Ankh-Morpork City Watch

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Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Amcw.jpg
Motto: Fabricati Diem, Pvnc!
Alignment: Bright
Gold Fund: ~140,000 c.u.
Founder(s):
Date Founded: 7/12/11
Membership Count: ~300
Pantheon of unity Rank: ~4th
Forum Headquarters: Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Guild Page: Ankh-Morpork City Watch 
Allies:
Data current as of Hex: +++Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot+++

The Ankh-Morpork City Watch was originally founded in 1561 by King Veltrick I. It has an illustrious and ignoble history, and you should definitely read all about it. The modern watch has been expanded and organized under Sir Samuel Vimes, and it has become a model of diversity (though perhaps not efficiency) by recruiting heroes from all races, classes and abilities (or lack thereof).

After a disastrous thaumic experiment by Ponder Stibbons at Unseen University, the space-time continuum was rendered moot, and the members of the watch found themselves serving as peacemakers throughout Godville.

For many years, our Honorable Commander Sir Samuel Vimes has lead the Watch, along with his guild co-founders, Mustrum Ridcully, Havelock Vetinari, Rob Anybody and Granny Weatherwax. However, due to growing instability in the lands beyond the city, this old, wise and generally insane Council of prominent gods has been forced to retire to where the thingamajig is hitting the wossname, leaving behind a new and (mostly) fresh Inner Council of high-ranking officers in their wake, lead by the intrepid and quickly becoming too old for this cra-- uuhh... stuff? god Azzageddi.

Given the epic magnitude of our battle against rampaging monsters, we urge all true heroes to join the Watch.


And really, do you need any more good reasons to join? Well, here is our awesome AMCW anthem, fully created and lovingly compiled by our guild members.


“Here Comes the Watch” (trad. song, author unknown)

[Verse the First]

Here comes the Watch...your arses we protect

our mission we'll not botch, your safety ne'er neglect!

Let’s drink some scotch, the best we can select.

We are the Watch, and drink we can’t reject.


[chorus]

Morporkia, Morporkia, we watch you day and night.

Morporkia, Morporkia, for your sound sleep we fight.


[Verse the Second]

stomp stomp clink, stomp stomp Clink Stomp STOMP!

[repeat chorus above]

[Verse the Third]☥☥

The City Watch united and prepared.

We'll find the ones who make the people scared.

Come shine the light into the alleyways.

Come, brother☥☥☥ mine, let’s clean the city’s maze.


[chorus]

We are the Watch, we're at all times alert.

We keep the peace, arrresting☥☥☥☥ Morpork's dirt.☥☥☥☥☥

Our sacred bond forever we uphold,

In heat and rain and biting winters cold.


Brief historical notes:

☥ Words lost to time and alcohol, the second verse is mainly hummed along with stomping and clinking beer steins.

☥☥ The sudden change in tune and tempo has led some to theorize that the 3rd verse is from a completely different song, beloved by some members of the Watch while others held to the older song. Whether in the spirit of compromise or the spirit of...spirits, the two songs were fused together, never to part again.

☥☥☥ Female officers sometimes sing “sister” at this point, and though this was controversial at one point, it has become accepted. Still, more than one female officer has insisted on singing “brother,” and arguments about the appropriateness are ongoing.

☥☥☥☥ Yes, three Rs. To sing the song properly, one must roll one’s Rs with this word...and this word alone.

☥☥☥☥☥ Some modern, progressive critics of the Watch have called for changing this word, citing it as classist; others claim that considering the character of some of the Watch’s arrestees, calling them dirt is an insult to dirt. Most members of the Watch scorn the idea of changing the words, however, insisting that tradition trumps all. (Above arguments about “brother vs sister” are conveniently ignored in this case.)


(Need another good, Watch-related drinking song? Go here, why don't you?)


Join the Watch!!!

00 guards.png

How to Join (And Stay Joined!)

Launch quest to join

To convince your hero to join the Watch you must send this command:

Join the "Ankh-Morpork City Watch" guild

To maximize the chance that your hero will listen to you:

  • Your hero must be level 12 or higher.
  • Your hero should be on the road (passing a milestone), not in town.
  • Your hero should be idle, not fighting a monster.
  • Do not cancel your current quest before sending the command.

Cancel quests to leave

The cancel your quest command is only used if your hero is already in the Watch but foolishly accepts a quest to join another guild! We have successfully cancelled quests in or out of town and while fighting or idle.

It usually takes at least 5 tries (sometimes you get it in one, sometimes it takes 20+). If your hero doesn’t listen after you send the command (say 5-10 times), wait a bit and try again. The quest to leave takes a couple days, so don’t panic.

Musings on wanderlust

Heroes tend to wander off more when our unity is at high tide. Your hero will wait at least 10 days before trying such a ridiculous stunt again. Once you reach the rank of Grandmaster (~3 months, and ~7 attempts to leave) heroes stop trying to leave (as long as you check in once every couple weeks).


