From GodWiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Deities of Godville
Hero Ephraim Williams
Personality Vehemently neutral
Gender Male
Motto My Guild has a first Name
Guild Name
Guild position Prophet

Ephraim Williams

The Seal of the God CRogers; it reads: From the generosity of Ephraim Williams, soldier

The Hero Ephraim Williams is a special sort of man, that sort whose full attention you are never sure you have, the sort who seems distracted by something invisible to everyone else. From his chronicles:

"Where most heroes experience an inner monologue, The Hero Ephraim Williams is blessed with an ensemble cast mentally, resulting in a rather fractured mental state. While it makes such activities as questing and temple-building arduous at best, The Hero Ephraim Williams is a better man for it, and enough time at the pub shuts them all up anyway..."

Ephraim is a man dedicated to neutrality, willing to fight and die for his lack of opinions. He is a proud member of the most middle-of-the-road guild he could find, and aspired to complete the achievements 'Saint: 2nd rank' and 'Fiend: 2nd rank' on the same day, thereby demonstrating his total domination over preference. This he achieved on 782 g.e., during a single town trip.

His culinary preferences were laid bare by the muckraking editors of the GV times on 953 g.e.:

"Ephraim Williams - 57th-level adventurer, member of the “Guild Name” guild, with the motto “My Guild has a first Name”, stands at the 156th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god CRogers. He thinks that a Three-eyed Cyclops slow roasted in its own juices is one of the finest delicacies that Monsterdam has to offer."

Guild Name

Probably the most OK home a hero could ask for, Guild Name guild is the inspiration for Ephraim's motto:

My Guild has a first Name:

It's G-U-I-L-D!

My Guild has a second Name:

It's spelled N-A-M-E!

I quest with them 'most every day,

And when you ask me why I'll say...

Cuz Guild Name is most probably

An OK place for you and me!

Captain Roger Supreme

The only known image of Captain Roger Supreme

It was decided by the sage elders of Guild Name that CRogers is in fact short for Captain Roger Supreme, a development welcomed by the god himself. For this reason he is frequently referred to as 'Cap' or 'Capt.'

He proudly lends his name to the official Guild Name cocktail, the Captain Supreme, a creation of official Guild Name bartender GodMardy Bum 

On 929 g.e., and again on 934 g.e., the editors of the GV Times felt it important to notify the public of the imminent danger posed by the captain:

"Warning: CRogers is busy in the ER, enhancing ideas left and right!"

On the next day (935 g.e.):

"Eyewitnesses say that CRogers was spotted working in the Enhancement Room. Woohoo!"

And the day after that (936 g.e.):

"An honored ER frequenter, CRogers, claims that improving ideas is not really painful."

The captain has no explanation for the paper's sudden fixation.

In an alternate (Russian) Godville universe, he goes by Capt Roger Supreme

He is a total chemistry nerd

The Pastry of Misunderstanding

You! who has been utterly lost amid a fast-moving chat... You! who has had to write ten lines explaining your use of sarcasm... you have tasted the Pastry of Misunderstanding, that bane of text-based communication, and know of its flaky crust. It has most often been sighted in the frequently bustling and infrequently proofread world of the Guild Council, but has also been known to rear its sugary, fruit-filled head in the fora, and even in PMs. This Tart of Miscommunication comes in many forms, but in one way or another it has stricken us all.

