The Bad Luck Spectrum
So what the heck is this abomination... A club?
Well, that's a very interesting question, Wiki, my friend. This "abomination", as you call it, is a new guild.
Why do I seriously doubt that?
Only one of us can answer that question... So of course it's me. You find that hard to believe because the members are either nutcases or people that are very in time with reality. This makes us look like your common Godville gang but no. There is a difference between a psychopath and a highly functioning sociopath, get your facts straight.
Interesting view. And what's so special about your guild?
Okay look, this is only between us, okay? We may or may not be currently poisoning the Godville society with our bad luck and our enticing of untimely ends for other heroes. See, it wasn't my fault that my foot happened to be under that one hero yesterday, or that we were conveniently on the edge of a cliff. We don't do this on purpose, my god forbid-
It merely happens to us because of dreadful circumstances and slightly biased chance opposing us.
Is there a background to this... "guild" of yours?
Well, let's see... It started a long long time ago, far far away down yonder path maybe a mile... Here, I can find the local history channel story on us. Wait, let me get my smartphone out of this monster's intestines... Ah, here we go...
Once upon a time, like any good story starts, there was a guy who went by the name of Harry-Freakin-Potter. Even though he was always picked on by numerous literate heroes that liked to correct the grammar in his name, he pushed on until he found his faith. Harry-Freakin-Potter, after being rescued from the dark depths of a hole a few miles east of Monsterdam, recalls his experiences of that day and the shocking creation of his new faith.
As quoted from this hero:
"I was walking down the path from my hometown on a beer-collecting trip when I fell in a hole. A nice man in the hole offered me a platter of cookies and much more interesting opportunities like performing quests for him and dying a noble death for it! Wait, let me converse with my inner voices-"
Shortly after, Harry-Freakin-Potter lost his mind and had to be instituted into a mental hospital. This was thought to have been the first moments of The Bad Luck Spectrum guild. There is evidence that Harry-Freakin-Potter had a partner by the name of DredMaster Cloak who helped this mad hero escape and start traveling across the land in honour of his new god, Tom-Riddle. Along the way, after many monster deaths and holes that were fallen into, there was speculation among the two whether they should do something productive with their alliance.
It was one day that Harry-Freakin-Potter popped. Historians have concluded that this particularly dangerous hero, after inactivity for days, had come back with another mental disease to add on to his previous.
DredMaster Cloak's replay of events was as follows:
"Okay, so there I was sitting by the fire and eating the limbs of some unfortunate monster I had slain, when I was hit in the head with the body of a common pigeon. So naturally I ate the pigeon. But when I turned around to investigate the source of the dead avian, I saw Harry and a whole lot of dead birds. He was throwing them in every direction and yelling something about not being a horcrux. I additionally heard something about never getting a break from his god and some tangent about bad luck before he started glowing and evolved into a Mature Adult. It was overall a very frightening experience and I admit that I may have nervously gnawed on a few pigeon bodies as I watched the events unfold. Right when I thought it was done, the newly evolved Harry-Freakin-Potter approached me and offered me a position in a guild of darkness, endless bad luck, and ultimately, death. So of course I said yes."
These shocking reflections on the past have given us insight into the origination of The Bad Luck Spectrum guild.
To this day, this guild is not well known. If it is known, it is known as an oasis for any rotten dark hero who just wants a break. They currently offer specials that include "Monster Venom Cocktail", "Certain Death Margarita", and "Joe's Eye-Melting Whiskey".
Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we have for you today. This has been a special news report on The Bad Luck Spectrum guild. Sponsored by MonstersInc and ExtremeFatality Family Networks.
Watch out for the foot!-