Difference between revisions of "AMCW impromptu RP adventures"
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Now.. should I pull the young ones out of their adventure so they won’t miss the party or should I just leave them where they are and let them finish it?
Now.. should I pull the young ones out of their adventure so they won’t miss the party or should I just leave them where they are and let them finish it?
Revision as of 02:35, 23 May 2015
Nekomancer: hops back on imaginary ship :3
Friendly Fred: rides the imaginary ship as well
Ra-wizard Of Oz: Friendly Fred You have nothing to do with this imaginary ship. Take neko and shoo! >:]
Friendly Fred: Grabs a whole lot of nothing and uses it to fuel imaginary ship
Somnias Vagus: The guy with the question mark is a random dude.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Walk up to that dude and press “A”.
Friendly Fred: rides ship around everyone. Never knew an imaginary ship had much space. gets waffles and cooks them inside the ship
Nekomancer:Yay! Welcome aboard! :D
Hey Somn, get abroad the imaginary ship! :D
Friendly Fred: So, who’s the captain?
Brinjal: Can I be the captain? Or at least one of the crew?
Azzageddi: Azz watches everyone on the imaginary ship with a happy little smile. Mitzi, finishing her bath, emerges from the ladies’ area of the hot springs. Looking at the gods, she asks, “What are they doing?”
“Playing,” he says.
“Oh…” she watches and smiles too. Shaking her head, she heads for Azz’s temple. “Coming?” she calls back to him.
He chuckles and finally turns away from them. “Sure…getting sleepy after all. Good night, friends!” he calls back to the gods at play. “Don’t run your ship aground!”
Nekomancer: Yay more people! :D
..anyone knows how to steer this thingy?
Brinjal: It’s easy, you just grab the controlls and go…
Alexander Zephyr: Looking at the gods on the imaginary ship in amusement
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Gives up at this point. Imma just sit here and meditate.
Friendly Fred: imagines Ra into the ship
Nekomancer:Hanging onto the helm. Hahaha I have no idea what I’m doing. :3
Somnias Vagus:Joins Brinjal Bum-ba-bum-bum
Nekomancer:Yay Somn joined! Welcome abroad! :D
Friendly Fred: Now! Time to set sail!
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Foresees sinking of ship.
Nekomancer:Do you really want it to sink, Ra? Everyone might drown in their imaginations. :P
Ra-wizard Of Oz: Nekomancer Let them drown, DROWN!
Susan Sto Helit: Picks up the imaginary ship with all the imaginary characters and puts it in a bottle.
Brinjal: Starts making a list of things to fear other than death • Fear itself • Pain • The Dark • Clowns • Losing your friends • etc
Stickyorder: Looks like a fun list Brinjal! Add the Unknown!
Susan Sto Helit: I’ve always believed torture is much scarier than death. How about the vegetable peeler? Or the slicer…
Brinjal: • The unknown • Torture • That messed up dream I had where Ra tried to chop me up and serve me to Twilight • Being watched by a duck. • Susan
Azzageddi: Azz picks up the bottle with the ship and tiny gods in it. “They’re still in there? Aww, they’re so cute…”
Susan says, “I was just about to take them out.”
“Oh no,” says Azz. “They’re having so much fun. Hmm…”
Azz remembers the tropical oceans of Mardi in his youth, and summons them up, filling the bottom half of the bottle so the ship—which is becoming more real by the moment—floats in it. Dolphins leap alongside as a strong breeze fills the sails. Ahead, the gods see a mysterious island….
Nekomancer:Land there! Do it! :D On Somn’s head looking at the island
Azzageddi: Hmmm, thinks Azz, I guess now I have to figure out what’s on the island…
Somnias Vagus:Setting sail for unknown island, Capt’n Neko!
Azzageddi: As the little ship approaches the island the faint strains of an eerie but entrancing song drift across the waves to the ears of the crew. Though the words are in an unfamiliar language, somehow the listeners are filled with a desire to rush headlong toward the shore, with no thought toward hidden reefs or rocks. Ahead, a line of waves crash, but beyond that chaos the waters are placid. And within the waters of the little bay can be seen the heads and shoulders of beautiful women who have swum out to greet the onrushing ship with their song…
Somnias Vagus:Is drawn by the song, then a sudden memory of a epic triggers an involuntary action to plug ears
W-what? Why- WAX! I NEED WAX! Trying not to panicPleasedon’tbesirenspleasedon’tbesirens…
Friendly Fred: sees what Somn did and does the same
I’ve read enough Mythology (And Percy Jackson) to know where this is going!
Looks for wax
Azzageddi: As the first to start looking, Somnias Vagus finds a tin of Professor Babbalanja’s Patented Longboard Aloha Wax patent pending in an old bucket on the deck.
The crashing waves are getting closer, and now large rocks are visible just beneath them. It is too late to turn, but there is a gap, barely wider than the little ship…everyone but the now-deaf Somnias Vagus is still steering or setting sail heedlessly straight for the rocks.
Friendly Fred: Stares towards the rocks
Somnias Vagus:Stuffs wax in own ears, then grabs Fred, stuff wax into his ears and slaps him back to reality. Then, trying not to hold back panic, shoves Brinjal aside and tries to steer the ship, only to find out the hard way that a ship takes team effort to be steered.
Brinjal: Runs up and starts helping Somn steer
Friendly Fred: shakes his head then he go helps Somn and Brinjal
SOMEONE GET THE SAILS! Brinjal, man the wheel! And someone get Neko before she jumps off the ship!
hurries and looks for wax for the other members
Nekomancer:I’m hungry! Are there fishes in the sea? Wait of course there are! FISHIES! :D
Somnias Vagus:Stuffs wax into Brinjal’s ears before he falls under the song’s spell again, then hurls the tin of wax at Fred
Brinjal: I don’t have ears! Umm… I’ll have to block out the sound out some other way!
Lalalalalalala I can’t hear you!
Oh wait, yes I can…
Falls under the song’s spell and steers towards the rocks
Friendly Fred: catches and stuffs some of the wax into Neko’s ears
Okay. Brinjal, steer us clear of the rocks. We don’t want any sirens eating us. No sir we don’t.
grabs some of the ropes and unfurls the sails.
Neko! Fish below deck! Go get them!
Susan Sto Helit: Watching the gods in the bottle, Susan smiles at Azzageddi and blows on the bottle, making the wind blow strong and the waves raise higher, crashing left and right. Suddenly, the sails catch the roaring winds and the ship rises from the waves as if lifted by an unseen hand. Almost by miracle, ship and gods are transported through the tiny gap in the rocks at great speed. A crashing sound comes from starboard as the ship lands again, now on the gentle waves breaking on the shore, like gentle watery kisses to the sandy beach.
Brinjal: Still under the song’s spell
This ship is unsinkable, like the Titanic! We don’t need to worry about these rocks, or the sirens! FULL SPEED AHEAD!
See what did I tell you, we made it!
Friendly Fred: slaps Brinjal silly
Pull yourself together! This is the deep sea. We must find a way to return.
Susan Sto Helit: From somewhere below deck, the sound of in-rushing water is heard.
Somnias Vagus:Pulls a piece of paper and pencil out of pocket, scribbles
Check the ship! Is it okay?
Passes it to Fred, theb scans around the place, trying to spot the women thingies.
Brinjal: Careful, they’re masters of disguise! They could be anyone, they could even be disguised as one of us, like Fred, or Neko orSomn or that other Somn… uh oh…
Friendly Fred: Shakes his head at Somn and gestures to her that she should go down. He then proceeds to tie Neko and Brinjal.
Somnias Vagus:Does not, can not see the other Somn. Instead nods, beaches the ship, then proceeds to go down below deck to check the damage
Brinjal: Not sure which Somn to trust…
Susan Sto Helit: On the starboard side of the hull, a gaping hole lets sunlight shine through, illuminating the whole area below deck. From one of the crew’s resting hammocks, a siren jumps at Somnias Vagus, teeth at the ready.
Somnias Vagus:Freezes, then a sudden idea comes to mind. Reaches into pocket, pulls out a sharp pencil and aims at the siren. Does not care to check if it managed to hit its target, and instead scans surroundings for a weapon.
Susan Sto Helit: The siren wails in anger as the pencil gets stuck in her nostril. Fishes rush into the hull in response and the siren picks up a swordfish, ready to attack Somn.
Brinjal: Desperately struggles free from Fred and charges below deck to see what’s going on. Sees Somn under attack by a siren.
Beautiful singer or not, nobody hurts my friends!
Hands Somn a large piece of splintered wood from the hull and looks around for something he can use.
