Some Weird Stories Co-written with this Guy
The Origins of the Now Dead Ashrilexot and His Now Dead Guild
Once upon a time there was a walrus named Ashrilexot who was abandoned by his parents... even though they secretly controlled him... Everywhere he went, everything he said, everything he thought. His parents did everything, however in public they blamed the poor child for their deeds.
Ashrilexot was fluent in Cattish, Walrusese, Gibberese, Trash Talk, Broken English, Broken Italian and Inunderstandable Nonsense. He could mimic his father's drawing style, copy his mother's singing and he could balance a beach ball on his nose, but it was never enough to make his parents proud.
Instead, they shouted at him, saying things like: "GO BACK TO BEING WORTHLESS!" and also threw tables at him. Ashrilexot was distraught but just as the 783rd table struck him, so did an idea;
|I could start a guild for everyone else who had been hypnotised by their parents!
Ashrilexot, when the 783rd table struck him.
So, under the control of his parents as always, he embarked on a quest to create the Split Personalities Anonymous guild. Nobody really knows how he managed to convince them to make him do it, but that's part of the fun. Through many insults and tables, wandering alone through every town in Godville; he finally completed the quest. How he managed to create the guild... Well, it's still unknown because he could barely walk what with being a walrus and all... You know it's kinda hard to make a guild without legs.
But then came the task of writing the forum thread for his newly formed guild... Mimicking his father's soaring writing style, he wrote a beautiful, incredible, awe inspiring forum post. Although he strangely thought his guild needed parachutes... Probably because of the repeated fights between the father's and the mother's personalities that often happened 10,000 feet in the air.
Smelly's Life and Death
Once upon a time a girl was born. Her parents, Mr and Mrs Face, were a little strange so they called her "Smelly Poopy", they were also known for being high class in Stinkypolis, a city known for its distinctive aroma and Smelly's birthplace. However, Smelly was a bit too... distinctive; she had an exotic aroma no one ever smelt, let alone had, and for this she was loved by many and envied by even more people. This made Stench von Sniff very jealous and he woved to get revenge. So, one night, while Smelly was having fun at a party... he kidnapped her and took her to a secret dungeon filled with various torture instruments (including shudder perfume!) and that's when she met the Harvester... the latter, hearing the noises coming from the other room, arose from its slumber and approached Stench while he, in the meantime, was torturing Smelly with perfume and soap because she didn't want to marry him and refused because she hated him regardless of what he did to her. She saw the Harvester enter and begged for it to rescue her; it yawned at Smelly's cry for help, but it nodded its head and said it would have helped her if she managed to sacrifice Stench's head, but Smelly couldn't do that! She was being tortured by Stench! She had to refuse even though she didn't want, she had to. She cried so loudly she broke Stench's ears and even the Harvester couldn't bear that it picked up its axe to kill Smelly, but actually beheaded Stench in the process. Smelly was confused by what happened and took a few seconds to realise she still had a head.
Then she saw Stench and squealed with delight... and squeezed the Harvester tightly, saying she'do anything to repay what it did for her. But it was sickened by her hug and let out a horrible roar: "GET OFF ME!"; Smelly got off it, but stood there, freezing with fear. The Harvester roared again: "THE ONLY REPAYMENT YOU CAN OFFER ME AFTER SUCH ABUSE IS SPAM! GO TO HARVEST MOON AND GIVE THEM SPAM!". "Spam?" asked Smelly. "I mean, I've heard many legends about you saying you crave for heads and blood but... spam?" Smelly was unsure of what The Harvester said, so she removed the cape it had only to find the Harvester actually was... Pysrilexot; he was shocked by this sudden revelation making this costume fall off too, revealing some blueprintsfor a temple, one made of solid gold! "Who are you and what is this blueprint you're holding?" Smelly asked. The blueprint didn't answer, for blueprints can't talk. It merely showed her the plans for the golden temple. She looked at the it, then decided to make a paper airplane with it and play, it flew majestically through the air, unfortunately landing in the real Harvester's eye after a triple somersault, it muttered something about abysses and blood and sacrifices loudly... Smelly froze with fear, hoping the Harvester wouldn't notice it was her who threw the paper plane and, indeed, the Harvester thought a Featherino did it because they're hostile to Harvest Moon, so it went to their guild hall; they didn't notice him because they were too busy celebrating their AFKness... that's it until it started yelling profanities, then wiped the entire guild hall and walked out gleefully.
