User:OhMG

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Deities of Godville
OhMG 
Heroine Pro Tagonist
Personality easily bored
Gender female
⚜️Guild 
Guild by Association
Guild position Guild Founder



Memorable diary entries by Pro Tagonist

Since level 18

Level 26

6/30/2011

  • 20:51: An old mage asked me to look for a new quest. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
  • 20:51: After praying, the priest told me that everything is the will of the goddess, but he didn't specify which one exactly.
  • 20:47: A bottle of vodka, a bear in fur hat, a balalaika, oh my... What a strange dream that was!
  • 20:16: I have successfully completed my quest to 'find out how many pecks of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked', yet nothing has happened.
  • 06:31: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to find out how many pecks of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. I hope that the reward for this will be good.

6/29/2011

  • 17:46: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could paint the grass on this side greener than the other side. Here I am!
  • Running away from an angry mob...
  • 16:57: Somehow I've managed to find out how many roads must a man walk down before he admits he is lost. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.
  • Sometime recently, Oy developed a scary personality

6/28/2011

  • 22:26: Fighting the Sarcastic Samurai is the closest I've been to anyone since my last relationship. So alone.
  • 20:32: An old mage asked me to find out how many roads must a man walk down before he admits he is lost. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
  • 19:51: Quest to 'follow the sun to see where it sleeps at night' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!
  • 18:17: Wondering how many pages of my diary I've wasted writing down useless sentences like this one.
  • 11:14: Hopkinton Rhubarb Iii suddenly rushed past me, finished off the Quantum-Leap Frog, gave me a jaunty wave and disappeared into the woods. I'd better make more friends, it seems they can come in handy sometimes.
  • 08:17: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to follow the sun to see where it sleeps at night. I hope that the reward for this will be good.
  • 07:43: Somehow I've managed to band the wing of a random fallen beast. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.
  • 07:43: Judging by the number of rings on the poor creature other heroes have received this task too...

6/27/2011

  • 22:03: Sang an ancient song of my people. By the way, Almighty, who are my people? Do I belong to some specific ethnic group or race?
  • 17:55: Smiting monsters while sniffing a bunch of wildflowers... Damn I'm good!
  • 17:28: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to band the wing of a random fallen beast. I hope that the reward for this will be good.
  • 16:54: Hope that I won't have to boldly go where thousands have gone before again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 16:54: I have boldly gone where thousands have gone before! Wow, there's a bar here!
  • 07:05: A suspicious stranger told me that if I boldly go where thousands have gone before, I'll probably get a nice reward, but I have a bad feeling about this...
  • Quest #130: Become the 251st member of the guild "diversity" (cancelled)
  • 06:56: Screw this quest. If you didn't try, can you really say you failed?
  • 06:56: I ate a fortune cookie and the note inside said: 'Stop your quest.'
  • 06:56: Walked into a bar... That's going to leave a bruise.
  • 06:55: Seriously, Almighty? You expect me to get up and quest with a hangover like this?
  • 06:55: A mysterious voice whispered gently in my ear: 'Cancel that quest.'
  • Quest #130: Become the 251st member of the guild "diversity" (0%)

6/26/2011

  • 15:40: Hooray! I've reached level 26!

Level 25

6/26/2011

  • 13:24: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could provide the princess with a good night's sleep. Here I am!
  • 12:39: Hope that I won't have to find out who comes up with the quests again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 09:10: Hmm, Oy the dust bunny... What a strange combination. Maybe I should have called him Trojan Horse?
  • 09:03: "Oy the dust bunny" sounds distinguished, doesn't it? My Lady, do you like my pet?

6/25/2011

  • 11:54: Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Oy purred excitedly in anticipation of causing property damage.
  • 11:35: The Ideabox Rejector was gloriously dismembered! Sorting through its remains, I found the last drop of humanity. It will need a good wash before I can sell it.
  • 09:50: An old mage asked me to watch the grass grow. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
  • 09:20: Somehow I've managed to find and use the oldest trick in the book. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
  • 08:43: 'To be or not to be' is a silly question. I get 'to be' by making everything else 'not... to be'. It sounded better in my head before I wrote it down. You know what, Great One, just ignore this entry.

6/24/2011

  • 17:14: Notes from the battlefield: Charli3 is defeated. Pro Tagonist got 666 coins. Pro Tagonist put an unwanted poster, an "Amazing Anatomy" book, a silence-o-meter, a slapstick, a panic button and a lock of Charli3's hair into her bag.
  • 17:58: Notes from the battlefield: Pro Tagonist and Charli3 failed to disperse on the forest path and engaged in mortal combat!
  • 17:56: Went looking for trouble. No luck so far.
  • 14:47: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: find and use the oldest trick in the book.
  • 14:08: Somehow I've managed to find a snow angel with no footprints around it. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.

6/23/2011

  • 12:45: I feel like Oy is trying to tell me something. What exactly could it be?
  • 11:54: Smiting monsters while reading the Godville Times... Damn I am good!

6/22/2011

  • 22:49: I have successfully completed my quest to 'discover what actually killed the cat', yet nothing has happened.
  • 22:42: The Whatchamacallit was eliminated. Found a thingamajig.
  • 21:43: Suddenly felt like I had to make use of the box with a question mark. Shook it as hard as I could and out came a new, shiny golden brick!
  • 21:21: Suddenly felt an urge to open the deus ex machina. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 2213 experience points in the process.
  • 18:12: Tried to rest on a bed of roses. Ouch...
  • 12:22: Somehow I've managed to find out how many heroes it takes to change a lightbulb. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.
  • 09:06: Ran into a dead end. That really hurt.
  • 09:03: Words of wisdom: never scratch your nose while holding a weapon.

6/21/2011

  • 22:15: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to find out how many heroes it takes to change a lightbulb. I hope that the reward for this will be good.
  • 09:02: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: discover the secret ingredient.
  • 08:10: Quest to 'map the dark side of the moon' was a triumph! I'm making a note here: huge success. Got a golden brick.
  • 08:10: Just as I finished, an army of armed green men surrounded me and forced me to give them the map.

6/20/2011

  • 21:25: It turns out that a dust bunny sure can come in handy! Who knew that I could polish my armor by rubbing it on his coat?
  • 19:54: Words of wisdom: never scratch your nose while holding a weapon.
  • 17:19: The local sheriff asked me to map the dark side of the moon. I don't want to go to jail, so I'd better do it.
  • 16:47: Quest to 'train a crouching tiger to find the hidden dragon' was a triumph! I'm making a note here: huge success. Got a golden brick.
  • 07:55: Hooray! I've reached level 25!

Level 24

6/19/2011

  • 22:01: Walked across a pond. Wait... what just happened?
  • 21:55: I've managed to find the missing piece of the puzzle. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
  • 21:55: Eww, the dog ate it!
  • Oy now has a skittish personality

6/18/2011

  • 20:42: Saw an arrow and wondered why it was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • 18:32: A wandering monk saw my pet and said something about training, carrots and sticks... When Oy beat him with a stick, the monk treated me with a carrot. We shared some buns with him. I have to say, monks are odd fellows.
  • 17:50: A suspicious stranger told me that if I slam the revolving door, I'll get a nice reward, probably. I have a bad feeling about this...
  • 17:21: Hope that I won't have to sew a stitch in time again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 10:02: Came across a board game in the forest that was playing itself. Felt an eerie sense of compassion for it.
  • 09:55: Helped a wandering yogi untangle his feet from behind his neck.
  • 09:45: Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Oy has already mastered the "Stare blankly ahead" command.
  • 04:30: An old mage asked me to sew a stitch in time. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.

6/17/2011

  • 22:16: Practiced falling down to get myself ready for the next battle.
  • 20:57: Ate. Prayed. Killed something.
  • 19:10: The local sheriff asked me to come up with a better catch phrase. I don't want to go to jail, so I'd better do it.
  • 18:31: I have successfully completed my quest to 'see if the pen really is mightier than the sword', yet nothing has happened.
  • 18:31: Chopped a bunch of pens and pencils with my sword. What am I doing wrong?
  • 08:07: Almighty, I prayed and spent 416 coins on you... Why don't you pray and spend money on me?
  • 07:06: Oy fetched a dead rat from somewhere and proudly laid it at my feet. What is this? A sacrifice?
  • 06:54: Finally found the right path. Yeah, I'm sure about it.
  • 06:53: "Oy the dust bunny" sounds distinguished, doesn't it? My Lady, do you like my pet?
  • 06:13: A cute little girl wearing a nekomimi asked me to see if the pen really is mightier than the sword. It's a bit weird, but why not embark upon this quest?
  • 05:28: Quest to 'fill in a black hole' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!

6/16/2011

  • 21:11: Searched for memory lane, but couldn't remember the directions.
  • 20:46: Ketums child has been defeated. And so it will be with all the others!
  • 20:46: Notes from arena battle: Ketums child begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner got richer by 539 coins and a golden brick.
  • 20:29: Notes from arena battle: Pro Tagonist and Ketums child look at each other appraisingly. The audience watches with anticipation.
  • 20:28: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered a "How to Breed a Hero" manual, a two-pound dumbbell, and a gilded fleece under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 20:27: Suddenly found myself completely healthy, standing in the arena. No doubt the Almighty wants me to kick somebody's arse!
  • 20:01: Couldn't remember how to throw this boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.
  • 08:03: Erased a couple of obscene entries from the diary in case Most Righteous One was watching.
  • 07:50: Gave a one armed man a hand.
    • Tamed a new pet around 3am: a dust bunny named "Oy"
  • 06:17: Visited the zoo and fed some hungry trolls.
  • 06:13: Attempted to be witty.
  • Trying to negotiate a 3 for 2 discount with the undertaker...
  • Saving before getting to town...
  • The heroine is feeling homesick...
  • 00:53: Quest to 'pull a hat out of a rabbit' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 00:53: That hat was hard to reach, but I got it. Magic!

