Djonni

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.

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Contents
Vitalstatistix
Sir Djonni ![]() | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Champion | Djonniboy | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Personality | Adjective | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Gender | Divine | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Domain | God of perfectly shaped spoons | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Motto | In ƒor a penny! ✔ | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
⚜️Guild | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The Forsakens Lament | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Guild position | Avatar of Lust; Speling Expirt | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Guild rank | Wretch | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Membership | 1041 days | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
🏆Pantheons | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Gratitude | 9th , 507 gratitude points | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Templehood | 11149th , Jan 23 2015 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Storytelling | 3rd , 4.29 from 247 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Catch | 2478th , Nov 18 2020 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Pantheon Goals | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Gratitude | Next position: 8th, 513 points | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Storytelling | Next position: 2nd, 4.34 average | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
⚔️Champion 웃 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Djonniboy the Inadequately Stupid | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Level | 102 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Class | Bard 8, Fighter 2, Alcoholic 10, Drunken Philosophy Master (Prestige) 82 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Deaths | 57 more-or-less glorious deaths | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Preferred Weapons | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
🐾 Pet 畜 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Bolt | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Class | Philosoraptor | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Personality |
Unique | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Level | 22 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Age | 214 days | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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🏴☠️ Ark 舟 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Christened | 2nd of March, 2019 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Hull | 120 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Population | A thousand pairs 🦄 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Ouroboros the Ever-Snuffling (🎞️)Tenacious, gummy wyrm, lvl 30 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Krampa the Ever-Watching (🎞️)Unique, satan claus, lvl 30 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Empty stable | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Empty stable | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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January 2020: My family in Australia has been affected by the bushfire crisis, and my home in Australia has been destroyed by fire, including almost everything I own. I'll be travelling extensively throughout January into February, and my availability and Godwiki presence will be unpredictable. I may be too busy or sad to do much; on the other hand, it may be a valuable distraction at difficult times. So who knows?
Thank you, everyone. I'm not one for dramatic gestures, but it seems like many members of our divine community are searching for ways to help.
I've had a number of messages since I updated this page in early January, which I have tried to reply to. A heartfelt thank you to everyone who's reached out, and I'm sincerely sorry if I've failed to acknowledge or reply to anyone, it's been a busy and difficult time. Among those messages there have been suggestions of setting up a Go Fund Me for me and my family, and more general questions about how people can help. If you are looking for some way to make a difference, then here's my answer. As tempting as it is to accept the offer of a Go Fund Me page or similar, I just don't feel right accepting money like this, even understanding that it is offered in a sincere spirit of generosity and compassion. I also know that not everybody who will be moved to help will have spare money. So, here's what I'd like people to do, if they feel so moved.
It's true that financially, I'm in the toughest situation I've been in my adult life, but I'll manage. I also don't believe that I personally deserve special attention or more help than other families do. The whole of Australia is experiencing deep trauma, pain, and anger, and my story is just one among thousands of loss, danger, fear, and grief. If you feel like telling me that you've done one of the above, then I will be glad to know about it, and if you don't feel like telling me, just know that you have my thanks for making a difference. Give only what you can, so long as you take only what you need. And so it is with sincere thanks and a humble heart that I offer these as ways that someone can make a real and meaningful gesture of support for me, for my family, for my country, and for the future of us all. |
July 2019: Returning from a ~6 month absence. Catching up on messages and what's happened. Sorry if I haven't been responding for, y'know, half a year.
April 2018: Returning from a ~3 year absence I'm pleased to see I've cheerfully overshot the Honoured Renegade achievement, and still have a top-50 position in a couple of Pantheons! Getting to grips with the many changes and improvements before I become too active again. For all those that have contacted me over the last few years, my apologies for the very, very late replies.
I am in Canberra, Australia, so UTC+10 the Czech Republic, so UTC+1 Australia, UTC+10 Czechia, UTC+2.
I will happily usually give feedback on chronicles if asked nicely, but please see January 2020 note above.
In fact, I will pretty happily help with anything if asked nicely, if RL doesn't get in the way.
I am mostly active in the Workmen's Area and Main Square. It's not that I don't like roleplaying, I just don't have enough time for it :)
Things Wot I Dun
Idjit Boxing
All ideas here are as submitted and as voted on, not in their final post-ER, edited and corrected forms. Voting information is as complete and accurate as possible. Pre-Renegade ideas (2015 and before) have no data on ER votes, because in that era these were not recorded in Ingenious Pieces. Ideas submitted into non-voting category are marked with 📥.
Total progress: 64.8% (107/165)
To fix a bug📥 ✔ 9 Mar ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
Awesome ideas📥 ✔ 8 Nov ’18 14/14
Greetings✔ 6 Aug ’19
- Hey, ho, let's go %god_name%!
Towns✔ 24 Apr ’18 ✔✔
- Next Station — Bad Gateway (at milestone 502)
- Not in game: Graveston
Pet names✔ 20 May ’18 ✔✔✔
- Confirmed: Thumper — Snuffles — Chip — Null
Pet abilities✔ 6 Nov ’20
- Unconfirmed: New tricks for looting and healing pets
Pet classes✔ 19 Nov ’20
- Unconfirmed: New looting pet class; withheld until when and if the idea is implemented, to prevent spoilers.
Taverns✔ 7 May ’18 ✔✔✔✔
- Confirmed: Caravanserai — Dunquestin — The Sword & Sandal — The Glass Cannon — The Rumor Mill
Notifications✔ 7 Oct ’14 ✔✔✔🙅
- Upon death: "Dead? Again? Take your time, I could use the rest!"
- Upon death: "Another opportunity to be resurrected! Yay!"
- Upon levelling up: "A level older, and yet no wiser."
- Upon arrival in town: "Through the gates of %town%..."
- Approved 15 Nov 2018, and then cruelly un-approved an hour or two later!: "Finally, the %artifact_base% I've always wanted!"
Boss mottos✔ 8 Nov ’18 ✔
- Confirmed: "You killed my father!"
- Unconfirmed: "Simply the beast!"
Death Rattles✔ 5 May ’18 ✔✔✔✔
- Confirmed: "A plague o' both your houses!" — "One to beam up!"
- Unconfirmed: "I'm melting, melting!" — "MOOOOOOOO!" (for Interrupting Cow) — "I got blisters on my fingers!" (The final line from Helter Skelter by the Beatles. From Wikipedia:
After take 18, Ringo Starr threw his drum sticks across the studio and screamed, "I got blisters on my fingers!" Starr's shout was included on the stereo mix of the song.
)
Territories✔ 13 Nov ’18
- Confirmed: The Valley of the Blind
Boss-monster abilities✔ 28 Oct ’18
- Details withheld until when and if the idea is implemented, to prevent spoilers.
Adventure special conditions✔ 7 Sep ’20
- Details withheld until when and if the idea is implemented, to prevent spoilers.
Quest Endings✔ 31 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔
- “round up a triad of squares” - “I had to circle round them a few times, and at three points I was sure they were going to try something edgy, but I finally got them squared away.” 23 Aug ’18
- “find a lost cause and offer directions” - “For some reason, the lost cause didn't seem very grateful for my directions as to how it could solve all it's problems and avoid making such terrible mistakes again in future.” 13 Mar ’15
- “level the playing field with a shovel” - “That took longer than expected. Why do these idiot heroes keep digging up my field?” 31 Jan ’15
- “remember the location of the forgotten tower” - “Finally remembered where the Forgotten Tower is! Now, where's my pen so I can write it down...” 31 Jan ’15
Other✔ 18 Mar ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
- In memoriam Terry Pratchett, author who inspired Godville, I humbly suggest that Godville might make a small change to its Apache config as per this suggestion: https://www.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/2yt9j6/gnu_terry_pratchett/
- Searchable blog entries
- Category filters in Ingenious pieces and Approved submission
- "Accept" and "Reject" actions on sparring fight notifications
- Improved feedback in godvoice too long errors
- Equipment category shown in ideabox submission confirmation
- %a_mod_name% and %a_aod_name% variables for MoD and AoD entries with indefinite articles (patterned after %a_random_monster%)
- Tooltip/long-press menu showing god name for diary entries with a %random_friend% in them
- Better handling of comments in ER
- Highlighting of your own edits and comments in ER
- Better handling of artifact article edits in ER
- Diary entries 85% 34/40
- Random occurrences 72.7% 8/11
While traveling✔ 22 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔
- 86 20 31 Jan ’19: I have a problem with prepositions. Sometimes I just don't know what else to end a sentence with.
- 77 5 26 Oct ’18: I'm just a stone's throw from %nearby_town% here. I really wish the guards would quit doing that.
- 86 2421 Feb ’15: Saw a perfectly good %random_artifact% just sitting by the road! I hope the owner comes along soon before someone realises they could pick it up and sell it.
- 93 4419 Feb ’15: Things I've learnt: Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.
- 73 314 Feb ’15: A wandering monk told me he didn't believe in an interventionist god{|||dess}. Backed away, out of lightning range.
- 105 322 Jan ’15: Idiot weather forecasters. They said scattered showers, I've been carrying this soap around all day.
During a fight with a monster✔ 26 Apr ’14 ✔
- 94 7 1 427 Nov ’19, %v% = hero's weapon: The %monster% slapped me with a restraining order, so I slapped it with my %v%. Restrain this, you savage!
- 84 1926 Apr ’14: My whirlwind attack left the %monster% looking puzzled, but the whirlwind sure learned its lesson.
While hero is dead✔ 29 Jan ’15 ✔
- 92 205 Feb ’15: Despite the cost of living, it's my preferred option.
- 91 3429 Jan ’15: Tried to put my badly mutilated corpse back in one piece, but I just didn't have the guts.
While healing✔ 20 Feb ’15 ✔✔
- 77 42 117 Mar ’15: Wrote prescriptions for random pills for some hero{|in}es at the hospital. Turns out pretty much anyone can buy a lab coat and stethoscope.
- 62 4314 Mar ’15: The guild doctor diagnosed me with hypergraphia, and urgently referred me to an editor.
- 70 4220 Feb ’15: They keep insisting the opening in this hospital gown should be at the back, but that's embarrassing. I don't want anyone seeing my butt.
- While trading
While resting✔ 8 Jul ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔
- 74 42 122 Mar ’15: The folks at the guild have given me a cute nickname! They're calling me “%hero_name% Three Giggles” because I laugh when they tell a joke, again when they explain the joke, and again later when I get the joke.
- 88 2722 Feb ’15: One of the guild's Followers admitted that some of the younger Recruits are intimidated by me. Smiled modestly, turned to walk away, and ran straight into a door.
- 76 4222 Feb ’15: Look, %rg%, I'm not sure I'd use the word ‘defiled’, exactly. But from what I remember from last night, it might be a good idea to have the temple re-consecrated.
- 95 3331 Jan ’15: An old monk said that when God{|||dess} closes a door, {|||s}he opens a window. Sounds like you'd be an annoying roommate, %rg%.
- 105 2729 Jan ’15: From now on, I'm changing the names in this diary to protect the innocent. Well, to protect them and %random_friend%.
- 101 27 120 Oct ’14: I have mixed drinks about feelings.
- 69 288 Jul ’14: I just got told by %hero_friend% that {his||her} shrink has black and white pictures of me performing unspeakable acts with %random_artifact%... %rg%, I thought I'd destroyed them, I swear!
