Report of Mission n° 1374 - Godbuster Elayne Kirschen
Day 1, 2784 g.e.
09:12 AM: I, Godbuster Elayne Kirschen, was called by the High Council for my next assignment. I am to depart as soon as possible to join the client's Dungeon of Savings. This diary I was given will serve both as a report and a way to kill time.
09:15 AM: Got back to my quarters and am choosing the outfits, weapons, and armor I'll need, among other, erm, feminine necessities.
09:45 AM: When my packing was done, I tried adding an extra pen, but couldn't move it anymore. Damn this inventory system!
09:48 AM: Decided to have the smith inspect my equipment.
10:17 AM: The smith convinced me that five heavy armor sets, two light armor sets, four short swords, five greatswords, one doublesword, two katanas, three axes, one mace, four daggers, two bows, one crossbow, and a yo-yo was kinda overkill. Disposed of the yo-yo with reluctance.
10:21 AM: Took back my yo-yo when the smith wasn't looking.
10:26 AM: Time to depart!
10:28 AM: Went back to check if I closed my door. Twice. Time to depart! According to the map, westward-ho!
10:35 AM: Wait, I was holding the map upside-down.
10:36 AM: Asked a fellow traveler what direction we were headed. He told me I was actually going east. I guess my bad orientation made up for my map mistake.
10:55 AM: Am I there yet?
11:25 AM: Am I there yet?
12:00 AM: Time for lunch... did I pack one?
02:05 PM: Still walking. Starving, too.
02:37 PM: Found an unfortunate hero with low health points and a lot of gold and food.
02:52 PM: Had the best fight of the day, followed by the best lunch of the day. And it's not because they were the only ones!
03:04 PM: Am I there yet?
04:04 PM: Diary entry not found. Heh. But why do I have a feeling of déjà-vu?
04:54 PM: Found a sign post pointing to the dungeon... Aren't dungeons supposed to be hidden?
05:01 PM: Reached the entrance. There is a bi-directional sign for "Adventurers" and "Staff." How the hell do the heroes never take the second path?
05:03 PM: Found the reception. Heard two employees gossiping in an adjacent room, ignoring my calls and bell-ringing. Had to break the desk in two to get them to come do their job.
05:09 PM: The dungeon administrator came to be my guide. An Adminotaur, eh. Nothing should go wrong. But I got chills as soon as I wrote that.
05:17 PM: Almost no external view, no green spaces, labyrinthine architecture, grinning monsters and traps at all corners. Boringly typical dungeon. Would not recommend.
05:21 PM: Noticed some monsters chuckling as I passed by. Looks like those weaklings can't differentiate a mighty Godbuster like me from a useless heroine.
05:35 PM: Wait, how big is this place?!
05:47 PM: Asked the Adminotaur about the directional sign outside. "Business. Heroes won't come if they can't find the entrance," it answered. Makes sense.
06:21 PM: We finally reached the room I'll guard, adjacent to the treasure trove and to an unoccupied private barracks prepared for me.
06:24 PM: As soon as the Adminotaur left, an alarm sounded. Apparently because of a party of adventurers, according to the status indicator in the guard room. Time to unpack my things and discover my new temporary home.
06:44 PM: A bathroom, a bedroom, a training room, an armory, a strategic post with a comms center, and a torture chamber. Seems perfect. Had enough space in the armory to store all my weapons and armor sets. There was even a shelf for my yo-yo!
06:48 PM: The place I am supposed to guard is just a big square room with 3 entrances. Nothing else. Not even a single closet. Gonna stay here in case those useless heroes make it this far.
07:07 PM: Looks like the adventurers have been dealt with elsewhere in the dungeon. Time to go eat in the cafeteria.
07:16 PM: Some basic monsters are looking at me, chuckling more or less quietly. Meh, they aren't even worth getting mad.
07:35 PM: Got an invitation from higher-ups for a poker game. Declined. I'm not here to play cards, unless I can put them in the wounds of crying heroes.
07:53 PM: Got back to my room. Bored. Gonna train on the mannequin.
07:54 PM: Actually cut the mannequin in half. Dungeons of Savings always supply cheap material.
08:07 PM: Since there is nothing better to do, bathtime and then sleep.
09:00 PM: Good night, diary.
09:01 PM: Alarm. Dungeon Time. OBVIOUSLY. Murphy must write the schedule around here.
09:23 PM: Looks like these ones are getting far, this time.
10:14 PM: Only two remaining heroes and they are coming my way in a bad shape. Gonna take my time and have fun. Not gonna take a weapon, that would be a waste.
10:27 PM: The heroes entered, pulling a cart with their knocked-out party. I readied myself and then noticed the worse-off hero died laughing, and the other was trying not to smile. Darn it, I'm still in my pyjamas...
10:28 PM: One-shotted the last hero out of embarrassment. Gonna hide in my room before janitor comes in to take the party out and clean up the mess.
10:35 PM: Got a congratulatory call from the Adminotaur. Now can I go to sleep?
Day 2, 2785 g.e.
00:03 AM: New day, new heroes. But they start way too early, the savages.
00:24 AM: Seems like the party exited by the main door after only 21 steps. Cowards! Was really worth it waking up a whole dungeon for that?
06:35 AM: Actually managed to sleep decently. Time for my morning warm-up routine.
06:59 AM: Accidently mistook a monster for a dummy target when I was training with my crossbow. Looks like my bolts are perfect for penetrating skulls. As I like them.
07:59 AM: Did all my push-ups, squats, weapons maintenance, and practice. Time to get decently dressed before going back to business!
11:57 AM: Most. Busy. Morning. Ever. There are 1204 tiles in the main room, I swear. Thank something-not-God, lunch is coming.