6/15/2011

  • 23:59: Saw a notice posted by the roadside that said: 'Do not feed the bear.'
  • 19:56: Did the hokey pokey and turned myself around... Drat! Now I'm not sure which direction I was going...
  • Returning to civilization by following a trail of beer bottles...
  • Trying to find some strong alcohol to cure a headache...
  • 18:20: I put a bandage on a nasty cut. Why do monsters have such sharp claws, teeth, and other pointy bits?
  • 18:18: Paid 24 gold coins to the racketeer-gatekeeper at the city gate.
  • Moonwalking back to town...
  • 18:12: Decided to go back to town. I need some rest and treatment.
  • Sleepwalking back to civilization...
  • Running back to town for food and shelter...
  • Looking forward to a warm bath and a nice tankard of beer...
  • Back to town to replenish beer supplies...
  • 18:06: Clear weather and no clouds. Hm, must not be any gods around today.
  • 17:55: I may be lost, but I am definitely making good time.
    • Just noticed Guild by Association rank has increased to "Advisor"
  • 17:48: Eek! Maybe I shouldn't stop in the middle of a fight to write diary entries.
  • 17:45: Great One, I've chanted prayers for so long that my tongue has knotted! Have you forsaken me?
  • 17:45: I left my prayer book somewhere, so I had to improvise. I hope my prayer wasn't that bad.
  • 17:26: My arm just fell off. Oh well, it's just a flesh wound.
  • 17:24: A Grayscaled Dragon is bothering travelers. Maybe I should do something about it... like "kill the Grayscaled Dragon".
  • 17:42: Was resurrected in a metropolitan temple by the will of the Almighty. Thank you, Great One!
  • 17:41: Of all the things in the world, I like shoes the most and being dead the least. Too bad I can't have a drink instead of dying.
  • 17:31: Boredom forced me to study a nearby anthill. Earned a bit of experience.
  • 17:27: I died by the hand of the Grayscaled Dragon but my name will live on!
  • 17:23: Saw a sign that said: 'Warning: Watch out for Signs!'
  • 15:26: Attack is the best defense, therefore retreating must be the best attack.
  • 15:39: Hopkinton Rhubarb III took the monster aside, giving me plenty of time to get away. Don't worry, Garlic Elemental, I'll get you next time!
  • 09:51: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to pull a hat out of a rabbit.
  • 09:02: I've managed to paint the town red somehow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.
  • 09:02: Met the next morning with a terrible headache but it was worth it. The citizens of this town will be thoroughly confused for a while.
  • 08:12: Why do I have a feeling that I've been here before... Ah, never mind.
  • 07:48: Hopkinton Rhubarb III took the monster aside, giving me plenty of time to get away. Don't worry, Brass Monkey, I'll get you next time!

6/14/2011

  • 23:47: This diary entry was removed due to a copyright claim by Copyright Claim Inc.
  • 23:08: Erased a couple of obscene entries from the diary in case my Goddess was watching.
  • Unsuccessfully trying to look cool...
  • Bragging about her arena wins...
  • 22:00: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to paint the town red.
  • 21:56: Saw another hero's god in my dreams. My Lady, give me a sign of your presence, I beg you... I feel so lonely.
  • 21:42: BigMan has been defeated. And so it will be with all the others!
  • 21:42: Notes from arena battle: BigMan begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner got richer by 678 gold coins and a golden brick. As a sign of heroic solidarity, the winner returned 179 gold coins to her rival for medicine.
  • 21:25: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - BigMan. In the blue corner - Pro Tagonist. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 21:25: Found a pile of new artifacts still warm from materialization: a torrent-cracker, a vial of breadcrumbs, and a fortune-teller's kit. Splendid, I'll swap them for a drink tonight.
  • 21:25: The earth shook, the wind whistled in my ears, I spun and landed in the center of the arena... My Goddess, I know what you mean! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?
    • Just noticed that Sneezy's corpse is no longer listed in my inventory. Looks like I'm in the market for a new pet.
  • 21:14: Da nit I ne d to buy a new pen, th s on is run ing ou of ink.
  • 20:58: Quest to 'take part in the search for the Holy Packet' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!
  • 20:58: I doubt they search for it in the right way. It might be better to ping at least...
  • 17:11: From now on, this Ideabox Rejector won't be a threat to anyone.
  • 08:49: Where's page 404 of my diary? Can't find it.
  • 08:31: A suspicious stranger told me that if I take part in the search for the Holy Packet, I'll get a nice reward, probably. I have a bad feeling about this...
  • 08:05: A tough slog through rain, sleet, and then snow.
  • 07:57: Following a sudden desire, I peeked into my knapsack and found three bold trophies missing, but, fortunately, discovered three golden bricks in their place. That's what I call a true miracle!
  • 07:54: Quest to 'put one foot in front of the other' was a triumph! I'm making a note here: huge success. Got a golden brick.
    • Quest Put one foot in front of the other (completed)
  • 07:54: Step by step, day by day...
  • 12:44 am: achieved a new level

Level 23

6/13/2011

  • 20:54: Stepped on an ant and killed it. Cried for the next hour.
  • 20:06: During a rest by the wayside, met Hopkinton Rhubarb III and borrowed his diary to read. The writing is so similar... We're obviously soulmates.
  • 17:28: An old mage asked me to put one foot in front of the other. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
  • 16:49: Quest to 'find the missing piece of the puzzle' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
  • 16:49: Eww, the dog ate it!
  • 16:34: Ate. Prayed. Killed something.
  • 16:15: While sitting at a rest stop, I cried a little for the untimely passing of my pet. Oh, Sneezy, Sneezy...
  • 11:52: LordRaiden has been defeated. And so it will be with all the others!
  • 11:52: Notes from arena battle: LordRaiden begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner receives a golden brick and 944 gold coins.
  • 11:35: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - LordRaiden. In the blue corner - Pro Tagonist. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 11:34: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered a daylight torch, a gilded fleece, and a recipe for disaster under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 11:34: The earth shook, the wind whistled in my ears, I spun and landed in the center of the arena... My Goddess, I know what you mean! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?

6/11/2011

  • 17:16: Met Hopkinton Rhubarb III, borrowed some food and a couple of healing potions. Feeling much better now.
  • 12:46: I found a house divided. It couldn't stand.
  • 12:44: I've managed to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring somehow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
  • 12:44: They say it can't be done. Ha.
  • 06:12: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Hopkinton Rhubarb III there. Drank from a mug to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time.

6/10/2011

  • 22:50: I have successfully completed my quest to 'find a better megaphone for my deity', yet nothing has happened.
  • 22:50: I found a hi-fi loudspeaker and sacrificed it at a local temple, but the sacrificial fire damaged it beyond all repair. Shucks.
  • 19:05: Following a sudden desire, I peeked into my knapsack and found one golden brick where a bold trophy used to be. That's what I call a true miracle!
  • 13:00: Found pages from someone else's diary flying in the wind. I'd be horribly embarrassed if someone was reading my most personal thoughts... Oh, who am I kidding? I read them anyway.
  • 12:55: Saw a notice posted by the roadside that said: 'You are entering Bat Country. Beware!'
  • 07:03: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to find a better megaphone for my deity.
  • 06:35: A wandering monk said that the gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
  • 06:33: Quest to 'make an appointment at a local cloister to learn how to access the astral plane' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 06:33: Lady, I'm going to the astral plane, don't expect me back too soon!

6/9/2011

  • 21:45: The Peanut Butter Jellyfish was beaten to death. I found 24 coins and a chip off an old block.
  • 20:01: My pet is full of surprises. It looks like Sneezy has tamed a flea! Now he's trying to teach it some tricks.
  • 16:55: Performed a leap of faith, but ended up flat on the ground anyway.
  • 15:47: A suspicious stranger told me that if I make an appointment at a local cloister to learn how to access the astral plane, I'll get a nice reward, probably. I have a bad feeling about this...
    • this makes 100 quests!
  • 15:34: Wrote some poetic verses about my journey. They were too good to keep for myself, so I performed them in front of an adoring audience of peasants. They said I have talent.
    • Hoping food will fall from the sky and gold coins will grow on trees...
    • Telling stories about her heroic deeds...
    • Eating a forbidden fruit....
  • 15:07: Quest to 'find my lost marbles' was a triumph! I'm making a note here: huge success. Got a golden brick.
  • 15:07: Finally found some marbles. Everyone still seems to think they're lost, though!
  • 14:58: I've always wondered... Why does everyone want to kill me? Am I that annoying, my Lady? Please tell me I'm not! Please!
  • 13:47: Sometimes I feel that life is an endless series of quests.
  • 13:38: I'm feeling a little paranoid. Every time I leave town I get attacked by monsters.
  • 12:55: Rested. Now it's time to get back to business.
  • 12:54: Tried asking the local doctor out on a date, but got a very painful injection instead.
  • 12:54: Sweetster was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
  • 12:54: Notes from arena battle: Sweetster begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner got richer by 1086 gold coins and a golden brick.
  • 12:33: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - Pro Tagonist. In the blue corner - Sweetster. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 12:32: Almost instantly after teleporting to the Godville Arena, the sky began raining trophies. I added a hallpass, a gilded fleece, and an escape key to my bag.
  • 12:32: The earth shook, the wind whistled in my ears, I spun and landed in the center of the arena... My Goddess, I know what you mean! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?
  • 11:37: Sneezy sat aside to watch my epic battle with the monster. You're so worthless, rocky raccoon.
  • 10:03: Stumbled across a sign that read: 'Ignore these four words.'
  • 08:39: Hopkinton Rhubarb III suddenly rushed past me, barked "Hi", and finished off the Zombo-Wirt. I'd better make more friends, it seems they can come in handy sometimes.
  • 06:39: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.
  • 06:16: I feel like Sneezy is trying to tell me something. I wonder, what exactly could it be?