While sleeping✔ 14 Nov ’19 ✔
- 85 18 326 Nov ’19: In my dream, %random_friend% wore an old suit, danced to jazz in a red room, looked me straight in the eye and whispered: “%glyphs%”
- 99 15 514 Nov ’19: Had a totally normal and boring dream about %random_friend% that I'm not embarrassed about at all.
While praying✔ 10 Sep ’18 ✔
- 80 15 528 Aug ’19: The sundial in the temple courtyard is showing completely the wrong time. Took it as a bad gnomon.
- 79 8 210 Sep ’18: I am as certain of your love, %rg%, as I am the sun will rise tomorrow. So it's, like, 50/50.
- During temple construction
- While waiting for an arena opponent
For a hero-trader>✔ 27 Jul ’19
- 95 20 627 Jul ’19: Tried unsuccessfully to build a doomsday device using stock. Related note: need more rubber bands.
- Events 89.5% 17/19
On meeting a strong monster✔ 7 Feb ’15 ✔
- 95 222 Mar ’15: I think I misunderstood this %monster% seeking donations for monsters' widows and orphans. I said I already contribute plenty of widows and orphans. This is awkward.
- 106 287 Feb ’15: That %monster% is holding a sign saying “Free Hugs”! Nobody who gives free hugs to strangers could have bad motives, could they?
On fleeing from the monster✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔
- 81 10 41 Jul ’18: Ah, %some_territory%. A beautiful place to go for a run. From the %monster%.
- 86 7 1 48 Apr ’18: They say that success requires blood, sweat, and tears. Well, so does desperate, panicked fleeing from an angry %monster%.
On death from the monster✔ 26 Jul ’18 ✔
- 83 16 1 426 Jul ’18: Violets are blue, roses are red, the %monster% has won, this hero{ is|ine's} dead.
- 84 15 226 Jul ’18: Killed by a mere %monster%, can you even imagine? Mortifying!
On defeating the monster✔ 6 Nov ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
- 108 4 523 Apr ’18: Took me over an hour to bury the %monster%. it would have been much quicker, but it just wouldn't lie still.
- 100 10 2 417 Apr ’18: When the %monster% died I was overwhelmed with emotion. But I consoled myself with its %artifact%, and I'm the right amount of whelmed again now.
- 89 3416 Mar ’15: Crossed '%monster%' off my bingo card. I'm gonna win that grand prize this month, dammit.
- 85 374 Feb ’15: Paid my respects to the dead %monster%. Got %gold% in change.
- 95 302 Feb ’15: I multiplied the %monster% by the square root of negative one, and it winked out of existence.
- 100 4126 Jan ’15: Found a note on the dead %monster% begging it to come home in one piece. Returned the corpse intact.
- 86 215 Dec ’14: After vanquishing the %monster% I rubbed its horn and wished for %item% and %gold%. I honestly had no idea that that would work.
- 93 206 Nov ’14: The %monster% handed me a Monster Manual and told me the loot was in the appendix. Wasn't there, so checked the other organs as well. Eventually found %gold% and %item% in one of the stomachs.
On loss of the artifact✔ 12 Apr ’18 ✔
- 78 8 310 Jun ’18: Now, accounting for the headwind, and assuming gravity is constant, starting from an angle of forty-five degrees, by my calculations the %artifact_base% is... gone.
- 109 17 612 Apr ’18: Synced my %artifact_base% with the clouds. It didn't come back down.
- On resurrection
On turning back to town (to heal)✔ 7 Jun ’18
- 91 6 47 Jun ’18: They've lit the beacon above “%some_tavern%”! The beer calls for aid, and %hero_name% will answer!
On turning back to town (to sell)✔ 21 Feb ’15
- 88 26 121 Feb ’15: Why, %rg%, can nobody design a decent questing outfit with enough space to carry all these artifacts? I mean, it's not pocket science.
On spending gold in a town✔ 8 Jul ’19 2/2
Wasting gold✔ 5 Feb ’15 ✔
- 81 10 1 412 Jul ’19: Spent %gold% on a bunch of camouflage gear and now I have no idea where it is.
- 86 275 Feb ’15: I had to spend %gold% at the tavern to keep my brain in good health. I've culled the weakest brain cells so the strong will thrive.
Purchasing equipment✔ 8 Jul ’19
- 71 10 48 Jul ’19: I had the required components to craft this %equipment% at the blacksmith's! The required components were %gold%.
- On donating/sacrificing while praying in town
On selling of an expensive artifact✔ 24 Feb ’15 ✔
- 86 3 43 Jul ’18: The %artifact_base% shipment was delayed by a week, so the trader offered %gold% for mine.
- 101 19 123 Feb ’15: Turns out this was a limited edition %artifact_base%, signed by the creator. At least that's what I convinced the trader he was paying %gold% for.
On finishing selling off the loot✔ 21 Mar ’15 ✔
- 83 5 418 Jul ’19: A full purse and an empty stomach. Ready or not, beer I come!
- 87 39 221 Mar ’15: Considered myself wealthy enough to get back to business.
On getting a new quest✔ 17 Jul ’14 ✔
- 61 12 230 Aug ’18: A sinister man instructed me to %quest%, then whispered, “whatever means necessary”. I'm pretty sure it doesn't, but I'll do my best anyway.
- 87 1617 Jul ’14: A long talk with %hero_random_friend% over several drinks has left us convinced that the future of all of Godville is at risk if I don't %quest%. Godville, I won't let you down! Just as soon as I finish this beer!
On depositing savings✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔
- 90 12 518 Jul ’18: They're fussy at the %current_town% bank. They made me wash all the blood and guts off my %gold% before accepting them.
- 94 5 68 Apr ’18: I completely forgot why I walked into the bank. I reluctantly deposited %gold% gold out of embarrassment.
