Maître Demon

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Monsters of Godville
Maître Demon
Magister domus
Maitre_Demon.jpg
Class Lagers
Habitat Fine restaurants
Description One of the fancier monsters.

The Maître Demon (Magister domus) is an attractively dapper monster, who whittles away at the heroine's health just by being intimidatingly good at what he does.[1]

How to Recognize this Monster

Maître Demon can be readily identified by the pristine white linen towel that grows out of his left forearm.

Manner of engagement

At the beginning of each encounter, the Maître Demon greets his opponent with a cordial bow and an inquiry, delivered in perfectly accented French, as to the existence of a prior reservation. Once this requirement is satisfied, the Maître Demon issues a heartfelt invitation to the buffet, which he delivers himself by slapping the heroine on both cheeks with immaculately gloved hands. He then forces his opponent to sit at his chosen table, lifts a scornfully elegant lip when the heroine mops a sweaty brow with the tablecloth or drops the dessert fork, and then leaves the heroine to the mercy of the headwaiter.

The Maître Demon can be relied upon to giggle discreetly, but audibly, with the sommelier over the heroine's choice of wine, which is generally based on its visual resemblance to beer. He sometimes provides such at-table services as flambéing.[2]

At the end of the meal, when humiliation is complete, the Maître Demon returns to present the cheque on a silver salver. Since your average heroine only eats in places where the food and drink are paid up front, and even then with much mutual suspicion and biting of coin, this alarming outcome generally results in a frantic attempt to flee, followed by an all-out scuffle.

While the heroine may well escape the Maître Demon with her life intact, this is never the case with her dignity.

Attributes

Strengths

  • Complete knowledge of etiquette, whether informal, business, black tie, or white tie.
  • Cut-glass enunciation in English, French and Godvillain.[3]
  • Ability to construct a perfect bow tie, Windsor knot, or four-in-hand in under three seconds.
  • Glides smoothly about the room as if on invisible rollers.

Weaknesses

  • Faints if someone "humorously" mispronounces the word hors d'oeuvres or drinks the contents of the finger bowl during service à la russe.


References

  1. Which is everything.
  2. One or two body parts of the "guest" may feature prominently in this visually striking highlight of the meal.
  3. Namely, the mother tongue of all monsters.
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Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
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Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery