Grounded Hog

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Pets of Godville
Grounded Hog
Marmota fundati
HidingHog.jpg
Strong Monster
Class Woodchuck
Habitat Underground Burrows
Description Fuzzy Wuzzy
Pet
Tame at levels 60-89 (?)
Features Dungeon-Ability

The Grounded Hog (Marmota fundati) is a tameable monster that is the second-cousin twice removed and then put back again to the more commonly known woodchuck. However, they don't like any references to chucking wood and if stopped to ask how much wood their almost second-cousins chuck in a given day if they felt so inclined to chuck said wood, the grounded hog would tuck itself into the fetal position and immediately fall asleep out of boredom. The grounded hog would then hope that you will assume they died of said boredom before you even finished your question.

The grounded hog, much like its totally unrelated animal kingdom friend (your heroine), will be sure to eat and drink at every opportunity - in order to store fat reserves for later. The grounded hog prefers to hibernate, so finding one when not in combat is actually very rare. They are easiest to find when it's the second Tuesday of the third month on a leap year, in a garden with the grass being exactly the height of an African swallow (but no taller than a large herring), and with various shrubbery consisting of the perfect mix of at least fifty shades of green, such as that depicted in the garden photo at the top of this page - credit GodMommitude .

Taming the Grounded Hog

Your heroine needs to only have a really nice looking, fully encumbered appearance (fully packed backpack) with the words "I am friendly and come bearing hugs!" painted onto it. Each letter of this message must be carefully painted in descending order of the rainbow.

Your heroine shalt then count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, the grounded hog will come out having felt sorry for your heroine enough so that it feels compelled to travel with him or her for awhile, or that it has decided at least that for the time being at least, it has nothing better to do. Any deviation from this procedure will result in the grounded hog burrowing in order to hide, waiting to come back out until your heroine is miles away. Therefore, it is far more likely that your heroine found this particular pet companion whilst hiding from a noise that they assumed was a monster, but of course they would never dare record THAT in their diary.

The grounded hog will eat their way through the trees, bushes, and grass much like a Tasmanian devil - only to try to make its way to the next stream in order to sleep all of that hard work off. The grounded hog will likely try to waddle away during its first opportunity to do so while the heroine sleeps, unless it feels it has to take care of the heroine much like it would one of its newborns in which case it will let your heroine be in its glorious presence several months before trying to see if you can make it on your own without it.

Behavior

Grounded Hogs will begin to float away like a balloon once they have eaten too much, with heavier ones going higher than hogs who have only eaten until they are full. They can also climb trees, wade through mud, walk tight ropes, delete spam emails before responding, make cute little foot-print cards perfect for any special occasion, and are gold medal winning Olympic swimmers.

Grounded Hogs enjoy random conversations in which they do not have to respond or contribute, shows only available on reruns and repeats, whistling, archeological dig sites, making fun of their woodchuck cousins, burrowing tunnels, mazes, and hiding from shadows. Grounded Hog Day is celebrated across Godville every February 31st.

Attributes

Strengths

  • Can create a burrow to hide in from stronger monsters
  • Will sometimes purr at your hero or even hug them, healing them for a few points
  • Can travel with your hero into the dungeon, and burrow past rooms with no visible exits
  • Will once in a very great while decide on their own to drag your unconscious hero as an absolute last resort (only once they are hungry, thirsty, or bored enough to do so)

Weaknesses

  • Scared of loud noises, shadows, winter, and most heroes
  • Likes to eat and sleep as much as your hero
  • Will most likely ignore your hero or heroine unless they feel sorry for him or her
  • Does not realize the hero is not one of its offspring

