Djonni

¶

“Oh, a trusty comrade is always of use; and a chronicler still more so.”

“Now, Watson,” said Holmes, as a tall dog-cart dashed up through the gloom, throwing out two golden tunnels of yellow light from its side lanterns. “You’ll come with me, won’t you?”

“If I can be of use.”

— Sir Author Conan Doyle, The Man with the Twisted Lip (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, #6)

0/7

Vitalstatistix

Deities of Godville

Master Djonni 庙舟畜  the Quite Different
Champion	Djonniboy
Personality	Adjective
Gender	Divine
Domain	God of perfectly shaped spoons
Motto	In ƒor a penny! ✔
⚜️Guild
The Forsakens Lament
Guild position	Avatar of Lust; Assistant Bugler; Speling Expirt
Guild rank	Wretch
Membership	884 days
🏆Pantheons
Gratitude	11th , 414 gratitude points
Templehood	11154th , Jan 23 2015
Storytelling	3rd , 4.29 from 240
Pantheon Goals
Gratitude	Next position: 10th, 434 points
Storytelling	Next position: 2nd, 4.32 average
⚔️Champion 웃
Djonniboy the Inadequately Stupid
Level	💯
Class	Bard 8, Fighter 2, Alcoholic 10, Drunken Philosophy Master (Prestige) 80
Deaths	63 more-or-less glorious deaths
Preferred Weapons	Bartenderizer Mace of Amnesia
🐾 Pet 畜
Bolt
Class	Philosoraptor
Personality	Garish
Level	15
Age	57 days
⛩️ Temple 庙 First brick laid 13th of March, 2014 Completion 23rd of January, 2015 Roof fund 11M, 54k
🏴‍☠️ Ark 舟
The Dawn Shadow
Christened	2nd of March, 2019
Hull	100
Population	Ouroboros the Ever-Snuffling (🎞️) Tenacious, gummy wyrm, lvl 30
	Krampa the Ever-Watching (🎞️) Unique, satan claus, lvl 30
	Empty stable
	Creatures: 919m, 914f

January 2020: My family in Australia has been affected by the bushfire crisis, and my home in Australia has been destroyed by fire, including almost everything I own. I'll be travelling extensively throughout January into February, and my availability and Godwiki presence will be unpredictable. I may be too busy or sad to do much; on the other hand, it may be a valuable distraction at difficult times. So who knows?

February 2020: A short but sincere letter to all those concerned.

Thank you, everyone. I'm not one for dramatic gestures, but it seems like many members of our divine community are searching for ways to help. I've had a number of messages since I updated this page in early January, which I have tried to reply to. A heartfelt thank you to everyone who's reached out, and I'm sincerely sorry if I've failed to acknowledge or reply to anyone, it's been a busy and difficult time. Among those messages there have been suggestions of setting up a Go Fund Me for me and my family, and more general questions about how people can help. If you are looking for some way to make a difference, then here's my answer. As tempting as it is to accept the offer of a Go Fund Me page or similar, I just don't feel right accepting money like this, even understanding that it is offered in a sincere spirit of generosity and compassion. I also know that not everybody who will be moved to help will have spare money. So, here's what I'd like people to do, if they feel so moved. Money can be donated to either the firefighters, NSW Rural Fire Service, or to the organisation caring for injured wildlife, WIRES. Both of those organisations are full of volunteers who are saving lives. Time can be donated to local action and political activism on climate change. There's no corner of the world where that doesn't matter, and no amount of local effort that's too little or too much. Every march, every vote, and every dinner table conversation on climate change and the future makes a difference. Consider visiting Australia for a holiday in the next few years, for two reasons. The first is, tourism is an important part of our economy and provides a lot of jobs, especially outside the big city. Hire a car, stay in towns along the route. Secondly, this continent is changing permanently and rapidly, and I want people to be able to tell their grandchildren what it once was. It's true that financially, I'm in the toughest situation I've been in my adult life, but I'll manage. I also don't believe that I personally deserve special attention or more help than other families do. The whole of Australia is experiencing deep trauma, pain, and anger, and my story is just one among thousands of loss, danger, fear, and grief. If you feel like telling me that you've done one of the above, then I will be glad to know about it, and if you don't feel like telling me, just know that you have my thanks for making a difference. Give only what you can, so long as you take only what you need. And so it is with sincere thanks and a humble heart that I offer these as ways that someone can make a real and meaningful gesture of support for me, for my family, for my country, and for the future of us all.

---

July 2019: Returning from a ~6 month absence. Catching up on messages and what's happened. Sorry if I haven't been responding for, y'know, half a year.

---

April 2018: Returning from a ~3 year absence I'm pleased to see I've cheerfully overshot the Honoured Renegade achievement, and still have a top-50 position in a couple of Pantheons! Getting to grips with the many changes and improvements before I become too active again. For all those that have contacted me over the last few years, my apologies for the very, very late replies.

---

I am in Canberra, Australia, so UTC+10 the Czech Republic, so UTC+1 Australia, UTC+10 Czechia, UTC+2.

I will happily usually give feedback on chronicles if asked nicely, but please see January 2020 note above.

In fact, I will pretty happily help with anything if asked nicely, if RL doesn't get in the way.

