Root of all evil

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Artifacts of Godville
Root of all evil
Root.JPG
Type 💎Bold
Description It all started from this...

The Root of all evil is a bold artifact carried by monsters. The value of the item ranges from 1 to 7 gold coins per gram. It is not known whether only evil monsters carry the root of all evil or how monsters acquire a root of all evil.

The All Evil Tree

All roots of all evil originate from the ancient All Evil Tree located two milestones outside the town of Deville. It is believed that the All Evil Tree is 10,000 years old though carbon dating of removed roots and trees parts indicate that the tree is just seventy four minutes old—which it obviously is not. Scientists from the University of Dogville and North Southwestern Monsterdamn College have attempted to explain this phenomenon, but their data has been inconclusive.

While the precise collection process of a root of all evil is not widely known, it is believed that they are gather by trained moles who burrow below the All Evil Tree and bite off small pieces to deliver to their Dwarf masters. The Dwarf masters must carefully manage the root taking as not to flabbergast the All Evil Tree. According to a 7,000 year old legend, the All Evil Tree was once flabbergasted by the taking of too many roots and proceeded to call his best friend, the All Goodness Tree, to schedule an afternoon tea session. Since Dwarfs hate tea sessions (especially afternoon tea sessions), all the Dwarfs in Deville and Godville had to put on pink jumpsuits and schedule five flash mobs to avoid receiving an invite. Accordingly, under an unspoken penalty of a tea session invite, the Dwarves very carefully mange the root picking.

Other parts of the All Evil Tree, including its branches, leaves, fruits, and roots, are sometimes chipped by Dwarves (or the trained moles) and sold in various towns.

In ancient times, there were strict laws restricting the possession and trading of roots of all evil and other parts of the All Evil Tree, but such laws have faded from existence.

Square Root of All Evil

Occasionally, roots from the All Evil Tree with grow in perfect squares. Although these are rare they are not entirely uncommon. It is believed that these roots have an additional flavor not tasted in regular roots of all evil.

Cooking with the Root of All Evil

The root of all evil is an essential ingredient in all bad cooking. Most recipes require that the root first be dried, soaked, boiled, and then danced with. Reciting mean words while dancing also enhances the bad flavor.

See Also