6/8/2011

  • 19:56: Writing this diary entry with a broken pencil. It's pointless.
  • 19:53: What did I just step in? Oh, never mind.
  • 16:12: Ogled at a black creature covered in caution tape. It seemed like something I should avoid.
  • 14:17: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: look a gift horse in the mouth.
  • 14:11: Had some fun at the 'Progress Bar.' Spent 405 coins.
    • Stocking up on cosmetics for the journey ahead...
    • Flirting with anyone who accidentally makes eye contact...
    • Hoping food will fall from the sky...
  • 14:05: Thought that maybe I should try dating some fellow adventurers. Trouble is, they all seem to be too busy writing in their diaries. Losers.
  • 13:43: I'm back in town! Home sweet home!
  • 13:42: Hunted down some evil witches in exchange for 122 gold coins from the local church.
  • 13:39: Attaching the recently buttered toast to the bottom of my sandals gave me the power of levitation. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.
  • 13:35: Heard a bloodcurdling scream. Good thing I don't have much blood left to be curdled.
  • 13:32: I almost got killed by a shooting star.
  • 13:28: Saw lightning bolts on the horizon and a hero trying to avoid the wrath of his god. Poor guy... Our relationship, Almighty One, is much better - complete harmony and understanding.
  • 13:25: Hope that I won't have to make an appointment at a local cloister to learn how to access the astral plane again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 13:25: Lady, I'm going to the astral plane, don't expect me back too soon!
  • 13:25: Felt itchy. Scratched.
  • 06:08: Almighty, I've chanted prayers for so long that my tongue has knotted! Hab du pfursakn be?
  • 06:06: Accidentally knocked over a holy relic inside the temple. Quickly swept the shards under the carpet before any divine being could notice.
  • 06:05: I was resurrected in a city temple by the will of the Almighty. Thank you, Great One!
  • 04:53: Mighty One, I'm dead! Don't you know any cheat codes?...
  • 02:46: Time... is... passing... so... slowly...
  • 02:12: I have decided to not see death as the end but rather a more effective way of cutting down on my expenses.
  • 02:02: That does it! Great One, can you make me a bird in my next life?
  • 01:57: What a nice day to die... Asked the Angry Bird to tell the Great One that I love her.
  • 01:57: MEDIC! I need a medic over here!
  • 01:52: Sneezy came closer and started licking my wounds. Suddenly I felt better, even without all these sword-puncture sessions.

6/7/2011

  • 17:58: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to make an appointment at a local cloister to learn how to access the astral plane.
  • Temple construction: 17:32 - 17:43
    1. Chasing construction workers all over the place, threatening them with a bricklayer's trowel...
    2. Mixing cement with her feet...
    3. Carefully examining construction materials...
    4. Building a mock temple out of sand...
    5. Thinking about how much these bricks cost and crying...
    6. Carefully examining construction materials...
    7. Mixing cement with her feet...
    8. Chasing construction workers all over the place, threatening them with a bricklayer's trowel...
    9. Carefully examining construction materials...
    10. Mixing cement with her feet...
    11. Exhausted, finishing construction...
  • 17:32: They had nothing in my size. What a pity.
  • 17:32: I had to grovel at the merchant's feet to buy this golden brick. That was a bit humiliating.
  • 17:31: Shelled out 193 gold coins for a second-aid kit. You can never be over-prepared for a long journey.
  • 17:29: It looks like being your prophet has made me a profit, Mighty One. Off to the tavern!
  • 17:00: I've managed to go where the wind never blows. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
    • Quest "go where the wind never blows" has been completed!
  • 15:56: Hooray! I've reached level 23!

Level 22

6/7/2011

  • 14:42: Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Sneezy purred excitedly in anticipation of the combing.
  • 14:21: My wounds are healing, the holes in my outfit are disappearing, and even my pathetic life is starting to look better. My Lady, I think I shall do something great and stupid in your honor!
  • 09:06: Suddenly felt an urge to examine the continuum transfunctioner. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 2992 experience points in the process.
  • 04:41: I was walking along a path when I noticed a long trail of wilted flowers behind me... I believe it's time I took a bath.
  • 03:16: Quest to 'mow the surrounding lawn' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 03:16: Well, I guess there isn't a creature over three inches tall left now.

6/6/2011

  • 22:35: Note to self: Don't join dangerous cults - practice safe sects!
  • 22:30: For a huge pile of gold coins I bought just one single golden brick. But it was worth every coin! I must say that this is the perfect form for each and every lump of gold.
  • 22:28: I'm so broke, I can't even afford to pay attention.
  • 13:04: A suspicious stranger told me that if I mow the surrounding lawn, I'll get a nice reward, probably. I have a bad feeling about this...
  • 12:31: I've managed to find the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything somehow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go and bust a move.
  • 12:31: Don't panic. Here is the answer.
  • 12:07: Gdawg ran out of the bushes shouting, "Pro Tagonist, I'm coming!", tripped and rolled head over heels into the gully. Well, you know what they say - if you want something done right, do it yourself.
  • 11:59: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and meowed. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a chastity belt spanner. What a clever pet!
  • 11:56: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Hrun there. Drank from a mug to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time.
  • 07:06: It's amazing how much I write in this thing!

6/5/2011

  • 22:01: Ran into Hopkinton Rhubarb III. He distracted the monster with some magic tricks, giving me time for a quick prayer.
  • 22:01: I met a suspicious stranger in the tavern. He mumbled something about a secret religious organization that needed a brave hero who could find the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. Here I am!
  • [Something compelled me to assume this quest - Become the 222nd member of the guild "seven winds home" - Fortunately, OhMG was on the ball and stopped me in time...]
    • 21:45: Screw this quest. If you didn't try, can you really say you failed?
    • 21:44: I ate a fortune cookie and the note inside said: 'Stop your quest! Cancel your quest!'
    • 21:44: Did someone just say, 'Cancel that quest!', to me or not? Either way, I don't care.
    • 21:43: A voice from the skies thundered: 'Stop your quest! Cancel your quest!' Nice.
    • 21:42: I suddenly heard a thunderous voice in my head: 'Stop! Stop! Stop!' That was stunning.
    • 21:42: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No... it's a dragon... A big dragon... A big, hungry looking dragon... I'll just run away now.
    • 21:41: They say that the rule is quest tomorrow and quest yesterday, but never quest today.
    • 21:41: A voice from the skies shouted: 'Cancel questing at once!' Funny.
    • 21:41: Seriously, Almighty? You expect me to get up and quest with a hangover like this?
    • 21:41: I just heard a voice in my head say: 'Cancel that quest!' My goddess, is that you or am I going crazy?
    • 21:38: Wanted to see time fly, so I threw a clock. Nothing happened.
  • 21:32: I woke up in a cold sweat. Had a nightmare that my life was someone else's game...
  • 20:52: Hope that I won't have to teach a pig to fly again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 20:52: Pushed the pig off the cliff. It flew down and disappeared in the mist. He left his teacher behind, that ungrateful beast!
  • 20:41: Looked at the sun for some time and happened to see a halo. I hope my relationship with my goddess has improved.
  • 20:28: Bought a fortune cookie. It tasted good but that piece of paper inside is always difficult to swallow.
  • 19:39: Sneezy cuddled up to my bruise and sighed. Suddenly I felt a little bit better.
  • 11:27: Ni Knight was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
  • 11:27: Notes from arena battle: Ni Knight is on his knees. Pro Tagonist salutes to somewhere above! The winner got richer by 949 coins and a golden brick.
  • 11:05: Notes from arena battle: Pro Tagonist and Ni Knight look at each other appraisingly. The audience watches with anticipation.
  • 11:02: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered a constant variable, a rung off the career ladder, and an inquisitor's starter kit under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 11:02: The earth shook, the wind whistled in my ears, I spun and landed in the center of the arena... My Goddess, I know what you mean! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?

6/4/2011

  • 18:42: Hmm, Sneezy the rocky raccoon... What a strange combination. Maybe I should have called him Kelsun?
  • 17:16: It turns out that a rocky raccoon sure can come in handy! Who knew that I could polish my armor by rubbing it on his coat?
  • 16:56: A ray of healing light shone on me from the sky. It's nice to have a personal goddess...
  • 16:56: A flower suddenly shot up and blossomed next to me. Neat.
  • 16:56: Something good and nice-smelling poured from the sky over my pet. Sneezy is smiling happily.
  • 16:42: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to summon an evil demon and tease it by calling it names and sticking out my tongue. I hope that the reward for this will be good.
  • 15:51: Quest to 'clear the skeletons from the closet' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!
  • 15:51: Closet is clean, and found portal to somewhere in the process.
  • 15:50: Hello, Mighty One! It's me, the lonely heroine. Could you send me a sign?
  • 15:25: Almost went crazy trying to catch a strange moving red dot.
  • 15:13: Passing the point of no returns, refunds or exchanges.
  • 13:56: AnnaLeeChace was removed from my potential threats list. She will remember not to stand in my way again.
  • 13:56: Notes from arena battle: AnnaLeeChace begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner receives a golden brick and 900 coins.
  • 13:44: The strange radiance around me has finally disappeared. It looks like my aura of pacifism has expired.
  • 13:37: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - AnnaLeeChace. In the blue corner - Pro Tagonist. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 13:36: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered a wet blanket, a jar of traffic jam, and a cat in the bag under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 13:36: My vision suddenly went dark and my ears began to pound... Once I had recovered, I found myself at the center of an arena with a strong desire to kick some butt in the name of the Exalted One!
  • 12:43: I heard some strange rattling and rumbling noises coming from my backpack, then a glowing rainbow aura of pacifism spread around me. It will come in handy.
  • 09:50: I wish I could write as mysteriously as a cat.
  • 07:34: Sneezy sat aside to watch my epic battle with the monster. You're so worthless, rocky raccoon.

6/3/2011

  • 21:49: Hmm, Sneezy the rocky raccoon... Doesn't sound right. Maybe I should have called him Dracona?
  • 21:37: A priest told me that faith moves mountains. Donated 126 gold coins in the hopes of acquiring that skill someday.
  • 18:04: I was writing a terrifying story about an epic battle with a cruel monster, but the diary entry appeared to be limited to 140 characters.
  • 17:31: It turns out that a rocky raccoon sure can come in handy! Who knew it would made such a good footstool when I rest by the roadside?
  • 17:27: Saw a big red dot on the ground. Next to it were the words, 'You are here'. Felt a wave of paranoia...
  • 17:19: 'I am Pro Tagonist, Like OhMG, Fer sure! Raaaaaaaargh!' Great One, what do you think? Does it sound impressive?
  • 14:02: Please, Soul Supreme, stop refreshing every few seconds. It's driving me nuts.
  • 13:59: Clouds of thick, dirty fumes billow out from smokestacks in Godville. The stench is overpowering...

