Weapon of mass distraction
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|Weapon of mass distraction|
“Behold! The world’s most distracting object!”
- Stan Pines, “Gravity Falls
“Walk loudly and carry a small stick”
- Rheodore Toosevelt, 62nd President of the United States
Now you too can walk loudly and carry a small stick. The weapon of mass distraction, model 4 (patent pending) affords its wielder the most impressive, flashy, and nigh-useless displays of combat confetti-spinning on the market. While no significant combat advantages have been observed with direct use of the weapon of mass distraction, it has been known to either intimidate monsters or, at the least, give them a headache from flashing, high-intensity colors.
Effects: It takes skill to operate this weapon effectively. Whenever In use, the mesmerizing colors, sounds, and odors from the weapon will disorient an unprepared user. Some heroes make use of blindfolds, ear muffs, anti-tickle paraphernalia , and other equipment to avoid coming to be distracted.
Health Warnings: Side effects of using this weapon may include: - Blurry Vision - Loss of vision in the right eye between the hours of 8 and 10 AM - Loss of money due to losing arena fights - Mild kidney failure - nausea - Moderate to Mild death - Loss of that weird, bumpy part on the wrist - Sneezing
The weapon of mass distraction may not be right for those with photosensitive epilepsy, pregnant women, lepers, samurai, politicians, and sociopaths.
If you have trouble affording the weapon of mass distraction, Act of God(s) Insurance Company may be able to help.