Talk:Actual Monster

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Firstly, good job on maintaining a consistent voice throughout the entire article. Many GodWiki-writers struggle with that, but your article reads very smoothly without sudden shifts in tone.

You did say you thought that you could have done better with writing, and I think I see what may be bothering you. There is a rule in writing fiction: "Show, don't tell." This article spends a lot of time telling us that the Actual Monster is a horrible, terrible, nasty beast with a cruel and relentless disposition, but it doesn't show us much beyond the Actual Monster being very, very ugly and somewhat unpleasantly noisy.

I think, therefore, that you might need some observations of the monster's behavior. You've said that it can breathe fire, ice, lightning, noxious fumes, and other things, right? Tell us about how it uses these weapons, focusing on showing that the usage is cruel. The monster can do very horrible things, like maybe it spears a hero through the leg with a claw and breathes ice on the hero's arms, freezing them by slow inches, breathing electricity to zap the unlucky hero back awake when he loses consciousness. That really shows the cruelty that even other monsters would find off-putting.

Does that help? --SourceRunner

Further note: If you feel like reading, two monster articles that do exceedingly well at showing instead of telling are Beer Cub and Tea Rex. You can also try the Extra Dry Djinn, but that one's not as good. --SourceRunner