Guild Rank: Fan Intern Recruit Follower Master Chief Master Advisor Grand Master Cardinal Hierarch Patriarch or Matriarch Regent Prophet Captain
Days in the Guild: 0 1 3 8 18 35 60 90 135 200 300 450 600 800
Symbolic item: Framed copy of the Watchman's Pledge King's Shilling Tan lines below the knee Barely dented breastplate Bell for shouting "All's well!" Bottle of Sheep's Liniment IOU from Nobby Nobs Thinking helmet Bacon robes Librarian's banana A price on your head Staff with a knob on the end Battered copy of "Where's My Cow?" Thin-soled shoes

Note: Guild leaders (Elected position) will receive a Ceremonial truncheon with a silver knob on the end

Benefits Package

  • The guild maintains a generous widows and orphans fund, and provides per diem expenses in towns.
  • Special artifacts may be left on your pillow in the guild’s Watch House in town. Alternatively, they may be awarded for active promotion of the guild (using godpower in towns to enhance guild influence).
  • Traders may give you new equipment, in appreciation for the “protection” we provide (as in “The trader was impressed by my “Ankh-Morpork City Watch” guild membership card. Received sapient pearwood club as a free gift.”)
  • We also have an Igorina who provides a spare hand where needed, healing wounded guild members free of charge (as in “Waved my “Ankh-Morpork City Watch” badge in the surgeon's face, showing off my guild status, and got patched up for free.”)
  • As an added perk, the Mended Drum provides a free round of drinks for all watchmen. What your heroes choose to do after that is on them.

Routine Patrol Work

The primary duties for members of the City Watch consist of

  • slaying monsters, and
  • gathering gold bricks for a new Watch House.

That said we do try to maintain good public relations and a sense of camaraderie. To further these ends:

Public Relations

Contribute creatively to the guild thread

If you feel inspired to do so, please contribute to the guild thread. The thread is a major way to stay connected with other members. It can also entice new recruits to join us (assuming the content is both amusing and creative!).

Keep the tone positive, welcoming to newcomers and visitors, and above all, entertaining.

Why not visit the forum and take the oath of the Watchman?

Amcw.jpg

Watchman's oath

I, [recruit’s name], do solemnly swear by [recruit’s deity of choice] to uphold the Laws and Ordinances of the city of Ankh-Morpork, serve the public trust, and defend the subjects of His/Her [delete whichever is inappropriate] Majesty [name of reigning monarch] without fear, favor, or thought of personal safety; to pursue evil-doers and protect the innocent, laying down my life if necessary in the cause of said duty, so help me [aforesaid deity]. Gods Save the King/Queen [delete which is inappropriate].

Avoid merely reposting diary entries without amusing commentary or insightful analysis (we’ve already seen ’em!), or posts that only celebrate your guild influences in town (we’re all doing that, it gets tedious to read).

It’s great to have as many different contributors as we can, to help make sure the thread stays on the first page of the forum. If you read it daily, and notice a post hasn’t been made in the last day or two, give your guildmates something to smile about.

Some of our members enjoy producing sometimes-elaborate storylines, detailing their adventures and shenanigans. If someone is producing a storyline, please don’t derail it by jumping in without warning. If you want to join, consult the writers privately. But at the same time, there is no need to be silent in the guildhouse while a storyline is happening. Life goes on, even when adventures are in the offing.

Our bar is a good place to hang out, and also a good place to roleplay. But several people have said they wished they had some tips on how to roleplay when they first started, so we’ve decided to provide some.

Roleplay Tips

Building your character

If you're going to roleplay, you need a character (you can eventually build up to several but one is a good number to start with, no?). If you have one already, that's great, but maybe you should keep reading even so and do a refresh on the basics.

But first....

Rule#1 of Roleplay

A character is a living creature! This means your character will have a personality of his/her/its own and a past to back it up. Characters are willful creatures and they don't change of their own accord just to fit your mood. They will even fight you back if you try to change them too much. Forcing them to do this can seriously injure your character's personality, generating the kind of dissonance that makes it look fake and unpleasant. So, do not create or change your character just to impress others. Your relationship with your character can become quite intimate and unique, and the best characters usually become the best of friends to their creators. We know this may sound a bit weird at first but trust and respect your character and it'll never disappoint you.


That been said... Let's start! Now, close your eyes and visualize your character. What does your character look like? What does he/she/it sound like, dress like? Does your character have a hobby, carry a weapon, know any special skills. How about a name? Your image of your character can and should be quite blurry at first. This is normal. Characters are just like babies, they kind of all look alike in the beginning.

Tip#1

Don't try to define your character completely right away. Allow room for growth. As you think more and more about your character, its image and background will become a lot more solid and it'll be easier to write character actions and reactions. It'll also be quite neat to watch your character grow before your eyes.

Tip#2

Don't blurt out your character's background story right away. It's not just boring for others to read but it will also leave you without room to adapt if later you realize that this is not really the best story for your character to tell. Reveal little snippets at a time, instead. It will be better accepted and you will have a lot more time to get to know your character as well.

Tip#3

Characters grow through interaction with other characters. A great way to develop your character is by throwing them into a party/raid or trying out different guilds so that you can find out what kind of environment you and your character feel more comfortable in.

And now you're ready to play with others! Regarding that...

Tip#4

The number one rule of good roleplay is respect: respect for others, and respect for your own characters as well. Like we said before, you first need to think of your character as more than just a joke in order to roleplay effectively. You need to let that character come alive, and listen to her, him, or it. This means you also need to regard others as equally worthy of that respect.