12:14 AM: The group of monsters of yesterday is still laughing at me, except for the one I shot this morning. Gonna have a little talk with them when I'm done with my food.
Felt good to punch their brains out. Literally.
01:02 PM: Since my room is boring, decided to walk around the dungeon. Maybe I can find a decent sparring partner.
01:13 PM: Looks like monsters are trying to avoid eye-contact with me, now. News travels fast.
01:34 PM: Weaklings, weaklings everywhere. No wonder even heroes manage to progress in this dungeon.
02:00 PM: Ended up in the training underground of the dungeon. All fighters stopped as soon as they saw me, shivering in fear. How cute. And that one just beckoned challengingly. To arms!
02:35 PM: Still dodging attacks while writing entry. The spectators are boggling.
02:57 PM: My sparring partner gave up. Asked if anyone wanted to take its place. Got nothing but silence and a immense feeling of frustration. Resumed my walk
04:01 PM: Got back to my rooms. A lot of bribes and fanletters popped up in my comm center letterbox. I definitely didn't expect that.
04:04 PM: I already made that joke right?
04:35 PM: Recieved a call from a Monsters' Rights Activist of the "Association Against Violence in the Workplace." Told it I was the reason their association exists.
04:43 PM: Dungeon Alarm! FINALLY!
04:54 PM: Ugh, why does my contract force me to guard the treasure trove and not the entrance? There are heroes so close, yet so far.
05:23 PM: Hey, three of them are coming here!
05:28 PM: As soon as they saw me, they mistook me for a heroine. Told them the treasure trove was just behind the door and I opened it for them.
Ah, the hope in their eyes when they saw the treasure.
Ah, the despair in their eyes when I closed the door and unsheathed two of my greatswords. What a simple, refreshing pleasure.
05:47 PM: Well, they lasted a little longer than expected. Broke one of my greatswords when I hit an unexpectedly solid bone. Called the janitor to get rid of those poor things called "heroes."
06:02 PM: Got a new invitation from the higher-ups for a dinner-poker evening. Well, at least it will be probably less boring than doing nothing.
06:14 PM: Took a bath and put on my best light armor. Also taking some daggers and a short sword, just in case.
06:27 PM: The Adminotaur, an Omnipoet, a Minotourist, a Tombcat, and a Godbuster sit around a poker table. Sounds like the start of a bad joke.
06:31 PM: They said dinner, but it's the exact same food that the cafeteria serves. "Budget restrictions," the Adminotaur said. "Cheap savings dungeons," is more like it.
06:37 PM: The Omnipoet tried to flirt. Threw a dagger into the wall next to its head.
06:46 PM: Suspecting the Minotourist and the Adminotaur are cheats, but can't prove anything despite two royal flushes in a row. From each.
06:51 PM: A dungeon alarm broke out, the Adminotaur told us to keep playing. Folded my cards, took the little money I won, and went find the heroes, despite the other bosses' protestations.
07:14 PM: Found the surviving heroes in my barracks, both still trying to figure out which door to take. Gonna grab my doublesword and kick their asses with it.
07:37 PM: My job here is done. Time for janitors to have some fun.
07:59 PM: Too lazy to go back to the poker table. Gotta go to sleep when I still can.
Day 3, 2786 g.e.
06:35 AM: An eventless night. Where are heroes when you want to kill them? Time for my morning warm-up routine.
07:01 AM: The dungeon alarm rang twice in a row. Err... is that normal?
07:05 AM: Seems it's a full dungeon party of high-leveled adventurers. Now, this is gonna be real! Preparing all my best weapons and armor while waiting for them.
07:37 AM: Why are they taking so loooooooong? Lost contact with other bosses. Not like I care about them anyway, especially that Omnipoet.
07:52 AM: They're finally here! They sure look better than the average party... Time to wipe the heroic and determined gazes from their cocky faces.
07:53 AM: A heroine, maybe their leader, cheered on her team with a "Okay team, Time to smile and shine!" What a ridiculous motto. "I'll teach you how powerless you are, Champions of so-called Gods!"
07:57 AM: They're not bad. Looks like I'm gonna finally enjoy a fight, here!
08:01 AM: Managed a perfect two-hit combo on that one. Being nimble is always useful in a fight against superior numbers.
08:04 AM: Skillfully avoided a deadly lightning bolt coming out of nowhere. So those pitiful "Gods" are watching this. Perfect. The demise of this team will be even sweeter.
08:08 AM: Using two greatswords, I executed a perfect circular attack, hitting the whole team in a single blow! Looks like they are gonna fall soon.
08:09 AM: A light closed the wounds of my arch-nemesis. Damn those annoying "Gods".
08:12 AM: A blasting ray engulfed one heroine. Eh, nice aiming "Gods."
08:14 AM: Even though I managed to cut them with my weapons and blast them with my skills, their "Gods" still manage to heal them! "No... I, Godbuster Elayne Kirschen, won't fall to your kind!"
08:20 AM: Looks like the "Gods" gave up on direct attacks on me but... those "heroic souls" won't give up. Even my arrow storm was nullified by a mere healing rain. Damn...
08:24 AM: Did another swipe with my two greatswords. Not even one was knocked out.
08:27 AM: If only I had some healing too... I wonder, will I resurrect if I am killed, or will I be dead?
08:30 AM: My blows are hitting their targets, but it's useless. It's all useless. Meanwhile my life is slowly trickling away.
08:34 AM: Now I stand, the lion before the lambs... and they do not fear. They cannot fear.
"I have never hated YOU for forsaking me more than now... And yet, I miss YOU... so much...