Although details of its inception are forgotten, this much is known about that mysterious Danish of Misconstrual:

  • It was first named by CRogers in the Guild Name Guild Council, probably as a result of some typo or failed sarcasm and something to do with breakfast food.
  • It was submitted as an artifact by GodYour Ex Girlfriend  on 747 g.e. and accepted into the game on 770 g.e. (in a surprising and welcome display of support for surreal humor). Many thanks go to Ex for this important advancement in Confusion Strudel awareness!
  • Strengths: typos, lack of punctuation, overly subtle humor, the ambiguity inherent in text-based communication
  • Weaknesses: proofreading, the winking emoticon


CRogers is proud of the following original contributions added to the game:

  • Monster: Insufferable Boar
  • Body: Alpha Mail
  • Body: Biodegradable armor
  • Artifact: "Ventriloquism for Dummies" book
  • EN: Finding the way home by following his heart...
  • EN: The hero is convinced there is no right path...
  • EN: The hero is submitting the %monster% as questionable content...
  • EN: The hero is filling out a survey on {his|her} experience fighting the %monster%...
  • EN: Unabashedly self-promoting...
  • EN: Developing bad habits...
  • EN: Twisting, shouting...
  • EN: Feigning literacy...
  • EN: Downplaying the damage...
  • Duel: %attacker% and %defender% are paralyzed by the threat of mutually assured destruction.
  • Diary: Completed my quest to %quest%, but all I got was a participation ribbon.
  • Diary: Made a big sign to hold up at %random_friend%'s arena fight, but I misspelled {his|her} name. Maybe if I hold it upside down {he|she} won't notice?
  • Diary: I tried to navigate by following the stars, but they all point in different directions.
  • Diary: When I finished my quest to %quest%, a sage approached and let me choose my reward between coins and experience. The choice was obvious: bean him and take both!
  • Diary: Fell down a well and called %petname% for help. He came rushing back with %friend%, who jumped down to save me! Now we've been stuck for hours, and it looks like we may have to use the ladder. Many thanks to my Guild Name buddies who co-wrote this one!
  • Diary: After a particularly good fight, the %monster% thanked me for the excellent service, tipped me %coins%, and left.
  • Diary: I observed a bridge up ahead, but when I approached I saw its wavefunction had collapsed. Guess I'll have to find another way across.
  • Diary: The %monster% cried, “Can't you see this fighting is tearing us apart!?” and ran off sobbing. Found %gold%.
  • Diary: Everyone was excited when the pub announced free beer in honor of %guild%, but now I'm stuck with the tab for %coins%.
  • Diary: Only after completing my quest to %current_quest% did I find out the whole thing was a scam. Drat!
  • Diary: It seems that you only influence my life when I have a lot of money, %rg%. Do you still care for me now that I'm poor? Melt entry. Thanks to the ER voter who dramatically improved this one!
  • Diary: A man with a top hat informed me of a bank error in my favor. Got %gold%
  • Diary: Stopped by the Heroes' Unemployment Office and was assigned to %quest%. Well, it's something to do.
  • Diary: Tried playing golf, but %pet_name% is a terrible caddie.
  • Diary: %Some_tavern% had a 90-minute wait to sit down! Forget that, I'll just save my %gold%.
  • Diary: Thinking of my retirement, I was very frugal all day! I was so proud of myself, I celebrated by buying everyone drinks for %gold%.
  • Diary: Filled a big pot with all my gold, and suddenly a rainbow appeared. Huh, so that's how it works?
  • Diary: They told me that to %quest% would be a piece of cake. Well, I don't see any cake, and I can't eat this stupid golden brick either.
  • Diary: I know it's not right to end a sentence with an ellipsis, but sometimes I can't help myself...
  • Diary: The %monster% shouted “I left the stove on!” and ran off, dropping %coins% behind it.
  • Diary: Visited a wise old sage in %current_town% and asked him the meaning of my existence. I will never forget his reply: “Who are you!? How did you get in my house?”
  • Diary: Borrowed %hero_friend%'s notes from the last time {he||she} had to %current_quest%. This will be so much easier now!
  • Diary: Tried to intimidate the %monster% by staring it down, but I'm not very good at that. Yet another glaring weakness.
  • Diary: Climbed a tree to better see any approaching monsters. Found a %monster% that had climbed up there to better scout for heroes. We kept watch together then went our separate ways.
  • Diary: A wandering master came by and taught me all about how to identify con men. It was very useful training, and he only charged %gold%.