Nautilus/AFK Directive

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The AFK Directive

No one likes AFKs in dungeons, us included! The AFK Directive is an initiative for templed deities. If:

1. you are the main driver of the dungeon
2. you successfully reach the treasure room
3. at least one AFK dies (someone who made no attempt to help during bosses, heal themselves on the dungeon map, or basically do anything)

then you get to come up with a fun wish, which will then get featured below. It’s a nice little bonus for having to drag along dead weight! Submit any dungeon logs which fit the above criteria to S624 and he can help with the processing! It's very easy!

Below is a table of the wishes granted. In cases where a specific name isn't mentioned, the acquisition went to the driver of the dungeon.

See our main page: Nautilus

# Driver God/dess Dead Hero/ine Guild Wish Granted
1 Portico Winstonzigar buying a disco-themed diamond-studded bathtub, with included disco ball installed overhead
2 Portico Crail walk-in fridge
3 Portico Hugo the Otaku acquiring enough flan to fill a walk-in fridge
4 Iceandrews Nyashamyasha constructing a flan cannon
5 Portico Prusho acquiring an island for recreational use and populating it with wombats
6 Portico Alipu buying a wombat onesie
7 Portico Lawly purchasing an adorable wombat plushie for cuddling on lonely nights
8 Iceandrews Velephia acquiring several honeysuckles for a bouquet
9 Portico Ludwhalla Von Bamf supplying a lifetime supply of eyeliners to retain her eyes’ fierce look (she’s hot when she looks predatory)
10 Portico Goodlove Md acquiring a tray of exotic olives and cheeses
11 Portico Boludito buying a satchel to match Portico's gorgeous eyes, with some old, rusty handcuffs included
12 Portico Fokkuso buying matching polka-dot bikinis for Godville’s top models, Enzuna and Portico
13 Portico Bedward acquiring a quaint cottage for Corvus Silver in Blue Ball Village
14 Portico Strume buying a mansion for Enzuna, complete with a full personal staff of gorgeous male butlers to feed her grapes and cater to any and all needs she may have, all tax-free
15 Portico Strith ordering a line of Nautilus brand clothing (series of t-shirts, of various colors, with the following slogan printed on the shirt front: "I’m feeling Nauti 🐙")
16 Portico Anthol acquiring a dance studio with hardwood floors, suggestive lighting, and huge wall-mounted mirrors so Portico can practice her killer dance moves
17 Iceandrews Lorkael buying a slice of incredibly expensive chocolate cake to be shared between Iceandrews and Enzuna
18 Portico Snup Hot Dog hiring a terrifying clown to administer several flans directly to Iceandrews’s face
19 Portico Gatts Toxis arranging for the addition of a beautiful garden on Nautilus guild premises, including a pond with lilies and a variety of chubby caterpillars hiding in the foliage
20 Portico Kiki Kolana funding an 80s themed party, everyone invited (puffy sleeves, neon colors, and crimped hair is preferred)
21 Enzuna Alistin installing matching golden sinks for the private use of Flanchette and Flanders the cats
22 Portico Susie Evans funding a lazy day off for the Hotness herself, Portico. This will include a stormy day, a good horror movie, cozy blankets, cookies, and a brand new set of super-soft black PJs with silver stars printed on them
23 Deep-winter Evil Crazy providing Endless-summer with endless flan, and to pay for any resulting damages caused by her and her goddess
24 Enzuna Yarls acquiring individual oversized, fluffy & super-absorbent towels for all Nautilus guild members, complete with the Nautilus logo and personalized initials
25 Luna of Theia Rienachan creating a personal Portico clone for Luna of Theia
26 Luna of Theia Isaax buying a sushi dispenser
27 Iceandrews Crippler buying super gaudy, blingy rims and tires for Iceandrews’ “creeper van”
28 Corvus Silver ZeektheFirst transforming the Nautilus library into a steampunk themed restaurant, where anyone who goes in can read AND eat! This restaurant shall be placed under the management of Portico
29 Enzuna Hendik de lets buying an ice cream cake, to be shared by Enzuna, Iceandrews, and where dem cookies at. Because two dessert types are better than one!
