Cabbage Patch Squid

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Monsters of Godville
Cabbage Patch Squid
Class Cephalopod
Habitat Salt water, or anywhere else with salt
Description A deadly toy octopus.

The Cabbage Patch Squid (plantarum agri polypusis) is a fearsome, 8-limbed, ink squirting death machine... with an adorable face! Hiding out in coastal areas and cabbage patches everywhere, the cabbage patch squid is as dangerous as it is cute.

Its main weapon: Hurling ink and cliche baby items, such as ice cream, bottles, pacifiers, and so on. The cabbage-patch squid should only be fought by the bravest heroes with the fleetest of feet. Its only other weapon of note is its cutesy sleep inducing voice. However, covering your ears with both hands, shaking your head, and saying "not listening, not listening" over and over is an effective form of defense.

If worst comes to worst, the simplest form of escape is to hurl an empty cardboard box at the cabbage patch squid. It will be captivated, and this will keep it busy for hours. Alternatively, covering your face with your hands will effectively render you invisible. However, this can backfire if the hero in question drops their hands too early, as the torrent of cute baby-like laughter can give the hero an uncontrollable urge to hug the creature, who will promptly attach onto them with its suction cups and begin to feast.



  • Adorable face
  • 8 slimy and powerful limbs
  • Durable plastic construction


  • No-nonsense grandmas
  • The alphabet
  • Bladder control