Counterproductivity, an utterly insane and raving lunatical hero's "god" is actually a manhole cover located at the corner just outside your window, made out of scotch tape, scotch and soda, and, of course, scotch guard. This "deity" is nothing more than the delusional wanderings and whimperings manifested into reality by the pious convictions of a sad fool of a hero; a hero who shall go down in infamy, one Mr Klumpens. You all know the story of Mr Klumpens and the 3 bears... well that's only half the real story. Only half of the true adventure, alas the Annals of the Tallied a book pending publication once finally cleared for indecency by the censors because of multiple outrageous allegations against all other gods except one... that Ultimate Backwardinosity: Counterproductivity. so the manhole commanded, the Klumpens heard and heeded... the ice cream melted, and the Klumpens cried out: "Yo! I don't WANNA get off the bus, yet!" And his Grand Delusion smiled wide. So started the relationship between a boy and his god. they have been going steady ever since. The Counterproductionists Church of the Holy Sasquatch Inc. soon came to be a boon upon the earth, but its' only adherent practitioner, that becursed rogue, Klumpens, was slowly losing grip of what insanity he still had. He formed a congregation out of his multiple sclerosis personalities and took the band on the road. That first tour was where we acquire the familiar expression "pass the ketchup dad" but the mystery of that phrase was unlocked by only one hero among the myriad wretches inhabiting this planet of dirt... and who do you think that hero was? You got it, one Mr Klumpens, the known Hindrance Party agitator and undercover informant to the Czar of Whatsitz. While involved in guerrilla anti-counter-counterproductivity operations somewhere in the land of Nod, Mr Klumpens was listed as having gone missing somewhere near Sleepytown... perhaps he just drifted off... he did have a nasty habit of counting sheep ad nauseum, so it's also possible he slipped off... "to sleep a thousand years and awake again, makes me a mutated pelican" was one of the great quotes of this detestable hero's known life. And what of the Mystery of which he had learned? Lean a bit closer to the screen and I'll whisper it to you... you look responsible, like i can even trust you... well here it is, so listen close... you need a breath-mint man, jeez!
Counterproductivity: a nice place to visit, or a vile destroyer of youths' innocence and society's morals? You be the judge. Send all complaints to your senator. .