Games and winners and prizes! Oh, my!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
+
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
  
'''How to play:'''
+
In this new, weekly article, you're going to hear a voice of reason, sanity and wisdom. You want information on goings-on in the world around you? Then you've come to the right place. This first article deals with one of the most important issues of all time in human suffering.
  
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
+
Toilet paper rolls in restrooms. How freakin' hard is it to put the blasted thing on the right way? Whether a public facility or private, it never fails that some dingleberry will put the new roll on facing the wrong direction. In my own protest, I refuse to use the TP. I just use my hands and then go around to every stall handle or door knob in the place and grasp it firmly, leaving my "protest" as a symbol of disgust.
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 
  
'''This week’s Answers:'''
+
The roll should face the "business" person. Pull TOWARD the seat, not away from it! This is a very simple concept, but it seems the logic of it has escaped some minds. If the paper gets hung up, it's nice to slap the roll down to break it loose. How awkward it is to have to put your hand on the top or bottom and spin it quickly in hopes that the paper will reveal itself.
  
# This was St. Patrick's given name.
+
If you are sane. If you are a breathing human being. If you are in the custodial services. Please, please, don't be a geek. TP should face the seat! That's my motto, and I hope it's yours.
# This religious leader has only 1 lung.
 
# This is the total number of possible Godville achievements including different ranks and iOS-only achievements.
 
# This is roughly the amount of gold required to resurrect a level 20 pet.
 
  
Congratulations to last week’s winner {{god|Royal Highness}} who will be joining {{god|Godofbeer}} to play in the Over the Moon Championship. Who will be their next competitor? It could be you! See you in the forum!
+
''If you have questions, comments or a topic you'd like discussed, please shove off. No one cares what you want.''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Doctor Frank's Advice Corner</p>
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
 
|-
 
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| [[File:Drfrank.jpeg|thumbnail|left|An evil queen]]''Dear Dr. Frank,''
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! colspan="2" style="font-size: 125%; padding:0.2em 0.4em;" |  
 +
Happy (slightly belated) Birthday to our very own ''Crusader of the Moon'': {{god|A R I E S}}! We’d like to suggest his fans skip the card and just send money. Or maybe skip the in-between steps and just send him charges? You’ll figure it out.
  
''I just went and got a pet zombie.Unfortunately, he’s recently deceased and not very terrifying. What can I do to have the most horrific zombie on the block?''
+
Happy Birthday, Aries! :)
 
+
|}
''Signed, he only answers to “Normie”''
 
 
 
Dearest Grrr... Argh,
 
 
 
So “Normie” isn’t scary? Sadly, if you artificially increase his rate of decomposition, you also rapidly decrease his shelf life as a pet. You paid good money for the little guy, so enjoy him for as long as possible! The recently deceased are so trainable, you could teach him to play an instrument. With a guitar or piano player as a pet, perhaps you can make frenemies with those you’re trying to horrify rather than going straight for the scare. Normie can always eat their brains later after they've had a few drinks. Congrats on the new pet and good luck!
 
 
 
Yours,
 
 
 
~Dr. Frank
 
 
 
''No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}} to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to drfrank.hm@gmail.com.''
 
 
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{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Azzip, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19]
+
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20]
 
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Revision as of 11:55, 27 March 2013

Masthead.jpg

This week’s featured topic: April Absurdity!

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

There is no “weeeee” in evil. #21

Arena Tournament: HM vs KWSN

No holds barred! Bring it!

Attention warriors of Harvest Moon!

SATURDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY April 13th… the Officers of HM and the KWSN present April Absurdity! KWSN vs HM in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney.

Come one, come all for some good old-fashioned smoting. Say “Ni!” to your foes until they quiver in submission! Cover the arena in a Blood Moon red! Settle old debts with honor (and a pup-a-pult)! Win Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges PLUS instant self gratification! Heroes of all levels are welcome.

Contact GodDoctor Frank-n-Furter , GodHairplug4men , GodShannonus  or GodBudapesties  to sign up (or just post in the KWSN or HM forum). Full rules can be found here: http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity.