I am mostly active in the Workmen's Area and Main Square. It's not that I don't like roleplaying, I just don't have enough time for it :)

Things Wot I Dun

Idjit Boxing

All ideas here are as submitted and as voted on, not in their final post-ER, edited and corrected forms. Voting information is as complete and accurate as possible. Pre-Renegade ideas (2015 and before) have no data on ER votes, because in that era these were not recorded in Ingenious Pieces. Ideas submitted into non-voting category are marked with 📥.

Hero

Quest

#1

Have an idea accepted for every category

Total progress: 58% (94/162)

• To fix a bug 📥 ✔ 9 Mar ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔

• Awesome ideas 📥 ✔ 8 Nov ’18 12/12

• Greetings ✔ 6 Aug ’19

Hey, ho, let's go %god_name%!

• Towns ✔ 24 Apr ’18 ✔✔

Next Station — Bad Gateway (at milestone 502)

Not in game: Graveston

• Pet names ✔ 20 May ’18 ✔✔✔

Confirmed: Thumper — Snuffles — Chip — Null

• Taverns ✔ 7 May ’18 ✔✔✔✔

Confirmed: Caravanserai — Dunquestin — The Sword & Sandal — The Glass Cannon — The Rumor Mill

• Notifications ✔ 7 Oct ’14 ✔✔✔🙅

Upon death: "Dead? Again? Take your time, I could use the rest!"

Upon death: "Another opportunity to be resurrected! Yay!"

Upon levelling up: "A level older, and yet no wiser."

Upon arrival in town: "Through the gates of %town%..."

Approved 15 Nov 2018, and then cruelly un-approved an hour or two later!: "Finally, the %artifact_base% I've always wanted!"

• Boss mottos ✔ 8 Nov ’18 ✔

Confirmed: "You killed my father!"

Unconfirmed: "Simply the beast!"

• Death Rattles ✔ 5 May ’18 ✔✔✔✔

Confirmed: "A plague o' both your houses!" — "One to beam up!"

Unconfirmed: "I'm melting, melting!" — "MOOOOOOOO!" (for Interrupting Cow) — "I got blisters on my fingers!" (The final line from Helter Skelter by the Beatles. From Wikipedia: After take 18, Ringo Starr threw his drum sticks across the studio and screamed, "I got blisters on my fingers!" Starr's shout was included on the stereo mix of the song.)

• Territories ✔ 13 Nov ’18

Confirmed: The Valley of the Blind

• Boss-monster abilities ✔ 28 Oct ’18

Details withheld until when and if the idea is implemented, to prevent spoilers.

• Adventure special conditions ✔ 7 Sep ’20

Details withheld until when and if the idea is implemented, to prevent spoilers.

• Quest Endings ✔ 31 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔

“round up a triad of squares” - “I had to circle round them a few times, and at three points I was sure they were going to try something edgy, but I finally got them squared away.” 23 Aug ’18

“find a lost cause and offer directions” - “For some reason, the lost cause didn't seem very grateful for my directions as to how it could solve all it's problems and avoid making such terrible mistakes again in future.” 13 Mar ’15

“level the playing field with a shovel” - “That took longer than expected. Why do these idiot heroes keep digging up my field?” 31 Jan ’15

“remember the location of the forgotten tower” - “Finally remembered where the Forgotten Tower is! Now, where's my pen so I can write it down...” 31 Jan ’15

• Other ✔ 18 Mar ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔

• In memoriam Terry Pratchett, author who inspired Godville, I humbly suggest that Godville might make a small change to its Apache config as per this suggestion: https://www.reddit.com/r/discworld/comments/2yt9j6/gnu_terry_pratchett/
• Searchable blog entries
• Category filters in Ingenious pieces and Approved submission
• "Accept" and "Reject" actions on sparring fight notifications
• Improved feedback in godvoice too long errors
• Equipment category shown in ideabox submission confirmation
• %a_mod_name% and %a_aod_name% variables for MoD and AoD entries with indefinite articles (patterned after %a_random_monster%)
• Tooltip/long-press menu showing god name for diary entries with a %random_friend% in them
• Better handling of comments in ER
• Highlighting of your own edits and comments in ER
• Better handling of artifact article edits in ER

• Diary entries 69.2% 27/39

• Random occurrences 54.5% 6/11

• While traveling ✔ 22 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔

 86   20   0   3  1 Jan ’19: I have a problem with prepositions. Sometimes I just don't know what else to end a sentence with.

 77   5   0   2  6 Oct ’18: I'm just a stone's throw from %nearby_town% here. I really wish the guards would quit doing that.

 86   24   0  21 Feb ’15: Saw a perfectly good %random_artifact% just sitting by the road! I hope the owner comes along soon before someone realises they could pick it up and sell it.

 93   44   0  19 Feb ’15: Things I've learnt: Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.

 73   31   0  4 Feb ’15: A wandering monk told me he didn't believe in an interventionist god{|||dess}. Backed away, out of lightning range.

 105   3   0  22 Jan ’15: Idiot weather forecasters. They said scattered showers, I've been carrying this soap around all day.

• During a fight with a monster ✔ 26 Apr ’14

 84   19   0  26 Apr ’14: My whirlwind attack left the %monster% looking puzzled, but the whirlwind sure learned its lesson.

• While hero is dead ✔ 29 Jan ’15 ✔

 92   20   0  5 Feb ’15: Despite the cost of living, it's my preferred option.

 91   34   0  29 Jan ’15: Tried to put my badly mutilated corpse back in one piece, but I just didn't have the guts.