On aura end✔ 16 Sep ’20
- 93 6 816 Sep ’20: Yanked my aura of %v% off in one quick, painful pull. I'm sure that hair will grow back.
On arrival to town✔ 20 Jul ’18 ✔
- 66 9 222 Aug ’18: Turns out, when you say, “What're ya gonna do about it?” to the %town% gate guards, the answer is, “Take your %artifact_base% at swordpoint.”
- 81 19 320 Jul ’18: The %current_town% gate guards demanded a password to let me in. It was “admin”.
Fishing✔ 28 May ’18 2/2
Start✔ 27 Jul ’19 ✔
- 94 13 35 Aug ’19: I squeezed my eyes shut and, with a flick of the wrist and a grunt of effort, turned %artifact% into a fishing rod. Why can't I do that when someone's watching?
- 61 10 427 Jul ’19: Put %artifact% on the line and sat down to fish. A small price to pay for ten minutes of peace and quiet.
End27 Jul ’19 ✔
- 73 12 310 Oct ’18: I easily caught a perfect gold brick, but there was just something fishy about it. Threw it back.
- 102 6 228 May ’18: I guess this is why they call it fishing, not catching. Better get back on the road.
- Influence related 88.9% 8/9
Voice from own god✔ 10 May ’14 ✔
- 75 16 25 Sep ’90, Poetic god phrase: Found this ditty scrawled in the city: %god_phrase%
- 94 12 110 May ’14: Found a coaster in my pocket from %random_tavern% with “%god_voice%” written in my handwriting. I have absolutely no memory of that.
Voice from some other god✔ 20 Aug ’19 ✔
- 98 8 412 Nov ’19: A bumper sticker on a passing horse-drawn carriage read, “%god_phrase%.”
- 80 15 520 Aug ’19: A strange man on the street raised his eyebrows and whispered, “%god_phrase%. If you know what I mean.”
Response to a god voice✔ 6 Feb ’15
- 101 296 Feb ’15: Started digging, but hit bedrock just below the surface with a painful 'Clang'. That's what I call a miner setback.
Encourage influence response✔ 9 Mar ’15 ✔
- 81 4 219 Aug ’20: Faintly glimmering scripture floated down and bound my wounds like holy bandages. Thank you, %rg%, I needed textual healing.
- 108 249 Mar ’15: Handed the trader a piece of paper with ‘artifact’ written on it. He was delighted, enthusiastically handing me %gold% while shaking my other hand. Wonder if that'll work twice...
Punish influence response✔ 10 Sep ’19
- 78 18 210 Sep ’19, Punish backfires during monster fight, damage to both: Right in the eyes, my L{ord|||ady}! Just the monster's though next time, please?
- Miracle influence response
Guild miracle in town✔ 9 Mar ’20
- 78 8 221 Sep ’20: A flock of seagulls blocked out the sun and screeched the “%hero_guild%” anthem. The people of %current_town% will think of us when they do their washing tonight!
Making a brick with an influence✔ 7 Sep ’14 ✔
- 103 137 Sep ’14: My purse exploded in a shower of gold coins, pelting me painfully with hard, expensive shrapnel. Among the tattered remnants was a somewhat sooty gold brick. Really, %rg%? There aren't any less painful ways to produce these?
- 93 23 28 Dec ’14: Tried to shake out the gold coins I've been hiding in my boots to count them, but a gold brick fell out instead. %rg%, do you really want the temple to smell like my feet?
On ignoring the god voice✔ 19 Feb ’15 ✔
- 77 3221 Feb ’15: My L{ord|ady}, are you being serious right now? It's hard to tell in an entirely textual medium.
- 89 3119 Feb ’15: Wow, these pills the guild psychiatrist gave me really do help me ignore the voices in my head. I should definitely get more.
Others✔ 7 Sep ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
- 75 14 216 Sep ’20, Tribbles multiplying: If wishes were tribbles, I'd have more wishes.
- 50 15 222 Feb ’20, Leaving town to continue quest: Recommencing suspended ventures.
- 84 8 426 Jul ’19, reach POI, gain aura: Was trying to figure out where exactly this point on the map was supposed to be when I fell into a pit. Came out covered in mud and an aura of %v%.
- 70 8 623 Jul ’19, gaining POI: The monster had a treasure map hidden in its boot, like a fool. Stuck it in my boot for later.
- 81 5 1 320 Jul ’19, finishing guild mini-quest: Next time %town% needs someone to %quest% they'd better actually pay them. At least they're grateful.
- 📥 6 Sep ’19: [Autumn] Diary entry for finding mushroom: %pet_name% snuffled at the roots of an oak tree, and dug up %artifact%.
- 83 30 114 Mar ’15: I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills which now include “%new_skill%” instead of “%old_skill%”.
- 85 419 Mar ’15: A strong blow from the monster didn't damage my equipment for a change! I did, when I tripped over in the middle of battle.
- 108 22 123 Feb ’15: Look, I realise now it was a bad idea to grind up and swallow the %artifact%. Should I have done it? No. Have I learnt from the experience? No promises. Activatable artifact granting experience
- 92 3712 Feb ’15: I was hefting ten heavy bags of coins onto the altar of the temple when the bottoms tore and gold coins spilled all over the temple floor. Having to pick up ten thousand gold coins really taught me a thing or two, %rg%. Sacrificing gold for xp at temple
- 101 171 Oct ’14: I was walking along lost in thought when I tripped and hit my head pretty hard. When I came to, I awoke with a new idea for how to “%hero_skill%” better than before! Skill level increase
- 105 147 Sep ’14: I was just thinking how my pack was too heavy and my body was too broken, and my {Lord||Lady} fixed both! Use of activatable artifact for healing (e.g. Generic Goodness)
- Earthly News 69.2% 18/26
- Random Occurrences 58.3% 7/12
When travelling✔ 5 Feb ’15
- 53 445 Feb ’15: Twirling {his|her} {moustache|pigtails}...
