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Deities of Godville
Hero Tahiri
Personality Vicious
Gender Male
Motto Ib'tuur jatne tuur ash'ad kyr'amur
Favourite Town Unspecifiedistan
Guild position Mand'alor
Guild rank Regent

Let There Be Light(ning)!

Violet lightning

In the beginning, there was nothing but darkness and chaos. The universe was in a continuous state of turmoil and disorganization. The Omnipotent Being
GodRogueSaber (U • C • T)  looked upon this conglomeration, smiled wryly and began discharging luminous violet-hued bolts of lightning into the fray. The infusion of several million volts of electrical destruction resulted in several simultaneous manifestations:

  1. It caused RogueSaber to laugh out loud and thus created thunder as well.
  2. RogueSaber deemed this action as "fun".
  3. The light created from the multiple strikes remained afterward. RogueSaber deemed this light "day".
  4. The people struck by the lightning created the term "evil".
  5. One elderly person decided to fly a kite with key attached to it in order to "experiment".

Lastly, one solitary female raised a broken branch toward the skies and demanded that RogueSaber stop his cruelty. Even after multiple direct strikes to her head and only a twig remaining of her makeshift weapon, this lone crusader continued to defy RogueSaber. As such, RogueSaber began to admire Tahiri's persistence and bravery (or stupidity since they are sometimes confused). He ceased his barrage and completely healed her. Tahiri was so thankful (and relieved) that she laid down her remaining splinter of a weapon and paid homage to him. He, in turn, made her his Champion.

Training a Champion

For many years, RogueSaber trained Tahiri to be a Champion of his causes. She was trained in reading and writing, speaking coherently, the art of battles and fighting, strategies, making friends and influencing people, taming wild animals, alchemy, elixirs, magic (both white and black), blacksmithing, construction, astrology and survival. Against his normal nature; RogueSaber used kindness, praise, rewards and even a sticker chart to help nurture Tahiri towards becoming a first-rate Champion.

After 10 years, RogueSaber finally admitted defeat and gave up on the impossible. The only things Tahiri was able to comprehend were:

  1. Writing her name (OK, it was only her initial and it looked like this: ﬥ )
  2. Throwing rocks and hiding behind glass
  3. Making enemies and annoying people
  4. Eating roadkill (not necessarily fresh roadkill...)
  5. Turning lead into doorstops
  6. Making water come out of a faucet
  7. "Hot stuff hurt."
  8. Legos™ do not go up the nose (Still having trouble with that one)
  9. Don't continuously stare at bright yellow ball in sky
  10. Running very fast (sometimes even away from the enemy)

Still, RogueSaber admired Tahiri's tenacity and unwavering efforts to appease her god. As a final effort to turn Tahiri into a worthy Champion, RogueSaber sent her to Godville under the premise of bounty hunting. After arriving and hearing Tahiri complain for the dozenth time, RogueSaber had had enough and struck her down with lightning. Oddly enough, after regaining consciousness, Tahiri began to excel as a Champion worthy of her god. She began fighting better, she became stronger and wiser, she began keeping a journal of her deeds (with correct spelling and punctuation), she began making friends and winning people's admiration, and most importantly, she began taking baths (instead of waiting until it rained) and even using soap.

Deciding a Champions Fate

After Tahiri began to progress more towards becoming a true Champion, she sacrificed a Dust bunny to RogueSaber and asked that she be allowed to remain in Godville. It seems the citizens had become fond of Tahiri since she was clearing the nearby lands of monsters and outlaws. The citizens felt safer with her around and begged her to never leave. Tahiri, in return, began to feel a closeness with the townspeople and wished to stay. In return, she decreed that she would build a temple out of gold bricks in order to show her undying allegiance and to properly worship him.

Truth be told, RogueSaber had originally decided to allow Tahiri to remain in Godville when he sent her there. (The total truth is that he was going to abandon the imbecile there and never return.) However, once he realized that punishment helps her to become a worthwhile Champion, he decided to stick around and see how great of a Champion he could create. It is a win-win situation: RogueSaber enjoys target practice with lightning bolts and Tahiri becomes a better Champion with every "bullseye".

In addition, RogueSaber created the Mandalorian Guild in order for Tahiri to have someplace to sleep other than his temple which shouldn't be stained by her constant presence. The guild is also a place for her to recruit other warriors. The fate of Tahiri is still debatable and up for discussion, but for now RogueSaber is satisfied with her progress.

Random Thoughts of a Deity

Even gods get bored at times and let their minds wander unrestricted. RogueSaber is no exception to this phenomenon. Here are some of his random thought during times of boredom:

  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? (I know you're singing it in your head now...)
  • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Talking to a Deity

If you would like to talk with the god GodRogueSaber (U • C • T)  whether it is to leave a comment, ask a question, give a solution to a random thought, add your own random thought, or just say "Hi"; feel free to leave a message on his Talk Page by either clicking on the "T" on his god icon above or by clicking here.