• While healing ✔ 20 Feb ’15 ✔✔

 77   42   1  17 Mar ’15: Wrote prescriptions for random pills for some hero{|in}es at the hospital. Turns out pretty much anyone can buy a lab coat and stethoscope.

 62   43   0  14 Mar ’15: The guild doctor diagnosed me with hypergraphia, and urgently referred me to an editor.

 70   42   0  20 Feb ’15: They keep insisting the opening in this hospital gown should be at the back, but that's embarrassing. I don't want anyone seeing my butt.

• While trading

• While resting ✔ 8 Jul ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔

 74   42   1  22 Mar ’15: The folks at the guild have given me a cute nickname! They're calling me “%hero_name% Three Giggles” because I laugh when they tell a joke, again when they explain the joke, and again later when I get the joke.

 88   27   0  22 Feb ’15: One of the guild's Followers admitted that some of the younger Recruits are intimidated by me. Smiled modestly, turned to walk away, and ran straight into a door.

 76   42   0  22 Feb ’15: Look, %rg%, I'm not sure I'd use the word ‘defiled’, exactly. But from what I remember from last night, it might be a good idea to have the temple re-consecrated.

 95   33   0  31 Jan ’15: An old monk said that when God{|||dess} closes a door, {|||s}he opens a window. Sounds like you'd be an annoying roommate, %rg%.

 105   27   0  29 Jan ’15: From now on, I'm changing the names in this diary to protect the innocent. Well, to protect them and %random_friend%.

 101   27   1  20 Oct ’14: I have mixed drinks about feelings.

 69   28   0  8 Jul ’14: I just got told by %hero_friend% that {his||her} shrink has black and white pictures of me performing unspeakable acts with %random_artifact%... %rg%, I thought I'd destroyed them, I swear!

• While sleeping

• While praying ✔ 10 Sep ’18

 79   8   0   2  10 Sep ’18: I am as certain of your love, %rg%, as I am the sun will rise tomorrow. So it's, like, 50/50.

• During temple construction
• While waiting for an arena opponent
• For a hero-trader

• Events 83% 15/18

• On meeting a strong monster ✔ 7 Feb ’15 ✔

 95   22   0  2 Mar ’15: I think I misunderstood this %monster% seeking donations for monsters' widows and orphans. I said I already contribute plenty of widows and orphans. This is awkward.

 106   28   0  7 Feb ’15: That %monster% is holding a sign saying “Free Hugs”! Nobody who gives free hugs to strangers could have bad motives, could they?

• On fleeing from the monster ✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔

 81   10   0   4  1 Jul ’18: Ah, %some_territory%. A beautiful place to go for a run. From the %monster%.

 86   7   1   4  8 Apr ’18: They say that success requires blood, sweat, and tears. Well, so does desperate, panicked fleeing from an angry %monster%.

• On death from the monster ✔ 26 Jul ’18 ✔

 83   16   1   4  26 Jul ’18: Violets are blue, roses are red, the %monster% has won, this hero{ is|ine's} dead.

 84   15   0   2  26 Jul ’18: Killed by a mere %monster%, can you even imagine? Mortifying!

• On defeating the monster ✔ 6 Nov ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔

 108   4   0   5  23 Apr ’18: Took me over an hour to bury the %monster%. it would have been much quicker, but it just wouldn't lie still.

 100   10   2   4  17 Apr ’18: When the %monster% died I was overwhelmed with emotion. But I consoled myself with its %artifact%, and I'm the right amount of whelmed again now.

 89   34   0  16 Mar ’15: Crossed '%monster%' off my bingo card. I'm gonna win that grand prize this month, dammit.

 85   37   0  4 Feb ’15: Paid my respects to the dead %monster%. Got %gold% in change.

 95   30   0  2 Feb ’15: I multiplied the %monster% by the square root of negative one, and it winked out of existence.

 100   41   0  26 Jan ’15: Found a note on the dead %monster% begging it to come home in one piece. Returned the corpse intact.

 86   21   0  5 Dec ’14: After vanquishing the %monster% I rubbed its horn and wished for %item% and %gold%. I honestly had no idea that that would work.

 93   20   0  6 Nov ’14: The %monster% handed me a Monster Manual and told me the loot was in the appendix. Wasn't there, so checked the other organs as well. Eventually found %gold% and %item% in one of the stomachs.

• On loss of the artifact ✔ 12 Apr ’18 ✔

 78   8   0   3  10 Jun ’18: Now, accounting for the headwind, and assuming gravity is constant, starting from an angle of forty-five degrees, by my calculations the %artifact_base% is... gone.

 109   17   0   6  12 Apr ’18: Synced my %artifact_base% with the clouds. It didn't come back down.

• On resurrection

• On turning back to town (to heal) ✔ 7 Jun ’18

 91   6   0   4  7 Jun ’18: They've lit the beacon above “%some_tavern%”! The beer calls for aid, and %hero_name% will answer!

• On turning back to town (to sell) ✔ 21 Feb ’15

 88   26   1  21 Feb ’15: Why, %rg%, can nobody design a decent questing outfit with enough space to carry all these artifacts? I mean, it's not pocket science.

• On spending gold in a town ✔ 8 Jul ’19 2/2

• Wasting gold ✔ 5 Feb ’15 ✔

 81   10   1   4  12 Jul ’19: Spent %gold% on a bunch of camouflage gear and now I have no idea where it is.