Meanwhile Smelly was still terrified and decided to hide in a cupboard, it was that moment that she got hit by a can of spam that knocked her uncounscious and fell onto the Harvester's table in the middle of dinner. It was furious and called his minions at Harvest Moon to sacrifice her while she was knocked out. They carried her off to the Harvest Moon dungeon and prepared their equipment, did all the boring celebration stuff they had to and beheaded her. She died. The end.
Type Typo B's Calamity
Yor something Type B or whatever was born as a coding error in a computer. Upon being installed, this female gender coding error would spam the user's computer with pictures of circular slices of swiss cheese, all unique, never repeating a picture. No one had any clue what she really was. She went into another computer and spammed it; The computer's user was shocked and he called a computer expert to fix it, but unfortunately he wasn't able to do anything as he didn't knew about the Type B virus. She continued to spam pictures, and sent a copy of herself into the computer geek's tech where it waited for the ideal moment to strike, and it came: she spammed so many pictures the computer went crazy. But the geek was asleep at the time, so when he woke up he had to sift through literally thousands of cheese pictures before he could get to work. This made him late and he ended up getting fired, so he returned home and headbutted his computer... and eventually broke it. Luckily Yor something Type B or whatever was in the hard drive of the original computer so she survived, and from there, she sent herself on the Internet so that anyone could get infected.
She decided to lodge herself on a website called Godville and the first person to find her was
a weirdo someone called Nyx, whom took and poked her to death as it was her special pre-Arena warm-up, but her actual training was much harder. Yor something Type B or whatever trained long and hard, just to get revenge on Nyx for poking her; and when her training ended, she spammed Nyx with cheese pictures, more than she ever had before. It was a sight to behold... but Nyx was immune to that as she took the cheese images and put them in an album called "Say cheese!" and saved it on her chronicles and wiki, and also shared them on GC and forums. Everyone thought Nyx was strange for this... But the guild she was in was already strange for many more reasons than one... Maybe this is why she's been fully accepted by her guildmates... The Harvester, however, saw it as an attack to Harvest Moon and their strictly cheeseless ways, so it decided to order its minions to make an account to face off against Yor blah blah... But that account was never really created because Harvest Moon members were slackers and Yor Typo B was getting some wins in Arena so they let her be, as long as she brought heads.
Why did her name change from type to typo you ask? Well, she caught this disease called Pysrilexotiosis... And she spread it the same ways she used to spread cheese photos... the disease was 30 times as infective as the common cold and Nyx's entire guild found itself struggling to spell, grammar and communicate in general. This disease made Yor Typo lose many battles in the Arena, because relying on spellcheck when to faint instead of to feint is never a good idea and dealed her a lot of damage; the constant injuries only exacerbated the Pysrilexiosis though and Yor had to take a drastic action: she removed the virus spreading code from herself in an effort to take the disease with it and it even worked for a short period of time! Until she got infected again by Nyx. Yor Typo something ended up turning to the harvester for advice. But unfortunately it was infected as well and this only made her eyes bleed with its capitalized and rife with typos text walls. She thought she had lost all hope... until she saw a nicely served pineapple pizza on a plate on the table, she felt sickened by it, and wanted to burn it and anything it ever touched. Even sicker than she was feeling before. The hate for pineapple pizza took over the Pysrilexotiosis. Once taken over the disease, she found herself able to eloquently describe the ways in which she would destroy the pizza and was filled with joy. But, dinner was ready, so she forgot everything in a heartbeat, freeing the way to the Pysrilexotiosis to come back. She couldn't talk again anymore, and struggled with describing her current meal. A typo was made, and pineapples fell on her pizza, which once again nulled the effects of the Pysrilexotiosis. Yor realized something: pineapple pizza cures Pysrilexotiosis!, so she ate it, thinking it would cure her of the disease once and for all. But it turned out that the pizza was poinsoned by the Harvester. She died and her corpse was buried in the same coffin as Smelly Poopy Face. The end.
- According to Pys the blueprint was disguised as him who was also disguised as the Harvester... Don't ask me, I have no idea.