Tip#5

Do not take control of others’ characters. If you start writing what other characters are doing and saying, you’re venturing into very dangerous territory. To do so without their players’ permission evinces an extreme lack of respect. However, you can run your idea past the other person via chat, and work together to craft the post. Eventually you may even be given permission to write another person’s character without checking in first. This level of trust should be cherished and never taken for granted.

Tip#6

Along the same lines, do not define others’ characters. Let their players define them. To tell other people who their characters are is incredibly annoying.

Tip#7

Think about consequences, and how others would react. If you set off a bomb in the middle of a crowded bar, what do you think the other characters will do? Laugh and forget about it? Not likely. People may be hurt, and certainly your character will now be regarded as dangerous and unwelcome. This may be a fantasy setting, but for the roleplay to be anything more than just random and pointless, it needs to be treated with some degree of realism. So even if your character is a mischievous trickster god, you have to be ready for what will happen as a result of his actions.

And, finally...

Tip#8

EVERYONE is nervous at first. Don't let that fear stop you from trying out some good old RP. If you feel like you need help, find "older" players and ask if they'll guide you through your first forum adventures. In time, you'll be guiding your very own rookies through their first RP experience.

The Bar

The Watch maintains a bar in the guildhouse itself (don’t tell Commander Vimes!). This is of course a model of efficiency: Cops can have breakfast, lunch, dinner, and after-work libations all in the same place, and can fall asleep in comfy old chairs when they’ve had too much, rather than risk getting knocked on the head in some dangerous dive. Much of the action on the thread takes place around the bar. A few things to note: The AMCW bar is run by the lovely GodSasha And Pasha . They may be mere semi-hemi-demi-goddesses, but be nice to them if you know what’s good for you. They’ll certainly be nice to you in return, and they can cut you off if you’re rude. They do however have a very few simple-but-strict rules that all gods should follow:

Bar Rules

Rule#1

No use of godpower at all by non-members, and no blatant, annoying, frightening, or dangerous use of godpower by members without a very good reason. (The nature of Reality within the guildhouse has been adjusted so that non-members cannot use their godpower anyway--this assists in keeping criminals in their jail cells.)

Rule#2

No fighting. This is a place where people can relax and have fun in ways that doesn’t involve stuff getting thrown at their heads all the time.

Rule#3

You make a mess, you clean it up. And no magic! With a broom and a pan, like Mom taught you.

Mortal Residents

In addition to gods and their heroes, the AMCW guildhouse is also home to several mortals. Our rules exist to protect them since, although magical in nature, they are very much susceptible to godpower and other spells.

The Bunnies

Sasha and Pasha: As mentioned above, they are the bunny bartenders. While they are touring other guilds, by having been created in the AMCW they are a permanent part of it, and it is always their true home. Although they have very minor divine powers now, they are still mortal, mostly.

Sgt Mitsumi (aka Mitzi): When Susan Sto Helit created the baby-oh-baby buga-buga bunnies, she had no idea where this would lead. One of them, the tallest and strongest (though still rather short by human standards), turned out to be a natural-born copper. In the fine tradition of the Watch under Commander Vimes, she went through training and has risen to Sergeant, and is in charge of the non-divine members of the Watch, including all hero-cops. Don’t let her slight stature fool you: she’s a no-nonsense officer, but fiercely attached to those under her command.

Shade and Peaky: Two male bunnies, they act as secretaries to the cops, taking care of paperwork and all the other minutiae that running a Watch station requires.

Poindexter: A geeky, studious bunny, he is also very shy and is rarely seen in public. He very much prefers to spend time studying at the library but if you do see him around, make sure to say "Hi" and he'll say "Hi" back.

Flower: Awkward, sweet, sometimes overeager bunny who is the primary servant in Lord77’s temple.

Twilight: Bunny daughter of Nyrini, apparently about six years old. Huge fan of My Little Centaur and all things cute and fluffy.

Ambar: Bunny son of Susan Sto Helit and Lord77. He's the youngest of the bunnies but don't let that fool you! He's quick on the uptake and will surely have a prompt reply to any who try to baby him around.


AMCW Chronicles

Through the years, the AMCW has been fertile ground for all sorts of shenanigans and stories. Role playing has given rise to plenty of opportunities for humor, suspense, horror, romance and just plain fun. All of these fond memories are available on our guild's forum thread (and if you're going for a brief summary, why not try this one?) but if you want to read some of our storylines and other creations, here are some links you may enjoy. Get a cup of coffee, pull up a chair and dive with us into the past of the guild and of some of our more well-known characters. Or just kick back with some of the simpler creations of our guildies.