 86   27   0  5 Feb ’15: I had to spend %gold% at the tavern to keep my brain in good health. I've culled the weakest brain cells so the strong will thrive.

• Purchasing equipment ✔ 8 Jul ’19

 71   10   0   4  8 Jul ’19: I had the required components to craft this %equipment% at the blacksmith's! The required components were %gold%.

• On donating/sacrificing while praying in town

• On selling of an expensive artifact ✔ 24 Feb ’15 ✔

 86   3   0   4  3 Jul ’18: The %artifact_base% shipment was delayed by a week, so the trader offered %gold% for mine.

 101   19   1  23 Feb ’15: Turns out this was a limited edition %artifact_base%, signed by the creator. At least that's what I convinced the trader he was paying %gold% for.

• On finishing selling off the loot ✔ 21 Mar ’15

 87   39   2  21 Mar ’15: Considered myself wealthy enough to get back to business.

• On getting a new quest ✔ 17 Jul ’14 ✔

 61   12   0   2  30 Aug ’18: A sinister man instructed me to %quest%, then whispered, “whatever means necessary”. I'm pretty sure it doesn't, but I'll do my best anyway.

 87   16   0  17 Jul ’14: A long talk with %hero_random_friend% over several drinks has left us convinced that the future of all of Godville is at risk if I don't %quest%. Godville, I won't let you down! Just as soon as I finish this beer!

• On depositing savings ✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔

 90   12   0   5  18 Jul ’18: They're fussy at the %current_town% bank. They made me wash all the blood and guts off my %gold% before accepting them.

 94   5   0   6  8 Apr ’18: I completely forgot why I walked into the bank. I reluctantly deposited %gold% gold out of embarrassment.

• On aura end

• On arrival to town ✔ 20 Jul ’18 ✔

 66   9   0   2  22 Aug ’18: Turns out, when you say, “What're ya gonna do about it?” to the %town% gate guards, the answer is, “Take your %artifact_base% at swordpoint.”

 81   19   0   3  20 Jul ’18: The %current_town% gate guards demanded a password to let me in. It was “admin”.

• Fishing ✔ 28 May ’18 ✔

 73   12   0   3  10 Oct ’18: I easily caught a perfect gold brick, but there was just something fishy about it. Threw it back.

 102   6   0   2  28 May ’18: I guess this is why they call it fishing, not catching. Better get back on the road.

• Influence related 55.6% 5/9

• Voice from own god ✔ 10 May ’14

 94   12   1  10 May ’14: Found a coaster in my pocket from %random_tavern% with “%god_voice%” written in my handwriting. I have absolutely no memory of that.

• Voice from some other god
• Response to a god voice ✔ 6 Feb ’15

 101   29   0  6 Feb ’15: Started digging, but hit bedrock just below the surface with a painful 'Clang'. That's what I call a miner setback.

• Encourage influence response ✔ 9 Mar ’15

 108   24   0  9 Mar ’15: Handed the trader a piece of paper with ‘artifact’ written on it. He was delighted, enthusiastically handing me %gold% while shaking my other hand. Wonder if that'll work twice...

• Punish influence response
• Miracle influence response
• Guild miracle in town

• Making a brick with an influence ✔ 7 Sep ’14 ✔

 103   13   0  7 Sep ’14: My purse exploded in a shower of gold coins, pelting me painfully with hard, expensive shrapnel. Among the tattered remnants was a somewhat sooty gold brick. Really, %rg%? There aren't any less painful ways to produce these?

 93   23   2  8 Dec ’14: Tried to shake out the gold coins I've been hiding in my boots to count them, but a gold brick fell out instead. %rg%, do you really want the temple to smell like my feet?

• On ignoring the god voice ✔ 19 Feb ’15 ✔

 77   32   0  21 Feb ’15: My L{ord|ady}, are you being serious right now? It's hard to tell in an entirely textual medium.

 89   31   0  19 Feb ’15: Wow, these pills the guild psychiatrist gave me really do help me ignore the voices in my head. I should definitely get more.

• Others ✔ 7 Sep ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔✔

📥 6 Sep ’19: [Autumn] Diary entry for finding mushroom: %pet_name% snuffled at the roots of an oak tree, and dug up %artifact%.

 83   30   1  14 Mar ’15: I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills which now include “%new_skill%” instead of “%old_skill%”.

 85   41   0  9 Mar ’15: A strong blow from the monster didn't damage my equipment for a change! I did, when I tripped over in the middle of battle.

 108   22   1  23 Feb ’15: Look, I realise now it was a bad idea to grind up and swallow the %artifact%. Should I have done it? No. Have I learnt from the experience? No promises. Activatable artifact granting experience

 92   37   0  12 Feb ’15: I was hefting ten heavy bags of coins onto the altar of the temple when the bottoms tore and gold coins spilled all over the temple floor. Having to pick up ten thousand gold coins really taught me a thing or two, %rg%. Sacrificing gold for xp at temple

 101   17   0  1 Oct ’14: I was walking along lost in thought when I tripped and hit my head pretty hard. When I came to, I awoke with a new idea for how to “%hero_skill%” better than before! Skill level increase

 105   14   0  7 Sep ’14: I was just thinking how my pack was too heavy and my body was too broken, and my {Lord||Lady} fixed both! Use of activatable artifact for healing (e.g. Generic Goodness)

• Earthly News 61.5% 16/26

• Random Occurrences 50% 6/12

• When travelling ✔ 5 Feb ’15

 53   44   0  5 Feb ’15: Twirling {his|her} {moustache|pigtails}...