When healing✔ 9 Mar ’15 ✔✔
- 75 3419 Mar ’15: Gossiping about the nurses...
- 79 3818 Mar ’15: Rubbing bacon into {his|her} wounds...
- 52 459 Mar ’15: Searching for the right pathologist...
When resting in a town✔ 19 Mar ’15 ✔✔
- 70 3 611 Aug’20: Exploring quest-from-home opportunities...
- 78 14 1 22 Sep ’19: Trying to find %pet_name%'s Do Not Disturb mode...
- 75 3319 Mar ’15: Sheepishly checking prices for tattoo removal...
- During temple construction
- When selling loot
- Waiting for... 2/4
Arena✔ 25 May ’14
- 54 1225 May ’14: Looking at the statues of past champions...
- Dungeon
Sail✔ 8 Apr ’18
- 73 15 38 Apr ’18: Giving inches and taking nautical miles...
- Datamine
When waiting for resurrection✔ 16 Sep ’20
- 64 15 1 416 Sep ’10: Flagging all h{is|er} other corpses as dupes...
When praying✔ 5 Feb ’15
- 70 305 Feb ’15: Being careful with {his|her} wording...
- When fishing
- Monster Fight 83.3% 5/6
When meeting a monster✔ 8 Mar ’15
- 55 51 28 Mar ’15: “Cry ‘Havoc!’, and let slip the %pet_type% of war!”
When fighting a monster✔ 23 Feb ’15
- 79 2123 Feb ’15: The %monster% is explaining the benefits of union membership to the hero{|ine}...
When hitting the monster✔ 26 Apr ’19 ✔
- 49 13 226 Apr ’19: Cutting the %monster% into ingenious pieces for %hp%...
- 69 12 1 423 Aug ’19: Plucking the monster's feathers for %hp%...
When hit by the monster✔ 19 Mar ’15
- 69 3019 Mar ’15: The monster is not angry, just disappointed. The hero{|ine} is ashamed for %hp%...
- When defeating a monster
When fleeing from fight✔ 2 Dec ’19
- 72 20 229 Jul ’20: Successfully attempting the “blind panic” and “abject terror” skills...
Transportation✔ 2 Dec ’19 100% 3/3
"Searching for the right path via..."✔ 2 Dec ’19 ✔
- 81 11 42 Dec ’19: Searching for just the right snow-covered hill to sled down...
- 82 14 426 Aug ’19: Running towards a question mark on the map...
"Through the mires and swamps..."✔ 18 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔✔
- 69 11 21 Dec ’19: Through air quotes and ellipses...
- 72 14 1 228 Aug ’19: Through the pain with negligible gain...
- 51 24 1 326 Jul ’19: Through perihelions and aphelions...
- 78 13 1 414 Apr ’18: Through the paragraphs and passages...
- 69 3218 Feb ’15: Through customs and immigration...
When returning to a town✔ 18 Feb ’15 ✔
- 52 29 510 Jun ’18': Preparing for the wurst...
- 76 3218 Feb ’15: Taking advantage of conveniently placed ziplines...
- Others 60% 3/5
Remote control action response✔ 23 Feb ’15
- 60 4223 Feb ’15: Lights flicker...
Searching for the hero✔ 5 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔✔
- 88 8 1 221 Sep ’20: Checking the terms of the hero{|ine}'s court order...
- 81 13 428 Aug ’19: Initiating hero{|ine} calibration protocol...
- 59 6 218 Jul ’19: Compiling the hero{|ine} from source code...
- 32 27 1 37 Aug ’18: Shouting “Hey hero{|ine}!” until we get a response...
- 68 375 Feb ’15: Searching for the hero{|ine} despite what happened last time...
- Hero-trader: waiting
- Hero-trader: trading
Other✔ 6 Mar ’15
- 67 396 Mar ’15, Idea submission caption: Your idea is important to us, and has been placed in a queue...
- Duels 28.6% 4/14
- Fight Log 44.4% 4/9
Hero hit✔ 7 Aug ’20
- 76 6 27 Aug ’20: After a close examination, %attacker% diagnoses %defender% with a fist-related teeth disorder.
- Hero miss
- Use of a skill
- Random phrase
- Boss hit
Boss miss✔ 17 Aug ’20
- 74 15 217 Aug ’20: The %boss% mating ritual is long, complicated, and awkwardly directed in %defender%'s direction.
- Duel start
- Duel end
Other✔ 27 May ’14 ✔✔
- 63 6 420 Jul ’19, Summoning boss: %Attacker% shouts, “Say hello to my little friend,” as a Mini-%attacker% leaps out from behind him.
- 88 1514 Mar ’15, Pick-pocketing boss: %defender% was secretly relieved when %attacker% stole {his|her} %artifact_base% instead of hitting {him|her}.
- 52 1927 May ’14, Squandering boss: %attacker% guzzles %gold% and grins, revealing a mouth full of glistening gold dust.
- Influences 20% 1/5
- Encourage
- Punish
- Miracle
- God voice
Reaction to a god voice✔ 7 Jun ’14
- 63 6 420 Jul ’19, Successful block: As if with divine foresight, %defender% managed to dodge exactly at the moment %attacker% struck.
- Dungeons 31.3% 5/16
- Rooms 75% 3/4
Empty room✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔✔✔
- 63 15 38 Apr ’18: This exact text writes itself onto the walls as the heroes enter the room.
- 99 6 1012 Apr ’18: Sinister forces are at work here, and don't even look up when the heroes come into the room. Possibly my most popular Ideabox submission ever, with 10 ER votes.
