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Diary Excerpts:

Where's page 404 of my diary? I can't find it.

Chanced upon a mockingbird. Cried over its witty insults.

The town doctor told me I have liver damage. I'm going to the tavern to drown my sorrows.

Saw a therapist about my aggressive tendencies and defeated him in only two moves.

Attempted to take the high road. Fell.

What has two thumbs and prays to the Great One? Oh, wait, I only have one thumb at the moment.

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can't see.