• When healing ✔ 9 Mar ’15 ✔✔

 75   34   0  19 Mar ’15: Gossiping about the nurses...

 79   38   0  18 Mar ’15: Rubbing bacon into {his|her} wounds...

 52   45   0  9 Mar ’15: Searching for the right pathologist...

• When resting in a town ✔ 19 Mar ’15 ✔

 78   14   1   2  2 Sep ’19: Trying to find %pet_name%'s Do Not Disturb mode...

 75   33   0  19 Mar ’15: Sheepishly checking prices for tattoo removal...

• During temple construction
• When selling loot
• Waiting for... 2/4

• Arena ✔ 25 May ’14

 54   12   0  25 May ’14: Looking at the statues of past champions...

• Dungeon

• Sail ✔ 8 Apr ’18

 73   15   0   3  8 Apr ’18: Giving inches and taking nautical miles...

• Datamine

• When waiting for resurrection
• When praying ✔ 5 Feb ’15

 70   30   0  5 Feb ’15: Being careful with {his|her} wording...

• When fishing

• Monster Fight 66.7% 4/6

• When meeting a monster ✔ 8 Mar ’15

 55   51   2  8 Mar ’15: “Cry ‘Havoc!’, and let slip the %pet_type% of war!”

• When fighting a monster ✔ 23 Feb ’15

 79   21   0  23 Feb ’15: The %monster% is explaining the benefits of union membership to the hero{|ine}...

• When hitting the monster ✔ 26 Apr ’19 ✔

 49   13   0   2  26 Apr ’19: Cutting the %monster% into ingenious pieces for %hp%...

 69   12   1   4  23 Aug ’19: Plucking the monster's feathers for %hp%...

• When hit by the monster ✔ 19 Mar ’15

 69   30   0  19 Mar ’15: The monster is not angry, just disappointed. The hero{|ine} is ashamed for %hp%...

• When defeating a monster
• When fleeing from fight

• Transportation ✔ 2 Dec ’19 100% 3/3

• "Searching for the right path via..." ✔ 2 Dec ’19 ✔

 81   11   0   4  2 Dec ’19: Searching for just the right snow-covered hill to sled down...

 82   14   0   4  26 Aug ’19: Running towards a question mark on the map...

• "Through the mires and swamps..." ✔ 18 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔✔

 69   11   0   2  1 Dec ’19: Through air quotes and ellipses...

 72   14   1   2  28 Aug ’19: Through the pain with negligible gain...

 51   24   1   3  26 Jul ’19: Through perihelions and aphelions...

 78   13   1   4  14 Apr ’18: Through the paragraphs and passages...

 69   32   0  18 Feb ’15: Through customs and immigration...

• When returning to a town ✔ 18 Feb ’15 ✔

 52   29   0   5  10 Jun ’18': Preparing for the wurst...

 76   32   0  18 Feb ’15: Taking advantage of conveniently placed ziplines...

• Others 60% 3/5

• Remote control action response ✔ 23 Feb ’15

 60   42   0  23 Feb ’15: Lights flicker...

• Searching for the hero ✔ 5 Feb ’15 ✔✔

 81   13   0   4  28 Aug ’19: Initiating hero{|ine} calibration protocol...

 59   6   0   2  18 Jul ’19: Compiling the hero{|ine} from source code...

 32   27   1   3  7 Aug ’18: Shouting “Hey hero{|ine}!” until we get a response...

 68   37   0  5 Feb ’15: Searching for the hero{|ine} despite what happened last time...

• Hero-trader: waiting
• Hero-trader: trading
• Other ✔ 6 Mar ’15

 67   39   0  6 Mar ’15: Your idea is important to us, and has been placed in a queue... Idea submission caption

• Duels 14.3% 2/14

• Fight Log 22.2% 2/9

• Hero hit
• Hero miss
• Use of a skill
• Random phrase
• Boss hit
• Boss miss
• Duel start
• Duel end
• Other ✔ 27 May ’14 ✔✔

 63   6   0   4  20 Jul ’19: %Attacker% shouts, “Say hello to my little friend,” as a Mini-%attacker% leaps out from behind him. Summoning boss

 88   15   0  14 Mar ’15: %defender% was secretly relieved when %attacker% stole {his|her} %artifact_base% instead of hitting {him|her}. Pick-pocketing boss

 52   19   0  27 May ’14: %attacker% guzzles %gold% and grins, revealing a mouth full of glistening gold dust. Squandering boss

• Influences 20% 1/5

• Encourage
• Punish
• Miracle
• God voice
• Reaction to a god voice ✔ 7 Jun ’14

 63   6   0   4  20 Jul ’19: As if with divine foresight, %defender% managed to dodge exactly at the moment %attacker% struck. Successful block

• Dungeons 31.3% 5/16

• Rooms 75% 3/4

• Empty room ✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔✔✔

 63   15   0   3  8 Apr ’18: This exact text writes itself onto the walls as the heroes enter the room.

 99   6   0   10  12 Apr ’18: Sinister forces are at work here, and don't even look up when the heroes come into the room. Possibly my most popular Ideabox submission ever, with 10 ER votes.

 89   9   0   7  27 May ’18: The walls have alcoves dug into them full of peculiar bones, mysterious mummified shapes, and unfathomable offerings to the dead. How cryptic.

