Spidermonkey army

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Spidermonkey army
Motto: Ab hoc possum videre domum tuum
Alignment: antagonising
Date Founded: 1st of May 2013
Membership Count: 104
Forum Headquarters: Spidermonkey army
Guild Page: Spidermonkey army 
Data current as of 13 June 2015

The Army of Spidermonkeys is a gathering of those long-limbed, awkward, drunken, wandering Ronin.

  • Beware of our peculiar style of Drunken Master kung fu.
  • Come snack on fermented fruits in the high branches that only we can reach.
  • Practice you battle skills high in the tree tops.
  • Gloat as we rain down unmentionable things on lesser mortals.

To join us, your hero must be at least level 12. You should type - join the "Spidermonkey Army" please - in you Hero's god voice box. This is best done when your Hero is idle about town.

Make sure your hero is on the road, not in town. Your hero should be idle, not fighting a monster. Do not cancel your current quest before sending the command.

  • Read more about guilds here: Guilds

Spidermonkey kungfu.jpg


  • Day 1870 g.e. Trollbridge 1%
  • Day 1886 g.e. Deville 1%
  • Day 1888 g.e. Los Demonos 1%

Monkeys in the Clan

  • Spidermonkey Army has a member list and stats page here: Guild Stats

Founder and Most High Monkey

Yet to be voted on title - 800 days

Elite Monkeys - Prophet 600 days

  • GodSiTheSuperior (U • C • T) 
  • GodMadam Lash (U • C • T)  2nd to join. Welcome. Moving on up I see. That's one more notch. Ah, Matriarch now I see. Now a Regent. Very good. Thanks for staying. Top monkey now - congrats.

Boss Monkeys - Regent 450 days

  • come join The Army and see your name here

High Monkeys - Patriarch or Matriarch 300 days

  • come join The Army and see your name here

10th Dan - Heirach 200 days

  • come join The Army and see your name here

9th Dan - Cardinal 135 days - Attaining the rank of cardinal means that the hero will not try to leave the guild (by randomly starting a guild joining quest).

  • GodWhilom (U • C • T)  our first new Grand Master, now Cardinal. Let's vote !
  • GodOort (U • C • T)  out in the Cloud, wave to New Horizons as it sails past
  • GodBizton (U • C • T)  Time to vote for a leader...

8th Dan - Grand Master 90 days

7th Dan - Advisor 60 days

6th Dan - Chief Master 35 days

5th Dan - Master 18 days

  • come join The Army and see your name here

4th Dan - Follower 8 days

  • come join The Army and see your name here

3rd Dan, 1st and 2nd Dan - Recruit, Interns and Fans'

* Come and join the most fabu army ever. Ripe bananas for everybody.
  • God([[User:|U]] • C • [[User talk:|T]]) 
  • God([[User:|U]] • C • [[User talk:|T]]) 

In The News

  • Day 1100 g.e. Si the Slicer - 70th-level adventurer, member of the “spidermonkey army” guild, with the motto “I wish I thought of that”, stands at the 158th position in the pantheon of survival under the vigilant supervision of the god SiTheSuperior. Rumor has it that a local Blood-Sucking Lawyer has learned to show the hero proper respect for some reason.
  • Day 1108 g.e. The humble god SiTheSuperior has submitted several new ideas and voted on others.

The Chronicles of The Army of the Spidermonkeys

Well, not a lot has happened recently. The founding member ate way too many over-ripe figs and was quite ill. However he did expel a large amount of used fig seeds in a most amusing and timely fashion... (upon the heads of insert Guild name here)

Day 1104 g.e. - WooHoo, we have a new recruit. We now have a grand tally of two in the Spidermonkey Army. Welcome to Madam Lash.

Day 1109 g.e. - The Spidermonkey Army welcomes new recruit Endorphine with Heroine Seroxytocine. Looking at the Spidermonkey Forum. it seems that Madam Lash and Endorphine have met in the Arena once or twice.

Day 1128 g.e. - And then there were two... The Army is back down to two members. Endorphine has wandered off to greener pastures. Farewell and thanks for dropping in.

Day 1282 g.e. - We've just had this message.. "I love the number 3. I've just embarked upon becoming the 3rd member of the guild of the 'spidermonkey army' with Kalamck. I must be crazy because it took forever and a day to earn Cardinal in 3 guilds and NOT worry over the hassles of all that work of getting sent off to another guild quest."

Day 1284 g.e. - Now we are three. Welcome to Rachel Morgan, our latest fan.

Day 1290 g.e. - And then there were two... Our newest member has wandered off, following the voices in her head. Cheerio.

Day 1673 g.e. - Madam Lash hits the top of the Creation Pantheon after a long battle. Well done, madam.

← 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 … 102 103 → Position God Hero Motto Level Personality

1 Madam Lash 庙 Use The Whip I feel your pain. 59 pure good!

So..... I used up all my credits and gained Number 2, for no real reason...

← 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 … 102 103 → Position God Hero Motto Level Personality

1 Madam Lash 庙 Use The Whip I feel your pain. 59 pure good!

2 SiTheSuperior 庙畜 Si the Slicer I wish I thought of that 85 pure good

Day 1886 g.e. - The Spidermonkey Army reaches 100 monkeys. Much rejoicing from the tree tops.

Spidermonkey kungfu2.jpg

Quote of the day

  • "Most of them were of men. They were invariably in armour and always on horseback. And every single one of them had fought the sworn enemies of AnkhMorpork. In recent times this had been quite difficult and her grandfather, for example, had to lead an expedition all the way to Howondaland in order to find some sworn enemies, although there was an adequate supply and a lot of swearing by the time he left. 'Jingo' - Terry Pratchett

  • Well you see, things aren't exactly what they seem with Two-a-Day. I mean he actually does that kind of shit you've known him to, hustles hot software to the caspers in Barrytown, but his main shot, I mean the man's real ambitions, you understand, lie elsewhere... 'Count Zero' - William Gibson

  • They set a Slamhound on Turner's trail in New Delhi, slotted it to his pheromones and the color of his hair. It caught up with him on a street called Chandni Chauk and came scrambling for his rented BMW through a forest of bare brown legs and pedicab tires. Its core was a kilogram of recrystallized hexogene and flaked TNT. He didn't see it coming. The last he saw of India was the pink stucco façade of a place called the Khush-Oil Hotel. - opening lines of 'Count Zero' - William Gibson

  • As he lowered himself again he saw, protected because this side was out of the wind, some lettering carved deeply into the plinth. He tried to make it out in the fading light:


Well...'domum tuum' was 'your house', wasn't it? …and 'videre' was 'I see'... 'What?' he said aloud. "'I can see your house from up here?" What kind of a noble sentiment is that?'

'I believe it was meant to be a boast and a threat, Sir Samuel,' said 71–hour Ahmed. 'Somewhat typical of Ankh-Morpork, I've always thought.' - 'Jingo' - Terry Pratchett

  • I'm Deckard. Blade Runner. Two sixty-three fifty-four. I'm filed and monitored. - 'Bladerunner'

  • You're no longer part of the System. You're above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them." We're "they." We are the Men in Black. - Zed: MiB

  • "First thing that you learn," he said, with the tone of a man reciting a proverb, "is that you always gotta wait. - Lucas: Count Zero - William gibson

  • "Be steadfast. Do not be deterred." - Kane. 'Command and Conquer' cut scene.

  • "Look at this. Look at what they make you give" - Bourne Identity

  • "Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon." - Spoon Boy. Matrix

  • "What if this is as good as it gets?" - Melvin Udall. As Good As It Gets.

The Spidermonkey Saga

My House has been built to play host to The Army of Spidermonkeys.

We started small, but with firm intent and a distant goal. We scavenged twigs and boughs, old rope and discarded board. Little by little our house grew.

Tree ferns and epiphytic bromeliads came to join us to give us shade. Wild figs twined about us as if to strangle us, but we tamed them for our food. Flowering orchids took hold in the sheltered branches and thus we had color and scent. Breadfruit and bananas grow close by for our continued nourishment.

Our house has become a home. Our home has become a castle.

Those mud-walkers of the other clans grow jealous and would invade our treetop home, but we laugh with scorn and rain down missiles upon them. They cannot climb as we climb, cannot dance as we dance, for they are clumsy and unsure of foot.

Warriors came from afar, attracted by rumors and tales of mighty deeds. Thus our skills have been enhanced and honed to a fine edge.

Urchin children came from their empty streets, attracted by warmth and laughter. Thus our numbers have grown and and our empathy have blossomed.

Lovers have come from their empty beds, looking for soulmates and passion. Thus our family has become mighty and caring.

Sages, philosophers and prophets have stopped by on their pilgrimages. They have stayed and taught patience, instructed wisdom and given good counsel.

Our empire is now growing mighty and vast. Our numbers rattle the treetops at our passing. Yet we are wise and welcoming. We boast communal kitchens such that all may eat and none go hungry. We pride ourselves on our mobile hospitals that can move as the tribes move. We invest in our schools so that all may grow wise as the tribes grow wiser. We seldom attack yet we will defend our kingdom, for we all work and we all fight.

That's the first rule. We all work. The young all run as messengers. We hold annual games where the swiftest compete for glory. We all do what needs be done. We build, we teach, we cook, we clean. Even the most elderly tend the gardens.

That's the second rule. We all fight. Adult males take point with shields and long spears. All males and females are trained as archers and with sling. Fleet footed children dance among the fallen, dispatching the badly wounded, retrieving arrows and armor. Our healers tend to the wounded. Those who lack skill or strength keep our supply trains running.