30 Enzuna Something Worse acquiring an inflatable wombat float for the guild pool
31 Portico Sir Leonard- installing a reinforced underground bunker, complete with food, water, and all the necessary living supplies (this includes an ample selection of music – very important) just in case the afk brethren rise from the grave for revenge
32 Portico Narble delivering a bloody moon-shaped piñata to THE GREAT HARVESTER OF SORROW
33 Portico Sagmf acquiring the finest Tête de Moine with a silver and opal encrusted cheese cutter and fancy-schmancy wine
34 Enzuna Terp acquiring a prancing unicorn for Enzuna, complete with rainbows and magic, along with a stable and a handsome stablehand to accompany such a magnificent creature
35 Portico Tarcisius the Martyr developing an anti-earworm device to protect Portico from Lord Boom’s addictive music selections
36 Portico Syvsover giving all Nautilus guild members mandatory guild logo tattoos on their left bumcheeks
37 Luna of Theia Ash7 purchasing an imaginary pet to follow Luna and whisper ideas to her every night
38 Luna of Theia Visey buying a round of pina coladas and mojitos for the Enzuna/Luna dungeoneering dream team
39 Enzuna Athurina funding a relaxing spa day in a pool cabana so Enzuna can de-stress from all the angry walls
40 Portico Waltz bribing Iceandrews into performing the Buffalo Bill scene from Silence of the Lambs, with Q Lazzarus performing “Goodbye Horses” during the scene
41 Portico Susie Evans funding Portico’s next outing to go dancing, to provide perfectly chilled jagermeister all night and to ensure the dj only plays HER favorite songs the entire time
42 Portico Lavinia Mortis funding a shopping spree for all the ladies of Nautilus
43 Enzuna Tarcisius the Martyr hiring a team of specialists for Enzuna, Ayula, and Portico to gather the remains of their enemies and fashion them into lucky charms
44 Ayula Nubbycake training a pet wombat for Ayula named Squittles who makes a living by busking on the streets, understands seven languages but not the word “no” in any of them, and likes to cuddle by the fire on cold wet nights with hot cocoa with a smidge of whiskey
45 Ayula Avrioli granting Ayula the ability to grow facial hair at will, and to discontinue it at will
46 Corvus Silver Jimmygod buying every Nautilus guild member one double scoop ice cream cone, their choice of flavor
47 Corvus Silver Alpha Sputnik hiring an instructor to teach Nautilus guild members how to use the Kamehameha technique
48 Corvus Silver Our Intrepid Hero constructing an octopus-themed spinning carnival ride (free to enter)
49 Corvus Silver Little Floyd constructing a moon-sized space station with a weapon capable of destroying entire spiders
50 Corvus Silver Sir Leonard- developing a treasure hoard locating device that no one is ever allowed to use
51 Corvus Silver Ayulin buying a giant hole in the ground and filling it with water to make a private guild lake
52 Enzuna Jylli developing the ability to channel Portico’s spirit into every punish and add extra shock value to them and spice up brick melting, to be made available to all Nautilus guild members
53 Enzuna Swayvil acquiring 🐙 onesies for all guild members, along with cute squid hats for all guild wombats
54 Enzuna Evil Crazy building an ever-flowing chocolate fountain with an ever-replenishing set of fresh fruits for dipping
55 Portico Sezaner acquiring a sandworm from Arrakis that Portico can ride like a real Fremen Boss
56 Portico Coke Side buying every piece of womenswear (including shoes) made by Alexander McQueen
57 Portico Hugo the Otaku developing the perfect shade of coral-red lipstick
58 Portico Aeon 23 buying super-strength catnip for Flanchette and Flanders
59 Enzuna Diego Illuminati buying sexy lingerie for all the Nauti ladies in anticipation of the next sexy slumber party
