Bottle of demonade
|Bottle of demonade|
|Description||The refreshing taste of wretchedness|
The Bottle of demonade is a refreshing artifact of Godville which inspired the adage "When life gives you demons, make demonade."
Hell hath no fury, nor visitors. For obvious reasons this subterranean dimension is not the first choice for tourists. But every once in a while some reckless human decides to pay a visit to the underworld; sometimes they bring swords, jewelry, capes... Loress Dram brought a sack of lemons. Yes, really.
When a bunch of devils ambushed him, they saw dozens of lemons pour from his huge sack. The lemons were left there to rot by the demons. But life always finds a way and these lemons evolved to survive in hell, their juice sweet as honey but their thorns the size of a claymore (they became arbusts). This fruit was useless to devils, but appreciated by humans in the form of lemonade. Thus demonade was invented. Small weak demons banded together to start brewing exotic evil lemonade to be sold on the surface.
A market economy is the best system to reap human souls, and devils saw the advantages of tempting barkeepers with demonade rather than particular individuals with tailored wishes. The breweries gain on average 800 minor souls from animals and 300 human souls every year, enough to buy yourself a lavish palace in Hell. Pubs and taverns offer this drink as an outlandish luxury drink. Every bottle is worth around 500 gold coins and sometimes even some personal favours or divine boons. Only traders can drink and sell demonade without putting their souls at risk, because they had none in the first place.
- Baphomet’s Blend: this demonade is a perfectly balanced blend, as all things should be. The lemon, sugar, mint, water and evilness combine like the five arms of a pentagram to take the thirst and heat away. It comes in a towering glass cylinder engraved in five pointed stars and cursed letters.
- Loving Lilith: a drink fit for mischief. The lemon comes with a mix of seven herbs native to Hell that can (and will) wreak havoc on any human’s mind. The subconscious will flood the conscious and sins will be committed. Apart from the debauchery, the herbs give the demonade a spicy and bitter aftertaste that goes well with chips. It’s contained in a crystal sphere with a tiny pointy opening.
- Beelzebub’s Brew: with this demonade the glass will run red. The crimson aspect of this drink comes not from blood but damned souls, the cheapest kind of souls Hell can offer. Drinking may cause involuntary possession as the souls are still mourning in angst inside the glass. Symptoms may include embarrassment, wantonness and death. This one comes inside a sealed tin grail.
- Astaroth’s Apathy: idleness is the rot of the mind, but it is undeniably pleasant. This honeyed beverage drives its drinker into a state of lazyness and uselessness. It renders s/he useless for at least the rest of the night; preparation is recommended when drinking this one. It is bottled in a small and thin flask with a cork.
To serve a proper demonade in the scorching summer heat, one must do as follows:
- Reach for the nearest holy object; trinkets, books, icons and amulets will do. This is meant to protect the bartender’s soul.
- Take the bottle and deposit it on the counter; do so with respect and watchfulness. God knows what this drink could do to the floor.
- Fill a tall glass with ice cubes, and hang a lemon slice on the glass rim.
- Pour the demonade into the glass and hand it to the client. Then back away slowly and reach for both a mop and a knife; risks are to be avoided.