- 89 9 727 May ’18: The walls have alcoves dug into them full of peculiar bones, mysterious mummified shapes, and unfathomable offerings to the dead. How cryptic.
- 67 18 320 Jul ’18: The floor of this room is a carpet of cold, half-drunk cups of tea.
Hint room✔ 6 Apr ’18
- 76 9 36 Apr ’18: A senile old man describes a great treasure to the %dir%, and then immediately describes a great treasure to the %dir%.
Trap room✔ 13 Aug ’19
- 67 2 213 Aug ’19: Dancing euphorically to music only they can hear, the explorers lose themselves in the moment.
- Bonus room
- Directions 0% 0/2
- Available directions
- Heroes move to
- Events 50% 3/6
- Descend into dungeon
Boss nearby hint✔ 13 Aug ’19
- 62 5 313 Aug ’19: Little do the daring adventures know, imminent danger lurks around the corner.
- Boss encounter
Treasure room✔ 30 Oct ’19
- 71 6 430 Oct ’19: The treasure! Diving into piles of gemstones, each adventurer swears to use this wealth to make a fresh start, get sober, and finally write that novel.
Rare random event✔ 10 Jun ’18
- 64 8 610 Jun ’18: %attacker% hears faint echoes of children laughing, but nobody else does.
- Other
- Influences 0% 0/4
- Encourage
- Punish
- Miracle
- God voice
- Sail 4.8% 1/21
- Islands 0% 0/6
- Empty island
- Food supplies
- Ark repair
- Pray shrine
- Booty hint
- Lighthouse
- Beasties 33.3% 1/3
Appear✔ 23 Aug ’19
- 56 12 223 Aug ’19: %beastie% is looking for a buoyfriend.
- Death no loot
- Death with loot
- Pirating 0% 0/3
- Battle start
- Battle end
- Battle flee
- Influence 0% 0/4
- Encourage
- Punish
- Miracle
- God voice
- Others 0% 0/5
- Sail start
- Sail end
- Booty/maniman/fenimal
- Vortex
- Other
Quests✔ 20 Jul ’19 100% 4/4
Ordinary✔ 24 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔
- Confirmed:
- 46 4027 Feb ’15: Sneak into a ninja convention
- Unconfirmed:
- 42 33 217 Aug ’20: party like it's g.e. 1999
- 49 19 23 Aug ’19: Have a close encounter of any kind
- 59 21 629 Jul ’19: Go hindsight seeing
- 68 12 827 Jul ’19: Teach humility to a pride of lions
- 66 4612 Mar ’15: Test the security of the Godville Treasury
- 47 4227 Feb ’15: Arrange a bag of M&Ms in alphabetical order
- 79 4824 Jan ’15: Find the square root of the tree of life
Epic✔ 13 Jun ’14
- Confirmed:
- 86 17 213 Jun ’14: Completely map out Godville
Mini✔ 20 Jul ’19
- Confirmed:
- 63 9 220 Jul ’19: Clean obscenities from the city walls
Side Job✔ 12 Nov ’18
- Confirmed:
- 📥12 Nov ’18 Wear n different auras
Monsters✔ 17 Jan ’15 100% 4/4
Normal✔ 17 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔
- Unconfirmed:
- 39 27 416 Jul ’19: Rough Draftsman
- 65 46 511 Oct ’19: Harpy Medium
- 29 37 222 Nov ’19: Horse Majeure
- 65 19 411 Dec ’19: Semifinal Boss
- 73 17 217 Dec ’19: Traumagotchi
- 71 71 117 Jan ’15: Gym Reaper
- 43 31 21 Dec ’18: Repatriarch
- Accepted as equipment but in game as a monster:
Beasties✔ 4 Dec ’18 ✔✔
- Unconfirmed:
- 36 40 1 24 Dec ’18: Strangler Fish
- 43 39 221 Aug ’19: Squiderella
- 37 37 423 Aug ’19: Dark Inkling
Seasonal✔ 11 Nov ’18 ✔✔✔✔
- I'm especially proud of: (📥 11 Nov ’18)
Bosses✔ 10 Jul ’19
- Unconfirmed:
- 32 27 1 310 Jul ’19: Bossanova
Artifacts✔ 4 Dec ’19 100% 4/4
Ordinary✔ 29 Apr ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
- Confirmed:
- 24 29 412 Apr ’19: perfectly cromulent artifact
- 53 21 311 Aug ’18: bottle of thought cleanser
- 27 36 230 Jun ’18: region lock
- 27 36 230 Jun ’18: bunch of baloney
- Unconfirmed:
- 67 25 529 Jul ’20: inactivity tracker
- 69 21 514 Jul ’20: complimentary downgrade coupon
- 47 534 Feb ’15: plans for world domination
- 52 43 12 Jul ’14: push notification
- 48 4129 Apr ’14: article of incorporation
Healing✔ 4 Dec ’19
- Confirmed:
- 24 29 44 Dec ’19: Damn good coffee
Bold✔ 27 Jul ’18
- Confirmed:
- 35 46 327 Jul ’18: helluva thing
Activatable✔ 29 Aug ’14 ✔✔✔✔
- Confirmed:
- 📥 6 Sep ’19: Serious truffle (Autumn mushroom)
- Unconfirmed:
- 📥 6 Sep ’19: Dining shroom (Autumn mushroom)
- 📥 6 Sep ’19: Mush-potato (Autumn mushroom)
- 51 22 411 Aug ’18: Cache prize (like bag of trophies)
- 69 3928 Aug ’14: Career assignment chip (grants mini-quest)
- Equipment 85.7% 6/7
Weapon✔ 6 Aug ’14 ✔✔✔✔
- Unconfirmed:
- 56 11 228 Sep ’19: not-that-greatsword
- 41 41 418 Aug ’19: Oktoberfists
- 60 6522 Jan ’15: starboard bow
- 44 43 16 Aug ’14: awful racquet
- Submitted as equipment, in game as a monster:
- 100 4015 Mar ’15: trouble shooter
- Shield
Head✔ 20 Jul ’18 ✔
- Unconfirmed:
- 60 13 219 Nov ’19: razor braids
