Antiskeptic hand wash
|Antiskeptic hand wash|
Originally made by a shy but inventive God, the Antiskeptic hand wash artifact was created to help Him find a follower who would actually believe in His existence. This was due to the fact that He found interacting with any entity, sapient or otherwise, painfully awkward - resulting in potential worshippers becoming bored and disillusioned by the lack of miracles and/or lightening bolts descending upon them. These skeptics would usually wander off, bedazzled by the more socially adept Gods and Goddesses’ miracles.
According to found diary pages, the hand wash first appeared in an agnostic hero’s bag who the God had been watching. He used it after defeating his first monster, finding a golden brick and a cart-load of gold coins. Instantly, having no doubt in his mind that a God was indeed watching over him, he fell to his knees and prayed. The God was so pleased that he forgot about his crippling shyness and cured the hero of all injuries, thus starting an ongoing bond between deity and hero. Stories say that when the hero returned to Godville, he promptly found a suitable location and started a temple to his newfound God.
In reality, he promptly found a tavern, got blindingly drunk and spent most of his coins. In the morning he found a dis-reputable trader and sold the wares from his bag, including the antiskeptic hand wash.
The trader, not knowing the true properties of the hand wash (and not having any soap in the toilet), put it in his customer lavatory without a second thought, but soon put two and two together when he found that customers who had recently used the toilet were completely convinced of the authenticity and effectiveness of some of the shoddiest pieces of equipment he had for sale. When he ran low and not wanting to lose prophets - ahem - he quickly found a clever alchemist who perfectly re-created and mass produced a lifetimes supply for the now extremely rich merchant.
Unfortunately for the trader, however, he had used the hand wash just prior to a robbery in his shop. He was in no doubt that he could easily beat the eight heavily armed men with the feather quill he held in his hand and his basic knowledge of martial arts from reading Kung-fu comics.
The guards eventually managed to find all the body parts but there was no stock of any kind left in the shop. After visiting the little boys room, the chief guard stated that there was no doubt that his his team would find the culprits and missing stock. That was 8 years ago.
The murdering thieves were trampled to death by a Trojan horse not far from Last Resort. They had just prepared some meat for their dinner and washed their hands with hand wash. They were incorrectly confident that the enraged Trojan horse that was galloping full speed towards the rogues would jump over them because one of their party said so... Their loot and juicy bits were divided out between the onlooking, bemused but hungry-eyed monsters.
These days you can find antiskeptic hand wash on the bodies of the monsters that roam the lands of Godville. Apparently, it helps them to actually be monsters instead of trembling, woeful heaps of snivelling cowardice (they developed a doom complex due to the knowledge of impending ‘death by Hero’).
Heroes beware! Not to be used in the wrong hands! Will absolutely wash away those sceptical thoughts, but may also wash away common sense.