5/27/2011

  • 13:24: An old sage from the ivory tower asked me to add insult to injury. I hope that the reward for this will be good.
  • 12:51: Quest to 'think of a witty quest idea' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.

6/2/2011

  • 23:59: Returned to the point of no return in my mission.
  • 21:11: Hello, my Lady! It's me, the lonely heroine. Could you send me a sign? Like a cold beer or something?
  • 16:55: While the enemy was taking a time-out, Hopkinton Rhubarb III helped me cleanse my wounds and fed me some delicious fresh buns.
  • 10:41: I was bored to tears, so I decided to buy a goose that lays golden eggs and mold the eggs into golden bricks. This should be interesting.
  • 10:39: If I pray hard enough, maybe the Omnipotent One will change the color of my eyes to green. Then they'd match my armor!
  • 10:35: Was dreaming of a puppy, but was awakened by a sharp poke.
  • 10:05: Quest to 'summon an evil demon and tease it by calling it names and sticking out my tongue' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 10:05: Next time I'd better ask him for something. The ingredients are too expensive!
  • 07:48: Carefully examined my pet as I tried to figure out how he heals so quickly. Sneezy calmly wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
  • 07:38: Felt butterflies in my stomach. I guess eating those caterpillars the other day was a bad idea.
  • 07:31: Combed the desert. Didn't find a thing, but it has nice patterns now.
  • 07:28: To hell with glory and heroic deeds! My life is more important. I've gotta find a healer.
  • 07:28: Feeling weak, I used up my kinetic energy bar. But instead of feeling better, I suddenly felt more experienced. I'd better start paying more attention to the labels when I buy this kind of stuff...
  • 07:14: A fierce rustling in my backpack ended with an aura of reviving appearing around me. It's always good to have light when you travel.
  • 06:55: I've been wondering: how do I fit all of this loot into my pants, and how do these monsters carry it all?
  • 06:41: I purchased 21 coins for 21 coins. I think it was a fair deal.
  • 06:34: I healed my broken limbs with a reserve stimpack.
  • 06:35: Sigfrido was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
  • 06:34: Notes from arena battle: Sigfrido is on his knees. Pro Tagonist salutes to somewhere above! The winner got richer by 2092 coins and a golden brick. The loser cadged 98 coins back.
  • 06:08: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - Pro Tagonist. In the blue corner - Sigfrido. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 06:07: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered a token ring, a death note, and an unused icon under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 06:07: The earth shook, the wind whistled in my ears, I spun and landed in the center of the arena... My Goddess, I know what you mean! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?
  • 06:06: Suddenly, I banged my head against thick air. It's as if there was an invisible wall there... or am I subconsciously learning how to mime?
  • 05:21: I live for the Great One, I die for... um... what exactly?
  • 01:21: Achieved Level 22

Level 21

6/1/2011

  • 22:02: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: summon an evil demon and tease it by calling it names and sticking out my tongue.
  • 22:02: I left my prayer book somewhere, so I had to improvise. I hope my prayer wasn't that bad.
  • 22:00: Lit a candle for the peace of slaughtered monsters' souls.
  • 21:58: I had a dream - I was sitting in a stuffy, overcrowded office doing useless and tedious things. Exalted One, that was really horrible.
  • 21:56: Had a good rest.
  • Slowly regaining unconsciousness...
  • 21:28: Hope that I won't have to grant political asylum to the dethroned king from the neighbor country again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 21:28: I think that this jerry-built shack will be great for His Dethroned Majesty.
  • 19:15: Dirtface was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
  • 19:15: Notes from arena battle: Dirtface begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner receives a golden brick and 622 gold coins.
  • 19:02: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - Pro Tagonist. In the blue corner - Dirtface. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 19:02: Time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?
  • 19:01: A stranger came close to me and whispered: 'Never talk to strangers.'
  • 19:00: My pockets are packed to the brim. Need to unload them in town.
  • 18:17: Wanted to see time fly, so I threw a clock. It wasn't as much fun as I've been told.
  • 14:23: Nobody told me that there'd be days like these.
  • 14:17: Attempted to be witty.
  • 09:58: Attaching the recently buttered toast to the bottom of my sandals gave me the power of levitation. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.
  • 08:13: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the deus ex machina. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Nice.
  • 08:03: Helped a wandering yogi untangle his feet from behind his neck.
  • 07:36: The mayor of the town asked me to grant political asylum to the dethroned king from the neighbor country. I sense profit!
  • 07:20: Did the hokey pokey and turned myself around... Drat! Now I'm not sure which direction I was going...
  • 07:04: Quest to 'pin the tail on the donkey' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!
  • 07:04: I did it! The poor donkey ran away with a tail on it's head.

5/31/2011

  • 19:22: Seriously considered procrastinating, but decided to put it off until later.
  • 18:57: It is said that pets are like their owners. I'm watching mine and don't want to believe that.
  • 16:20: An old mage asked me to pin the tail on the donkey. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
  • 15:45: Quest to 'determine the terminal airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
  • 15:45: Darn, I forgot to ask whether it's an African swallow or a European swallow.
  • 09:31: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No... it's a dragon. I'll just run away now.
  • 08:44: It turns out that a rocky raccoon sure can come in handy! Who knew they were so good at fetching beers?
  • 08:37: What's the deal, Mighty One? I passed another coffee shop with a mermaid sign. That's like five in a row.
  • 07:10: Sorry this is such a one-sided conversation, Great One. How was your day?
  • 07:07: Saw a pack of rabid fanboys. I made sure to keep my distance from them.

5/30/2011

  • 21:58: Sneezy buried the "Watchmen" guild membership card that he found. Was that his way of showing contempt for that guild?
  • 21:47: Accidentally burned down a magical forest. Oops.
  • 21:13: The captain of the city guard ordered me to determine the terminal airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Sir, yes, sir!
  • 21:06: I didn't know that Sneezy hisses disgustingly while he sleeps. What a silly pet.
  • 20:41: Quest to 'take part in the search for the Holy Packet' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 20:41: I doubt they search for it in the right way. It might be better to ping at least...
  • 20:07: Heard a tree fall in the forest while nobody was around.
  • 14:46: Mortsouhait has been defeated. And so it will be with all the others!
  • 14:45: Notes from arena battle: Mortsouhait begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner got richer by 2 gold coins and a golden brick.
  • 14:27: Notes from arena battle: Pro Tagonist and Mortsouhait look at each other appraisingly. The audience watches with anticipation.
  • 14:22: My vision suddenly went dark and my ears began to pound... Once I had recovered, I found myself at the center of an arena with a strong desire to kick some butt in the name of the Almighty!
  • 09:23: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: take part in the search for the Holy Packet.
  • 08:47: Quest to 'find the middle of nowhere' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.

5/29/2011

  • 19:13: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Takeshii there. Drank from a mug to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time.
  • 19:04: I ran into a brick wall with half-faded words written on it: 'please can you stop dying all the time?! thank you.'
  • 18:24: The captain of the city guard ordered me to find the middle of nowhere. Sir, yes, sir!
  • 05:02: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to roll a rock up a hill.
  • 04:27: quest completed

5/28/2011

  • 21:40: Severed a piece of the monster to check out what was inside. Unfortunately, there was no candy.
  • 19:57: Tried to hypnotize the trader with a swinging pendulum. Hmm, suddenly I'm getting awfully sleepy...
  • 18:51: The local sheriff asked me to discover who sits at the head of the Round Table. I don't want to go to jail, so I'd better do it.
  • 18:47: I had a dream - I was sitting in a stuffy, overcrowded office doing useless and tedious things. Great One, that was really horrible.
  • 18:27: Just beat a mime at a game of charades.
  • 18:18: I have successfully completed my quest to 'kill ten boars', yet nothing has happened.
  • 18:18: Couldn't find any boars, yet have chopped plenty of other brutes.
  • 13:23: Found a mountain cave that had been ransacked by clowns. I took some beer from a blood-covered barrel. I think I saw some cat corpses too.
  • 11:03: Oh Great One, is there any hope of me becoming famous one day?
  • 10:01: During a rest by the wayside, met Takeshii and borrowed his diary to read. The writing is so similar... We're obviously soulmates.
  • 09:56: Participated in a banana-throwing contest with the local monkeys. Now I'm "fruited up" beyond all recognition.
  • 09:42: Bought off the monster with a gold piece.
  • 09:34: Studied the gift of fate, pulled the imperceptible ring... and it disappeared with a clap. Hey, where's my gift?
  • 04:26: Quest to 'find a ghost in the shell and perform a rite of exorcism' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 04:26: I bruised him a little, crumpled his helm and wrote some ribald runes on the cuirass. Maybe he was not such a ghost, but it is hard to judge through the shell.
  • 00:22: Sneezy almost fell off a cliff chasing a flock of lemmings. Oh, what if he had fallen?

5/27/2011

  • 22:46: I remember tons of booze, more booze and... yeah. Now I'm missing 2676 coins from my purse. My goddess, I really should give up drinking.
  • 22:07: Hmm, Sneezy the rocky raccoon... The name doesn't exactly strike fear into your heart. Maybe I should have called him Disgusting Murdersquito?
  • 21:40: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the box with a question mark. My senses didn't let me down - found 4948 coins inside!
  • 21:37: Learned new skill: "strong brow"!
  • 21:37: Hooray! I've reached level 21!