Storylines

Mardi and Susan's departure

Voices:

GodAzzageddi , GodSusan Sto Helit , GodThe Almighty Anne , GodGodofbeer , GodLord77 , GodRavenvalykre 


Godbinder

Voices:

GodAzzageddi , GodSusan Sto Helit , GodThe Almighty Anne , GodGodofbeer , GodNyrini , GodLord77 , GodGodofrum , GodNever More , GodGodofwine 


Susan's return and the temple adventure

Voices:

GodAzzageddi , GodSusan Sto Helit , GodThe Almighty Anne , GodNyrini , GodLord77 , GodNever More , GodGodofbeer 


Ambrosia

Voices:

GodAzzageddi , GodSusan Sto Helit , GodLord77 , GodNyrini 


Nyrini at Delvinn (originally posted in the Silver Raven Piracy Guild forum thread)

Voices:

GodNyrini 


A visit to Susan's gardens and the Cryophoenix (a joined adventure shared between the Silver Raven Piracy Guild and the AMCW forum threads

Voices:

GodSusan Sto Helit , GodNyrini , GodAnjanoth the Curator , GodSomnias Vagus 


The Baron

Voices:

GodSusan Sto Helit , GodSaengfai , GodAzzageddi , GodNyrini 

Spontaneous RPing adventures

Ship and garden run

Voices:

GodNekomancer , GodFriendly Fred , GodRa-Wizard of Oz , GodSomnias Vagus , GodBrinjal , GodAzzageddi , GodAlexander Zephyr , GodSusan Sto Helit , GodStickyorder , GodDomerthos , GodNever More , GodKiore , GodYldneirf Derf , GodNyrini , GodThe Almighty Anne 

Sowing Sun Sunday Socket Puppet plays

Maltese Pocket Watch by GodGodofbeer 

The God and the Genie by GodSusan Sto Helit 

Help! I'm not a People Person

Now, if you don’t feel inspired or just really can't stand to deal with the general public, there’s no need to contribute to the forum thread… you can help the guild in other ways:

Use your Invitations to Godville

As a courtesy, as soon as you have an Invitation to Godville use it to connect with one of the members of our Inner Council:

GodAzzageddi 

GodThe Almighty Snuff 

GodKara-jay 

GodGodofbeer 

Feel free to ask them about the guild or Godville in general, they’ll help if they can. Don’t forget to mention whether you want to be listed among the “Special Constables” below.

After that, you could use additional invites to connect with anyone active in the thread whose comments strike you as interesting, engaging, or creative. Or, you could choose based on the hero names you want showing up in your diary entries… Who wouldn’t enjoy hooking up in a grove with Angua von Überwald?

Use your godpower in town

Towns are a great place to try to melt 3000 gold coins into bricks for your temple. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t improve the odds to have over 3,000 coins. As soon as you have 3,000 and your hero enters town you may use encourage or punish to try to get a brick.

The reason to do it in town is that your hero may increase our guild’s influence there (increasing the chance for all of us to get free loot and bragging rights). Simultaneously, you increase the chance of getting loot for your “active promotion of the guild” when you visit a town again.

Note that Godville is the least useful town in which to try to build influence, because the influence there is fleeting (every hero goes there every day, and they all work to negate your influence). Advice on how to influence in specific towns is available here.

If you happen to notice that our guild’s temple owners are very low in the personality pantheons (creation/destruction), rest assured that they are leading the way in securing guild influence. Unlike encourage/punish, when temple owners use “make a miracle” to whip up influence it is more powerful but does not impact their personality… i.e., they tend toward neutral.

Adver☥ise in your mo☥☥o

You may choose to use an Ankh (☥) in your motto (copy-paste is your friend!). It shows guild pride, and if you are high in a pantheon, can provide some nice visibility for our guild.

Remember, even level-12 recruits can be on the first page of the pantheons of creation or destruction. That, in turn means they (and their mottos & our guild) could be featured in the Godville Times).

Use your Discworld name

Most heroes are disoriented when they materialize in Godville. Many assume a false identity. If you registered in the Watch under an assumed name, we encourage you to update your official profile with your true Discworld godname and heroname.

Some hints about this process have been posted in Guild HQ. But, if you have questions about the paperwork, speak with the Watch Commander. Feel free to ask him about the months he wandered Godville in a particularly acute knurd episode and using the pseudonym “Cthulius.” Remember to notify him when any changes are processed, and he’ll update this wiki.

Use the ideabox

There are plenty of amazing and creative artifacts, monsters, and amusing diary entries from Discworld that have yet to be identified in Godville… Help submit good content, support the ideas in the ideabox, and earn a few gratitude points at the same time.

Prominent Members

Watch Commander

Current Commander: GodThe Almighty Snuff 

...Up from the bowels of hell she sailed, wielding a tankard of freshly brewed Ale. Slaying all foes in her path and those who might hinder her gods given task. To bring back Beer to the lands of the free. This is her quest. Her true destiny. Legends shall speak of her name. HAIL THE GUILDMASTER WITH HONOUR AND FAME!... In Chronicles of the Watch, by GodKing Monkey 

Due to a certain political instability (and all-round shenanigans) going on in Überwald, our Commander has been forced to retire to this paradise of doom and gloom for a yet to be established amount of time, as has his full entourage. Worry not! He has left a series of highly experienced and motivated long-time officers as his replacements, who somehow manage to find a loophole in the paperwork and delegate the responsibilities (and most of all, the paperwork) on less-than-willing (but unfortunately stuck with the task) officers. They are always at your service (unless they aren't for some reason).

In Godville, guilds have elections every four months for Guild Leader. Having a Guild Leader has some benefits, like setting a topic and a Totem Monster and so on. However, in the official GV election, only those Cardinal and above can vote, and one candidate must get a minimum of 30% of eligible voters, or nobody wins. In larger guilds, this is difficult to pull off, and the AMCW is currently one of the largest guilds in Godville. We also like things to be more democratic-like. So we hold a Pre-Election Election where ANYONE in our guild can vote, and the nominee who gets the highest number of votes gets to be the only one nominated for the official election. Then everyone votes for that person.

Former Commanders

Along with the current Watch Commander, these gods have done their part in keeping the AMCW running smoothly (to a given value of smooth).

GodAzzageddi  Former devil, now god of rebellion, Azzageddi and his (sometimes) corporal, Aliyaa

Additional responsibilities: Public Relations and Official Greeter

GodKara-jay  and her heroine Pelu-myno

Additional responsibilities: Settler of Disagreements

GodSusan Sto Helit  the eminently sensible granddaughter of Death Susan Sto Helit and her captivated tinkerer Leonard Of Quirm

Additional responsibilities: Archivist and Forum Owner

GodDArgo Sun-Cohen  and his hero BS Johnson

Additional responsibilities: Jester

GodSamuel Vimes  His Grace, Sir Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and his (certified human!) corporal, Nobby Nobbs

Our dear Founder, on a very extended mission to Überwald'

Prominent Sergeants

GodRavenvalykre 

Additional responsibilities: Honorary Inner Council Member

GodGuapo MacFeegle  and his hero WeeFree Joey

Additional responsibilities: Sergeant of Arms

Special Constables

Special Constable’s are the backbone of the City Watch. The individuals below have actively sought a career in the Watch. They are committed to keeping the peace in Godville and promoting the interests of the guild while maintaining a good relationship with the rest of the citizenry. Send a personal message to the Guild Historian, Susan Sto Helit, and she’ll gladly add you to the roster.

GodBellaouthena  and her heroine Master of

GodMarigold Faucet  and her hero Sir Thenredy Preese

GodSir Astrophysics  and his hero Neal Myson

GodNyrini  and her forensic alchemist heroine Aillara

GodThe Patrician  and her heroine Dog Botherer

GodShe-ehn  and her hero Ryneke

GodD00m1n8r  and his heroine Flora Castillo

GodWasa656  and his hero Archmage Velban

GodMachwicce  and his heroine Cawena

GodVelcron  and his hero Chasmid

GodAuditors of Reality  the infamous hive-minded entity Auditors of Reality watching over the universe and his hero Mr Teatime

GodSneezy the Squid  and his heroine Erika Brid

GodGodess Anoia  goddess of Things Stuck in Drawers and her hero Larry the Ladler

GodNot-arual  and her heroine Slow Poke

GodThe Luggage  and his not-quite-so-willing hero Rincewind the Wizzard

GodEpona Dernhelm  and her heroine Mearas

GodBubba Ho Tep  and his hero Bruuuce

GodMister Shine  the indisputable King of Trolls and the particularly intellectually gifted sergeant of the Watch, Sergeant Detritus

GodTeena  and her heroine Picabo

GodBloody Stupid Johnson  the notorious inventor and his ubiquitous entrepreneur, Cmot Dibbler

GodGaia Danu  and her curiously effective detective (and teriffic tracker), Angua Uberwald

GodMrs Whitlow  Unseen University's head of housekeeping Mrs Whitlow, and her much put-upon maid Ksandra

GodOffler the Croc God  among whose followers broccoli is forbidden Offler and his chalk-dwelling, cheese-making young witch Tiffany Aching

GodThe Auditor  our eternal monitor of time and space, making sure the quarks spin Auditors and his hero Ethelred the Queasy

GodLu-tze  our guild’s humble little sweeper Lu-Tze (refer to Rule One) and his ordinary Fools Guild Clodpool

GodDoorman005  and his remarkably prolific author, Sir Terence David John Pratchett

GodPlastic Pink Flamingo  and her heroine Baby Flamingo

GodAfura  and Death’s adopted daughter Ysabell Sto Helit

GodGaspode The Wonderdog  the guild’s canny canine Gaspode and his favorite member of the canting crew, Fowl Ole Ron

GodPerspicacia Tick  our witch-finder and champion swimmer Perspicacia Tick and the Queen of Lancre Magrat Garlick

GodHeyooo  the goddess of lost kitchen utensils, and her egregious professor of cruel and unusual geography Rincewinde (wearing the original Pointy WIZZARD hat)

GodThe Lady Luck  (if you call her, she won't come), simply known as The Lady and her sometimes furry heroine Ludmilla Cake

GodBiakko  and her hero Constable Huffnpuff

GodGeneral Tacticus  the greatest military theoretician on the Disc (a bit too competent for his own good) General Tacticus and his Omnian missionary hero Mightily P Oats

GodSuesa  and her hero Sheylana

Retired Officers

Throughout our history in Godville, some of the AMCW special constables have chosen/been forced to retire due to live’s unpredictable whims (well, mostly they just wanted to quit while they’re ahead and enjoy life before all the crooks realize we’re getting old). Here’s a list of our beloved retired friends. You will always be welcome at HQ for a drink a game of Thud and a wild night in Igor’s workshop (it may take ridiculous amounts of alcohol to build up the nerve to get there, though)

GodSamuel Vimes  His Grace, Sir Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and his (certified human!) corporal, Nobby Nobbs

GodMustrum Ridcully  the Archchancellor of Unseen University and his Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic, Ponder Stibbons

GodHavelock Vetinari  the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork and his chief clerk, Rufus Drumknot

GodRob Anybody  the Big Man of the Chalk Hill Clan and his little brother, Daft Wullie

GodGranny Weatherwax  the Hag O' Hags (see also: Aaoograha hoa & K'ez'rek d'b'duz) and her dear friend, Nanny Ogg

GodTeppic His Greatness the King Pteppicymon XXVIII, Lord of the Heavens, Charioteer of the Wagon of the Sun, Steersman of the Barque of the Sun, Guardian of the Secret Knowledge, Lord of the Horizon, Keeper of the Way, the Flail of Mercy, the High Born One, the Never Dying King and his cud-chewing mathematician, You Bastard

GodJaquizz and his hero Igor Metall

GodLenn  and his hero Evilozzy

GodKoS Major Minor  and his hero KoS Major Minor

GodGufnork of the Fluff  of the MUD small gods, provider of Fluff and his hero Grumbolodrim

GodRincewind  the egregious professor of cruel and unusual geography and the Librarian Horace Worblehat

GodNanny Ogg  our scumble and tumble loving witch and her swashbuckling tomcat Greebo

GodMoist Von Lipwig  our Postmaster-General and his distinktive Deputy Tolliver Groat

GodDrum Billet  our prescient wizard who produced good scumble apples , and the disc’s first female wizard, and master of the Travelling Now Eskarina Smith

GodAbsouloot  and his heroine Zirra

GodCasey Bear  and her heroine Casey Bear

GodKingbakerboy  and his hero Bakerboy

GodCasteel  and his hero Lombardi

GodCastotulu  and his hero Wazarg

GodDoughnut Jimmy   the guild’s finest purveyor of Vetinari medicine and his hero Carlos the Dwarf

GodMarthter  (as in, “Yeth, marthter? ”) and the guild’s loyal and talented surgeon Mith Igorina

GodJamesbeme  and his hero Tarius

GodFwapsk  and his hero Portello

GodRaistlinMajere  and his hero Ford Thunderbird

GodThe Gonnagle  the guild’s bard (and battle-hardened mousepiper) and his fellow feegle Daft Wully

GodKlund  and his barbarian member of the Silver Horde Truckle The Uncivil

GodPhil the merciful  and his hero Kato-1

GodAlmightyBethy  and her hero SodomySaul

GodScraples  and his hero Scraples jr

GodGodess Munkee  and her hero The Smitten

GodGenevra  and her hero Meaty McMeatball

GodThe Death Of Rats  AKA The Grim Squeaker and Death’s Apprentice Morrt

GodParadisPD  and his hero Korbin Nodelums

GodDemon King Astfgl King of the Demons, Supreme Life President of Hell, Master of the Pit, and Lord of Hades and his understudy Eric Thursley

GodJeti022  and her heroine Soshi

GodTempestral  and his hero Tempestral

GodWen the surprised  the founder of the History Monks and his little bald wrinkly smiling sweeper Lu-Tze (again, refer to rule one)

GodBlack Calista  and his hero Jayne Cobb II

GodZour  and his hero Valerien

GodSarchet  and his hero Shartec

GodSupersneaky  and her hero Notsosuperman

GodOllie Ollie Oxenfree  and his hero Safety Dance

GodQuoth  the Raven , and the best blacksmith in Lancre Jason Ogg

GodJeff-God of Biscuits  and his heroine Large Lorreta

GodArcheur  and his heroine Hi-d

GodStumon  and his hero Bugin

GodAgnes Nutter  author of the only truthful book of prophecy and her Practical Occultist and Professional Descendant Anathema Device

GodNijel The Destroyer  a by-the-book barbarian hero and our former patrician Lord Snapcase

GodAlberto Malich  the Wise… Death’s servant and his hero Igneous Cutwell DM (Unseen U), Marster of the Infinit, Illuminartus, Wyzard to Princes, Gardian of the Sacred Portalls, Holder of the Eight Keys and Traveller in the Dungeon Dimensions.

GodHyppers0  and his hero Hypps

GodFeet of Clay  the Golem Trust and his curiously effective detective (and teriffic tracker), Sgt Angua

GodMoon Mother  and her hero Wirt

GodGwinifer Blackcap  whom Mistress Weatherwax once praised as “A good woman with pigs.” and her apprentice (and champion pig-borer) Miss Petulia Gristle

GodTak the Writer  who wrote the Himself, the Laws, and the World and his liberal dwarfish loremaster Grag Bashfullsson

GodAnother Jessica  and her hero Emo-goth

The Fog (Friends of Guild)

Community policing cannot succeed without assistance from the citizenry. These individuals have provided valuable service to the guild (generally by singing like a canary under interrogation at our guild HQ). Please don’t take offense if you aren’t listed, just send a personal message to Samuel Vimes, and he’ll gladly add you to the list!

GodLord77  and his hero Adam77

GodBrinjal  and his hero Stevaloid

GodSomnias Vagus  and her heroine Kaniisa Heartblade

GodSarahAnnePDX  and her heroine LugosiBela

GodStickyorder  and his hero Lord Wafflington

GodThe Only Good God  and his hero The Only Good Man

GodLuke the Almighty  and his heroine GLaDOS the Mighty

GodIduna  and her heroine Boleyn

GodKatie Scarlett  and her hero Captain Butler

GodNekomancer  and her hero Alexander Zephyr

GodJoceej13  and her heroine Jjanicki

GodNever More  and his heroine Alicia Raven-queen

GodIsis Jane  and her hero Hugh Mannley

GodA-tuin-  the great Chelys galactica that is the foundation of our world and her heroine Oonaa

GodHairplug4Men  and his hero Heybaybay

GodDogess  and her heroine Squidgitt

GodBellatrixie the Strange  and her hero Galldemort

GodLady Shadows  and her hero Dmetry

GodDoctor Frank-n-furter  and his hero Riff-raff

GodJewelz  and her hero Simon Templer

GodDragolord  and his hero Akhorn

GodPhraea  and her hero Tezca

GodFriendly Fred  and his heroine Evil Eve

GodJimbob64  and his hero Gary-sue

GodRosalind Vivian  and her hero Sei Taisa

GodDomerthos  and his heroine Necroma

GodKiore  and his hero Neren

GodNexus  and his heroine Mezzrow, of the League of Adjudicators

GodJ R Bob Dobbs  and his hero Anti – Bob, of the Lost Pantheon of Progressive Vikings

GodHerm  and his hero Fulgentle Ailurid, of the Navigator Dragons

GodGruntfuttock  and his hero The Black Prince, of the Lost Pantheon of Progressive Vikings

GodGutesjahr  and his hero Galvior, of Lost Pantheon of Progressive Vikings

GodThe Octagon  and his hero Dr Kenneth Noisewater, of the League of Adjudicators

GodLHR Bad Karma  and his hero Lamplighter, of the League of Adjudicators

GodTheGourdGod  and his heroine Altina, of the Skeatseria Lodge

Further Reading

Tips on resurrecting your beloved fallen pet

by GodAnother Jessica 


To resurrect your pet the theoretical maximum gold needed is 4000 coins, but you will need a bit less of course. And the easiest ways to get these coins, or rather to not let the hero waste them before praying, is to get to Godville on red health with a finished quest and the needed sum of gold in gold itself and trophies plus about 500 in case the hero wastes some on healing items, during random events. The other one will be to go to arena so that after it you have the needed sum of gold - again, gold plus trophies plus about 300-500. You don't need to win there, by the way, if you got the needed sum in trophies, but be aware that in the arena the hero can lose a few during the duel. But the arena way is risky, because the hero may spend gold on skill upgrades, though usually he doesn't.

The best way to collect the gold before finishing a quest at red health is digging. For low-level pets, I mean 10 and less, just one boss gives all needed gold in 90+% cases. After having defeated the boss, you can finish the sum by some additional digging for usual treasures. But warning that if the hero finishes the boss fight at red health, he'll go to town to heal, sell, drink!, pray and such after defeating the boss. I also heard that the cool-down between digging bosses naturally, via voice commands, is an hour and five minutes, but I don't know if it's between defeating one and digging the other or digging one and the other. And note that if you take more aggressive stance in fighting the boss, as in punish, use attack voice commands, restore and so on, you will have a higher chance than your allies to get a boss body part. So I would recommend digging for boss when the hero's at 85-94% of his current quest or about 96-98% of an epic one, at maximum health of course. You may even send him to town before the planned digging so that he's at full health when you begin. After your hero killed the boss at yellow/green health and got his share of gold and loot, he will ideally return to the quest and finish it at red health.

The problems are that the hero may decide to go to town to heal or for a full cycle before finishing the quest, or heal by a random event (there is a very little chance of a full-healing event, but there is) or by a healing item, one of those written in italics. The town happens when a strong monster hits the hero very hard, so you can try preventing it by using attack voice commands while the hero is fighting a strong monster, the healing items hero won't buy, and later use, on the days with the relevant forecasts or when he has less gold than he needs to buy one, for example after losing in the arena. Though sometimes he doesn't buy them anyway. And another problem is that you can't use any influences if your hero has more that 3000 coins, as they can be melted into a brick.

So, after the hero has defeated the boss, got some additional gold if needed, and his health got in the red zone, use a few quest-hurrying vcs to complete the quest and wait. Though I recommend getting the health to be much lower than 1/3 because heroes, especially the ones with good alignment, can heal on the road to town by random event.

The other way will be the arena. You can go there if you have the gold and trophies but can't use the other ways (then you will need to win), or if you and a friend/alt of yours with your gold and trophies and his gold combined enough to heal the pet (and you are risking mismatching), or you have the needed sum in trophies (the main risk here is losing the most expensive ones). By the way, if you haven't remembered the close price of an artifact from before, count by minimum price: a regular one - around 30, a bold - ~150, an activatible ~200-300, a boss body part ~900-1000. And so you know, traders quite often fool the heroes into giving regular items for free, but they can do it with bold items and activatibles also, but much rarer. And maybe even boss parts, but I have never seen such event.

Another way is to make the hero visit a town where they don't spend much (for example Beerburgh won't do - they spend quite a lot on drinking there) with the needed sum (gold plus trophies)* ~2 plus the costs of the number of healing items he can buy (by the way one costs about 150-200, as I have noticed), a possible weapon (about the level of the hero*100 plus 1000-1500 for your level range) and a brick (3000-3500). Of course the town does influence other things than drinking but I myself don't know much about it, and of course the hero may not buy all the things listed here. And he may upgrade a skill, basically losing what you've saved in most cases. If your hero has the aura of abstinence, then don't include *~2.