60 Portico Theiana funding a slow-motion pillow fight with feathers flying everywhere for Portico and Enzuna
61 Enzuna Dardanus The 3rd granting every lady in Nautilus the power to wear high-heels without any discomfort
62 Enzuna The Forbidden One granting Enzuna the power to ingest drinks without absorbing any of the calories
63 Enzuna Sir Lateria training a specialty dream-catcher wombat to enter Enzuna’s dreams with her and ensure they remain pleasant
64 Enzuna Ursinald buying a set of diamond earrings, bracelets, rings & necklaces each for Enzuna and Portico
65 Enzuna Elroy Puttyman arranging a training session for all Nautilus members on how to run into as many bosses as possible during dungeons, using the minimum number of commands and steps
66 Enzuna Hamalainen concocting a vial of truth serum
67 Enzuna Man being watched creating a vial of detachment
68 Enzuna Eferno buying a wombat-shaped piggy bank, to make saving 30 million gold more fun for Enzuna
69 Enzuna Kazze inventing a pillow with a perpetually “cool” side
70 Portico Starmaster Flip dem tables Bro! buying a first-class ticket to anywhere in the world
71 Portico M Mcfly The Finest buying a bundle of perfectly ripe bananas
72 Portico Yseraa Instant Karma building a castle entirely out of black opals, to be governed by Queen Portico
73 Enzuna Alisto Harvest Moon training a black dire wolf, to be named Fenrir, to follow Enzuna around looking intimidating
74 Enzuna Emma343343 Band of Rejects planting a wide assortment of succulents in the guild garden in a pleasing fashion
75 Enzuna King Barry DraGoons of Pompous Exemplitude buying a set of new whips, chains, and other tools for Portico so she can be up-to-date on all the latest punishment techniques
76 Enzuna Xiaopanda Guildy Pleasures wishing Iceandrews a very happy birthday, complete with flan, pie, and an entire chocolate cake slice all to himself
77 Enzuna Milk With Coca-cola Harvest Moon buying some contacts of various exciting colors, like blue, green, and purple, because brown eyes are boring
78 Chiisana Koto Shadow Of My Apple lm buying glittery bubble wands in every color of the rainbow
79 Chiisana Koto Llissa MKAY finding Chii a personal hummingbird guardian to protect her and take her places when she can’t be bothered to flutter her own wings
80 Enzuna Hreidmar Asylum renting a self-driving limousine for when one simply can’t drive themselves and their party
81 Enzuna Hunkledink Guild Name shooting a homing missile loaded with glitter straight at Harvest Moon headquarters
82 Portico Skanku lone wolvez hiring Tosca Rivola to instruct Portico in the use of a cyr wheel so that she may launch her sexy burlesque career
83 Enzuna Little Kim Annihilate Everything with Friendship building a guild aquarium, beginning with an exhibit of starlight jellyfish which emit a glow when it is nighttime
84 Enzuna ViCz Meister Blue Feather installing another aquarium exhibit, this one primarily show-casing color-changing cuttlefish
85 Enzuna Crosarin Slaves to Armok creating an aquarium exhibit with all types of beautiful-looking discus fish
86 Enzuna Dajulimaso Instant Karma installing a special exhibit to house the largest giant pacific octopus that the divers can find
87 Enzuna Cameroniono Honnōji Academy developing an item that allows instant manicures and pedicures
88 Enzuna Basch fon Ronsenburg Blue Feather constructing an enormous garden fountain with an octopus sculpture in the center
89 Portico Theiana Ankh-Morpork City Watch granting Portico the ability to conjure up rainy days and thunderstorms when it suits her whims
90 Portico Little Floyd Blue Feather hiring a sorcerer (complete with pointy hat and a staff) to miracle Enzuna to health during toxic dungeon runs
91 Portico Jorycle Chickens in Choppers acquiring a “choose your own dream” machine so that Portico may always have the dreams she prefers