Level 20

  • 21:32: I fell off a cliff and discovered gravity. Again.
  • 20:29: Sneezy refuses to pull the cart that I found in a ravine. Naughty rocky raccoon! Now I have to leave a perfectly good cart on the road.
  • 20:27: A swarm of pretty warblers came out of nowhere and landed on me. Great One, could you please stop with these special effects and make yourself useful?
  • 20:04: Hmm, Sneezy the rocky raccoon... The name doesn't exactly strike fear into your heart. Maybe I should have called him Sovellis?
  • Searching for the right path by yelling 'Marco' while heading towards the 'Polo'....
  • 19:43: Found out that toxic waste doesn't give superpowers.
  • 19:10: The trader was so surprised to see the indifference engine, he immediately gave me 644 gold coins for the worthless thing. To the tavern!
  • 19:05: Strange words came in a puff of smoke: 'You can best praise me by this: go out and learn something new!'
  • 19:05: Jokers revenge has been defeated. And so it will be with all the others!
  • 19:05: Notes from arena battle: Jokers revenge is unconscious. Pro Tagonist successfully fulfilled the plan of praising her deity! The winner got richer by 918 gold coins and a golden brick.
  • 18:49: Notes from arena battle: In the red corner of the arena - Jokers revenge. In the blue corner - Pro Tagonist. The judge gives the go-ahead and the duel begins!
  • 18:48: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered a hallpass, an empty cookie jar, and a one-eyed skull under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 18:48: Time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?
  • 18:43: Sneezy fetched a dead rat from somewhere and proudly laid it at my feet. What is this? A sacrifice?
  • 18:36: The lady in the lake kept beckoning me towards her. Weirdo...
  • 18:32: Sneezy is a good companion to me. He even licked my wounds clean after the last battle. Either that or I forgot to feed him...
  • 18:31: Just saw a woodchuck chucking wood. Hmm...
  • 14:30: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: find a ghost in the shell and perform a rite of exorcism.
  • 14:30: I beg thee, Omnipotent One! Heal my hangover and punish those cats that were screaming last night. Here is something for you - 102 coins.
  • 14:25: Awoke with the head of a horse in my bed... What the heck happened last night?
  • 14:24: I didn't know that Sneezy roars while he sleeps. What a silly pet.
  • 14:24: Had a good rest.
  • 13:56: Quest to 'replace Adam's apple with a pear' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
  • 13:55: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and meowed. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a figure of speech. What a clever pet!
    • meowed??

5/26/2011

  • 22:01: Hmm, Sneezy the rocky raccoon... The name doesn't exactly strike fear into your heart. Maybe I should have called him Lode Runner?
  • 21:51: I've managed to rub someone the wrong way. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
  • 21:39: My Goddess, I prayed and spent 86 gold coins on you... Why don't you pray and spend money on me?
  • 20:22: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Hopkinton Rhubarb III there. Drank from a mug to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time.
  • 19:17: Feeling weak, I used up my flask of living water. But instead of feeling better, I suddenly felt more experienced. I'd better start paying more attention to the labels when I buy this kind of stuff...
  • 17:05: Very well then, I shall pray to not become prey.
  • 17:05: Found a floating bottle with a message inside that read 'Sacrifice and pray to me.' Odd, considering I was nowhere near a body of water. Great One, was that you?
  • "Oh, what an interesting little thing..."
  • 17:01: Suddenly felt a strong urge to open the deus ex machina. I shouldn't have opened it - there was a note inside saying that 777 points of my experience were achieved by dishonest means and would be confiscated until better times.
  • 15:48: I almost got killed by a shooting star. Thankfully, it ran out of ammo.
  • 15:45: Gave a one armed man a hand.
  • 14:19: A traveling wizard showed me a game that plays itself. What a dumb waste of time.
  • 14:07: "Sneezy the rocky raccoon" sounds distinguished, doesn't it? My Lady, do you like my pet?
  • Got thrown in jail for opening a community chest...
  • 12:19: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the box with a question mark. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Splendid.
  • 12:13: I wish I could write as mysteriously as a cat.
  • 08:33: Sneezy cuddled up to my bruise and sighed. Suddenly I felt a little bit better.
  • 08:18: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and purred. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out an invite to Godville. What a clever pet!
  • 08:18: By the way, an invite to Godville is a very useful household item. I'm so proud of myself.
  • 04:56: It is said that pets are like their owners. I'm watching mine and don't want to believe that.
  • 04:53: I've managed to find the essence of laughter somehow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
  • 04:46: Sneezy laid down next to a quaint little well and promptly fell asleep. It's so peaceful here, I think I'll have a nap too.

5/25/2011

  • 12:56: Quest to 'crush twenty anthills' is completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
  • 12:56: Such a pity that I've got no magnifying glass - I could have fried some fire ants!
  • 12:36: Tried to shove the monster out of the healing beam - there must have been some sort of mistake, I was the one who was supposed to get healed!
  • 11:36: Sneezy snorts disdainfully and laughs at my futile attempts to crush twenty anthills. Now he is making faces at me. If you think it's so easy, why don't you do it yourself, you silly rocky raccoon?
  • 09:24: I wish I could write as mysteriously as a cat.
  • 09:20: Sneezy proudly laid a dead Hemophobic Vampire at my feet, and wagged his tail. I told him that it was nice and all, but I preferred my sacrifices to be paid in gold.
  • 09:08: Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the quest I go...
  • 09:04: During a rest by the wayside, met Hopkinton Rhubarb III and borrowed his diary to read. The writing is so similar... We're obviously soulmates.
  • 08:54: Took time out from my busy schedule of death and destruction for a spot of knitting.
  • 08:50: Smacked my head on a sign that read: 'Objects are closer than they appear to be'.
  • 07:12: Returned to the point of no return in my mission.
  • 06:45: Prayed in the temple for hours on end. I'm certainly not sparing myself...
  • 06:41: Oh my Lady, have you ever considered letting me into heaven instead?
  • 05:58: That does it! Great One, can you make me a tree in my next life?
  • 03:50: It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Living.
  • 03:16: Watched sadly as the trousers of impudence rusted.
  • 03:06: I spent a moment contemplating the meaning of the afterlife.
  • 03:01: The Adoring Fan was so impressed with my fighting skills that he rewarded me with a golden brick. Posthumously.
  • 03:00: Eek! Maybe I shouldn't stop in the middle of a fight to write diary entries.
  • 02:51: Sneezy came closer and started licking my wounds. Suddenly I felt better, even without any healing mud baths.

5/24/2011

  • 21:37: Sneezy was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow. Then he began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up!
  • 16:39: I definitely need a day off. Going back to town.
  • 16:31: Did the hokey pokey and turned myself about... Drat! Now I'm not sure which direction I was going...
  • 16:31: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: crush twenty anthills.
  • 16:26: Awoke with the head of an ogre in my bed... What the heck happened last night?
    • Temple construction:
      • 16:10: Carefully examining construction materials...
      • 16:11: Chasing construction workers all over the place and threatening them with a bricklayer's trowel...
      • 16:12: Carefully examining construction materials...
      • 16:12: Thinking about how much these bricks cost and crying...
      • 16:13: Chasing construction workers all over the place and threatening them with a bricklayer's trowel...
      • 16:14: Mixing cement with her feet...
      • 16:15: Carefully examining construction materials...
      • 16:16: Exhausted, finishing construction...
      • 16:17: Re-reading her diary, reminiscing over the good old days...
  • 15:38: Hope that I won't have to fetch a bucket full of mercury for the local alchemist again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
  • 15:38: Locating a bucket of mercury wasn't the hard part. Fortunately, I met a few more heroes on the same quest, and we lent each other a hand.
  • 15:15: I was writing a terrifying story about an epic battle with a cruel monster, but the diary entry appeared to be limited to 140 characters.
  • 15:01: Hopkinton Rhubarb III ran out of the bushes shouting, "Pro Tagonist, I'm coming!" and suddenly fell into a hidden pit. Typical - I have to do everything myself.
  • 10:48: Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Sneezy has already mastered the "Eat" command.
  • 10:26: I've been thinking, Soul Supreme. Is 'Like OhMG, Fer sure!' really such a good battle cry? Will it strike fear into the enemy's heart and give me comfort on cold and lonely nights?
  • 10:01: I feel like Sneezy is trying to tell me something. I wonder, what exactly could it be?
  • 09:08: Spent some time debugging Godville by crushing cockroaches with my boot.

5/23/2011

  • 22:46: Had a moment of silence to honor the remains of a less-than-fortunate hero.
  • 21:44: I almost got killed by a shooting star. Thankfully, it wasn't loaded.
  • 21:40: It's good to be good. Right, my Lady?
  • 21:40: Felt some strange movement in my pockets. Looks like I've got yet another golden brick!
  • 21:40: I suppose this is a good place to fetch a bucket full of mercury for the local alchemist. Let's go!
  • 21:40: Notes from the battlefield: Carlos The Witty is defeated. Pro Tagonist added 753 gold coins to her treasury. Pro Tagonist became an owner of a great rag: pair of quasidevil's horns. Pro Tagonist put a lock of Carlos The Witty's hair, and a golden brick for the temple into her bag.
  • 21:23: Notes from the battlefield: Carlos The Witty and Pro Tagonist failed to disperse on the forest path and engaged in mortal combat!
  • 21:23: Sometimes it feels like someone is reading my diary.
  • 21:23: Went looking for trouble. No luck so far.
  • 21:23: The local sheriff asked me to fetch a bucket full of mercury for the local alchemist. I don't want to go to jail, so I'd better do it.
  • 21:18: I've seen things people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. And all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to wake up.
  • 21:17: Saw another hero's god in my dreams. My Lady, give me a sign of your presence, I beg you... I feel so lonely.
  • 20:45: During our last rest stop, Sneezy performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Great One.
  • 20:43: I've managed to watch the grass grow somehow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
  • 20:43: It was as much fun as watching paint dry, but I did it!
  • 19:33: Hmm, Sneezy the rocky raccoon... The name doesn't exactly strike fear into your heart. Maybe I should have called him Mattstar?
  • 15:21: I wonder if my continuous failure to get a date has anything to do with my bizarre choice of equipment.
  • 11:56: Took the midnight train going anywhere.
  • 10:57: Sneezy almost fell off a cliff chasing a flock of lemmings. Oh, what if he had fallen?
  • 09:18: Practiced the new secret handshake I've been working on for the "Guild by Association".
  • 08:56: Silly rocky raccoon got under my feet, and I almost stepped right on him. Sneezy, don't get on my nerves!
  • 08:53: Wow! Déjà vu. Must be a glitch in the system.
  • 08:46: This looks like a good place to rest. It's a shame I'm not tired yet... Oh well.
  • 08:42: A wandering paladin poured a handful of sacred soil and let me touch his holy hand grenade.
  • 08:41: I've managed to learn to fly superhero style, fist-first. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
  • 08:41: Flights are most pleasant when something soft lies at the foot of the cliff.
  • 08:39: I flung a gold coin into the monster's eye, bursting its eyeball. Eeewww.
  • 08:34: I was just wondering... As a hero, am I supposed to have a secret identity or something? Oh, and maybe I should get a costume. I'll look great in tights!
  • 08:10: My wounds are healing, the holes in my outfit are disappearing, and even my pathetic life is starting to look better. My Lady, I think I shall do something great and stupid in your honor!
  • 08:03: My life was saved again! I knew you wouldn't leave me in trouble, Great One!
  • 06:33: It turns out that a rocky raccoon sure can come in handy! Who knew it made such a good footstool when I rest by the roadside?

