User:Zobb the shinypate
Zobb the Shiny pate was created out of apathy, distain, vehemence and a mild bowel irritation approximately 15 billion and three years ago
Zobb is genderless so able to spread gifts to all or non equally.
Mortals being atheist provides Zobb many extra giggles especially when he visits them in the hours before dawn to rip off their heads.
Zobb's favourite past times include the mesolithic and the neolithic.
Zobb loves to hurl abuse at Zobbastarians in the form of pain, burning pain and boiling pain.
The smell of burning flesh pleases Zobb very much. Humanity is to Zobb what ants are to a bored, sadistic preteen armed with a magnifying glass on a hot summers day.
Zobb likes kittens except ginger ones which have no soul and are to be shunned.
Zobb's guilty secret is having a soft spot for the underdog. Zobb likes to drown them in sacks.
Godhead Zobb heartily recommendeds listening to Burning Witch at extreme volume levels whilst boiling the decapitated heads of your slain foes.
This pleases Zobb greatly.
Zobb's commandments are as follows:
1 Stealing is holy, the more helpless the victim the more worthy the theft.
2 Burning pain caused by crippling STI's is something to be shared lavishly.
3 If a day goes by wherein you have not caused another being severe pain then thou must self flagilate with a dead chicken wrapped in razor wire dipped in acid.
4 Thou shalt bully all those weaker than you.
5 Branding is good but scarification is better.
6 There is no heaven or afterlife but Zobb will be pleased with anyone who finds this out via suicide/genocide/patricide / regicide or any other cide they may find easiest.
7 There is no point flogging a dead horse, find a live human and flog them instead.
8 The cuter the animal the more Zobb will be pleased at it being crushed. Except cats. Except ginger cats(see above for lack of soul status)
9 All cats (Egc) are holy and are to be worshipped as emissaries of Zobb himself.
10 Self immolation may only please Zobb if carried out in a large, immobile crowd.
9a Kittens (egc) please Zobb more then cats.