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Monsters of Godville
Elphas impertinens
Class Meaningless Mammal
Habitat No where it belongs
Description A pachyderm with focus issues

The Irrelephant (Elphas impertinens) is a monster. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. The Irrelephant is a master of adding completely useless information and the most inopportune time. Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category. Heroes who encounter an Irrelephant are advised to focus on the task-at-hand, being staying alive, rather than listening to the monster. It would take eleven Empire State Buildings, stacked one on top of the other, to measure the Gulf of Mexico at its deepest point. The most common name in the world is Mohammed. No, seriously, this is important.



  • Objection! You can’t say that here
  • Large, like any other elephant
  • An excellent memory


  • Easily distracted
  • Relevant mice facts
  • Peanuts, easily distracted by peanuts
Majora Hellaphant
Domestica Heffalump
Fortis Bald Mammoth • Hellephant
Mammuthae Bully Mammoth • Multi-Tusked Mammoth • Yorkshire Mammoth
Elephantidae incertae sedis Elephant of Surprise • Elephantom • Fifth Elephant • HTMLephant • Irrelephant • Pink Elephant • Psycophant • Undercover Elephant