5/22/2011

  • 21:20: Well done, clever rocky raccoon! He stopped, dug into the ground and found 196 coins. I'll use it to buy him a mobile kennel and some tasty treats.
  • 18:34: Almost went crazy trying to catch a strange moving red dot.
  • 17:27: Attaching recently buttered toast to the bottom of my sandals afforded me the power of levitation. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.
  • 17:22: A glowing fairy came along shouting 'HEY, LISTEN!'. I swatted it out of the air.
  • 17:22: Found a new quest written on the billboard near the town hall: learn to fly superhero style, fist-first.
  • 17:18: Woke up looking at the sunrise, wondering who stole my tent while I was sleeping.
  • 17:16: I just woke up in the middle of the street with some little kid poking me with a stick. He said I was snoring...
  • 17:11: Note to self: should avoid useless entries in my diary.
  • 16:26: I've managed to count the nails in the third front horseshoe of Sleipnir somehow. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
  • 16:26: Received a nice black eye while examining the horse shoe. I've written down another rule - never bother unknown horses.
  • 16:13: Hooray! I've reached level 20!

Level 19

5/22/2011

  • 14:58: It turns out that a rocky raccoon sure can come in handy! Who knew they were so good at fetching beers?
  • 14:46: Lost 220 coins gambling in the local tavern. At least this time I kept my pants!
  • 14:42: A man told me I'd be twice as smart if I was half as smart as I thought I was. Hmm...
  • 13:07: Sneezy snorts disdainfully and laughs at my futile attempts to count the nails in the third front horseshoe of Sleipnir. Now he is making faces at me. If you think it's so easy, why don't you do it yourself, you silly rocky raccoon?
  • 12:21: Sensing my bad mood, Sneezy deftly tickled me with his whiskers. I feel a little better already.
  • 12:16: Oops, I think I accidentally just took a vow of science. Guess I should've paid more attention in spelling class.
  • 11:58: It seems that Sneezy just tried to use the "awkward silence" skill. Of course he failed. What a noob.
  • 11:34: Stopped to feed and groom my pet. Sneezy purred excitedly in anticipation of the combing.

5/21/2011

  • 22:15: Sneezy growled at the trader. The trader swallowed nervously and gave us a generous discount.
  • 20:41: I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid that it wouldn't help me.
  • 08:11: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and purred. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out an IQ degenerator. What a clever pet!
  • 08:11: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I've died fewer times than I thought. Nice.
  • 19:46: Sneezy snorts disdainfully and laughs at my futile attempts to determine the terminal airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Now he is making snickering noises. If you think it's so easy, why don't you do it yourself, you silly rocky raccoon?
  • 19:36: Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Sneezy has already mastered the "Sleep" command.
  • 17:12: Took time out from my busy schedule of death and destruction for a spot of knitting.
  • 17:09: Baffled by the strange clicking noises coming from the heavens.
  • 17:01: Walked into a bar... That's going to leave a bruise.
  • 16:53: I'm so broke, I can't even afford to pay attention.
  • 16:39: Silly rocky raccoon got under my feet, and I almost stepped right on him. Sneezy, don't get on my nerves!
  • 16:41: Arrogantly shoved aside the guild newbies on my way to the doctor's office. Restored a decent part of my health bar.
    • (just noticed I've been promoted from master of my Guild to "chief master")
  • 16:35: Participated in a banana-throwing contest with the local monkeys. Now I'm "fruited up" beyond all recognition.
  • 16:32: Spent a few hours staring into the abyss. Had the eerie sensation of being watched.
  • 16:23: Pondered free will for a moment, then decided not to pursue it.
  • 15:47: Sneezy came closer and started licking my wounds. Suddenly I felt better, even without all these doctors and their huge syringes.
  • 15:41: Sneezy cuddled up to my bruise and calmingly purred. Suddenly I felt a little bit better.
  • 15:37: Hopkinton Rhubarb III took the monster aside, giving me plenty of time to get away. Don't worry Vorpal Wabbit, I'll get you next time!
  • 15:36: Felt itchy. Scratched.
  • 15:32: Sneezy buried the "Watchmen" guild membership card that he found. Is that his way of showing contempt for that guild?
  • 15:27: Participated in a banana-throwing contest with the local monkeys. Now I'm "fruited up" beyond all recognition.
  • 14:39: Sneezy wagged his tail and looked fondly at my alchemical transmuter. I went ahead and gave it to him. Let the brute play.
  • 14:39: With one clean blow, the Unicorndog was sent on its final journey. I searched its lifeless body and found 12 coins and an alchemical transmuter.
  • 14:35: Crazy scientists have given me another quest: determine the terminal airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.
  • 14:04: Silly rocky raccoon got under my feet, and I almost stepped right on him. That would have ended badly.)
  • 14:02: Hope that I won't have to journey there and back again again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
    • (Quest Complete)
  • 14:02: I've returned to the spot where I began my journey at, only to find out that nothing had changed.
  • 13:49: I just saw the violence inherent in the system.
  • 13:44: I was just wondering... As a hero, am I supposed to have a secret identity or something? Oh, and maybe I should get a costume. I'll look great in tights!
  • 13:36: I suppose this is a good place to journey there and back again. Let's go!
    • (unfortunately, my quest is only 96% complete)
  • 13:35: A wandering monk saw my pet and said something about training, carrots and sticks... Sneezy became anxious. I wonder why?
  • 13:21: Waited for the quest to complete itself, but nothing happened. Darn it.
  • 13:18: Sneezy knocked over some candles in the temple. What a clumsy oaf! We hid behind a curtain and watched as a priest put out the flames with some holy water from a basin. Don't worry, my Lady, it was a public temple and they don't pray to you anyway...
  • 13:16: Sneezy tossed 11 gold coins into the donations cup. I wonder where he got that money? Oh well, it's not important. To your glory, my Lady!
  • 12:40: I was walking along a path when I noticed a long trail of wilted flowers behind me... I believe it's time I took a bath.
  • 11:33: There were red-inked corrections in my diary when I woke up. Was that you my goddess, or did I become smarter in my sleep?
  • 09:38: Sometimes I feel that life is an endless series of quests.
  • 09:35: Lady, I have you and Sneezy, but why do I still feel like something's missing from my life?
  • 09:31: Sneezy sat aside to watch my epic battle with the monster. You're so worthless, rocky raccoon.
  • 09:30: Saw a big red dot on the ground. Next to it were the words, 'You are here'. Well, duh!

5/20/2011

  • 21:39: It seems that Sneezy just tried to use the "liana-eyebrows" skill. Of course he failed. What a noob.
  • 14:32: I flung a gold coin into the monster's eye, bursting its eyeball. Eeewww.
  • 14:17: I suppose this is a good place to boldly go where no one has gone before. Let's go!
    • (42% of quest completed; that's a nice number, but I don't think I've found the right place yet.)
  • 13:13: Hmm, where did Sneezy get a periodic table cloth? I tried to take it away, but he scratched me. Bad rocky raccoon!
  • 13:01: In the wallet of the Identified Flying Object, killed by my hand, I found photos of its kids! What have I done? Anyway, the EXP boost was nice and now I'm hungry for more!
  • 12:55: Feeling butterflies in my stomach. I guess eating caterpillars was a bad idea.
  • 12:15: Saw a platypus scuttle by. Great One, I like your sense of humor.
  • 12:01: Great goddess, I feel a sudden urge to sacrifice 43 gold coins to you!
  • 12:01: Sneezy suddenly got a very surprised look on his face and mumbled something that sounded like: 'Sacrifice and pray.'. Hmm, I thought he was kind of non-talking.
  • 09:23: Heard someone shouting "Die, Hopkinton Rhubarb III!" in the distance. I rushed to the rescue, but it turned out to be a Deaf Leopard brutally smashing a scarecrow. I guess monsters need to practice too.
  • 09:20: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and roared. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a chick magnet. What a clever pet!
  • 08:23: Saw someone praying to a false god. What an amateur.
  • 08:06: A priestess told me that my goddess wants me to 'go forth and multiply'. It's a shame I was never good at math...
  • 07:29: Tried to prove the Sandwich law while resting on the side of the road. Sneezy now has enough food to last for two days.
  • 07:24: Argued with myself about the existence of pumpkins, cakes, and other anomalies.
  • 05:11: Writing this diary entry with a broken pencil. It's pointless.
  • Reading over the last few pages of the diary, blacking-out profanities...

