Red Bull

From GodWiki
Revision as of 05:38, 9 January 2019 by FeRDNYC (talk | contribs) (Add image)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Monsters of Godville
Red Bull
Bovus rufus
Class Whimsical bovine
Habitat High steppes and meadows.
Description Roseate male cattle frequently in the company of butterflies.

The Red Bull (Bovus rufus) was once raised as domesticated cattle by the rural citizens of Godville, and was lauded as a gentle creature, good with children, heroines, and heroes alike. Until one fateful day a heroine stepped on one bull’s butterfly.


The troubles began with a bull named Ferdinand[1] who, like all bulls named Ferdinand, was very fond of butterflies. This Ferdinand had red fur, and was part of a species of cattle (Bovus rufus) that the farmers of Godville kept for draft work, mostly pulling ploughs and transporting the farmers’ kids to school.[2][3] As such, Ferdinand was adept at both humoring and minding children, and was familiar and friendly with the heroines and heroes he met along the road to school.

One day, there was a new heroine just starting out on the spiral road, and who was deathly afraid of that scourge of the skies: the stinging insect. Being a city-bred lass, she wasn’t certain what a stinging insect looked like, or if all insects had sabers strapped to their tails, but she was certain that they were abundant and apt to attack anything that moved.

Ferdinand was on his way back from dropping the kids off at school and was frolicking a little with the morning’s butterflies when he spotted the new heroine on the path ahead. He ambled up behind her and snuffled into her hand, because that was the polite way to ask for a good facial scratching session.

The heroine jumped, a little startled, and followed the nose in her hand up to soulful, glistening eyes, then up to strong, powerful shoulders, and beyond to the cloud of marauding bugs circling the poor, red creature. This was obviously a plea for help.

“I’ll save you,” she declared, drawing her stale loaf of French bread. A swipe, and another swipe dispersed the menacingly colorful sky pirates! A third swipe knocked one of the fleeing rogues to the ground, and the brave heroine stomped it to death with a satisfying crunch! It would never sting another innocent soul!

The Red Bull, Ferdinand, looked on in bewilderment and growing horror as this heroine who should have been solving the itch on his nose instead attacked his butterflies. His butterflies. His butterflies. And then killed one of them! His distressed lowing gave way to an outraged bellow, and he hooked the heroine on his horns, galloping to toss her off the Cliff of Unrequited Love. That done, he bellowed again, putting all of the latent magic in his body to work to lay an oath upon himself and all of his kind to avenge all butterflies against all heroines and heroes for all of time.

Shortly thereafter, all of the other Red Bulls broke out of their pastures and became wild things, learning their new vendetta’s craft at the knees of the Terror Bulls.

Combat Notes

Clouds of butterflies generally precede these monsters, so heroines can usually avoid them by maintaining vigilance. However, wild pixies will sometimes join the Red Bull’s butterfly flock, taking advantage of the monster’s poor eyesight for a little bit of protection from hawks and other predators. Heroines and heroes should be careful when swatting away a pesky pixie, because its distressed pheromones will reach any nearby pixies in butterfly clouds and cause them to drive a Red Bull at the heroine in defense of their kin.

An invisible narrator often accompanies a Red Bull, so a heroine can expect to hear the announcement, “Red Bull gives you wings.” Keeper K’targ of the Amateur Naturalist’s Khlub (ANKh) hypothesizes that this is a warning that the Red Bull is attempting a critical hit or a fatality move, somehow designed to send the heroine flying or turn her into an angel. ANKh advises anyone who hears the announcement to take to their heels.



  • Goes faster because it’s red.
  • Great strength of feet.
  • Terrifyingly unreasoning hatred of heroines and heroes.


  • Poor reasoning skills.
  • Pixie-led more often than not.


  1. Not that Ferdinand.
  2. When asked why only to school and not from, the stock farmer's response is, “When I was a kid attending school, I had to walk uphill both ways. They can manage walking uphill one way.”
  3. To which the next farmer's standard response is, “Walk uphill both ways? Luxury!”
JanuWiki 2019
Lagers Ale-Chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-Cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum 🐻 Drop Bear
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery