User:Karen Hickey

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Deities of Godville
Karen Hickey 
6d983834c1335d31b96b4c710bd70a9d.jpeg
Hero [Caethes Briseis]
Personality Mediocre with a touch of oregano
Gender Female
Motto Generic Guild Name motto
⚜️Guild 
Guild Name



Why Godville is better than Farmville (or any other "villes")

  1. If you play Farmville, you're a farmer. In Godville, I'm a GODDESS.
  2. Zynga spelled backwards is "Agnyz", which sounds a bit too much like "agonize." Godville spelled backwards is just "Ellivdog", or "a live dog". Not bad.
  3. In Farmville, you must "agnyz" about whether your crops will wilt and die if you don't reap them soon enough. In Godville, my heroine may die, but she'll resurrect herself and just keep on questing away.
  4. In Farmville, you need neighbors to help raise barns and build chicken pens, or you will "agnyz" about not having them. Here I have friends who are fun, but not necessary, and they feed my heroine fresh buns or kill Monsters with a jaunty wave.
  5. In Farmville, you are prompted to post a multitude of things to your Facebook wall almost continuously, which might cause you to "agnyz". Here, nary a post, yet my accounts are linked. Go figure.
  6. Farmville animals: cows, chicken, sheep... Godville Monsters: Queen Kong, Invisible pink unicorn, Bipolar Bear, Necrophobic Zombies...
  7. Farmville goals: Build a chicken shed, build a barn, build a house... Godville Quests: Boldly go where no one has gone before, Find the Bee's knees and give them back, Find a Guildmaster and beg him to enroll me in the *guild name* guild, Fight your way out of a wet paper bag...
  8. Farmville tools: plow, shovel, seeds... Godville tools: Edward's scissorhands, boots of depleted uranium, Voodoo doll...
  9. Farmville pets: Dogs, cats. Godville pets: Dust bunny, Sun dog, Firefox...
  10. Farmville has a market. Godville has Pantheons and Guilds. At least one guild has free cheese!
  11. In Farmville, you have to spend way too much time "agnyz"ing at your computer and annoying your friends to progress in the game. In Godville, the game progresses with or without your input. I totally think Jonathan Blow would agree with me.
  12. Someone in the real world "agnyz"ed so much about Farmville that they murdered someone else in the real world. (Yeah, drugs were involved, too.) Somehow I just don't see that happening with Godville.


Favorite Chronicles (Good Reading, Folks!)


Bible...Prologue

!Caethes Briseis asked one day...
12:34 Why don't you have your own holy book, Great One? All the other gods have one. Please accept 3 coins and hire a holy ghost-writer.

The Goddess Karen Hickey replied: "But I do! It's called, 'Why Godville is Better Than Farmville'. OK, fine, it's really more of a pamphlet, but it's still literature!"

The Goddess Karen Hickey lamented over this and finally decided to write a Bible, since ALL of the other Gods have one. After all, if everyone else does something, I should too, right? I mean, I do have to keep up with the Joneses, after all.

So here is the Bible of Karen Hickey:

The Bible of Karen Hickey

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then some crazy Gods got together and combined their skills, working very hard - slaving, really, I'm sure, and created a ZPG world they called GODVILLE, which is ruled by The Great Random. All Gods worship, praise, and are occasionally infuriated by The Great Random.

Around a year and a half later (give or take a couple of months), the Goddess Karen Hickey was quite bored one day. She started typing random things into the magical Search Bar in the infamous Android App Market, and happened across GODVILLE. After careful consideration (lasting a whole 2 to 3 minutes) of what to name her creation, the Goddess Karen Hickey created the Heroine Caethes Briseis.

The Heroine Caethes Briseis does her best to be a noble and just person, though it is rather hard for a brainless being to do the right thing sometimes. The Goddess Karen Hickey sighs and shakes her head occasionally, but mostly cheers Caethes Briseis on when she does something right or needs a little extra help.

As this world has not ended and there have been no true planet-shaking events, there's really nothing else to write in this Bible - but stay tuned, you never know when a prophet will proclaim something noteworthy...

Bible...Epilogue

...and so, having written a biblical pamphlet, the Goddess Karen Hickey looked down at Caethes Briseis and said: "There, my child, you have a bible."

!...to which, Caethes Briseis replied...
23:45 Why don't you have your own holy book, Great One? All the other gods have one. Please accept 19 coins and hire a holy ghost-writer.


Lessons Learned

The Goddess Karen Hickey discovered on Day 510 g.e. that you should NOT tell a hero that their pet is dead. This will apparently cause the fully healthy hero to have a heart attack and die, thus losing all their earthly possessions and gold. This was unfortunate and rather annoying. And the Dust Bunny was still just as dead.


Cool Accomplishments (in this goddess's opinion, anyway)

On Day 497 g.e., the Goddess Karen Hickey rose to the top of the Creation pantheon for the first time, which was a complete surprise, and I'm really not sure how I keep popping up there.


