Sarcastic Samurai

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Monsters of Godville
Sarcastic Samurai
Miles hipponacteus
SarcasticSamurai.jpg
Class Humanoid
Habitat Forests
Description A Wisecracking Warrior

The Sarcastic Samurai (Miles hipponacteus) is a monster. What did you think I am, a sushi bar run by Europeans?

General Information. This sure is gonna be very helpful.

The Sarcastic Samurai grew up in a life of privilege in the noble ranks of Japan. Ok, really, like there's another way a Samurai grew up; tell me something I don't know. Unfortunately, his father and seven older brothers instilled upon him a sharp wit by constantly mocking his intelligence with extreme sarcasm. Actually, I gained my skill for insight and elegance from reading Sarcasm for Dummies.

Around the age of twenty, he was put on sabbatical from his kingdom for making a wisecrack about the Emperor. The truth hurts, yo. He then set off on a journey and found himself in Godville. No Captain Obvious, I bought a plane ticket to GVL airport because I liked the smell of dirty heroes.

Now, he wanders the forests of Godville hoping to gather enough coins to afford a plane ticket to a different land. Everyone has a right to author a stupid Godwiki entry, but you're really abusing that privilege. He attacks innocent heroes with his sword to steal their gold so he can add it to his airplane ticket fund. Nooooo, I attack them with my astute commentary. When not fighting heroes, he furthers his knowledge by reading research journals at the Godville University library. Because I sure didn't get smart by reading the Godwiki.

Attributes

Strengths

  • A really sharp tongue. Yeah, like snakey sharp.
  • Skilled with the sword. What, do you have a team of rocket scientists researching for you? I AM a sah-moo-rai.
  • Follows a strict code of honor. Really? How is this a strength? Thinking of three strengths requires the brainpower of a dead hero.

Weaknesses

  • Earplugs, has problems fighting heroes wearing earplugs. Please, as if most heroes are even smart enough to understand my words of wisdom.
  • Not speaking to him will cause him to lose health points. Being near ugly heroes causes me to lose health points.
  • Preventing him from breaking the fourth wall causes him to knock his head on the wall. Reading this sorry attempt at a wiki article makes me want to knock my head on every wall.