Guild of Calamitous Intent

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🏚️This defunct guild page is marked for deletion.
The “Guild of Calamitous Intent” guild is not widely known in Godville. However, if you are a member of this guild, feel free to remove this template by deleting {{delete guild}} when editing your guild page.
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The Guild of Calamitous Intent was created by the failed anti-hero Thug Life in an effort to amass a force strong enough to defeat his archnemesis. Unfortunately, Thug Life had no archnemesis, so all guild efforts have been focused on the search for the perfect foe.


The Guild of Calamitous Intent strives to provide a safe haven to any anti-hero looking for an archnemesis, or any anti-hero that keeps walking back to town while carrying their own teeth because they suck out loud. All anti-heroes deserve to be treated like equal failures, and discrimination is not tolerated. Anti-heroes are expected to be good-natured, although they may dream of world domination.


Kill them with kindness. Or the pokey bit of your weapon. Wait! That would leave a mess. Aren't they allergic to peanuts? Feed them your fruit & nut granola bar! That's an uncomfortable shade of blue they're turning. Just stab them with this EpiPen and let's get the heck out of here!
— Thug Life, Guild of Calamitous Intent

It's quite a wordy motto, but it perfectly reflects all of the beliefs of the guild.


The guild has the best third-rate doctors available, and most anti-heroes can feel confident that they will leave the doctor's office with one or more kidneys still in their body.

The guild also provides the perfect starting ground for new anti-heroes, as they can't possibly get any worse.

All battle supplies and equipment are provided by ACME. When shopping at guild-approved merchants, use discount code "CrushedByMyOwnAnvil" to get 10% off any item worth 1000 coins or more, or use the discount code "MeepMeep" to be immediately relieved of your mortal coil and delivered to your god. *MeepMeep is non-refundable


Whether fighting another hero or monster, members are expected to remember their training and flee as often as necessary to avoid inconveniencing their god. Battle techniques that may be learned include the Hug of Intolerance, the Kiss Me, I Have Mono face-lock, the Five Finger Death Tickle, and the Oww Oww Oww Stop You're Hurting Me battle cry, which may also be followed by the Fleeing the Battle While Screaming "I'm Telling" retreat technique.

Any hero that learns a skill is expected to share the knowledge of the skill with fellow guild members.