Arctic Monkeys

From GodWiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search
🏚️This defunct guild page is marked for deletion.
The “Arctic Monkeys” guild is not widely known in Godville. However, if you are a member of this guild, feel free to remove this template by deleting {{delete guild}} when editing your guild page.
Check Arctic Monkeys  on Godville — What links hereSearch for Arctic Monkeys on Godwiki

The glorious Arctic Monkeys guild was created by not-so-glorious hero Hans Jonah Jenssen in the Sixth Age of this world. Its name is inspired by the founder's rare and unique external characteristics which are rumored to bear close resemblance to those of the aforementioned animals. Real arctic monkeys that were interviewed on the subject, however, denied seeing any semblance between their appearance and that of the hero. Furthermore, they stated they were deeply offended by the comparison as well as by the hero's choice to name his guild after them, and asked to be quoted on that 'never before had their pride been inflicted such a terrible wound'. Nevertheless, the guild rocks (read: has hit rock bottom upon its creation) and will continue to rock throughout Godville for eons to come.

For whichever (unknown) reasons, the guild somehow managed (shortly after its creation) to inspire the wrath of the venerable Tundra Expedition Society which declared Arctic Monkeys their official enemy. Although not officially confirmed, it is widely speculated that the reason behind this unfortunate act of animosity is a rather embarrassing incident which took place in a field somewhere outside Bumchester. As legend would have it, the founder of the Tundra Expedition Society, Tacitus- (overlooked by his god Taquitos) chanced one fine day upon a spectacle deeply challenging his moral and spiritual beliefs. What he (is said to have) witnessed was a private moment of hero Hans Jonah Jenssen, during which the latter was deeply engrossed in... emptying his bowels. Many excuses could have been made by the defecating hero about his poor health, upset stomach, former terrorized state after Death and Resurrection etc. etc., however the fact remains that his action was like an attack by Orcs: dark, messy and thoroughly wild. Of course, upon witnessing such senseless and degrading vandalism (the field happened to be a tundra field), the founder of the Tundra Expedition Society couldn't but scream 'Defilement! Desecration! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!' at the startled (and still loudly defecating) hero Hans Jonah Jenssen. A battle between the two would have surely unfolded in full scale, however the poisonous fumes originating from Hans Jonah Jenssen as well as the (terrible) sight of his exposed behinds rather drove away the brave Tacitus- in a state of horror and desperation. In a strange development of events, the Arctic Monkeys hero (indeed at the time he is said to have been crouching like a monkey) apparently accepted the Tundra Expedition Society founder's challenge, vowing in return to extinguish him and the rest of the guild from the face of Godville, despite himself being the only member (so far) of his guild and purely good in nature. It appears that Hans Jonah Jenssen felt humiliated during that scene, deeming his exposed buttocks too personal a spectacle to be seen by other heroes, and at the same time he decided to exercise his right and privilege to excrete without annoyances / distractions / interruptions by tundra fanatics. No other official explanation has been provided as to why Arctic Monkeys evoked the other guild's anger and the currently ongoing feud, so many presume this fable to be true.

For certain, hero Hans Jonah Jenssen has promised to update this page with more details about Arctic Monkeys soon, as it is his dear wish to welcome any and all heroes to his guild (especially heroes/heroines that, like him, have been fortunate enough to be blessed with the looks of a monkey and the brains of an oaf). Currently though he appears to be busy washing the river's water, killing time by breaking clocks, and rearranging the desert grain by grain. So watch this space or add his personal god, Waspfactory, as a friend; the latter is, admittedly, a more sane (or saner) individual to communicate with.