Diet salt

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Artifacts of Godville
Diet salt
diet_salt.jpeg
Type 🧷Normal
Value 82
Description NaCl or KCl with half the calories and none of the flavor.

Diet salt is an artifact known to be a favorite food of the Diet Sprite. Most other inhabitants of Godville cannot stand the stuff, with many a chef quoting the immortal description, "It's salt with half of the calories and none of the flavor."

About

The first recorded reference to diet salt appears in an ancient holy book wherein the God's champion uses it to illustrate a parable. The hero speaks to his followers, saying, "But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot." And, indeed, most gourmands, upon encountering diet salt, will cast it out onto the lawn.

Diet salt was not mass-produced until 590 g.e., when Dessertown military forces, in response to the rapacious approach of the Emperor Nap-Oleo, vowed to burn their crops and salt the earth so he could not use them to feed his own troops. Since the ice cream-maker's guild had long since evacuated, taking with it the storehouse stocks of rock salt used in producing the creamy dessert, General Francis van Illa of the Dessertown army set his units to making the fastest salt they could: diet salt. This was sown into the formerly green hills, leaving the dunes encountered by every visiting hero to this day.

No living creature under Godville's blue sky willingly eats diet salt, except for the Diet Sprite. Attracted by the low-calorie food source, these wafer-thin waifs flock to the Dessertown surrounds and make a thorough infestation of themselves.

Recommendations

Heroes idiotic enough to take diet salt as a trophy are advised to get rid of it as soon as possible. Sell it to a merchant[1], discreetly kick it over the side of the ark into the sea, bury it, or "lose" it in a boss fight. Just don't keep it.

Diet salt comes in two varieties, one being sodium-chloride, and the other being potassium-based. If a hero manages to sell the diet salt, a trader will invariably pay a lower price for the potassium variant, since it's "not even real salt."

References and Footnotes

  1. Several traders are willing to purchase the substance for resale to researchers interested in studying the habits of the Diet Sprite.