Slave Labor

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Slave Labor
Motto: We'll chatch you!
Date Founded: Around 2012... Probably
Guild Page: Slave Labor 
Data current as of now as old and new as it can get

Do you enjoy back-breaking physical labor? Do you often fantasize about dragging enormous slabs of various minerals weighing in excess of 40 times your own bodyweight through conditions ranging from extreme to very extreme? Do you hate taking breaks, unless "breaks" is short for "if you stop working for even a second, you will be whipped mercilessly?" Most importantly, is the idea of receiving any financial compensation whatsoever for your endless, harrowing toil repugnant to you? If so, then you've come to the right place. Welcome to Slave Labor: the only Godville guild that promises that once you join, you'll never leave - because We'll Catch You™!


Slave Labor's origins are tied inextricably to the world of Godville itself. Soon after the founding of Godville's first village, Los Adminos, the townspeople yearned to be a part of something bigger. Specifically, they wanted to build something bigger. Up to that point in history, the only things that had ever been built were temples and arks, and frankly things were starting to feel repetitive. In a secret meeting that the entire town except for Frank attended, because nobody liked Frank, it was decided that the first non-ark-non-temple Godville construction project would commence: an enormous statue commemorating the Gods. Because every single denizen of Godville worships their own unique God, the meeting was intense - everyone lobbied for the statue to be based on their own God's likeness. Insults were hurled, punches were thrown, and spit was spittled. In the end, it was the town's unifying hatred of Frank that allowed the spirit of compromise to win the day, and the decision was made that the statue would be a combined likeness of every person's God. Except Frank's.

The statue was to be enormous, because the people wanted to show the Gods that their love for them reached the stars.

The statue was to be of unsurpassed quality, because the people wanted it to reflect the infallibility of the Gods.

The statue was to be ugly, because that's what happens when you mash like a thousand different God faces into one God statue.

And finally, the statue was to be expensive, because practically speaking the material cost alone was going to bankrupt the town and all of its people, and that wasn't even taking into consideration the labor costs.

"But what if, and stay with me here, what if we didn't pay the laborors?" a brave, pioneering soul said that day. A murmur swept through the crowd.

"With no financial incentive, how will we motivate the workers?" a confused populace asked in unison, almost as if previously rehearsed for some kind of staged musical production. In response to the question, a lone hand rose above the crowd, clutching an item that represents this very guild to this very day: a big ol' whip.

Indeed, it was soon discovered that a new scientific formula existed for creating great works, and that formula was Whip + Skin = Free Work. With liberal application of this formula, and even more liberal application of whips in general, work on the great statue sped along at an unprecedented pace. Before long, but after short, the grand monument stood completed at a towering 700 meters (or 2,300 feet depending on where in Godville you're from), most of which was comprised of the actual statue materials and some of which was comprised of the varying laborers who so loved their work that their hearts just couldn't handle that amount of joy. When they fell, construction simply incorporated them into the structure itself, their bodies acting as a sort of spiritual caulk. But their sacrifice was for the greater good, because they were now a part of something bigger. Literally.

The name for this crowning achievement in construction and innovative labor techniques needed to reflect the majesty of the Gods. It needed to reflect the ability for people to come together and reach a middle-ground on how a grand vision could be realized. It needed to reflect the thousands upon thousands of unpaid, forced work hours and the resulting fatalities and permanent psychological damage. It would be named: The Spirit of Compromise.

Thus is the story of how Godville's greatest monument was built, and how Godville's greatest guild was formed. The value of Slave Labor was soon seen across the land, and its works are found far and wide. Spirit of Compromise? That's us. The Great Pyramids, and their sister wonder, The Decent Quadrahedrons? Also us. Statue of Lizardy? That was our reptilian branch. Every world wonder you see today is owed to Slave Labor. Probably every world wonder you'll see tomorrow, as well. After that, we're not super comfortable predicting. But maybe! And as long as there's a chance Slave Labor was involved, don't you want to be a part of it? Don't you want to be a part of something bigger?

Now accepting all applicants*! Join today! Slave Labor: don't try to escape, because We'll Catch You™!

*Not you, Frank. Keep movin'.