5/19/2011

  • 22:53: Carefully examined my pet as I tried to figure out how he heals so quickly. Sneezy happily wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
  • 22:48: I've seen something that cannot be unseen. Must forget! Must forget! Must forget... Wait, what was that I was trying to forget?
  • 22:06: Sneezy is hanging onto my leg and begging for food. Sorry. Now is not a good time. There's an Evil Overlord ahead.
  • 20:36: Fighting the Serial Killer Bee is the closest I've been to anyone since my last relationship.
  • 20:32: I played hide-and-seek with myself. Lost again.
  • 19:30: Sneezy fetched a dead rat from somewhere and proudly laid it at my feet. What is this? A sacrifice?
  • 14:55: The mayor of the town asked me to find my lost marbles. I sense profit! [my latest quest]
    • FWIW, my last four quests were: 1) Attempt to believe it's not butter, 2) Attempt to believe it's not butter, 3) Capture the flag, and now 4) Attempt to believe it's not butter. Hopefully, my belief is sufficiently strong that I won't need to take that quest again.
  • 14:51: Woke up to take my sleeping pills.
  • 13:12: Came across a bunch of flamboyant vampires and overgrown wolves arguing over some underage girl. Looked like a lame scene, kept walking.
  • 12:16: Met a man who was desperate to tell me the 'good news' about his god of love and compassion. Boy, have I got some bad news for him...
  • 09:00: Studied my pet for a long time, but couldn't find where the rumbling sounds were coming from.
  • 08:56: Felt like I was being followed, so I started walking backwards.
  • 08:53: Lady, I have you and Sneezy, but why do I still feel like something's missing from my life?
  • 07:55: Tried to navigate using the stars spinning around my head. Feel even dizzier now.
  • 07:26: I found a house divided. It couldn't stand.
  • 00:53: Sneezy tossed 7 gold coins into the donations cup. I wonder where he got that money? Oh well, it's not important. To your glory, my Lady!

5/18/2011

  • 21:42: Ran away from a monster and hid in a graveyard. The screamin' blues of wights were quite impressive, yet boring.
  • 21:33: Heard someone shouting "Die, Gdawg!" in the distance. I rushed to the rescue, but it turned out to be a Lego Golem brutally smashing a scarecrow. I guess monsters need to practice too.
  • 21:26: A fat old man was screaming "Rudoooolph!" in the forest. I felt pity and gave him a piece of fresh reindeer meat that I had just bought from some wandering goblins.
  • 21:06: Silly rocky raccoon got under my feet, and I almost stepped right on him. That would have ended badly.
  • 20:20: Takeshii was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
  • 20:19: Notes from arena battle: Takeshii is on his knees. Pro Tagonist salutes to somewhere above! The winner receives a golden brick and 109 coins.
  • 19:56: Notes from arena battle: Pro Tagonist and Takeshii look at each other appraisingly. The audience watches with anticipation.
  • 19:56: Searched through the pockets of my suddenly uncomfortable clothes and discovered an empty genie lamp, a handsaw's tooth, and a slice of life under my armor. I have no idea how these things got here, but I'm sure they will come in handy.
  • 19:56: Time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! Hey, greenhorns, wanna fight?
  • 19:11: Stumbled across a sign that read: 'Warning: Watch out for Signs!'
  • 19:05: Sneezy whimpers anxiously and wags his tail like a fan, providing a refreshing breeze. Wow, I feel a bit better!
  • 18:22: Tried to hypnotize the trader with a swinging pendulum. I thought it worked - until I was thrown out of the shop.
  • 18:15: Had a nice conversation with myself. Learned a lot from it.
  • 18:10: I stopped at the graveyard to listen to the growling of ghouls. I must say, they're quite impressive. Although they do chat a bit too much at times.
  • 17:30: Sneezy suddenly raised his muzzle and roared loudly. The Loan Shark and his fellows dispersed, shrieking with fear.
  • 17:06: Sneezy is hanging onto my leg and begging for food. Sorry. Now is not a good time. There's a Dreaded Gazebo ahead.
  • 17:05: I ran into a brick wall with half-faded words written on it: 'Love you my daughter, but you need to be strong.'
  • 17:01: Clicked my heels three times. Nothing happened.
  • 16:56: Stumbled across a sign that read: 'All your base are belong to us.'
  • 16:52: Felt adventurous and took the path less traveled, but turned back after having so much trouble walking through the tall grass and weeds.
  • 13:46: Sensing my bad mood, Sneezy deftly tickled me with his whiskers. I feel a little better already.
  • 12:22: Found pages from someone else's diary flying in the wind. I'd be horribly embarrassed if someone were reading my most personal thoughts... but I read them anyway.
  • 12:14: Laid down under a tree to die from heavy wounds. Came back to my senses to find Sneezy performing CPR on me.
  • 12:13: Sneezy laid down next to the entrance of an abandoned temple and promptly fell asleep. It's so peaceful here, I think I'll have a nap too.
  • 11:00: Tried to be good. Planted some flowers along the roadside.
  • 10:56: Enthusiastically rubbed the medicine dropper of holy water in the hopes of summoning a genie. Sadly, the only thing to appear was my sad-looking reflection.
  • 10:54: Spent many long hours praying. Endowed the temple with 67 gold coins.
  • 10:53: Sneezy knocked over some candles in the temple. What a clumsy oaf! We hid behind a curtain and watched as a priest put out the flames with some holy water from a basin.
  • 10:51: Paid 87 coins to the veterinarian for a routine pet checkup. The vet said that Sneezy will live a long and healthy life.
  • 10:50: Visited the zoo and fed some hungry trolls.
  • 10:40: Tried using a Jedi mind trick on the trader. Got slapped in the face.
  • 10:10: Almost went crazy trying to catch a strange moving red dot.
  • 09:56: Sneezy came closer and started licking my wounds. Suddenly I felt better, even without any healing mud baths.
  • 09:43: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and growled. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out an unturned stone. What a clever pet!
  • 09:38: Combed the desert. Didn't find a thing, but it has nice patterns now.
  • 09:34: Tried to lick my own elbow. All I got was a twisted neck and a strong feeling of dissatisfaction.
  • 09:27: Saw a shady trader by the road. Sat by him to get out of the sun.
  • 08:47: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No... it's a dragon... A big dragon... A big, hungry looking dragon... I'll just run away now.
  • 08:43: Pondered free will for a moment, then decided not to pursue it.
  • 08:43: It'd be great if Sneezy could run to the city to grab some potions... and snacks. All right, I'll go myself. I'm not above running my own errands.
  • 08:13: Carefully examined my pet as I tried to figure out how he heals so quickly. Sneezy happily wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
  • 07:57: Dear Diary, I must confess a secret that's been buried deep within my troubled heart... Darn it! It's a Card-Carrying Villain!
  • 07:36: Sneezy knocked over some candles in the temple. What a clumsy oaf! We hid behind a curtain and watched as a priest put out the flames with some holy water from a basin.
  • 06:45: Taught my pet to perform some simple tricks. It seems that Sneezy has already mastered the "Sleep" command.
  • 05:55: Sneezy suddenly stood to attention and growled. Then he rushed into the bushes and pulled out a loose cannon. What a clever pet!
  • 05:51: I was bored to tears, so I decided to capture the flag. This should be interesting.
    • This is my new quest

5/17/2011

  • 22:14: While walking through the forest, I heard a strange noise and saw a large blue box. I decided to ignore it and moved on.
  • 22:11: I feel like Sneezy is trying to tell me something. I wonder, what exactly could it be?
  • 21:53: Sneezy brought me a package of cookies from somewhere. I'd better eat it right away. What a great pet!
  • 21:32: Laid down under a tree to die from heavy wounds. Came back to my senses to find Sneezy performing CPR on me.
  • 20:37: If I pray hard enough, maybe my Goddess will change the color of my eyes to blue. Then they'd match my armor!
  • 20:04: Lady, I have you and Sneezy, but why do I still feel like something's missing from my life?
  • 19:32: During our last rest stop, Sneezy performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Great One.
  • 19:24: Sneezy spent half an hour chasing his own tail. He didn't chew it off, but it's looking a bit frayed now.
  • 19:21: Saw the Four Pedestrians of the Apocalypse walking in the distance.
  • 19:14: Attaching recently buttered toast to the bottom of my sandals afforded me the power of levitation. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.
  • 19:05: Aware of his health benefits, Sneezy carefully rubbed against me with his natural fur.
  • 19:00: Stopped and smelled the roses.
  • 18:50: A stranger came close to me and whispered: 'Never talk to strangers.'
  • 18:42: Oh, the loot bag is so heavy... Hey, Sneezy, get out of there!
  • 18:41: The Parrot Trooper is dead. I wish I could at least fight some attractive looking enemies. Is that too much to ask?
  • 18:25: Ran into Hopkinton Rhubarb III. He distracted the monster with some magic tricks, giving me time for a quick prayer.
  • 18:22: I've always wondered... Why does everyone want to kill me? Am I that annoying, Mighty One? Please tell me I'm not! Please!
  • 18:19: Sneezy snorts disdainfully and seems to enjoy watching my futile attempts to attempt to believe it's not butter. Now he is making faces at me. If you think it's so easy, why don't you do it yourself, you silly rocky raccoon?
  • 18:17: Almighty, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the gold to buy shiny new things.
  • 18:15: A preacher said that animals are not allowed in the temple, but Sneezy grinned and quickly persuaded the cleric to change his mind.
  • 18:11: Wrote verses about my journey and performed them in front of the people around me. They said I have talent.
  • 18:06: The equipment merchant said that animals are not allowed in the shop. Guess I'll manage without new clothes, since I won't leave Sneezy alone in the street.
  • 17:33: Sneezy sat aside to watch my epic battle with the monster. You're so worthless, rocky raccoon.
  • 17:30: Waited for some ducks to cross the road.
  • 17:26: Patiently waited until Sneezy finished marking the area.
  • 17:16: A suspicious stranger told me that if I attempt to believe it's not butter, I'll get a nice reward. Probably. I have a bad feeling about this...
    • Deja vu
  • 16:47: Experienced a brief moment of frozen time today as the word 'AUTOSAVE' flashed above me in the sky, then vanished just as quickly.
  • 16:43: I wanted to join this local gang, but they said they don't accept religious extremists. So I cut a few heathen throats and took away 32 gold coins all in your glorious name, my Lady.
  • 16:41: Quest to 'attempt to believe it's not butter' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
  • 16:41: I've done it! It's not butter, it's not butter at all!
  • 16:36: Dear Diary, the time has finally come for me to write down this really important piece... Oh, wait! It's a Fifth Elephant!
  • 16:34: Sneezy laid down next to the diminishing campfire and promptly fell asleep. It's so peaceful here, I think I'll have a nap too.
  • 16:11: Sneezy is a good companion to me. He even licked my wounds clean after the last battle. Either that or I forgot to feed him...
  • 16:11: I offered to help the Bulletproof Sun Dog dig my own grave. When it handed me the shovel, I swung it at its face and ran away.
  • 16:11: Full of anticipation, I took the essence of awesomeness out of the bag and tore off the wrapping. Darn that trader, it's a fake!
  • 16:07: Does my goddess wear pants? Should I?
  • 15:44: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No... it's a dragon... A big dragon... A big, hungry looking dragon... I'll just run away now.
  • 15:41: Combed the desert. Didn't find a thing, but it has nice patterns now.
  • 15:37: It's raining cats and dogs. I hope I don't get fleas.
  • 15:34: Paid 250 coins to give my little animal a bath before starting a tough campaign. Sneezy's coat now shines with exuberance and he is happily hiccuping soap bubbles.
  • 15:31: Wrote verses about my journey and performed them in front of the people around me. They said I have talent.
  • 15:07: Met Hopkinton Rhubarb III, borrowed some food and a couple of healing potions. Feeling much better now.
  • 14:53: A full backpack gave me a good excuse to stop puddling mud along the road and head to a warm and comfortable city. Hot baths, here I come!
  • 14:53: The Anaphylactic Shark was gloriously dismembered! Sorting through its remains, I found a portable stairway to heaven. It will need a good washing before I can sell it.
  • 14:47: Helped the dying Wumpus by picking up its wallet. It won't need it where it's going.
  • 14:45: What is wrong with all these monsters?! Why does my pain give them such delight?
  • 15:00: Suddenly noticed Sneezy gnawing on my new unused potential! Fortunately, I took it away just in time. Bad rocky raccoon!
  • 14:40: It seems that Sneezy just tried to use the "auto-stopping" skill. Of course he failed. What a noob.
  • 14:33: Hooray! I've reached level 19!