- 49 31 220 Jun ’18: moral compress
Body✔ 19 Mar ’15 ✔
- Confirmed:
- 59 6019 Mar ’15: security breeches
- Unconfirmed:
- 37 35 330 Sep ’18: sweater vestment
Arms✔ 8 Feb ’15
- Confirmed:
- 48 568 Feb ’15: puffy pirate sleeves
Legs✔ 20 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔
- Confirmed:
- 52 24 627 May ’18: Footnote²
- 38 5920 Feb ’15: corduroy ninja outfit
- Unconfirmed:
- 48 24 314 Aug ’19: deadly shins
- 46 23 227 Jul ’19: clogs of stealth
Talisman✔ 9 Oct ’14 ✔✔✔✔
- Confirmed:
- 40 616 Feb ’15: karma police badge
- Unconfirmed:
- 68 16 315 Nov ’19: personal raincloud
- 38 5719 Feb ’15: offensive flag
- 43 48 19 Oct ’14: compass rose
- Submitted as equipment, in game as an artifact:
- 55 566 Mar ’15: short fuse
- News for the Newspaper 78.6% 11/14
Header✔ 10 Mar ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
- 📥 12 Mar ’15 Elementary, my dear Godville • 📥 12 Mar ’15 Godville, we have a problem • 📥 12 Mar ’15 Straight from the purse • 📥 12 Mar ’15 Papercut-proof edition • 📥 10 Mar ’15 Women and children first • 📥 10 Jun ’18 Go ahead, laugh • 📥 20 Jun ’18 Don't encourage us • 📥 10 Nov ’19 Printing fake news for false profits • 📥 26 Sep ’19 Inferred but not implied • 66 11 58 Feb ’20 Unlikely stories haphazardly told •54 9 29 Feb ’20 The news that Godville deserves •66 8 1 23 Aug ’20 Best before tomorrow
Footnote✔ 24 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔
- 53 6 212 Feb ’20: Guarantees will not be honored.
- 📥 26 Aug ’18: We use cookies to improve morale.
- 📥 25 Aug ’18: If symptoms persist, please consult your mortician.
- 📥 30 Jun ’18: Printed using fully recycled content.
- 📥 10 Jun ’18: By reading this sentence you agree to read this sentence.
- 📥 10 Jun ’18: Ignore the man behind the curtain.
- 📥 12 Mar ’15: It was the best of Times, it was the worst of Times.
- 📥 24 Feb ’15: I'm held prisoner in the printer's warehouse, please send help.
Forecast✔ 2 Aug ’19
- 📥 2 Aug ’18: Today's forecast is so good, our astrologers have given themselves the day off.
Ideabox News3/3 ✔ 14 Nov ’18
Submissions✔ 14 Nov ’18 ✔
- 61 19 31 Dec ’20: %v1% Ideabox ideas yesterday, %v1% Ideabox ideas. Take one down, pass it around, %v2% ideas in ER yesterday.
- 📥 14 Nov ’18: Do you think %v% was enough ideabox submissions yesterday? Neither do we!
ER contribution✔ 6 Mar ’15 ✔
- 📥 26 Sep ’18: %god_name%'s pen is mightier than {his|||her} sword, which is saying a lot.
- 📥 6 Mar ’15: %god_name% has been heard complaining about the cost of red pens from all {his||her} ER editing.
Ideabox contribution✔ 1 Jul ’18
- 📥 1 Jul ’18: At this rate, %god_name% will soon have enough ingenious pieces to make an entire ingenious.
- Broken News
Ads✔ 12 Sep ’18 ✔✔✔✔
- 63 3 1 513 Oct ’20: Have you been seriously injured while questing? Dealing with a hostile work environment of lightning bolts and earthquakes? Axehead & Axehead can help! Come to our Deville offices for an obligation-free consultation.
- 44 6 312 Feb ’20: You were the %random_monster% at %some_territory%. I had to %random_quest% and put my career before our future together. Forgive me.
- 📥 12 Nov ’18: Trouble with your quests? Visit “Sack Exchange”, we're full of experts with answers to your questions.
- 📥 15 Oct ’18: Missed connection: you were a %random_monster% with bottomless eyes. I fled when I should have stayed. Ask for the loneliest adventurer at the “%random_guild%” Guildhouse, %random_town%.
- 📥 12 Sep ’18: Trouble with your quest? At The Rumour Mill, our friendly and discreet staff can offer guidance. Advice for a price; tips for tips!
Wanted Monster✔ 12 Mar ’15 ✔✔
- 61 7 1 217 Feb ’20: Casting call for “So You Thing You Can Hunt: %random_town%”! Bring a %mod_name% specimen to any studio office for your signing bonus.
- 📥 25 May ’18: The Transcendentalist Society announces a reward for anyone brave enough to retrieve the venom sac from a mature %monster% in time for tomorrow's session. Fresh or dried acceptable.
- 📥 11 Mar ’15: The Furriers Guild is offering a gold brick reward for any %random_monster% captured dead or alive, but only if definitely not alive.
Wanted Artifact✔ 22 Feb ’15 ✔✔
- 76 5 318 Oct ’20: We'll buy %artifact% from anyone, and pay extra if you don't ask why. Meet with you-know-who, you-know-where, bring the you-know-what.
- 📥 21 Feb ’15: An urgent recall had been issued on any %artifact_base% sold since 1750 g.e. A reward for their return is being offered to prevent any further deaths.
