Insert non-formatted text here WELCOME TO THE PRIMITIVE SCREWHEAD GUILD
Guild Motto: Good, Bad, we're the ones with the BOOMSTICK!!
Guild alignment: Any
Guild Insignia: Rampaging man with a chainsaw for a hand, and in the other a shotgun.
Guild Colors: Blood, sweat and tears
Guild creator: Skorgg, champion of Omnixx
Guild Requirements: There is only one requirement. This is that when your champion officially becomes a primitive screwhead guild member, you must use the godvoice and declare, "BOOMSTICK!" at least once. This doesn't have any in game effect, but it is a lot of fun to say. BOOMSTICK! BOOMSTICK! BOOMSTICK! See? Lots of fun.
If you like going to the arena, and if your not too busy trying to keep your hero in one piece, a nice shout of "BOOMSTICK!" is good to hear. Don't worry about those other guilds with their silly "Ni" and "I like coconuts" sayings, they have misinterpreted the true shouting word and therefore as punishment, they have been made extremely powerful and popular. Shows them right, the blasphemers!
One last note. Some heros might be stupid...er...I mean fanatically loyal (and drunk) enough to chop off one of their hands and replace it with a gardening/landscaping tool. While I have no idea if it is even possible, for those who are so dedicated, they could write down they joined the Primitive Screwhead in their chronicles and note what hand and which tool that hand was replaced with. If one does so, then they shall be labelled an elite champion of the screwheads! Which, honestly, doesn't amount to much, yet such loyalty will be rewarded...sort of...ok, it won't be rewarded, but think how much fun your chronicle will be saying that your guy has a weedwacker for a left hand! Important Note: If your hero's detached hand suddenly becomes animated and attempts to kill your hero, Don't Panic. This is a perfectly natural thing that passes between a hero and his evil dead possessed dismembered hand. If you can, try to turn it into a pet, or dress it up like a little doll and call it pretty names. After a while, the hero's hand should be absolutely comfortable being detached and leave the hero to go make someone else miserable for a change.
Guild History: One fine day, after Skorgg had bravely retreated from a rabid gerbil, a strange and mysterious vision came to him. The vision was of a wild man, with a strange mechanical saw for a hand, and in the other, a metallic tubular stick that made large boom sounds. Then the mysterious voice from the virtual heavens spoke to Skorgg, revealing all the essential information needed to save the entire universe from certain destruction. With great care, Skorgg jotted down all these things in a giant book made out of the finest wood...and then accidently used it to start a fire and cook smores. However, after several drunken binges at the local tavern, Skorgg realized what he was to do. he would start a guild, and have this guild create a 200 foot tall statue of this mysterious man, known only as "Ashe". Ashe is his name cause that is what will be left of all that is evil in the universe, at least, that is what it says in the guild handouts.
Therefore, this mysterious stranger is called the special groovy promised chosen one. According to the ancient writings written down several minutes ago, if the statue is completed, then the strange mysterious words of destiny must be spoken in order to animate the giant statue which will then rid the universe of aforementioned evil. It is very very important that the lowest member of the guild speak these words at the time of the statue's completion. That is because he or she will most likely be the first to get squashed under the special super duper groovy promised chosen one's gigantic foot, but also cause even the lowliest members of the guild are considered important and invaluable. It must be noted that if the special words are not exactly spoken just right, the universe will explode killing everything with horrendous destruction. The sacred super special words of destiny, which must be spoken without error or variation in any way is:
"Nacho Gobobo...er...something something...hootchie mama"
Ok, so maybe we don't actually possess every single itty bitty little word of destiny. I am sure it will be fine, We got most of it. What could possibly go wrong?
Final words: Chances are, most of our final words will be "Ouch!" or "Ugh! There goes my head!" or even "I had no idea my body held so much blood!". These final words are nice, but the following final words are all that matters to a Primitive Screwhead guild member:
"Walk softly, and carry a big Boomstick."