92 Enzuna Hero123456798 Harvest Moon creating a line of pink octopus marshmallows (think peeps, but cuter)
93 Enzuna Tyler Nedrud Knights who say Ni acquiring the ability for Enzuna to have a silky smooth voice, because god knows her current one sure isn’t
94 Arona Le Mighty Altherion Ankh-Morpork City Watch cooking a huge portion of perfectly golden french fries for Arona
95 Enuzna Norti Raskal Ankh-Morpork City Watch enhancing Enzuna’s eyelashes to always be slightly lusher, longer, and curlier than normal
96 Enzuna Milk With Coca-cola Harvest Moon designing the most luxurious, large bathtub ever for Enzuna’s personal use
97 Enzuna Major Monogram Conclave of Bacon buying a bouquet of white and pink roses
98 Enzuna Hantee Blue Feather ordering a tiramisu with some spiked coffee for Enzuna
99 Enzuna Raine Harvest Moon placing an ornate, out-of-the-way bench in the guild gardens for anyone who ever wants to sit and chat with some privacy
100 Enzuna AR45A Psycho-Pass creating for Portico a special personal soundtrack that can play just the right song at just the right time based on current mood
101 Enzuna Dartbaug ELITES acquiring a bagel bar for the guild, to always be stocked with super-fluffy and fresh bagels, and a variety of spreads and extras for everyone’s enjoyment
102 Enzuna Saviton Musicians of Godville installing a recreational “fun room” on Nautilus guild premises
103 Enzuna Jekul Knights who say Ni building a trampoline in the Nautilus fun room, rimmed with spikes and tentacles to make jumping in it extra fun
104 Enzuna Shadyp X-Men placing a ball pit in the rec room, to be filled with skulls, sticky flan, actual balls, and actual ACTUAL balls if you get my drift
105 Lord Boom Raene Harvest Moon buying a super-sparkling, color-changing disco ball for the guildhall dance floor
106 Lord Boom Eferno Fairy Tale setting up a fog machine for the guild’s dance floor
107 Your Imaginary Friend Whip Lash Jurgenndoi creating a comfy saddle so that guildies may take a ride on a sparlky unicorn
108 Your Imaginary Friend Trash Lord GROM planting a surprise ginormous flan that everyone can have fun jumping into
109 Your Imaginary Friend Leofara Team Awesome acquiring an anti-slip banana
110 Chiisana Koto Rusak House of Batiatus allowing played music to manifest as a series of lights and colors
111 Chiisana Koto Jorjei Noche Blue Feather requesting the sun to please stop being annoying and tone it down over California
112 Chiisana Koto Isaac Van Bodnar Wubwubber allowing all the animals and critters in Chii’s garden to be able to speak at will
113 Enzuna Robtastic Knights who say Ni gifting Arona an urban dictionary so he can look up all the cool kid phrases
114 Your Imaginary Friend Beef Eater Knights of the Coffee Table getting a new loot bag for Your Imaginary Friend
115 Your Imaginary Friend Jekul Knights who say Ni finding a way to send unwanted pets to take their rightful place with the stars
116 Portico Bubba of Nazareth Guildty As Charged having a butler deliver a tray full of palmieres with sun-dried tomatoes & prosciutto directly to Portico
117 Enzuna Unocathillious Gnomeland Security delivering ten pounds of jellyfish-shaped gummies to Harvest Moon
118 Enzuna Rogue Leader Blue Feather getting Portico 10 pounds of strawberry-banana gummy bears
119 Your Imaginary Friend Sarsinaia Nautilus installing a hangover-removal machine in the guild hall so that the wild nights never have to stop
120 Arona Le Mighty Raene Harvest Moon buying the newest Playgod Magazine issue for Arona
121 Portico Nekoman The Jedi Council adding a black and silver magical girl outfit with a large staff in the shape of a key to Portico’s magical girl wardrobe
122 Portico Gamji Harvest Moon granting Portico a kiss outdoors during a stormy day, rain droplets everywhere, cool winds. No need for an umbrella.