Creation.JPG


On Day 498 g.e., Caethes was mentioned in the Godville Times.


GVTimes498.jpg


On Day 510 g.e., achieved the milestone of obtaining a Third Eye.

On Day 521 g.e., the God GodEpoch  completely flabbergasted the normally talkative Goddess Karen Hickey by congratulating her on reaching the top of the Storytelling Pantheon. (Sincere thanks to anyone who voted the chronicles up – that was completely unexpected!)


StorytellingKH.JPG


On Day 527 g.e., Caethes accumulated the 100th brick for her temple - only 900 bricks to go!

On Day 578 g.e., I noticed that I became a Grandmaster in Guild Name. I am a little concerned here. Does this mean Caethes is pregnant? Do I have to trade in my sombrero for a bonnet? Do I have to knit booties?

On Day 608 g.e., Caethes again made the newspaper. This time she was drinking with reporters while wearing invisible pants.

Untitled.JPG



Theme Song

!Caethes needs to sing.
12:34 I feel like I'd be a better heroine if I had a personal theme song.

Imagine, if you will, Metallica's Harvester of Sorrow.

Now imagine the seven dwarves from Disney's Snow White as they are leaving for work.

Mash the two together.

That is the theme song of Caethes Briseis.

If I were more musically inclined or a better video/audio editor, I'd be able to do it for you... Alas, I'll have to leave it to your imagination for now.


Anencephaly & Equus Ferus Sapiens

The Goddess Karen Hickey always wondered about Caethes and her lack of...shall we say...intelligence. On Day 524 g.e., it was discovered through a zombie that Caethes suffers from Anencephaly and Renal-Cephalic Inversus. The liver has taken over the brain's duties, as the brain is completely missing. The lack of a brain is a recurring thread in the Diary of Caethes Briseis. On Day 570 g.e., it was discovered during a duel that Caethes has hooves. After close inspection, it was determined that Caethes is actually part Palomino. This explains the constant neighing. Excerpts below:

!Day 524 g.e.
10:01 I had a strange dream – a zombie wanted to eat my brains. It lumbered over, knocked on my head a few times, then mumbled something in disappointment and walked away. Weird.
!Day 538 g.e.
12:21 The healer told me that if I keep suffering strong blows, my vital organs may be damaged. Luckily the last one struck my head.
!Day 547 g.e.
11:11 Crazy scientists have given me another quest to undertake: Follow the golden brick road and ask the wizard for some brains.
Hero
Quest
#117
Follow the golden brick road and ask the wizard for some brains. (completed)

(The quest was unsuccessful. Caethes was told that she should try the quest again at a higher level, which she did...but she forgot what the quest was originally about and moved on to her next idea...)

!Day 550 g.e.
09:09 Tried to get a brain transplant. Got rejected.
!Day 564 g.e.
19:48 I tried to outsmart that Dirt devil, but my stupidity got in the way.
!Day 570 g.e.
08:42 (Opponent) called his opponent a goat. Caethes Briseis got offended and kicked him with her hoof.

(Of course that offended Caethes! She doesn't bleat! She neighs! And she is most certainly not cloven-hooved. Each foot has a rather nicely shaped hoof with distal phalanges.)

!Day 574 g.e.
03:54 Visited a doctor to have my head examined. Luckily, the doctor found nothing in there.


Pets

  1. Simba the Dust bunny, lived for 10 days.
  2. Gleep the Dust bunny, lived for 14 days.
  3. Nibbler the Rocky Raccoon, lived for 36 days.
  4. Toto the Biowolf, lived for 47 days.
  5. Pumba the Bipolar Bear, lived for 38 days.
  6. Rex the Dandy lion, lived for a mere 3 days.
  7. Simba 2 the Biowolf.

Funny enough that my pet (Caethes) has a pet, but her pet Nibbler had a pet. Nibbler tamed a flea, which was mentioned repeatedly in the diary for his last week of life.

!Day 560 g.e.
07:36 My pet is full of surprises. It looks like Nibbler has tamed a flea! Now he's trying to teach it some tricks.

Since fleas normally live from 30-90 days, I hope the live burial with his owner didn't kill him. Caethes isn't the best pet owner.

Toto also tamed pet fleas, who actually worshiped him. Toto's flea died trying to save him, so the burial wasn't as traumatic, I'm sure.

!Day 609 g.e.
06:09 It seems that Toto has managed to train his fleas. Maybe I'm going mad, but I think that I just saw them praying to him!

Hero's Resume: Skills

COMBAT

  1. Palm of the panda
  2. Falcon punch
  3. Disarming smile
  4. Contagious yawning
  5. Win on points
  6. Peace enforcement

TRANSPORT

  1. Self-propelled feet

TRADE

  1. Unbearable boredom
  2. Selfish interest

Articles I've written


Thank you!



The Goddess Karen Hickey can also be found as the human KarenHickey on Shakes & Fidget.