Field Notes

Rodents
Rodentia
Domestica Grounded Hog
Technica Autonomouse • Blue-Toothed Mouse • Ergonomic Mouse • Gravitational Field Mouse • Infrared Mouse • Inverted Mouse • Laser Mouse
Rodentia incertae sedis Anonymouse • Battle Hamster • Blasphemouse • Blind Weresquirrel • Cartogopher • Cheerful Lemming • Cheshire Rat • Chinkilla • Copyrat • Double Chinchilla • Dire Squirrel • Dramatic Chipmunk • Eager Beaver • Hippopotamouse • Infamouse • Long And Winding Rodent • Maul Rat • Modest Mouse • Mouse of Ill Repute • Mouseferatu • Pack Rat • Revolving Dormouse • Rug Rat • Sabretooth Squirrel • Steel Rat • Thunder Rat • Werebeaver
Pets
Uncategorised
Biowolf • Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger • Santa Claws • Terror Bull • Vogon Poet
Feature (Ability)
Healing Ballpoint Penguin • Dust Bunny • Grounded Hog • Hamburglar • Presidential Seal • Rocky Raccoon • Significant Otter • Stripeless Zebra • Talking Donkey
Fighting Atomic Kitten • Battlesheep • Bipolar Bear • Dandy Lion • Dreaded Gazebo • Evil Minion • Firefox • Gummy Wyrm • Heffalump • Hyper Lynx • Inner Demon • Landshark • Ninja Tortoise • Philosoraptor • Satan Claus • Sun Dog • Thesaurus Rex • Unbearable Grizzly • Vengeful Mole
Looting Atomic Kitten • Battle Hamster • Chesthugger • Evil Minion • Hamburglar • Lava Lamb • Pocket Monster • Robber Chicken • Spider Pig • Unbearable Grizzly
Riding Alpha Centaur • Battlesheep • Dandy Lion • Double Dragon • Godvilla • Heffalump • Philosoraptor • Prancing Pony • Solar Bear • Spider Pig • Stripeless Zebra • Thesaurus Rex • Ticking Crocodile • Trojan Horse • Were-Panther
Dungeon Atomic Kitten • Blind Gorgon • Crypt Creeper • Grounded Hog • Gummy Wyrm • Inner Demon • Lava Lamb • Vengeful Mole
Sailing Battle Toad • Fail Whale • Landshark • Lava Lamb • OctoBear • Presidential Seal • Ticking Crocodile • Unbearable Grizzly
Historical
Multi-legged Luggage (ridden)
Strong Monsters
Domestica Alpha Centaur • Biowolf • Bipolar Bear • Blind Gorgon • Dandy Lion • Double Dragon • Dreaded Gazebo • Dust Bunny • Firefox • Godvilla • Grounded Hog • Gummy Wyrm • Heffalump • Landshark • Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger • OctoBear • Presidential Seal • Rocky Raccoon • Satan Claus • Solar Bear • Sun Dog • Thesaurus Rex • Trojan Horse • Were-Panther
Afrotheria Bald Mammoth • Hellaphant • Hellephant • Speed Sloth
Carnivora Nuclear Watchdog • Sandboxer • Tire Iron Lion
Euarchontoglires Adamant Atheist • Antihero • Bad Hobbit • Biological Nightmare • Boogie Woogie Man • Card-Carrying Villain • Chimpanzealot • Cliff Hanger • Criminal Master Mime • Cyber Punk • Damsel Distresser • Dotcommando • Enemy of the People • Epic Flailer • Evil Genius • Evil Twin • Feral Hero • Final Frontiersman • Full Metal Jackrabbit • Gaolkeeper • Godvillain • Gunboat Diplomat • Hanna-Barbarian • Hell's Bell-Ringer • Huggernaut • Ideaboxer • Industrial Revolutionary • Inedible Hulk • Inevitable Hulk • Jaw Broker • Leader of the Banned • Lip Smacker • Lost Viking • Master of Disaster • Monstrous Appetite • Nerd of Steel • Notary of Death • One-and-a-Halfling • Panic Attacker • Post-Mortem Artist • Principal of Darkness • Question Marksman • Registered Hex Offender • Sans Sheriff • Shooting Tsar • Sumo Ninja • Time Consumer • Undermaker • Warrior of Attrition • Whambulance Driver
Invertebrata Caterpillar of Strength • Giant Enemy Crab • Spice Worm • Sulphuric Aphid
Mechanica Enforcement Droid 209 • Exo-Skeleton • Giant-Shaped Windmill • Ice Borg • Ideabox Guardian • Nuclear Overreactor • Sawed-off Shogun • Sir Render • Synthetic Organism • Terminator T-34 • Tower Defender
Mythica Angel of Death Metal • Angel of Debt • Bulletproof Pest • Cantankerous Chimaera • Continental Drifter • Corporate Giant • Deer God • Dust Devil • Electric Orc Welder • Game Overlord • Gas Giant • Gnomebreaker • Godville Administrator • Grammatical Terror • Great Caesar's Ghost • Great Divider • Hall Minotaur • Hellevator Operator • Holykeeper • Mind Boggler • Monster of Ceremonies • Motor Cyclops • Motorcyclops • Nature's Wraith • Non-Terminal Repeating Phantasm • Paladjinn • Romanticore • Sabertooth Fairy • Secret Satan • Security Chimera • Semi-Demi-God • Shock Therapist • Software Giant • Syntax Terror • Tentacula • Thundertaker • Traumaturge • Witch Hiker
Plantae Fire Ent • Nuclear-Powered Plant
Reptilia Battle Rattlesnake • Bragon • Dragon With A Girl Tattoo • Fire Hydra • Grayscaled Dragon • Orthodontisaur • Tempered Glass Dragon • Tyrannosaurus-Ex
Ungulata Alpha Whale • Great Bull of Fire • Great Wight Shark • Hypnopotamus • Lava Lamb • Lightning Colt • Ne'er-do-Whale • Wrecking Bull