- 📥 21 Feb ’15: A new cap-and-trade scheme on %artifact_base% production has led to a price spike. Sellers are invited to apply for registration for the scheme at any authorised agency.
Famous Heroes✔ 9 Mar ’15
- 📥 9 Mar ’15: Could {|s}he be %random_town%'s most eligible bachelor{|ette}? Our correspondents say, “No.”
- Guild Spotlight 50% 12
Start✔ 10 Jun ’18
- 📥 10 Jun ’18: %guild_name% is in the %v% position in the %pantheon%, unlikely though it seems. Some of the %v% members have been heard calling each other “%high_level_rank%”.
- End
- Other
Accepted Others (excl. conversions): 8 (Mostly Godwiki maintenance requests that needed Admin access)
IQ points converted | 3500 |
---|---|
Gratitude gained | 140 |
Pantheon rank excluding conversions | 16th |
(Are you having trouble matching up the information above with my Gratitude score? Me too! Sometimes a single 'Awesome Idea' contains more than one item on the above list (e.g., Christmas reindeer were all one idea), and I think I've had a handful of bonus Gratitude points given to me from time to time, either from especially large and good ideas/bug reports, or from other, non-Ideabox things I've done around the place. 🤷♂️)
Sigh Djobs
Accepted corrections: 105
Third Eye categories 37.9% 11/29
- Town and Travel 57.1% 4/7
Equipment Upgrade✔ 8 Jul ’19Skill Upgrade✔ 1 Oct ’14- Purchase of Gold Bricks
Fishing Results✔ 28 May ’18 ✔Aura End✔ 16 Sep ’20- Meeting the Guild's Mascot
- Resurrection
- Quests 66.7% 2/3
Regular Quests✔ 31 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔- Epic Quests
Mini-Quests (endings only)✔ 20 Jun ’19
- Fight Results 0% 0/6
- Sparring
- Arena
- Boss Fight
- Dungeon
- Sail
- Datamine
- Temple and Beyond 60% 3/5
- Temple Bonuses
Gold Sacrifice in the Temple✔ 12 Feb ’15New Words for the Book✔ 26 Nov ’19Savings Deposit✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔- Trading in Own Shop
- Essentials 25% 2/8
- All About Pets
- Level Up
- New Friend
New Skill✔ 14 Mar ’15Death✔ 26 Jul ’18 ✔- Sidejob Reward
- Voice Reward
- Wanted Monster Reward
People's Djoice
A selection of my most popular (by yes/no vote) ideas, either pending review or rejected.
Heavy rain has eroded the topsoil, leaving underground lairs close to the surface. Digging or gardening may be hazardous today. 7 Sep ’20, /Newspaper/ Daily forecast |
80 yes
0 no 2 in ER rejected |
The %random_town% Philosophy Society has declared that owning %artifact% is the only true path to enlightenment, resulting in absurd prices across the land. 26 Aug ’20, /Newspaper/ Wanted artifact |
78 yes
0 no 2 in ER rejected |
Why do I even pay my guild fees? The clinic was completely out of lollipops. 5 Sep ’19, /Diary/ Guild doctor healing |
100 yes
1 no 2 in ER rejected |
%attacker% poured %gold% into a slot labelled “Insert Coin to Continue”. Nothing happened. 1 Nov ’18, /Dungeon/ Trap, attacker loses gold |
71 yes
1 no 2 in ER rejected |
I was just shaking the %artifact_base% to see what was inside when it exploded into a cloud of blue ink. Caught me blue-handed, %rg%. 17 Jul ’19, /Diary/ Charge artifact activated. |
79 yes
2 no 2 in ER rejected |
Dərty Rottən Stinkərs
A selection of my least popular (by yes/no vote) ideas. All of these were auto-rejected for being below the 10% yes threshold.
nice tnettenba 2 Jul ’20, /Artifact/ |
1 yes
29 no rejected |
Violent Soho 26 Jun ’19, /Monster/ |
1 yes
29 no rejected |
Fardels Bear 14 Mar ’15, /Monster/ |
1 yes
29 no rejected |
closed time-like boots 4 Feb ’15, /Equipment (Legs)/ |
1 yes
30 no rejected |
Things Wot I Is
Juliet Whiskey
Foxtrot X-Ray
Papa Romeo

This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

On average, I'm a good person. What more can you hope for?

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.

Specialties: Marginalia; Verve and gusto

Les grandes personnes m’ont conseillé de laisser de côté les dessins de serpents boas ouverts ou fermés, et de m’intéresser plutôt à la géographie, à l’histoire, au calcul et à la grammaire. C’est ainsi que j’ai abandonné, à l’âge de six ans, une magnifique carrière de peintre. J’avais été découragé par l’insuccès de mon dessin numéro 1 et de mon dessin numéro 2. Les grandes personnes ne comprennent jamais rien toutes seules, et c’est fatigant, pour les enfants, de toujours leur donner des explications.

I'm a word nerd. Aren't you?

We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us.

Every time I hear the word ‘underlay,’ my brain silently shouts, “¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!”.
Also, when I read ‘rofl’, in my head it sounds like Scooby Doo saying ‘waffle’.

Lord protect this rocket house, and all who dwell within this rocket house.

Sometimes I have a narrator in my head. He usually sounds like Morgan Freeman. Sometimes, though, it's Patrick Stewart. When I'm particularly tired or something, they meld together.

I have no idea to this day what those two Klingon ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't wanna know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it cannot be expressed by a Universal Translator, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared boldlier and farther than any life form in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird transported into our drab little cage and made those shields dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last humanoid on the Enterprise felt free.


(...)Parce que le réflexe de celui qui est cloué au sol à toujours été de tuer celui qui sait voler."