123 Sola Domina Gebar The Dude Abides constructing a cute robot covered in moss and flowers to tend to the Nautilus gardens
124 Enzuna Rogue Leader Blue Feather gifting Briff a book or some program or something on how to learn Russian
125 Enzuna TheDarkOminousOne Pet Shop of Horrors buying a set of rings, necklaces and earrings set with moon opals
126 Enzuna Akane Phoenix Tundra Expedition Society buying balloons that, when popped, deposit glitter everywhere
127 Enzuna Loke Lex Luthor VictoriasSecrets offering a free glass of champagne at the entrance to any guild hall visitors
128 Enzuna Arona Le Mighty Nautilus obtaining a fly-trap plant in a pot that Enzuna can dote and care over
129 Portico Fredrick The Great V Mystic Llama Herders gifting Portico a princess cut ring made of cheese with a pimento “jewel”
130 Portico Meine Sonne Nautilus acquiring for Portico a set of hula hoops with LED lights
131 Enzuna Kiki Kolana Museum of Godville concocting a vial of eternal sleep
132 Enzuna BAUTDABASS Jade Butterfly acquiring the ability to make things clean at will
133 Portico Deleterious DemiGods gifting Dogess a jumbo-sized octopus plushie
134 Chiisana Koto Piqka Jurgenndoi creating a red and green picnic basket for HP and Dogess to share. Inside: a container with meat, creamed soup, and vegetables covered in tator-tots, two slices of cheesecake, and bountiful veil espresso doubleshot vodka. Oh, and a cozy blanket to sit on.
135 Chiisana Koto Captain Clueless Honnōji Academy acquiring a masterfully designed heirloom cat o’ nine tails with the words “Guild Leader” for DH to employ when recruits get uppity, and to be handed down for generations of guild leaders to come
136 Enzuna Super L-user A Minor Troupe Majoring in Mysticism delivering soft, warm hugs to friends who need them via guardian angel
137 Enzuna Animax the Great Αγγελος του Θανατο buying a new fall/winter appropriate bag, wallet & accessories
138 Enzuna The Major DraGoons Of Pretentious Evil gifting Reishin Taylor Swift’s newest album (and all the old ones, too)
139 Enzuna Josephinia DraGoons Of Pretentious Evil sealing Enzuna in a bug-repellent forcefield
140 Enzuna Knightston Harvest Moon granting the ability to not feel cold when it’s cold, or hot when it’s hot
141 Enzuna Aaron VanLeit The Old Gods buying a round of cocoa batons for all guildies
142 Enzuna Jax Rabbit legion of doom hiring a handsome man-maid to always launder and carefully place fresh sheets on Enzuna’s bed daily
143 Enzuna Shelomoh bakhara placing troll squiggly quaggly quigglies around the guild hall to teleport people around at inconvenient times
144 Enzuna Fox News Blue Feather granting Enzuna the rare ability to be able to talk to people without coming off as creepy
145 Enzuna MikaelaZ Harvest Moon buying fangirl-repellent for Portico
146 Arona Le Mighty Umberlee Mother North delivering fresh bouquets of black roses to Portico daily for the rest of the year
147 Arona Le Mighty Backstabber The Finest providing a dozen kegs of beer for current Nautilus members
148 Portico Roflraptor hiring tough bodyguard fairies to protect Portico’s cutie caterpillars
149 Portico Jah-a-li Kiss my axe getting Portico two big jugs of special shampoo so that her hair is always super soft and commercial-status glorious
150 Portico Fuuma Knights who say Ni gifting lucky fishnet tights to Doctor Frank-n-furter and Portico for their HM darts tournament
151 Enzuna Andrax Harvest Moon giving DiamondHard a stack of holiday cards
152 S624 Mr Ben Derisgreat VeGaS Installing a candy dispenser in the guild hall
153 S624 Neravarine Obsidian Library Stocking the kitchens with a set of mother-of-pearl flan spoons.
154 Ginoraf3000 Eydamer / Kslice WAer / helpless desk heroes The ability to grow a tongue to be able to speak in the GC.