At Home with Bella Stewart

Queen of evil
Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: GodBellatrixie The Strange !

This week we go back to the mailbag to answer a question from one of our readers!

“Dear Bella, I recently got gum stuck in my hair. I tried everything to get it out, from Dark Flame to super glue. Then I read in an ‘Ask Bella’ column that shaving your head was a simple solution to this everyday problem. I'm wondering if you have any more simple solutions to everyday problems.”

I just love coming up with easy, innovative solutions to the day-to-day problems that plague us all! Here's a sampling of some of my favorites:

  • Can't get that pesky blood stain out of the carpet? Don't rip it up and throw it away. Simply stain the rest of the carpet to match! Take your workout to that room, and after your puppy-kicking leg exercises you'll have the job done in no time! Hides those stubborn pet stains, too.
  • Trouble with cobwebs? Spray them with hairspray - they'll last longer, and sticky webs attract more dust. Soon your rooms will be beautifully festooned with cobwebs in every corner!
  • Uh-oh, Dumbo had a run-in with a skunk? Forget the tomato juice bath (what a mess!). Just visit the guild hall of your choice (preferably in the dead of night), leave him in the cellar with plenty of food, and vacation in Last Resort for a couple of weeks. By the time you get back, the odor will have dissipated - plus your former friends will have had fun trying to figure out where the smell was coming from.
  • Moths dining on your clothes? No need to break out the mothballs. The answer is spiders. Lots of 'em. Moths are one of their favorite meals, and more spiders means more cobwebs! (See above.)
  • Mildew stains on your tile grout got you down? Stop scrubbing with bleach! Who says grout has to be white, anyway? Spray the tile with ink, let sit for five minutes, then spray the tiles clean. No stains ever show on black grout, and you'll be making quite a fashion statement.
  • Speaking of tile, do you have a soap scum problem? First of all, ewww! Second of all, what on earth are you doing using soap? Stop it! Stop it now! This is Harvest Moon, you know. Have you no pride?
  • I've gotten several requests for help getting cat hair off the furniture. Well, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The solution is simple: use plates with your kitten sandwiches, people! Honestly, where have manners gone?
  • Wondering what to do with the bits of paint left over in the cans? Invite four of your friends over, give each one a paint can and brush, have them stand in the center of the room while you stand in the doorway with a stopwatch, and tell them the first one to paint themselves into a corner wins. The fun really starts when they finish and you walk away.

I hope this solves some of your household problems. Still have a question I haven't answered? Send it to me, Bella Stewart! I'll try to find a solution that's easy and fun. Because let's face it, I'm lazy and easily amused.

Get To Know a Deity

Pay no mind to the baa-ing in the background...
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodRufustjynd 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: Girls at the gym.
  • Q: What GV pet would you like to have?
  • A: Anything that will finally, finally love me.
  • Q: Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
  • A: Each encourage is another splinter in my soul - they never go away, they just fester forever.
  • Q: What are your hero's marketable skills?
  • A: Iron Horse riding and debauchery.
  • Q: What is the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
  • A: Ate one of the barmaids.
  • Q: If you had to choose between frolicking with butterflies or hugging a puppy, which would you choose and why (death is not an option).
  • A: Hugging the puppy, of course... like an anaconda on a wildebeast.

If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. This top ranked god in the gratitude pantheon believes that impatience is a virtue.
  2. This is the first god to reach level 100.
  3. This is the level a god/dess needs to be before s/he may edit the wiki.
  4. This is the date the original, Russian-language Godville was launched.

Congratulations to last week’s winner GodArtsonian ! She’ll be joining GodGodofbeer  and GodRoyal Highness  in the next Championship. Who will be the final competitor for this exciting event? It could be you! See you in the forum!

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#807 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1050 g.e.
Kanar - 64th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Pain of the Moon.”, stands at the 39th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god GodTeristen . We've had many reports that an Attilla The Nun has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.