Nekomancer:Somehow breaks free from the ropes
FISH! LET ME EAT YOU! >D Leaps in front of the siren, snatching the swordfish from her hands in the process
Friendly Fred: Oh to heck with it.
Grabs an oar and charges at the siren
Somnias Vagus:Has terrible hand-eye coordination and if attacks would probably hit friends instead, so handles splintered wood gingerly and eyeballs the place to look for all available options
Azzageddi: The sirens ignore Brinjal since he is a vegetable, but their beautiful mouths gape to reveal a double row of shark teeth as they lunge at the other crew.
Suddenly, drums from the beach sound, and the sirens scatter back into the water. Swimming a short distance away, they bob in the water, looking once again simply like pretty women out for a swim, disappointed that they didn’t get a kiss.
Brinjal: Phew. That was a close one.
Nekomancer:Kiss this! Chairmode: activate! Hurls a chair at them
Stupid fishes. At least I’m full now! :3 And yay the ship is safe! :D
Somnias Vagus:Removes wax from ears
… Phew. No sound.
Looks at the gaping hole Anyone know how to patch up holes? Cause I sure don’t. If we can’t fix this right now I suggest setting up camp and a watch schedule. I don’t want those things sneaking up on us…
Susan Sto Helit: The sound of the drums fills the air, steady as a heartbeat. In the distance, voices rise, shouting at heavens in some foreign language, their guttural sound merging with the cry of the seagulls, rising ever higher until all there is is that frightening song that seems to make the ground shake in time with the banging of the drums.
Slowly, the gods realize the voices aren’t getting louder, but closer. And closer… and closer…
Friendly Fred:Heads up guys… and gals. We have company! Get below deck, I think we have some weapons onboard.
Somnias Vagus:Fred, we’re all below deck, I think. Let’s patch up the hole. Quick. Starts looking for repairing stuff
Nekomancer:Well I never got out of the ship so.. yup. Use planks. Here.points at the pile of planks
Somnias Vagus:That works. Do we have nails and a hammer?
Brinjal: That’s my gopher wood D:
Nekomancer:Crawls between some barrels How convenient! Here! Slides nails and hammers towards you
Barrels.. I don’t trust barrels.
Susan Sto Helit: The waves rush in with a loud, flushing sound and all the planks begin to drift afloat. As the ocean moves out of the ship, so do the planks. The ship stranded ashore just a few meters away from dry land, the gods find themselves between the dreadful sirens and the roaring drums.
Somnias Vagus:Drag those barrels over here! We’ll use them as a makeshift barrier.
AND SOMEONE MAN THE SHIP BEFORE WE CRASH INTO THOSE ROCKS AGAIN!
Friendly Fred: Never trust Barrels… Or chairs. eyes a suspiscious looking chair
Anyway, I’ll go up and see if we got any hostiles. Neko, you got a bow or a gun in that barrel?
Susan Sto Helit: On the shore, a group of men gathers in a circle, around a fire. Five of them carry large drums that they play with their bare hands. Their expressions look fierce, with colorful war paintings covering their tanned skin. The paintings mimic many patterns, of great felines and rare birds. Piercings made of bone and wood decorate their ears and noses, jiggling and jingling as they hop and run and twirl around the fire, dancing their war dances with ceremonial bows and axes and staffs, that they point at each other in choreographed attacks.
Nekomancer:Digging through a barrel I got some spear things and a bottle of beer..
Goes to another barrel Aha! A bow! ..Oh those are the arrows! Yup! Anyone wants the beer?
Gets distracted by the people and looks out the hole
Brinjal: It might be best not to upset them, they could probably provide food, water and shelter if we stay on their good side.
Neko, you probably look the most harmless out of all of us, maybe you should talk to them.
Somnias Vagus:… We’re not drifting out to see? I’m getting to paranoi- SOMEONE PREPARE TO SHOOT THOSE GUYS IF THEY COME CLOSE IN CANOES! D:
Brinjal: You guys realise we ran aground, right?
Friendly Fred: I’ll have beer later! Save me some!
Goes on deck and checks the area
He finds an army of beautiful sirens, their arms carrying spears and intricate swords. Fred trembles at the sight
On second thought, I might need one bottle.
Somnias Vagus:Brinjal, we’re stranded in the sea- Overhears Fred Hold on buddy, I’m coming! Runs up, only to be greeted by a siren
… swings plank wildly, hoping to hit siren in the face
Nekomancer:Here! rolls the bottle towards Fred There are more in this barrel.
Ooh more fishes! :D
Susan Sto Helit: A shaman walks up to the fire and throws powders of different colors in it. Suddenly, a great cloud of smoke rises from the flames and letters begin to form. Bright pink and flashy, they spell:
“Welcome to Aintaland! Girls’ Night Every Night! Guys… meh…”
Friendly Fred:Stabs the siren using the spear, turning it to dust
More sirens approach.
Stay alert, we got more stow-aways
Brinjal: Leaps off the ship and swims to shore
Hope these guys think I’m a friend, not food. Right now they look like the lesser of two evils.
Somnias Vagus:Opens one eye to see that the siren has exploded into a cloud of dust
I hit it? Thank goodness… Brinjal? I don’t like the look of the “Girl’s Night” thing…
Friendly Fred: Walks up to the shaman
Who are you?
Hops onto shore Hey guys I mean meow! :D
Susan Sto Helit: The shaman talks to Fred via sign language, urging him and his friends to follow him to his village.
Meanwhile, the rest of the men shoot bows and hurl spears at the sirens, making them once again swim away from the ship and the gods.
Somnias Vagus:Right… The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Glances around the ship
one last time to see what can be salvaged
Friendly Fred: SOMN!!! THE BEER!
Nekomancer:I found these. A skull and a statu- Skully and Stephano what are you doing here?? Go back to Pewdiepie Town!
Somnias Vagus:Grabs beer What else?
Brinjal: A couple of weapons, in case more sirens attack, apart from that, we should just follow these guys.
Nekomancer:More beer. And barrels. And this chair. And a Bro doll. ..So weird.
Oh cool I found a bunch of guns here!
Brinjal: Come on, let’s go. I think the natives are getting impatient.
Somnias Vagus:Grabs everything portable in sight and hops off the ship
Susan Sto Helit: Natives start tapping their feet, arms crossed in wait for the gods…
Nekomancer:Walks towards the natives and waits for everyone else
Brinjal: Joins Neko
Somnias Vagus:Manages to drag everything to shore
A properly paranoid goddess is probably a goddess that’ll stay alive… I hope.
Friendly Fred: Hopefully they aren’t cannibals
Susan Sto Helit: The natives start walking and enter the jungle, moving surprisingly fast for their short legs and making the gods run to keep up. Around them, the tall, tangled trees bathe the area in shadows that dance with the everlasting travels of the sun. From ground and air, birds sing their mating songs, insects buzz in frenzy and something seems to growl close by…
Somnias Vagus:Starts passing out random pieces of items that could be used as weapons
Friendly Fred: clutches his spear tightly
Nekomancer:Sitting on Fred’s head
Friendly Fred: Okay Neko, You’ll be my lookout! See something strange, cough a furball at it
Somnias Vagus:Do we have a light source of some sort? We could use that- hey, slow down! I’m carrying stuff here! Someone help me!
Brinjal: Takes some of Somn’s stuff.
Why did you bring so much?
Friendly Fred: Gets the beer and the food
Lemme get this for ya!
Somnias Vagus:I’m being properly paranoid. Someone keep an eye on where we’re going. Fumbles around and switches out torchlights
Nekomancer:Hey Somn watch out for that rock a few feet ahead from you.
Duck, Brinjal. There’s a branch in front of you
Friendly Fred:wants night vision
Somnias Vagus:Manages to barely avoid rock Thanks.
Brinjal: Thanks, Neko. That was a close one!
Reaches out and pets what he thinks is Neko, unaware that it’s actually Somn’s hair he’s got
Swings around torchlight and possibly blinded Neko’s night-adjusted eyes
Nekomancer:AAH MY EYES! GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE!! D<
Brinjal: Notices the torch shining on Neko
Wait… if Neko is over there… then what am I petting?
Pets the real Neko now that he can see her
Azzageddi: The little band leaves the almost midnight darkness of the jungle and arrives at a bright clearing in a valley, with steep green walls rising to either side, birds singing among the verdant trees. Comfortable-looking little huts are interspersed among gardens of taro and orchards of breadfruit, and villagers come out to see the newcomers.
The vast majority are men and boys, outnumbering women and girls by about eight to one. Both genders dress the same, in nothing but simple kilts of tappa, decorating their handsome bodies with flowers, shells, and tattoos.
They bring the adventurers to a large hut, outside which sits an ancient crone, being fanned by two beautiful young men, barely out of their teens. She grins, turning her face into a mass of wrinkles, and says, “Welcome to the village of the Aintazons! I am called Grandma! I came from your lands, being shipwrecked here long ago, and I was the only woman these native men had ever seen. (Yeah, don’t ask how they reproduced before…I got no idea. Maybe there were a few Sirens who didn’t eat their toys.)” She cackles at that.
“Anyways, you all are welcome! In fact, my third husband tells me your ship looks repairable—we can help with that. But,” he leans forward with a grin, “we will have a favor to ask… But more of that later! For now, rest, relax, and we’ll have a feast.”
She sees the looks on their faces and cackles again. “We’re not cannibals! Man, what a cliché! Naw, we ain’t gonna eat you. But seeing as we have so many more strapping young fellas than ladies, you girls might be able to find some nice romancing—heheheheheeee! Right, I’m an old lady—I need to take a nap. You all should save your voices and slow down. Wouldn’t want to get laryngitis from talking too much, huh? All will be explained later…after I sleep.”
And with that, her eight affectionate husbands, ranging from late teens to early eighties, help her inside to bed.
Somnias Vagus:… Well. I think I technically count as the only girl, unless Neko decides to switch to human form and Brinjal pretends he’s gender neutral. Or something. Someone keep a lookout… Meanwhile, I think I’ll find a spot to spend the night…
Walks off with stuff, trying to choose between the lesser of two evils- paranoia or tiredness
Nekomancer:switched to human form before going into hut What are you talking about, Somn? :P
Azzageddi: Somnias Vagus finds herself with numerous handsome men trying to do anything possible to make her happy. The male adventurers, however, are also eyes by Grandma’s many daughters, granddaughters, and even a few precocious great-granddaughters, who, used to being in charge, seem to regardFriendly Fred as exotic, and Brinjal as positively fascinating, talking with each other and laughing loudly after looking him over curiously. Nekomancer is also surrounded by hot guys trying to get her to smile at them.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:What on Ea-
Forces himself to close his eyes and breath calmly.
Imma just meditate. Imma just meditate. Imma just meditate. I’m not going crazy. I’m not going crazy. I’m not going crazy. I’m not going crazy. I’m not going crazy. I’m not going crazy. ImnotgoingcrazyImnotgoingcrazyImnotgoingcrazyImnotgoingcrazyImnotgoingcrazyImnotgoingcrazyImnotgoingcrazy
Friendly Fred: Umm… We should follow Somn.
Leads Neko and Brinjal to follow Somn, avoiding the raging fangirls/fanboys
Susan Sto Helit: As the goddesses and gods find beds of fresh straw awaiting for them, the natives prepare a big feast later.
Four stunning young men sing sweet lullabies that put Somnand Neko into a deep, blissful sleep while lovely native girls, just the right age for each of the male gods stroke the gods’ hair (well, peel in one case) and whisper soft words at them to send them off to slumber.
Soon, tiredness takes over them all and they fall into deep, deep sleep…
Stickyorder: A small vortex appears next to Fred, which Stickyorder jumps out of. I seemed to have missed a lot while working.. Can anyone summarise what I missed?
Brinjal: Woken by Stickyorder’s arrival.
We were sailing an imaginary ship… then Susan put us in a bottle, Azz made the ship real, and then the ship ran aground here. Since then we had to fight off sirens and now we’ll probably all be married 5 times by the time we get out of here…
Stickyorder: Okay, I’m cool with that! Glad I made it!
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Brinjal GASP! What about cauliflower?
Susan Sto Helit: The gods and goddesses are awakened by several native men and women coming into the hut with ceremonial gowns for the deities to wear at the feast.
The women appraise the gods as they get dressed, each already picking her favorite, while the men make sure that nothing is amiss when it comes to the goddess’ needs.
Brinjal: This is nice. I’m glad these people are so friendly. I remember Grandma saying she had a favour to ask… wonder what that is. I suppose we’ll find out soon enough.
Susan Sto Helit: The gods and goddesses are brought before Grandma, who is once again reclining by her hut, attended by her harem of devoted men. The older ones sit by her, holding a bowl of grapes and a freshly opened coconut, respectively, while the young ones fan her.
“Hey, young people (well, t’ain’t very tough to be old compared to me, anyways)! I hope you’re all ready to feast and dance, because look! Here’s a feast and there’s some young, buffed up guys dancing! Don’t you girls just love how those muscles glisten in the light of the fire?…” she trails off, her expression dreamy. Then she snaps back to reality. “Ok, while you dance and binge on some tropical food, I want you to consider this. Remember that favor I said I’d need of you? So, here’s the deal: I know you have a ship in need of repair. We can do that for you. I mean, with so many guys around, this is practically a DIY family business! (and none of them ever reads the instructions…Ay, ay, ay…) In return, all I ask is this teeny tiny thing… We have this cave, you see? Lost in the middle of the jungle, strange noises coming out of it, said to be haunted by a huge beast, the whole nine yards. Every so often, it demands sacrifices. We usually send some of the lads down to appease the monster. There’s like, eight guys for each woman here, so it’s not like we can’t spare them! Buuuuuuuuuut, you know… my girls kind of tend to resent it (young folks (shrug)). So, I’ve sent a couple of armed groups of warriors into the cave to deal with the beastie. Guess it took them for sacrifices ’cuz they never returned. Soooooooo, maybe you could go in and kill the monster in return for us repairing the ship?”
Grandma takes a moment to check her nails. “Or you can just stay forever. Lots of nice boys for you, pretty young gals and as for the new guys, well… you might just meet the monster anyway (or, if you’re really unlucky, any of my daughters during that time of the month. Seriously, just run!). But, like I said, you don’t have to decide now! First, we feast!!”
Grandma claps her hands and a couple of young boys brings by a tray full of bread slices and greasy strips of fried pork.
Brinjal: Begins eating.
Hmm… I’m not much of a fighter myself, but we might be able to get rid of this monster for you. We survived those sirens right?
Friendly Fred: Yeah. We can do this!
Brinjal: Thank you for your hospitality.
Turning to the other gods
Also, thank you Neko for guiding us in the dark. And uhh, Somn I think I mistook your hair for Neko earlier. Sorry about that.
Friendly Fred: Yup.
rises and grabs his bow, arrows and spear
So… Are we going to get that monster or not?
Brinjal: Well we could at least wait to see if Somn and Neko want to first. And perhaps finish eating?
Azzageddi: Azzageddi comes into the bar, sleepily stretching. “G’morning,Susan,” he says, then sees the bottle on the bar. “Oh, are they still in there?”
Susan Sto Helit nods. “I guess they like it. They seem to be having fun. Well, I have to go to bed, my friend.”
“Sleep well,” he says with a hug. “Give my best to Lordy. I suppose I’d better take over then.”
Sasha and Pasha come out of their room, ready for work . “Hey, what’s that?” Pasha asks, looking at the bottle.
“Oh,” says Azz, “some of our friends are having an adventure.”
“Ooo!” coos Sasha, “c’n we look??”
In the bottle, the villagers dance for their guests, telling the story of the evil monster and its demands through sinuous body language, while singers chant the tale to the beat of large gourd drums. Calabashes filled with poi and roasted taro are presented before them. Somehow they sense that the vegetable god would not want this, so for him they present various dishes of fish and wild boar, which they give to the others as well, unstinting on generosity. Their gourd cups are filled and refilled with a sort of wine made from the aforementioned grapes, or a kind of mead or beer.
The women are clearly in charge, though it seems less due to tradition than simply that the men are desperate to earn their favor. It seems that eight husbands are the norm here—as Grandma cackles, “One for every day of the week, and two on Sundays! Heeeheeeheheheheheheheeee!”
Suddenly the sky is filled with two huge, distorted pairs of eyes, one set brilliant green, the other warmly brown. The villagers freeze, looking up in astonishment, but soon the sky clears again and they shrug and go back to partying.
“Oh, they’re so wee and cute!” gasps Sasha.
“Haha!” laughs Pasha. “*Somn’s still asleep! And with all those cute guys around her, too!”
Somnias Vagus:Right. Comedy guy goes first, or the paranoid one, depending on where we’re sitting on the scale of cynicism vs idealism…
AAAH… Too… Much… Possibilities! I’m gonna hibernate in my hut and start sketching out mind maps…
Nekomancer:And I’m going to dance with the boys! Toodle-doo! C’mere boys!
Azzageddi: The boys are very happy to dance with Nekomancer, and she creates quite an impression with her knowledge of foreign dances. She soon has them all dancing the Kitty Cat Dance or whatever dance she is teaching them. In return, they teach her their own dances, and she learns to move her hips in ways she never imagined possible.
Even so, several solicitous guys try to follow Somnias Vagus into the hut, wanting to fan her, feed her delicacies, massage her feet, or anything else to make her happy and get her to pay attention to them.
Somnias Vagus:Well… You guys don’t seem so bad… Okay, tell me everything- folklore, history, stories, rumors. Anything at all. Even herb lore works.
Azzageddi: One of the young men, with a studious look to his face, speaks up. "O lovely Walker of Dreams, I, Korikori, have learnt thine language from the inestimable Grandma, Bringer of Love, and I shall tell thee a tale of the Monster in the Cave.
“Long long ago, before there were any women on this island, we had little to live for, except of course for those of us fortunate enough to enjoy the love of other Aintazons. As for the rest of us, we would often in despair try to woo the lovely Sirens, but this always ended in tragedy. But one day, while passing by a cave, an Aintazon heard a deep lowing voice. Imagining it to be a woman (for in those days we often imagined everything we saw, heard, or smelled to be a woman), he rushed into the cave, though his companions tried to stop him. His screams were sudden, and as suddenly they ceased.
“Since then, the voice from the cave has demanded sacrifice, for it had developed a taste for man-flesh. And to prevent it from emerging and slaying us all, we have sent those who break our laws into the cave. Yet we fain would be free of this beast! And so some have attempted to slay it, but none has returned…”
He suddenly clasps Somnias Vagus’s hands in his, his eyes imploring her sweetly. “O Dream Walker, do not enter the cave! Stay here with us! You and your friend Nekomancer shall be esteemed beyond measure! Stay, please stay!”
Stickyorder: I’m just sitting in the corner, enjoying the company of a couple of girl’s and introducing the natives to waffles.
Somnias Vagus:Waaait a minute. You mean none of you guys have ever actually seen the thing come out before? What got into your heads that it can actually slay you guys? Then again, terror is quite a way to keep things under control…
Suddenly I’m reminded of H.G Well’s Time Traveler story (whoseactualtitleI’veforgotten,coughcough), and I never quite liked the idea that the underground race farmed the aboveground beings…
Stickyorder: So, we have no idea what’s in the cave, yet we are expected to go and deal with it for these natives?
Brinjal: I think I recognised those eyes in the sky… anyway, what are we doing about this monster?
Somnias Vagus:Not sure. You guts start digging up information, keep watches, yadda yadda…
Stickyorder: Then we take it out! Hey, if you need a fighter, I can bring instickychaos. I’ve got a rune tattooed on his neck which stops him from harming people unless I give him permission to, so I could realise him from his prison for a quick break!
Brinjal: Let’s see what weapons we have.
Stickyorder: I have my ever present waffle sword!
Azzageddi: A booming, echoey voice speaks, sounding as if an enormous giant is speaking into the bottle from the opening: “You can leave this world only by the way you enterrrrred, woooooooooo…HAHAHAHA!Pasha, stop tickling me!” This is followed by a small but undamaging earthquake.
Nekomancer:What was that? Ah well. I found guns. And arrows. That Somncarried. Heh. Oh my you boys are strong! ..Or I’m really light.
Brinjal: I think it’s both Nekomancer. Well it looks like we’re off on a quest to fight a monster while being watched by eyes in the sky… I feel like a hero!
Somnias Vagus:Rifles through junk Okay, got some arrows, scrap metal, nails, hammer, tin of wax, a rusty old sword…
Domerthos: wakes up after a deep sleep caused by too much dark flame Hey! What’s up? Where did the others went? And whats with that bottle there in Sashas hand’s? walks to the bottle and takes a quick lookHey! There’s a mini Neko and a mini Somn inside! I demand to know what you have done to my Guildmates!
Ra-wizard Of Oz: Nothing much. I got Hawk-eyes, cauliflower and my insanity.
Somnias Vagus:Are you saying you were once sane? O:
maybe we can send you in to sneak in and see what’s going on in there
Nekomancer:So do I, Brinjal.. I feel like Al is watching me.. I’m probably right.
Outside, Al is looking at the bottle while smirking
Anyways, do we move now or wait for tomorrow to come?
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Somnias Vagus O. You wanna enter my mind again?
Azzageddi: Azzageddi says, “Don’t worry, Domerthos—they’re just playing. If anybody really wants out, I’ll take them out of there immediately. I only said they were stuck in there to make it more fun, and to stopStickyorder from bringing in Stickychaos, who would probably destroy everything, knowing him. Anyway, the really good part is coming up…”
Meanwhile, in the village, Korikori replies to Somnias Vagus. “Yes, well, it is true we have never seen the monster, for none who has looked upon it has survived. But we have dreams…dreams of a terrible hornéd creature, its eyes glowing red…and our shamans have interpreted the dreams to mean that we must feed the creature the man-flesh it desires, or we will suffer terrible consequences.”
Brinjal: Somn, grab a sword, I hear you’re rather good at fencing. I’ll grab myself a spear. Neko… I’m not sure what you should do… are you good with a bow?
Nekomancer:Well I hit the targets at the camp in the roundworld on the first (..or was it second?) try so.. Gimme the bow. :3
Brinjal: Right, so if Somn and Sticky have swords, and Fred and I have shields, and Neko has the bow… I think we’re all set. We’ll slay this beast for you!
Somnias Vagus:I hope the thing is a pretty huge target then…
Susan Sto Helit: Back at the bar, Susan returns, sipping tea from a tall, black cup with a starry sky scene painted on. She joins Azzageddi and the bunnies, nodding a small greeting at Domerthos.
Good morning, my dears. she says to the bunnies Good morning, my friend. she greets Azz Lordy sends his regards. He’s been awfully busy lately with his studies on unbinding spells and multidimensional portal blocking, lately. Oh, I see our young friends are still in the bottle.
Yeah, Azz replies. They really do seem very invested in their current quest.
I’m glad they’re having fun with all the chaos. Susan smiles nostalgically Remember when we were like that?
As Azz sighs in fond remembrance, the goddess peeks into the bottle. Inside, the gods and goddesses find themselves once again before Grandma.
Alrighty! she says Y’all seem ready to go about your questing. Korikori here will guide you to the cave, since he looks so fond of you, Somn. Hope you have fun! Make sure to get me some souvenirs! And please, never mind all the creepy noises on your way there. I’m sure big, strong, valiant people like you will have no trouble with all the clawy, toothy jungle critters. They’re nothing compared to the beast, after all… Merry slaying, folks!
Korikori gulps at his fate but soon gathers himself and gestures at the gods to follow him. Once again, they find themselves immersed in the deep, dark forest, half-walking, half-climbing between huge tree roots and boulders. Around them, the lower, dead branches of the trees stretch their wooden fingers, often getting caught in everyone’s hair, holding them back, sometimes causing one party member to fall behind to untangle him-/herself. Korikori makes sure to stop often but that still doesn’t stop Somn from falling behind, her cries of help almost lost amongst the ceaseless buzzing of insects and the lonely screeches of small, scurrying mammals.
Somnias Vagus:Everyone! Stop for a sec. Pulls out a length of twine and passes everyone a few sharp knives before tying everyone around the waist
Okay, everyone, keep a tight grip on the knife. It’s a slip knot I’m using (in case we need to run), but might as well make sure I don’t get left behind, and you guys can defend yourselves…
… Please tell me you guys brought tons of supplies?
Debates on whether to have lighting or not
Brinjal:Good idea Somn. Right, come on… let’s keep going.
Susan Sto Helit: A fluttering butterfly flies by the gods and lands on Nekomancer’snose. True to her feline nature, she tries to grab it, but the butterfly flutters away into the forest. Unable to resist the urge to chase, Neko runs after it, breaking the twine binding the gods and disappearing into the jungle. Behind her, Korikori shouts
Miss Nekomancer, NO!! If you get lost here you might never return!! There are panthers in this forest!!
I don’t watch enough horror movies. Who does and knows whether we ought to go after her or not?
Pleaseopleaseopleaseopleaseoplease have your supplies…
Brinjal: I don’t know much abbout horror movies. But I do know we probadly have a better chance the more of us there are. So we should go after her, we’ll be better off as a group.
Somnias Vagus:Alright then. AFTER HER!!
Azzageddi:Running through the jungle, they hear a yelp ahead, and then burst through the trees to discover themselves at the top of a steep hill covered with slippery grass.
“AAAAHHHHH!!!!” The more nimble adventurers manage to sort of skate down the hill briefly, but even they eventually lose control and tumble to the bottom, while the less agile start tumbling right away. Only Neko, being a cat (even in human form), manages to get all the way to the bottom without any problems.
As they groan and recover, they notice a big cave mouth before them. The lava rocks around it are strewn with bones…human bones. The long bones have been cracked lengthwise, to get at the marrow.
From the top of the hill, Korikori yells, “I see thou hast found the cave! I…shall remain here…and…keep watch!”
Somnias Vagus:Yeah… sure… alright…
No way in hell am I going down there right now. I’m setting up camp and waiting for daytime. Begins setting up camp a comfortable distance away from the cave I’m taking first watch! (first watches always get most sleep, hohoho.)
Brinjal: Camping outside a monster’s cave? Absolutely not! If the monster attacks most of us will be asleep. We need to fight it together!
Nekomancer:Yup! Brinjal’s right! Let’s go! :D
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Yup! Let’s go inside to ask for a room for the night.
Somnias Vagus You’re fine with sharing a room with dudes, right?
Somnias Vagus:It’s not going to come out. And if it’s as bad as it’s supposed to be, it’ll keep other monsters away. I’d rather the devil I know than the one I don’t know. (Sorry Azz. This isn’t really referring to you.) ‘Sides, it’s dark! It’ll probably be awake right now!
Ra Privacy when requested for is a must. And a separate beds.
Nekomancer:Well since we’re not going in.. I’m gonna sleep in this big tree.climbs onto the tree
Ra-wizard Of Oz:A giant demon emerges from the cave and greets the travellers warmly.
Hi, madam. Can we borrow a room for the night?
Brinjal: You realise if we lay down to sleep it’ll probably think we’re sacrifices and eat us! We need to be the ones taking it by surprise!
See, look! I warned y- oh wait. That’s Ra in a silly costume.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Brinjal No big deal if it eats us. As gods we’ll simply respawn somewhere snd lose our artifacts.
Somnias Vagus:Fine, fine, since no one wants to sleep, let’s go in. Pulls out good, stout rope. This isn’t elvish rope, but it’ll do. Passes everyone multiple torches
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Flashes Somnias Vagus.
Guys, we better test the torches to see if they’re working.
Brinjal: You’d be better off flashing the torches in the monsters face.
Somnias Vagus:Flashes the torchlight back in Ra’s face Welp, mine’s working.Double checks equipment and supplies Yup, all here.
Nekomancer:I don’t need torches :3 Jumps down from tree and checks the bow and arrows Right I’m all set!
Azzageddi: As you enter the pitch-black cave (marching order?), in your torchlight you see huge bats on the ceiling, and weird lizards scurrying up the rock walls. The tunnel soon branches, and branches again, and you realize that this cave is a labyrinth.
Up ahead, you hear something breathing heavily…but with the echoes, it is nigh-impossible to tell where the sound is coming from.
Brinjal: clutches spear and torch
Keep your eyes out for something small and white with long ears and red eyes. Or maybe a monster that looks like Azz on a bad day… I’m not really sure.
Somnias Vagus:Okay… we’re still not too far from the entrance. Pulls out a piece of chalk, draws a line on the group’s left side wall from where they’ve been up to now, then grabs a rock, ties a string to it and places it at the entrance, then unwinds it. Both have glow-in-the-dark material in them (those plants do exist, but it took me forever to find them. Having a team of guys helping you is very, very useful) and so should help, but I don’t think they’ll last.
Opens mouth to say something, then clamps it shut to prevent jinxing.
That’s all I can do. Let’s move on.
Brinjal: Good work. Neko, keep looking for danger. You’re our eyes down here. If only one of the bunnies was with us they could be the ears…
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Is busily shoving bats down his pockets. Has a falcon had. I can look at things far away with my incredible eyesight… okay, you never told us there will be walls.
Nekomancer:Hmm.. Let’s go this way. Goes towards the left path
Somnias Vagus:Thinks of about a million different ways this could all go wrong, but follows anyway
Brinjal: Takes Somn’s hand so she won’t fall behind again, and followsNeko.
Ra, what are you doing? Are you planning on making bat smoothies or something?
Azzageddi: The bats squirm in Ra-wizard Of Orz’s kilt, trying to escape, and their blood-sucking parasites invade his feathers.
After many twists and turns, Nekomancer’s sensitive eyes detect a faint light ahead. A snuffling sound echoes from the dimly illuminated chamber…and a shape rises up, silhouetting itself. The enormous creature is vaguely man-shaped, but its massive head bears two large bovine horns, and its eyes glow red. It raises its snout and its battle roar echoes through the tunnel:
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Brinjal Yup. I have an order sheet from Draggy.
Reads the strange yellow sheet.
Let’s see… the room on our right hand side to collect the poisonous mushrooms, then walk down the lane into the sacrificial platform for it’s holy water. Then finally the boss chamber for its cookies…
Woops. Looks like we have a minion to deal with.
Brinjal: Okay we’ve established it definitely looks more like Azz on a bad day…
Wait… did it say “bull”? Is that… a male moo? And more importantly, why am I just talking when I should be RUNNING!
hides behind Ra
Somnias Vagus:GREEKS! Um.. Umm… Panicks I never read up this part of greek mythology! RUN!!
Nekomancer:Looooouuuud!!! Quiet down you stupid thing! My ears hurt now! D< Honestly.. so rude.. Woah! Dodges the strike HEY! I was talking!
Ra-wizard Of Oz: “丯ear my portraits, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” yelled Ra as he hurlednumerous deadly weapons towards Azz I mean, the monster.
Azz, cough! Monster loses %hp% for a mild headache.
Brinjal: Points the wrong end of his spear at the creature
Friendly Fred: pops in, equipment at hand
So, what did I miss?
Azzageddi: The Moonitaur roars “BUUUUUULLLLLLL!!!!!” again and charges. No longer in front of the dim light source, it nearly disappears into the shadows, but in the echoey cave it sounds like a stampede of an entire herd of cattle.
Somnias Vagus:Presses body against the wall, praying it’ll go right past Dx
Brinjal: Neko! Where is it?
Swings spear wildly and whacks something with the blunt end
Did I get it?
Nekomancer:Jumps onto a ledge and takes aim
Arrow somehow hits the Moonitaur
You hit the wall, Brinjal. xD It’s on your right!
Domerthos: Hey, Azz may I also go inside the bottle? It seems they are having fun there inside! I think they are playing fetch with a man moo! Want too please!!!
Azzageddi: Actually, arrow misses the Moonitaur, hits Friendly Fred. Ra hitsBrinjal. Brinjal hits Somn.
The Moonitaur hits everyone in the ankles—except Neko as she jumped on the ledge, and Somn as she pressed herself against the wall. It seems to be somewhat shorter than it first appeared, which is why it’s so hard to hit.
Outside the bottle, Azz says, “Oooookay!”
Suddenly, Domerthos appears. The Moonitaur hits him right in the ankle and knocks him flat.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Brave as a potato, fighting like a hero. CHARGE! Cried Ra as he continues to give the Moonitaur severe headaches.
Gets poked by Brinjal’s right end of spear. Hey, look! I found your end.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Alright, time to get serious, monster!
Eat this! Ra starts to sing loudly.
Friendly Fred: readies his spear
Domerthos: Ouch! That hurted! Bad Moonitaur! Hey, wait, that wasn’t what I meant! Erm… good Moonitaur, nice Moonitaur! Dont hurt me and I wont hurt you! climbs up a wall and prepares to jump ontop of the Moonitaur
Brinjal: Spins his spear round and stabs the moonitaur
AARGH! What’s that horrible sound? Ra!
Somnias Vagus:Nurses injured ankle and shin while keeping out of the way and keeping an eye out for more possible threats
If I start swinging around a sword... well. I don't wanna know what happens, and I don't really know first aid.
Azzageddi: The Moonitaur roars again and charges Ra-wizard Of Orz to stop him from singing Justin Beiber songs. It is fast and deadly, catching adventurers’ ankles with its horns on the way toward its target and hooking them, making them fall and grab their ankles and go “Hsssssssss!!!! Owwwwwww!!!”
The bats panic at the sound of Beiber and start biting.
Nekomancer: Ra! Stop it! Dx And will you please start helping out here, Somn??
Fires another shot
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Ha? You don’t like ah? Never mind, I’ll sing another song.
Domerthos: jumps ontop of the Moonitaur an shouts: “Yeeehaa!” Now for some rodeo!
Friendly Fred: Fred goes and throws his spear at the bat, then strings his bow and starts to aim
Brinjal: Owww! Somn, are you alright?
Points spear at the moonitaur to keep it from getting too close
Nekomancer:Brightens up at the song choice Best song ever xD
Fires another arrow, aiming for it’s head
Somnias Vagus:I’m okay! Umm… Grabs Ra’s player and turns it to an extremely high frequency. The sound affects the Moonitaur and Neko slightly, but the damage is mostly on the bats, who cannot echolate properly and begin crashing into each other
Azzageddi: Domerthos discovers that the Moonitaur is only a few inches tall, and thus is not a rideable monster. However, it is as strong and fast as a full-sized minotaur. Domerthos falls on the ground after trying to jump on it.
Friendly Fred throws a spear at a bat in Ra-wizard Of Orz’strousers kilt (or whatever it is). This causes Ra-wizard Of Orz an injury of a distressing, almost Osirisian nature. Fortunately he discovers that the spear missed his jewelry by a single inch, but the consternation and pain do cause him to break off singing.
Ra-wizard Of Oz::Whacks Somn. Stop messing with my vocal chord you dummy!
Time to use some magic.
Summons giant tribbles. Tribbles go after Brinjal. Oops.
Brinjal: Uhh, Ra. Your summoning failed. AMCW… anti magic field, remember!
Stabs his spear at the moonitaur
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Brinjal Not really. we're in a magical bottle, remember?
Tribbles follows the direction of spears and attacks the moonitaur.
Brinjal: The bottle is within the AMCW guild hall…
Somnias Vagus:The magical bottle's in AMCW, man. Oh whoops, sniped. Also, I didn't know you could scream that high.
Spots a moment of opportunity and lunges for the Moonitaur
Friendly Fred: Oops! Sorry Ra!
starts dropping bats like flies
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Brinjal And AMCW is not against magic that doesn’t drains godpower. I’m a wizard. How do you expect me to fight, rock, paper, scissors?
Actually, that’s a brilliant idea. Smashes a rock in the moonitaur’s face.
Azzageddi: Outside the bottle, Sasha and Pasha look worried. “Azz, they’re gettin’ hurt! What do we do??” Pasha cries.
“This is all part of the game, girls,” he says.
“But it’s nae nice! We dinnae like gettin’ hurt—but we dinnae want our friends gettin’ hurt neither!” Sasha pleads.
Pasha suddenly gets an idea. She grabs a handful of sugar grass and shoves it at Azz. “Give this to Somn, now!” She looks like she will allow no argument.
Still, Azz tries. “But that’s interfering…they’re supposed to figure it out themselves…it’s a game…”
“Azz!!!” she growls, looking quite angry.
“OK,” he says, and magics a fistful of sugar grass into Somnias Vagus’s pocket.
Somnias Vagus:Sugar grass suddenly appears in hands
You have got to be kidding me. Waves the sugar grass madly Here! Here! Moo-something-something! Look what I have here!
Domerthos: I run out of the cave by following the string and shout inside that I’ll be back as soon as I get a weapon and have convinced the villagers that they also will have to help us to fight the Moonitaur! Wish me luck!
Nekomancer:Is distracted by this
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Barely manages to grab Brinjal out of the way as the moonitaur charges towards Somnias Vagus.
Geez, my hair’s all messed up now.
Brinjal: Gasps A quest, a fight with a monster, being watched by eyes in the sky, mysterious voices… and now magical intervention from above! Now I really feel like a hero!
Looks up and waves
Azzageddi: The Moonitaur easily dodges the rock, but suddenly snuffles at the smell of sugar grass. All these years, it has had to survive on horrible human flesh, but suddenly the smell of food it was always meant to eat fills its nostrils.
It charges Somnias Vagus but stops and rubs its head against her ankle like a little cat, moaning "buuuullllll"…
Somnias Vagus:Luck Dom! And Ra, I doubt you had much of hair insomuch a wig- this was a bad idea. Dodges first charge, barely, and starts running around in circles around the beast
Stops when she sees it’s purring. Oh… Phillip! What happened to you? D: Starts feeding him the sugar grass
No I don't recognise him but he looks like a Philip.
Brinjal: Now that it’s not attacking us, it’s actually quite cute! Aww… he was just hungry!
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Watches some of these on Godphone5 as the moonitaur andSomnias Vagus debates on whether they should wash hands first before eating the grass.
Domerthos: Not knowing that the Moontitaur has been peaced, I charge into the cave with my new sword and the whole male villagers and enrage the Moonitaur again…
Nekomancer:That was awesome.. Wonder why I put off listening that till now?
Wait you named it Phillip??
Somnias Vagus:Stuffs more sugar grass into the Moonitaur’s face to calm it
He looks like a Philip.
Azzageddi: The Moonitaur plops itself down and sits, blissfully chewing sugar grass. It looks up at Somn and says… coooowwwww?
Brinjal: Gently picks up the moonataur.
Come on, let’s see if we can get you out of this place and somewhere where there’s more food for you.
Friendly Fred:So.… Is it done?
Azzageddi: Domerthos, the village is quite a distance away, so you’re still running toward it. And you fall into a pit full of snakes. But they are friendly snakes and they invite you to tea.
Somnias Vagus:But it can’t speak! Are we missing something worse around here? Or were the villagers imagining it?
Domerthos: Which tea? I hope they have english breakfast tea!
Brinjal: Come on guys, let’s take this moonataur and get back to our ship. Set a course for the neck of the bottle!
Azzageddi: Domerthos, they apologize—they only have Earl Gray and Oolong.
They all laugh when they say “oolong.” Apparently it’s a snake joke.
Further exploration of the cave does not turn up any more monsters. However it does reveal some magical medical supplies left behind by a previous party of adventurers who were not lucky enough to have sugar grass. They also have gold and some pretty nice equipment, so you guys can return to the village looking quite impressive.
Nekomancer: Wait so we can return to the village now?
Somnias Vagus:Collects all the things
Yes, Capt’n Brinjal Sir! Trudges off , following the string
Domerthos: Never understood snake humor. Well dear snakes! I got to go back to my friends so bye bye! climbs out of the pit and wents back to the village not mentioning the snakes in his hair which let him look like a male form of Medusa
Friendly Fred: Neko, I think we can
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Somnias Vagus No need.
Transforms into a mole and is dug out by Hawk-eyes.
Azzageddi: The Moonitaur feels quite dense and solid in Brinjal’s palm, but it fits easily and sits calmly there as it eats. It is a bit larger than a normal moo, but looks like it should fit in well among them…
Outside, they meet Korikori, who is overjoyed that they are still alive. He was quite confused when Domerthos ran out, since he’d never seen Domerthos before. He leads them back to the village, but they stop for a tea party with the snakes on the way. The snakes’ puns get rather annoying after awhile though.
Somnias Vagus:I… am not a fan of underground places. Stubbornly continues to trudge on
Azzageddi: Sasha and Pasha cheer and hug each other, and then Azz, as they see a successful completion to the battle, with nobody seriously injured and a new friend/pet made.
“Well,” says, Azz, “I hope they don’t mind we interfered.”
“Oh phooey!” says Pasha. “Everybody’s happy! Who cares if we kinda broke the stupid rules!”
“You know,” says Azz, “you’re right. I didn’t enjoy seeing them get hurt either.”
As they return to the anxiously awaiting villagers, the whole village bursts into joyous cheering at the sight of the newly equipped and victorious adventurers. While they were gone, repairs on their ship were already begun and will be finished by high tide the next day.
Azz yawns and says, “I hope they have a good night, with all those grateful villagers. Perhaps we’d better not watch too closely…anyway, I’m off to bed. I’m sure Susan will be back soon.”
Sasha and Pasha crowd close to the bottle. “D’ye think there’ll be any kissin’, Pashy?”
Friendly Fred: So, where to now?
Brinjal: Now… we celebrate!
Somnias Vagus:You guys go do that, I’m taking a nap.
Brinjal: Actually that’s a good idea. We should sleep. We’ll celebrate tomorrow. follows Somn
Friendly Fred: Follows everyone
Nekomancer: Already half asleep
Stickyorder: I love how I have just got home and have missed all the fun.. As I do everyday.. :(
Susan Sto Helit: Susan returns to the bar after a day of paperwork at the Court House and a quick (unexpected) visit to the Patrician’s palace. Seeing Pasha and Sasha nursing the bottle, she says.
Hello, litle ones. I know we’re all supposed to pitch in and help with running the Watch bu I just hate Azz’s job… Are they all still in there?
Yep! says Pasha And Domerthos just joined’em somehow. They’ve tamed the moonitaur and are all taking a nap.
Well… how about we make it interesting, then? Susan suggests.
As the gods nap, they all start feeling light as feathers, their dreams of tiny monsters transforming into dreams of flying. Unsuspecting that the natives are currently carrying them to their ship and releasing it to the currents, the gods and goddesses dream, now cradled by the gentle sway of a calm ocean and the delicate songs of the ever-lurking sirens….
Brinjal: ZZZzzz… wha… where… we’re back at sea! Guy wake up! Set a course for the neck of the bottle, man the wheel, hoist the sails and snigger immaturely at nautical terms like “snotter” and “poop deck”!
Domerthos: wakes up in the crow nest hey! How did I get up here? The neck of the bottle is in the north, captain! And we are floating west! Right into a hurricane!!! Wake up everyone!!! rings the alert bell
Brinjal: Brinjal looks alarmed and steers the ship back towards the neck
Azzageddi: A final glimpse back toward the island reveals the tiny figure of Korikori waving sadly from the beach.
Meanwhile, the tiny moonitaur continues to munch sugar grass contentedly…
Susan Sto Helit: The hurricane dives deep into the ocean, sucking water and air, pulling the ship into its eye. As they move closer to the center, they see the waters part, a black, gaping, seemingly bottomless hole opens, like a huge mouth craving to consume them. In the distance, the sirens cackle in amusement at the gods’ fate.
Brinjal: Unable to steer the ship or do anything to prevent the ship from being consumed for that matter, Brinjal does the only thing he can do. He prays. Well, less prays as looks up to where he imagines the bunnies might be, and tries to signal his distress.
Domerthos: climbs down from the crow nest and pushes Brinjal away and steers the Ship with a mad laughter right into the middle of the mouth Dont worry guys! This will definitly work!
Susan Sto Helit: In the eye of the storm, the waves part to reveal that the gaping hole is actually a huge mouth. Sharp teeth protrude all around it, forcing the waters to part, making them crash against the ivory fangs, tossing white surf everywhere. The roar of the ocean deafens the gods. Suddenly, tentacles shoot out of the waters, surrounding the ship, seeking to grab it, crush it, bring to the mouth that craves to swallow it whole.
In the distance, an evil laugh is heard as Susan chuckles evily in delight.
Brinjal: Brinjal barges Domerthos out of the way, glaring at him angrily, and steers the ship as best as he can away from the mouth. He grabs the spear he had been using earlier against the moonataur, and throws it at the beast.
Domerthos: Starts to sing “The fish of the Sea” and calms the thing down. The (kraken if I’m right) puts the ship ontop of its head and starts swimming to the neck of the bottle. Susan stops laughing and grumbles. The shocked sirens swim away in horror and swear that they’ll never come back again.
Susan Sto Helit: In a twist of fate, the apparently tamed beast is just pretending to give the gods false hope. Rising from the water, it grabs the ship with its tentacles and stuffs it in its mouth, swallowing it whole in one gulp.
And for you, Domerthos… The sirens team to knock Domerthosoverboard and into the depths, their mouths full of sharp teeth ready to consume the god.
Holds on the rails for dear life.
Domerthos: I open my mouth as wide as I can and swallow a siren in one bite. Yume! Tastes like tuna fish! Hey wait sirens! Dont wanna come for lunch? Dont swim away!!! swims back upside
Azzageddi:Sasha and Pasha’s ears prick up at the sound of Brinjal’s prayer.
“Brinjy’s prayin’ t’us?” gasps Sasha.
“OK, that’s just weird,” says Pasha. “But I guess we gotta help!”
The two bunnies implore Susan not to hurt them anymore.
Susan Sto Helit: I was just taking them out of the bottle in an exciting way, says Susan. And then this Domerthos guy starts telling me what I’m doing? Who’s the DM here? Just for that, I’m going to have him gobbled up by a sea serpent!
But faced with the big shiny eyes of the pleading bunnies, she says,“Oh, all right…”
Susan uncorks the bottle and all the gods land in a heap in the middle of the guild hall, soaked and exhausted. The male moo hops merrily from the heap and quickly trots in the direction of Sashaand Pasha’s room.
Domerthos: Uhm. Thank you, bunnies! And Susan, I just wanted to make it more, let us say exciting. goes back to the bar and brings Susan something to drink as an peace offer
Brinjal: Brinjal gets up, gasping for breath, and looks around him. The sea, the monster and the ship are all gone, and their memory seems like that of a dream. Now in the familiar surroundings of the AMCW watchhouse, Brinjal walks over to the Sasha and Pasha, and hugs them, hoping that will be enough to convey what he would have said had he not been gagged by a higher power.
Azzageddi: Sasha and Pasha rush to fetch blankets for the cold, wet adventurers, and start making hot coffee, hot tea, and hot toddies.
And they each give Brinjal a kiss on the cheek area.
Susan Sto Helit: Takes the drink. Thank you, Domerthos. I’m glad you had fun. The gods know I did. grins evily
Domerthos: shows Susan a real evil grin by showing her a picture of Dr.Frank grinning So off to the bar guys! First round on me! takes out a bag full of gold he has “found” in the chest of the still shocked Susan
No worry! You’ll get it back! Somehow…
Friendly Fred: Fred gets up, shakes his head and grins wide.
Let’s go again!
Susan Sto Helit: Snaps fingers, gold disappears.
That is certainly not my gold, nor was it my chest you found it in. I’ll just confiscate it for further investigation.
Approaches the bar.
Still buying the first round, dear? How is Dr Frank?
Never More: A small murder of ravens stealthily enter the Watchhouse and carry out Never More’s chest before anyone can link it to certain smuggling rings.
(Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.)
Domerthos: grumbles yeah the round is still on me. I think the Dr is still alright, the last time I went into his labor he was working on a strange creature with human body parts…
Susan Sto Helit: Very interesting, Domerthos. Well, gentlemen, thank you all for playing. It realy was very amusing and you all made fine players. Unfortunately, it is time I take my leave and rest. Good night, gods and goddesses.
Susan finishes her drink, bids the bunnies good night and moves toward the kitchen and, through a magical portal, into Lordy’stemple for some much needed rest.
Susan Sto Helit: Susan returns to the guild hall after a good night’s sleep. Seeing all the racket and chaos going on, she approaches Azzageddi, who’s currently desperately trying to ignore the noise and focus on some extremely important documents for Crown Prosecutor Adeola.
Good morning, my friend. Is it just me, or are they going at it again?she asks.
Aloha awakea. Youth and its whims. As soon as you left, they were shouting for round 2. Azzageddi replies.
Well, this sure takes a lot of our time… But I guess I could send them out to my temple. Susan suggests. They’ll have fun there. The gardens are still rigged with traps after all…
Won’t they wreck your temple? Azz asks in concern.
Susan merely shrugs. I don’t think they could do a worse job than Leonard at that. Besides, this is not the temple proper, just the gardens around it. They can fetch some sugar grass for their brand new moo on their way there. Maybe they’ll even meet the guardians of the temple. Old friends, not too keen on strangers roaming about. They’ll have fun, trust me.
Susan waves a hand and the young gods find themselves floating, not on an ocean, but on thin air, their ship having become airborne. The sails blown by an unseen wind, they travel to the edge of a huge labyrinth made of perfectly trimmed bushes. A sign announces: sihT yaw ot elpmet snedrag. retnE ta ruoy nwo ksir.
At the bar, the goddess summons a crystal ball so that they can watch what the young adventurers are up to.
Brinjal: Peers into ball
Well this will be interesting…
Friendly Fred: Wuhoo airship!!! Oh yeah!
Somnias Vagus: AAAAHHH THERE’S NO GROUND BENEATH US!!pleasedon'tfallandcrashandburnpleasedon'tfallandcrashandburnpleasedon'tfallandcrashandburnpleasedon'tfallandcrashandburn...
Susan Sto Helit: At the entrance of the Labyrinth a huge beast with the head of a beautiful woman sits at the top of a pile of aged bones. Looking at them, she says:
I am the Gatekeeper, the first of the guardians you will find of this garden. If you wish to enter, one of you must offer to answer a riddle. Should he or she fail to respond correctly, you will all be eaten. Who will step up to the challenge?
Friendly Fred: Um.. I think Somn should go.pushes Somn forward
Kiore: Good luck, Somn!
Somnias Vagus: Hey, here’s a compromise. I answer, but Ra gets eaten if I get it wrong! How’s that sound?
Susan Sto Helit: The Gatekeeper turns to Somn, considering the benefits of eating white fowl meat instead of all those cholesterol filled young gods.
Very well, child. Here is your riddle: What ground is hardest to see?
Your friends may help you, but it will be up to you to answer. Good luck
The Gatekeeper eyes Ra and starts thinking of barbecues.
Somnias Vagus:Umm… Turns to everyone Does ground pepper work?
Turns back to The Gatekeeper Can we have a hint?
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Common ground between Kari and I.
You happy now, Somn?
Raises eyebrows at barbecues.
Somnias Vagus: Yeah. You go answer with that.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Rolls his eyes at Somnias Vagus.
This answer is common ground between Kari and I.
Accept this answer or eat us all.
Somnias Vagus:Next time dude, you answer questions like these.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Somnias Vagus Are you going to answer or not? Follow the instructions, gurl.
Somnias Vagus:Yessir. Turns to The Gatekeeper The answer is common ground.
… Or should we take this literally? Cause if it’s supposed to be literal, well… I can see what’s under my nose…
Piece of paper appears in hand …? Reads paper
Oh cool! It’s a hint! Umm… Change of mind! The answer’s the ground beneath your feet!
Susan Sto Helit: The Gatekeeper raises an eyebrow and eyes Ra again, considering the possibilities of still having him over for lunch. Then, she sighs and says
You have answered correctly. As such, you may pass.
Before the gods, the gates to the labyrinth open ajar, inviting them to enter.
Ra-wizard Of Oz:Turns towards Gatekeeper. You can stalk me on Facebible if you wish to.
Somnias Vagus:Pushes Fred forward this time After you, good sir.
Friendly Fred: Why thank you, Somn!
walks on, clueless
Kiore: Follows Friendly Fred a little more cautiously, harpoon at ready
Susan Sto Helit: The gods walk in a path limited by high walls made entirely of greenery. Around them, there is only silence. No animals seem to dwell in this part of the labyrinth. Some more steps ahead, they reach a bifurcation. To the left, , they see only darkness and feel a strangely hot breeze blowing from within, but hear a sudden a loud cry like that of a person in distress. To the right they hear nothing, but see a beautiful pathway lined with flowers, like a tunnel of color made of wisteria . Light shines through the plants, making the path nice and cool.
Somnias Vagus:I say we go down the scary path. I saw what happened in Adventure Time. The apple eats people!
Nekomancer:Woah what happened when I zonked out?? Ooh pretty.. walks towards the other path
Susan Sto Helit: As Neko enters the path, the wisteria flowers stretch down in a flowery curtain, separating her from the other gods. The flowers then rise again to reveal an empty path. Neko is nowhere in sight.
Somnias Vagus:Neko!! Darn… Where’d she go?
Kiore: If I’m not back in 30 minutes, move on without me, but leave me a marker that I can follow.
Runs off into the wisteria path where he last saw Nekomancer
Friendly Fred: Do we split up? I know it sound illogical but Neko has our beer coupons- I mean she’s our friend!
Susan Sto Helit: Again, the flowers stretch down but this time, when they rise again, Kiore still finds himself in the path. All of the gods that stayed behind, however, are now gone, currently busy falling down a trapdoor and sliding down a bumpy shoot. They land on a heap inside a grotto. Around them, light dances, reflected off of the numerous pools that cover the ground. Stalactites and stalagmites shoot down from the ceiling and up from the floor. Again, they hear a cry of distress, coming from a far passageway, where a very faint white light looms.
Meanwhile, Neko finds herself in a large closet full of comfy pillows. A small girl in the room looks at the cat goddess and her eyes go wide with the desire to pet the kitty.
Friendly Fred: Ugh. Fred stands up and looks around. He grabs his bow and readies it.
Okay. Kiore and Neko are gone. What do we do now?
Somnias Vagus:We should’ve taken a path sooner… Dusts self Where are we anyway? See if you can find any exits aside from the ominous obvious one…
Friendly Fred: Hmm.. Don’t we have a torch?looks for anything in his pack, finds some waffle mix and skillfully makes fire out of itAh! There we go!The torch lights the room up, revealing rows of stalagmite
Friendly Fred: Um.. I think the nerves are getting to me
Kiore: Aims harpoon, does a quick sweep of the place Should’ve brought my crossbow instead…
Yldneirf Derf: Fred, having been gagged by an unknown force, switches to his alt’s body.
Um. Not really used to this body but what the heck. Anyway, let’s get a move on. marches forward
Stickyorder: Derf stumbles and trips, fighting Fred’s consciousness for control of his own body.
Somnias Vagus:Fred…? Buddy, you okay? Are the nerves (or Derf) that bad? Still looking for another exit…
Yldneirf Derf:Derf, I have bacon at my body!
Umm no you don’t
Come on, I need your body!
Not my problem
Fine. You get my room for a week!
Derf grins and then let’s go of his grip
Alt’s, what can you do?
Susan Sto Helit: As Kiore sweeps the path with his harpoon, the path opens to reveal a round clearing with a beautiful fountain carved out of stone in the center. The fountain is shaped like a beautiful woman picking flowers by a willow tree. No other paths are visible but, by the foot of the fountain, a plaque says “Behind the weeper, a friend awaits.”
Meanwhile, in the grotto, a sudden scream resounds as soon as Fred lights up his torch.
No! No! Not the light! It blinds us! Save us from the light!
Stickyorder: Aha, what is it that he wants in your room?
Kiore: Keeping up his guard, Kiore moves closer to the fountain to examine it.
“Behind the weeper, a friend awaits.”? That could mean the willow tree…
Yldneirf Derf: Stickyorder my limited edition rock,paper,scissor guide. I always beat him at it and he seeks revenge!
Somnias Vagus:Light? Blinding? Sméagol? No wait, that can’t be it… Trolls? Orcs? Goblins? I don’t have a sword! Oh wait I do, but it can’t glow blue…
Yldneirf Derf: Maybe they’re dwarves? Or ultra mega gamers
Stickyorder: That might be it Derf! Evil dwarves!
Somnias Vagus:Herp derp. I think you’re on to something…
Kiore: I guess I’ll check behind the willow tree. If that doesn’t work , the girl’s next.
Susan Sto Helit: Somn suddenly feels a strong kick to her head and Fred/Derf gets tackled to the ground. The torch lands in the water and goes out.Stickyorder finds himself unable to move as something lands on his shoulder and screams in his ear.
HEY! SHUT THE DAMN LIGHTS AND STOP CALLING US NAMES! WE DON’T GO TO YOUR HOME AND MAKE IT DARK AND CALL YOU EVIL TALL PEOPLE! AND BY THE WAY, WE AIN’T DWARVES, NOR TROLLS NOR SMÉAGOLS (geeh, talk about a guy with bad breath…)! WE’S GLOW-IN-THE-DARK SPIDERS AND WE’S THE GUARDIANS OF THE GROTTO AND TO GET PAST US YOU NEED TO CONQUER A CHALLENGE, CAPISCE?! NOW, WALK TO THE DAMNED OMINOUS EXIT ALREADY AND DON’T LIGHT UP ANY OTHER LIGHTS!
Suddenly, the gods find themselves able to move again, all the voices now gone.
Meanwhile by the fountain and behind the willow tree, Kiore finds a door and steps leading down.
Kiore: Pulls out a lighter a flickers it on, then heads down the steps.
Stickyorder: Activates night vision.
Nyrini: Back at the bar, Nyrini arrives and approaches Susan.
Hey, I just heard there was a par— oooooooooh… she peeks into the crystal ball. They’re in there? Why are they just standing there?
I don’t know, Susan replies. I’m just waiting for them to move again.
Domerthos: Awakens and wonders where he is and where the others are goneWell. I think I just follow the footsteps to find the others!runs into the direction the footprints are leading
Brinjal: Peers into the ball. I wonder what’ll happen next… I also wonder if I may have inadvertently turned Sasha and Pasha into goddesses… or demigoddesses… or something. Earlier when the ship was falling into the monster I called for help, and Pasha says she felt some sort of energy then.. I’m wondering if I may have transferred some of my powers to her, like a hero sends godpower to their god through prayer…
The Almighty Anne: With a flash and a shower of confetti, Anne arrives back at the bar.
“Now,” she says, “let’s really get this party started. It’s the bunnies’ birthday, so we don’t want them working too hard… hmm…”
With a clap of thunder Anne brings her hands together, and the chocolate fountain is bathed in light, miraculously cleaned, and filled with a sea of Ankhian bunny.
“And that is how a party should start.” says Anne smugly.
Susan Sto Helit: Very nice, Anne and, again, congratulations on your Awesome God Friday!
Now.. should I pull the young ones out of their adventure so they won’t miss the party or should I just leave them where they are and let them finish it?