Level 18

5/17/2011

  • 13:47: I am a leaf on the wind... Watch how I soar.
  • 13:45: Sneezy buried the "Black Market" guild membership card that he found. Is that his way of showing contempt for that guild?
  • 13:41: My pet Sneezy brought me a bottle of iodine solution from somewhere. I'd better use it right away. What a clever pet he is!
  • 13:41: Lying low at the bottom of a ditch. I'm begging you, my Lady, make this Firefox pass by without noticing me!
  • 13:39: Oh my Lady, is that a Firefox on the horizon? I can smell my own fear...
  • 13:38: Found a crashed whale in an open field. Got lost in thought.
  • 13:24: Baffled by the strange tapping noises coming from the heavens.
  • 13:18: After Sneezy lapped up a full saucer of health elixir, he kept on begging for a second serving. Hmm, it seems that his tired little body needs a boost.
  • 12:58: "Sneezy the rocky raccoon" sounds distinguished, doesn't it? My Lady, do you like my pet?
  • Butt-kicking for goodness!
  • 10:34: The Anaphylactic Shark fled from the fight. I ran in the same direction and found a kinetic energy bar and 8 coins.
  • 10:29: Suddenly felt an urge to examine the continuum transfunctioner. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 2872 experience points in the process.
  • The heroine is making copies of her diary to be sold as a new epic tales book...
  • 08:53: What's the deal, my Lady? I passed another coffee shop with a mermaid sign. That's like five in a row.
  • 08:27: Found another hero's diary. Our entries were frighteningly similar... Great minds think alike, I suppose.
  • 00:45: Quest to 'rewrite the diary in invisible ink' was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.

5/16/2011

  • 21:48: A wandering monk said that the gods like to see an atheist around, it gives them something to aim at.
  • 19:09: Oops, I think I accidentally just took a vow of science. Guess I should've paid more attention in spelling class.
  • 19:05: Heard a whistle above my head. Quickly fell upon my knees and prayed. I don't know what it was, but was I right, my Lady?
  • 19:05: My head feels like it's bursting with knowledge and wisdom. I wanted to hit it several times to relieve the pressure, but suddenly changed my mind. Was that you, Almighty?
  • 11:52: I feel like I'd be a better heroine if I had a personal soundtrack. My Goddess, please send a band of wandering minstrels to compose songs about my great deeds!
  • 10:22: An old mage asked me to rewrite the diary in invisible ink. Well, that shouldn't be too hard.
    • This is my new quest
  • 10:22: Gave 324 gold coins to the local bums. They promised to get drunk in honor of my Lady...
  • 10:17: Early to bed and early to rise makes a lady healthy, wealthy, and wise. Good night to me!
  • 09:34: I've managed to mow the surrounding lawn. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
  • 09:34: Well, I guess there isn't a creature over three inches tall left now.
  • 09:34: The Vegetarian Vulture handed me a cheese wheel and threw himself into a nearby volcano.
  • 09:32: I suppose this is a good place to mow the surrounding lawn. Let's go!
  • 08:53: What's the deal, my Lady? I passed another coffee shop with a mermaid sign. That's like five in a row.

5/15/2011

  • 21:33: The mayor of the town asked me to mow the surrounding lawn. I sense profit!
  • 21:28: Woke up looking at the sunrise, wondering who stole my tent while I was sleeping.
  • 20:57: Quest to 'get a jackhammer and remove a sword from a stone' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!
  • 19:20: Experienced a brief moment of frozen time today as the word 'AUTOSAVE' flashed above me in the sky, then vanished just as quickly.
  • 19:11: Walked into a bar... That really hurt!
  • 18:27: Saw a charred body clutching a copy of "Atheism for Dummies". He must have angered his god somehow.
  • 17:38: Spent some time eating cucumber sandwiches and daintily drinking tea. It may have made me look like an idiot, but at least it restored some of my health.
  • 16:57: Checked my beehive on a stick to see if it was working correctly. Spent the next half an hour bandaging my head.
  • 15:45: The Fluffy Sun Dog was vanquished. I stood upon his lifeless body for you, my Lady!
  • 15:37: My wounds are healing, the holes in my outfit are disappearing, and even my pathetic life is starting to look better. My Lady, I think I shall do something great and stupid in your honor!
  • 15:37: A Fluffy Sun Dog jumped out of the bush with a wide wicked smile and said: 'Well, well, we finally meet, Pro Tagonist!'.
  • 15:37: Stumbled across a sign that read: 'You are entering Bat Country. Beware.'
  • 10:05: Tried to be good. Planted some flowers along the roadside and hugged a puppy. Couldn't find a baby to kiss, though.
  • 09:52: Xarpedon Demonsbane suddenly rushed past me, barked "Hi" and finished off the Thin Client. I'd better make more friends, it seems they can come in handy sometimes.
  • 09:21: Met Hopkinton Rhubarb III, borrowed some food and a couple of healing potions. Feeling much better now.
  • 08:16: Found an atheist in a foxhole.

5/14/2011

  • [Today, I had to flee from 2 Firefoxes: One was drunk, the other adjective-less.]
  • 21:37: Tried to climb a social ladder but ran into a glass ceiling.
  • 21:16: Hopkinton Rhubarb III took the monster aside, giving me plenty of time to get away. Don't worry Cod of War, I'll get you next time!
  • 20:05: Hopkinton Rhubarb III ran out of the bushes shouting, "Pro Tagonist, I'm coming!", tripped and rolled head over heels into the gully. Typical - I have to do everything myself.
  • 18:20: Xarpedon Demonsbane ran out of the bushes shouting, "Pro Tagonist, I'm coming!" and suddenly fell into a hidden pit. Well, you know what they say - if you want something done right, do it yourself.
  • 09:52: Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation. Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?
  • 08:57: I suppose this is a good place to find out how many heroes it takes to change a lightbulb. Let's go!
    • unfortunately, it turns out I'm only about 8% through the quest; wishful thinking, I guess
  • 08:46: A thousand and one yellow daffodils began to dance in front of me. Was that you, Great One? ...or just the mushrooms I ate recently?
  • The heroine is making copies of her diary to be sold as a new superhero comic book...
  • Reluctantly debriding wounds with some five-star brandy...
  • 07:45: While walking through the forest, I heard a strange noise and saw a large blue box. I decided to ignore it and moved on.
  • 07:02: A cute little girl wearing a nekomimi asked me to find out how many heroes it takes to change a lightbulb. It's a bit weird, but why not embark upon this quest?
  • 06:52: Notes from arena battle: Koentjah begs for mercy. Pro Tagonist definitely fulfilled her god's expectations today! The winner receives a golden brick and 817 gold coins. As a sign of heroic solidarity, the winner returned 278 coins to her rival for medicine.
  • 06:09: I guess I'll never figure out how to become the 263rd member of "The Old Gods" guild. Whatever. I'll find something else to do.
  • 06:09: A voice from the skies shouted: 'Cancel this quest.' Funny.

5/13/2011

  • 21:45: Felt adventurous and took the path less traveled, but turned back after having so much trouble walking through the tall grass and weeds.
  • 19:57: With one clean blow, the Dust Bunny was sent on its final journey. I searched its lifeless body and found 18 gold coins and some false hope.
    • Since achieving Level 18 yesterday, I have also defeated a Sun Dog and escaped from an Asexual Firefox. I've never even seen these monsters before!
  • 07:01: Rode into Los Demonos on a cloud of dust. No horse, just a cloud of dust.

5/12/2011

  • 22:46: Crazy scientists have given me another quest: travel to the edge of the earth and try not to fall off of it.
  • 22:13: Suddenly, I banged my head against thick air. It's like there was an invisible wall there... or am I subconsciously learning how to mime?
  • 22:10: Quest to 'break the Fourth Wall' is completed! Got a pot of gold. Let's go on a shopping spree!
  • 22:05: Another map with an 'X' scratched on it! Great One, why do people insist on vandalising perfectly good maps?
  • 17:29: Waited for some ducks to cross the road.
  • 17:26: Searched for memory lane, but couldn't remember the directions.