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Monsters of Godville
Did you say GLASS, of beer?|
A pink pachyderm|
The Pink Elephant (Elphas roseus) is a monster. Is the elephant actually pink? No one is quire sure. Is it even an elephant? No one is quite sure of that either. All that is really known is that a hero must get really drunk to find this monster, like really really drunk. Like, fall in the gutter, see blue mice, drunk. So, in other words, a hero has to try sobering up for a few hours.
There are, broadly speaking, two types of drinkers. There is the man whom we all know, stupid, unimaginative, whose brain is bitten numbly by numb maggots; who walks generously with wide-spread, tentative legs, falls frequently in the gutter, and who sees, in the extremity of his ecstasy, blue mice and pink elephants. He is the type that gives rise to the jokes in the funny papers.
||— Jack London, John Barleycorn, Chapter 2
- Excellent blood flow
- Moves really quick, well, according to drunk heroes they are
- Sometimes, can split itself into two or three, depending how drunk the hero is
- Master of the field sobriety test
- Terrible camouflage, unless in the Barbie aisle of a toy store
- Sunburns easily
- Blue mice