A few other tips on pet heal: 1)A finished epic quest sometimes gives the hero lots of gold, so it makes sense to hurry them if the pet got knocked out while the hero was close to finishing, but don't make it a main way.

2)A tip from Kingdada: activating a teleporting artifact while the hero's selling stuff in town results in him going straight to praying in the town he's appeared in.

3)And other activatibles have interesting effects too: For example activating a boss-summoning or boss-digging artifact in town while selling will result in the hero getting a few (3, I think) bolds or some (around 3000) gold. I also activated a digging one at the beginning of healing in town, and guess what - got the boss. That was awkward. By the way, for templed gods pet healing is much easier: first, they can influence the hero's health by encouraging/punishing safely - no logs melting from gold coins; they can miracle to hurry quests or get additional costly bolds... or they can send to dungeons. Dungeon mechanics work in a way that makes the hero return to his deeds (aka questing, praying, selling...) at any health if he got the treasure. So the best times to dungeon are while the hero's praying, when his quest is getting completed soon, when after completing a quest the hero came to Godville and is now selling/healing/sleeping/as mentioned above, praying; In theory - when the quest is complete and the hero's going to town, but he'll need red health when entering; while selling after arena.

Tips on Arena duels

by GodAnother Jessica 


If you want to know more about your opponent in the arena, see their win/loss ratio, their position in duelers, and motto/name. And in the pantheon of duelers, if you open it, you can see their w/l ratio this month/season, which helps if the opponent changed tactics recently. If the opponent has the general w/l ratio at about 1/3 for lower levels, 1/4 for higher (from 25-35), and monthly/seasonally is about the same, he is very likely to be AFK (away from keyboard, a player who does not encourage or punish during duels). A 1/2 ratio may mean he is a very lucky AFK, a 50%-fighter or a situational one, 1/1 that he is picking his fights, 2/1 he is a non-payer who often fights, but doesn't waste much, 3/1 - a non-paying dueler, more than 3/1 - you can go drink some tea. And the motto, and in rarer cases the name, can content hints as in "Honored loser", "Please help me lose", "Dueler for life" in the motto or "Afkhero" as a name.

Now, these are things you figure out instinctively after 100+ battles. There are also a few more you would want to know, like: 1. The attack in reaction to attack voice commands is similar in damage to a usual attack every turn. And the power of attacks on turn are 7-13% god power, depending on whether the attack is weak, medium or strong. 2. Heal voice commands heal just as much...though sometimes the hero mishears the command and attacks. 3. Defend voice commands reactions block about half the damage received on the given turn, including from the attacks, attack voice commands and punishes from the opponent and your own punish/turn backfires. 4. Pray gives you 5-25% god power. 5. The power of a punish is about the power of two on-turn-attacks or attack voice commands, of an encourage - two heal voice commands, or about 20% hp, may too be more/less. 6. After 5 successful influences the 6th one is very likely to backfire; if your 3 out of 5- whole voice commands worked, the next 5+ will not, so may as well throw an influence for the remaining 25+%...

For a beginner, low-level god, the chances of winning if you fight AFK every time with every opponent are, I'd say, somewhere near 1/3, or a bit more, as many beginners are AFK in the arena too or even worse (like saying "You can do it!" instead of practical voice commands). After some more matches to your rate, I believe about 20 at total, the game will start matching you with more experienced players, though a good share of them send AFK too, so you'll have like 1/4 - 1/5 chance to win there. And after temple it'd be about 1/7-8. If both opponents are or one with minimal health are at about 60% of their health, as in 120/200. This percentage will be about 70 for the "both opponents lose hp every turn" rule. That is because the fight will almost certainly last the next 10 turns after that point, and voice commands always work 3 out of 10, which may even be the first three or the last three. By voice commanding from that point you have some turns for the voice commands to pass, but already know a bit about your opponent - like whether he fights much or not.

About This Wiki

This wiki is lovingly maintained by our Guild Historian GodSusan Sto Helit , in the absence of its author, GodSamuel Vimes , please do not edit it directly (the entire page is overwritten with every update and your changes will be lost).

Corrections & Suggestions: Godville is continually evolving, the game mechanics do change over time… If any of the advice given above becomes outdated or is inadequate, please offer corrections via personal message. We gratefully welcome all suggestions for improvement! Don’t be shy about asking for your hero to be listed in the special constables, notifying us of name changes, or asking for an edit to the description of your discworld heroes!

Due to the overall business of RL, Susan may take some time to update the page, but send a PM, and she’ll respond ASAP.

About Our Motto

The Watch's motto is “FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC,” as inscribed on the old Treacle Mine Road Watch House. While the actual meaning has been disputed, Fred Colon insists it means “To protect and serve.”

Discover Discworld

The thaumatic disturbance that brought members of the City Watch to Godville also brought monsters and artifacts from Discworld (which have subsequently been spotted throughout the land). Those who've valiantly fought off Multi-legged Luggage using nothing more than a Sapient pearwood club (only to receive a rather lame Pointy WIZZARD hat) know this all too well. For your own safety, we highly recommend you read every book ever written on the subject of Discworld.