 67   18   0   3  20 Jul ’18: The floor of this room is a carpet of cold, half-drunk cups of tea.

• Hint room ✔ 6 Apr ’18

 76   9   0   3  6 Apr ’18: A senile old man describes a great treasure to the %dir%, and then immediately describes a great treasure to the %dir%.

• Trap room ✔ 13 Aug ’19

 67   2   0   2  13 Aug ’19: Dancing euphorically to music only they can hear, the explorers lose themselves in the moment.

• Bonus room

• Directions 0% 0/2

• Available directions
• Heroes move to

• Events 50% 3/6

• Descend into dungeon

• Boss nearby hint ✔ 13 Aug ’19

 62   5   0   3  13 Aug ’19: Little do the daring adventures know, imminent danger lurks around the corner.

• Boss encounter

• Treasure room ✔ 30 Oct ’19

 71   6   0   4  30 Oct ’19: The treasure! Diving into piles of gemstones, each adventurer swears to use this wealth to make a fresh start, get sober, and finally write that novel.

• Rare random event ✔ 10 Jun ’18

 64   8   0   6  10 Jun ’18: %attacker% hears faint echoes of children laughing, but nobody else does.

• Other

• Influences 0% 0/4

• Encourage
• Punish
• Miracle
• God voice

• Sail 4.8% 1/21

• Islands 0% 0/6

• Empty island
• Food supplies
• Ark repair
• Pray shrine
• Booty hint
• Lighthouse

• Beasties 33.3% 1/3

• Appear ✔ 23 Aug ’19

 56   12   0   2  23 Aug ’19: %beastie% is looking for a buoyfriend.

• Death no loot

• Death with loot

• Pirating 0% 0/3

• Battle start
• Battle end
• Battle flee

• Influence 0% 0/4

• Encourage
• Punish
• Miracle
• God voice

• Others 0% 0/5

• Sail start
• Sail end
• Booty/maniman/fenimal
• Vortex
• Other

• Quests ✔ 20 Jul ’19 100% 4/4

• Ordinary ✔ 24 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔

Confirmed:

• Sneak into a ninja convention ( 46   40   0  27 Feb ’15)

Unconfirmed:

• Have a close encounter of any kind ( 49   19   0   2  3 Aug ’19)
• Go hindsight seeing ( 59   21   0   6  29 Jul ’19)
• Teach humility to a pride of lions ( 68   12   0   8  27 Jul ’19)

Not in game:

• Test the security of the Godville Treasury ( 66   46   0  12 Mar ’15)
• Arrange a bag of M&Ms in alphabetical order ( 47   42   0  27 Feb ’15)
• Find the square root of the tree of life ( 79   48   0  24 Jan ’15)

• Epic ✔ 13 Jun ’14

Confirmed:

• Completely map out Godville ( 86   17   2  13 Jun ’14)

• Mini ✔ 20 Jul ’19

Confirmed:

• Clean obscenities from the city walls ( 63   9   0   2  20 Jul ’19)

• Side Job ✔ 12 Nov ’18

Confirmed:

• Wear n different auras (📥 12 Nov ’18)

• Monsters ✔ 17 Jan ’15 100% 4/4

• Normal ✔ 17 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔

Unconfirmed:

• Rough Draftsman ( 39   27   0   4  16 Jul ’19)
• Harpy Medium ( 65   46   0   5  11 Oct ’19)
• Horse Majeure ( 29   37   0   2  22 Nov ’19)
• Semifinal Boss ( 65   19   0   4  11 Dec ’19)
• Traumagotchi ( 73   17   0   2  17 Dec ’19)

Not in game:

• Gym Reaper ( 71   71   1  17 Jan ’15)
• Repatriarch ( 43   31   0   2  1 Dec ’18)

Accepted as equipment but in game as a monster:

• Trouble Shooter

• Beasties ✔ 4 Dec ’18 ✔✔

Unconfirmed:

• Strangler Fish ( 36   40   1   2  4 Dec ’18)
• Squiderella ( 43   39   0   2  21 Aug ’19)
• Dark Inkling ( 37   37   0   4  23 Aug ’19)

• Seasonal ✔ 11 Nov ’18 ✔✔✔✔

I'm especially proud of: (📥 11 Nov ’18)

• 🦌Basher the Reindeer
• 🦌Blunder the Reindeer
• 🦌Brewpid the Reindeer
• 🦌Gruedolf the Reindeer
• 🦌Lancer the Reindeer

• Bosses ✔ 10 Jul ’19

Unconfirmed:

• Bossanova ( 32   27   1   3  10 Jul ’19)

• Artifacts ✔ 4 Dec ’19 100% 4/4

• Ordinary ✔ 29 Apr ’14 ✔✔✔✔✔

Confirmed:

• perfectly cromulent artifact ( 24   29   0   4  12 Apr ’19)
• bottle of thought cleanser ( 53   21   0   3  11 Aug ’18)
• region lock ( 27   36   0   2  30 Jun ’18)
• bunch of baloney ( 27   36   0   2  30 Jun ’18)

Not in game:

• plans for world domination ( 47   53   0  4 Feb ’15)
• push notification ( 52   43   1  2 Jul ’14)
• article of incorporation ( 48   41   0  29 Apr ’14)

• Healing ✔ 4 Dec ’19

Confirmed:

• Damn good coffee ( 24   29   0   4  4 Dec ’19)

• Bold ✔ 27 Jul ’18

Confirmed:

• helluva thing ( 35   46   0   3  27 Jul ’18)

• Activatable ✔ 29 Aug ’14 ✔✔✔✔

Confirmed:

• Serious truffle (Autumn mushroom 📥 6 Sep ’19)

Unconfirmed:

• Dining shroom (Autumn mushroom 📥 6 Sep ’19)
• Mush-potato (Autumn mushroom 📥 6 Sep ’19)

Not in game:

• Cache prize (like bag of trophies) ( 51   22   0   4  11 Aug ’18)
• Career assignment chip (grants mini-quest) ( 69   39   0  28 Aug ’14)

• Equipment 85.7% 6/7

• Weapon ✔ 6 Aug ’14 ✔✔✔✔

Unconfirmed:

• not-that-greatsword ( 56   11   0   2  28 Sep ’19)
• Oktoberfists ( 41   41   0   4  18 Aug ’19)

Submitted as equipment, in game as a monster:

• trouble shooter ( 100   40   0  15 Mar ’15)

Not in game:

• starboard bow ( 60   65   0  22 Jan ’15)
• awful racquet ( 44   43   1  6 Aug ’14)

• Shield

• Head ✔ 20 Jul ’18 ✔

Unconfirmed:

• razor braids ( 60   13   0   2  19 Nov ’19)

Not in game:

• moral compress ( 49   31   0   2  20 Jun ’18)

• Body ✔ 19 Mar ’15 ✔

Confirmed:

• security breeches ( 59   60   0  19 Mar ’15)

Not in game:

• sweater vestment ( 37   35   0   3  30 Sep ’18)

• Arms ✔ 8 Feb ’15

Confirmed:

• puffy pirate sleeves ( 48   56   0  8 Feb ’15)

• Legs ✔ 20 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔

Unconfirmed:

• deadly shins ( 48   24   0   3  14 Aug ’19)
• clogs of stealth ( 46   23   0   2  27 Jul ’19)

Confirmed:

• corduroy ninja outfit ( 38   59   0  20 Feb ’15)

Not in game:

• foot note¹ ( 52   24   0   6  27 May ’18)

• Talisman ✔ 9 Oct ’14 ✔✔✔✔

Unconfirmed:

• personal raincloud ( 68   16   0   3  15 Nov ’19)

Confirmed:

• karma police badge ( 40   61   0  6 Feb ’15)

Submitted as equipment, in game as an artifact:

• short fuse ( 55   56   0  6 Mar ’15)

Not in game:

• offensive flag ( 38   57   0  19 Feb ’15)
• compass rose ( 43   48   1  9 Oct ’14)

• News for the Newspaper 📥 78.6% 11/14

• Header ✔ 10 Mar ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔✔✔

Elementary, my dear Godville 📥 12 Mar ’15 • Godville, we have a problem 📥 12 Mar ’15 • Straight from the purse 📥 12 Mar ’15 • Papercut-proof edition 📥 12 Mar ’15 • Women and children first 📥 10 Mar ’15 • Go ahead, laugh 📥 10 Jun ’18 • Don't encourage us 📥 20 Jun ’18 • Printing fake news for false profits 📥 10 Nov ’19 • Inferred but not implied 📥 26 Sep ’19

• Footnote ✔ 24 Feb ’15 ✔✔✔✔✔✔

It was the best of Times, it was the worst of Times.

I'm held prisoner in the printer's warehouse, please send help.

Ignore the man behind the curtain.

By reading this sentence you agree to read this sentence.

Printed using fully recycled content.

We use cookies to improve morale.

If symptoms persist, please consult your mortician.

• Forecast ✔ 2 Aug ’19

Today's forecast is so good, our astrologers have given themselves the day off.

• Ideabox News 3/3 ✔ 14 Nov ’18

• Submissions ✔ 14 Nov ’18

Do you think %v% was enough ideabox submissions yesterday? Neither do we!

• ER contribution ✔ 6 Mar ’15 ✔

%god_name% has been heard complaining about the cost of red pens from all {his||her} ER editing.

%god_name%'s pen is mightier than {his|||her} sword, which is saying a lot.

• Ideabox contribution ✔ 1 Jul ’18

At this rate, %god_name% will soon have enough ingenious pieces to make an entire ingenious.

• Broken News

• Ads ✔ 12 Sep ’18 ✔✔

Trouble with your quest? At The Rumour Mill, our friendly and discreet staff can offer guidance. Advice for a price; tips for tips!

Missed connection: you were a %random_monster% with bottomless eyes. I fled when I should have stayed. Ask for the loneliest adventurer at the “%random_guild%” Guildhouse, %random_town%.

Trouble with your quests? Visit “Sack Exchange”, we're full of experts with answers to your questions.

• Wanted Monster ✔ 12 Mar ’15 ✔

The Furriers Guild is offering a gold brick reward for any %random_monster% captured dead or alive, but only if definitely not alive.

The Transcendentalist Society announces a reward for anyone brave enough to retrieve the venom sac from a mature %monster% in time for tomorrow's session. Fresh or dried acceptable.

• Wanted Artifact ✔ 22 Feb ’15 ✔

An urgent recall had been issued on any %artifact_base% sold since 1750 g.e. A reward for their return is being offered to prevent any further deaths.

A new cap-and-trade scheme on %artifact_base% production has led to a price spike. Sellers are invited to apply for registration for the scheme at any authorised agency.

• Famous Heroes ✔ 9 Mar ’15

Could {|s}he be %random_town%'s most eligible bachelor{|ette}? Our correspondents say, “No.”

• Guild Spotlight 50% 12

• Start ✔ 10 Jun ’18

%guild_name% is in the %v% position in the %pantheon%, unlikely though it seems. Some of the %v% members have been heard calling each other “%high_level_rank%”.

• End

• Other

Accepted Others (excl. conversions): 7 (Mostly Godwiki maintenance requests that needed Admin access)

IQ Conversion

IQ points converted	2500
Gratitude gained	100
Pantheon rank excluding conversions	20th

(Are you having trouble matching up the information above with my Gratitude score? Me too! Sometimes a single 'Awesome Idea' contains more than one item on the above list (e.g., Christmas reindeer were all one idea), and I think I've had a handful of bonus Gratitude points given to me from time to time, either from especially large and good ideas/bug reports, or from other, non-Ideabox things I've done around the place. 🤷‍♂️)

Sigh Djobs

Hero

Side Job

(completed)

Collect 70 accepted corrections

Hero

Side Job

Collect 100 Gratitude points from accepted corrections

Accepted corrections: 95

Hero

Side Job

Have an idea accepted for every Third Eye category

Third Eye categories 27.6% 8/29

• Town and Travel 42.9% 1/7

• Equipment Upgrade ✔ 8 Jul ’19
• Skill Upgrade ✔ 1 Oct ’14
• Purchase of Gold Bricks
• Fishing Results ✔ 28 May ’18 ✔
• Aura End
• Meeting the Guild's Mascot
• Resurrection

• Quests 33.3% 1/3

• Regular Quests ✔ 31 Jan ’15 ✔✔✔
• Epic Quests
• Mini-Quests (endings only)

• Fight Results 0% 0/6

• Sparring
• Arena
• Boss Fight
• Dungeon
• Sail
• Datamine

• Temple and Beyond 40% 1/5

• Temple Bonuses
• Gold Sacrifice in the Temple ✔ 12 Feb ’15
• New Words for the Book
• Savings Deposit ✔ 8 Apr ’18 ✔
• Trading in Own Shop

• Essentials 25% 1/8

• All About Pets
• Level Up
• New Friend
• New Skill ✔ 14 Mar ’15
• Death ✔ 26 Jul ’18 ✔
• Sidejob Reward
• Voice Reward
• Wanted Monster Reward

People's Djoice

A selection of my most popular (by yes/no vote) ideas, either pending review or rejected.

 80   0   0   2  7 Sep ’20, Newspaper/ Daily forecast: Heavy rain has eroded the topsoil, leaving underground lairs close to the surface. Digging or gardening may be hazardous today.

 78   0   0   2  26 Aug ’20, Newspaper/ Wanted artifact: The %random_town% Philosophy Society has declared that owning %artifact% is the only true path to enlightenment, resulting in absurd prices across the land.

 100   1   0   2  5 Sep ’19, Diary/ Guild doctor healing: Why do I even pay my guild fees? The clinic was completely out of lollipops.

 71   1   0   2  1 Nov ’18, Dungeon/ Trap, attacker loses gold: %attacker% poured %gold% into a slot labelled “Insert Coin to Continue”. Nothing happened.

Dərty Rottən Stinkərs

A selection of my least popular (by yes/no vote) ideas. All of these were auto-rejected for being below the 10% yes threshold.

 1   29  2 Jul ’20, Artifact/: nice tnettenba

 1   29  26 Jun ’19, Monster/: Violent Soho

 1   29  14 Mar ’15, Monster/: Fardels Bear

 1   30  4 Feb ’15, Equipment (Legs)/: closed time-like boots

Things Wot I Is

Juliet Whiskey
Foxtrot X-Ray
Papa Romeo

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This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

— Harold Crick

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On average, I'm a good person. What more can you hope for?

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The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.

— Elie Wiesel

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Specialties: Marginalia; Verve and gusto

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Les grandes personnes m’ont conseillé de laisser de côté les dessins de serpents boas ouverts ou fermés, et de m’intéresser plutôt à la géographie, à l’histoire, au calcul et à la grammaire. C’est ainsi que j’ai abandonné, à l’âge de six ans, une magnifique carrière de peintre. J’avais été découragé par l’insuccès de mon dessin numéro 1 et de mon dessin numéro 2. Les grandes personnes ne comprennent jamais rien toutes seules, et c’est fatigant, pour les enfants, de toujours leur donner des explications.

— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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I'm a word nerd. Aren't you?

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We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us.

— Francois de La Rochefoucauld

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Every time I hear the word ‘underlay,’ my brain silently shouts, “¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!”.

Also, when I read ‘rofl’, in my head it sounds like Scooby Doo saying ‘waffle’.

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Lord protect this rocket house, and all who dwell within this rocket house.

— Homer Simpson

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Sometimes I have a narrator in my head. He usually sounds like Morgan Freeman. Sometimes, though, it's Patrick Stewart. When I'm particularly tired or something, they meld together.

I have no idea to this day what those two Klingon ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't wanna know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it cannot be expressed by a Universal Translator, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared boldlier and farther than any life form in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird transported into our drab little cage and made those shields dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last humanoid on the Enterprise felt free.

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(...)Parce que le réflexe de celui qui est cloué au sol à toujours été de tuer celui qui sait voler."

— Jilano Alhuïn