The Schwartz

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Equipment of Godville
The Schwartz
The Schwartz.jpg
The Schwartz unsheated.
Worn 🗡️Weapon
Durability +105
Description Definetely NOT a lightsaber.

The Schwartz is a weapon able to harness the all-powerful non-copy written alternative parody version of the Force.

The Force, err, I mean The Schwartz, controls everything in the universe. It is the mystical energy that flows through everything and calling it The Schwartz won't result in a lawsuit from Lucasfilm for intellectual property theft.

A hero demonstrating the proper fighting stance for using The Schwartz.

The Schwartz generates a lightsaber, err, I mean a lightBEAM of about one meter. This lightsaber, ugh, I mean lightBEAM, can cut through various monster parts and makes for a rather useful steak knife.

The Schwartz comes in a variety of colors including yellow, green, red, and white.

Unknown to just about every hero, true believers of The Schwartz don't need a gimmicky 1 coin prize found in a Crackerjack box to harness the true power of The Schwartz.

Stop trying to find the biggest The Schwartz, they're all the same size for crying out loud!
— Some Poor Shopkeeper to a Hero