Member of the Week

The nicest evil goddess we know.
Get to know a newer member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodLady Up Above 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: While I was away from Godville, my 'good' hero joined Harvest Moon. When I got back, I felt like he wasn't meant to be there but I couldn't bring myself to leave, so I decided it was time for my first alt, an evil one, and here we are!
  • Q: Where does your heroine hide her coin purse?
  • A: She only thinks that she's hidden it by keeping it under her maiden's battle vest, but the jingle of the coins doesn't fool anyone.
  • Q: Name some things that you and your heroine have in common.
  • A: We're both incredibly stubborn. We don't take orders from anyone but ourselves.
  • Q: What's the best game advice you've gotten from another player?
  • A: In the end, it's a game. Don't be disheartened by duel losses or pet deaths. You'll always get another chance.
  • Q: What advice would you give a newer player?
  • A: My advice would be to go have a look at the forums. I found out about them quite late into the game but they're a great place to meet experienced players who will willingly help you and they also serve as a storehouse of knowledge on almost any topic.
  • Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
  • A: The insides of puppies that have been kicked in half. ;)
  • Q: Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
  • A: First date? *laughs* One of those music concerts, maybe. But she'll make her date pay. Her gold is reserved for wasting on beer.

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

SERVICES: It's that time of year again when we think about getting out and having tournaments. Unless, that is, you have chronic lower back pain. Don’t let pain slow you down! Contact HM Spa Services. Our concrete encasement will have you feeling right as rain.

FOR SALE: New lollipop clock. It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Warning: may be a choking hazard. Visit Larry’s Gift Emporium in Tradeburg.

PERSONALS: Tall drink of water looking for a glass hole to call his own. Call YOU-FAM-ISMS.

WANTED: Test subjects for weapons study. Will compensate for loss of limbs. Contact OMG-IT-BURNS Aaaaaaaaah! Hang up! Hang up! They charge per letter!

FOR SALE: One conscience. Never been used. Comes with matching soul. Gets in the way of me doing evil so it must go ASAP. 120 charges OBO. Call EVI-LMO-OOCH.

SUPPORT: Are you a man? Are you feeling blue? We have a group for you! Contact the Blue Man Group today! Support group meets twice each evening in Anville.

SERVICES: Ponzi's Pet Protection Agency. Have you ever wished you had pet insurance, but thought you couldn’t afford it on your hero’s meager income? Your worries are over! Just give us your checking account number and we’ll transfer a small amount weekly so it’s there in case you need it. Visit one of our many locations: Last Resort, Los Demonos, Anville, and coming soon to Herolympus!

WANTED: Louder god voice. The one I have now is hard for my hero to hear. Call 573-2HIGH-UP.

FOR SALE: Are the bums around your guild hall an eyesore? Cover them up in style with Fuzzy Bum Covers! On sale now in Tradeburg!

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

In this new, weekly article, you're going to hear a voice of reason, sanity and wisdom. You want information on goings-on in the world around you? Then you've come to the right place. This first article deals with one of the most important issues of all time in human suffering.

Toilet paper rolls in restrooms. How freakin' hard is it to put the blasted thing on the right way? Whether a public facility or private, it never fails that some dingleberry will put the new roll on facing the wrong direction. In my own protest, I refuse to use the TP. I just use my hands and then go around to every stall handle or door knob in the place and grasp it firmly, leaving my "protest" as a symbol of disgust.

The roll should face the "business" person. Pull TOWARD the seat, not away from it! This is a very simple concept, but it seems the logic of it has escaped some minds. If the paper gets hung up, it's nice to slap the roll down to break it loose. How awkward it is to have to put your hand on the top or bottom and spin it quickly in hopes that the paper will reveal itself.

If you are sane. If you are a breathing human being. If you are in the custodial services. Please, please, don't be a geek. TP should face the seat! That's my motto, and I hope it's yours.

If you have questions, comments or a topic you'd like discussed, please shove off. No one cares what you want.

Special Announcements

Happy (slightly belated) Birthday to our very own Crusader of the Moon: GodA R I E S ! We’d like to suggest his fans skip the card and just send money. Or maybe skip the in-between steps and just send him charges? You’ll figure it out.

Happy Birthday, Aries! :)


Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20