By: the AMCW writers
They aren’t really Legos… or are they? Dun-dun-duuuunnnn!
Again, Lord77 steps on stage, walking stiffly in his ridiculous Shakespearean style outfit and too-snug tights.
"Stupid feathery hats and puffy shorts and purple tights that itch and chafe. ‘They look good on you’, they said. ‘Purple is the color of kings’, they said. Ohhhh, just you let me get to my temple and I’ll show them what ‘situation appropriate’ really means! Who comes up with this stuff, anyway?!" he grumbles. Shrugging, he resumes his narration.
"Aaaaaanyway....," Lord77resumes and then halts as Godofbeer walks in with a beer stein. As he walks in front of Lordy, Lordy gumbles, "You could have brought me one, you know..."
Looking forward again, he snaps his script and starts narrating again.
"So, the strangeness continued with a luau and Azz’s visit to his homeland Mardi, closely followed by a V-Day party which led to Susan’s… departure,” Lord77’s voice trails off, a catch forming in his throat. Motionless for a moment, he steps to the stage, steals GoB's beer stein and quickly downs it. Handing back the empty stein, he rubs his eyes and again looks at the papers finally announcing, "I'm not reading this anymore..."
Tossing the papers aside, he takes a chair Azzageddi is setting up, places it next to Susan Sto Helit , sits down and takes her hand in his. Susan smiles at him and squeezes his hand as she says, "That’s OK.".
As The Almighty Anne and a now-empty stein (and unhappy about it) carrying Godofbeer take seats in the other chairs, Azzaggeddi clears his throat to break the silence.
Azzageddi: "Well, yes, we did go through some... complicated times. But a lot of good has come out of it, too. Nyrini joined us when Susan left, and let's not forget the creation of our adorable little Twilight!"
Susan: "Ah, yes. They are living with you now, aren’t they? How are they getting along? I know that life with Nyri isn’t exactly a smooth ride."
Azzageddi: "Well, it can be... challenging, yes. Just the other day, she blew up one of my monks--with coffee. But that was just an accident!"
Lord77: "Remember when Susan blew up Never More? That one was NOT an accident."
Susan: "You became a cattle baron not long after that." (chuckles at the memory) "Even wanted to ride Binky!" (noticing Lord77’s sad expression) "What is wrong, dear?"
Lord77: "I just remembered someone else who blew up."
Susan: "Oh… Your drinking buddy..."
GoB: "Hey, I thought I was his drinking buddy!"
Susan: Very well, his first drinking buddy, the Rabid Walrus."
Azzageddi: "Well, him and his friends made fine chili! Hey, wasn’t that right around the time Ravey joined us?"
Susan: "Yes, he had a rather… unique way of dealing with the walruses."
Lord77: "Unique?! He kept changing realities on us?! That’s why Azz had to make that new law blocking use of non-members’ magic in our guild!"
Azzageddi: "Well, by the time he became a member, he’d straightened up, and he’s helped us many times since then. Like stopping that demon invasion. And hey--" (looking Lord77 straight in the eye) "--remember the Godbinder?"
Lord77: "Ok, Ok, the kid’s got some neat tricks, I’ll give him that..."
GoB: "Hey, speaking of Godbinder, where’s that grumpy father of yours?"
Lord77: (shrugs) "I don’t know! I haven’t laid eyes on him since he found my mother."
GoB: "Well, that’s too bad. He may be a grumpy sack of old bones but he did give me that sweet axe-guitar."
Azzageddi: "Which Nyrini then proceeded to defile with a pop song. Amazing how that girl managed to get back on her feet after being impaled by the Godbinder."
Lord77: "Yeah... That one was a close call."
Susan: (squeezing Lord77’s hand) "He is gone now."
(The group falls silent at the memory of the Godbinder’s destruction.)
Anne: "Hey, speaking of Nyri and singing, remember that stormy day when everyone broke into spontaneous singing?"
Azzageddi: "How could we forget the effects of the ‘Almighty Anne’s Reality Distortion Field’? That’s how Twilight got her three gifts!"
Susan: (looking confused) "Come again?"
Anne: "Oh, Azz, Mitzi and I are Twilight’s godparents. So, we gave her three gifts."
Lord77: (looking at Azzageddi and chuckling) "You’re a fairy godmother?"
Azzageddi: "Sure. Wanna see my wings?" (winks) "It probably didn’t help that the Watch House got raided by pirates while we were dealing with the... you know..."
Anne: "All I’m saying is, NEVER leave me in charge again!"
Susan: "But you did such a good job of it, Anne."
Anne: "Right... Well, I’m just glad our allies at sowing Sun came in to help."
Lord77: "If you think of releasing a small zoo of rabid animals as help..."
Anne: "Um… that was not so much our Allies fault as mine… But I didn’t see you coming up with anything better!!"
Lord77: "I wasn’t even there!!"
Azzageddi: (raising his voice to settle things down) “WELL, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED (lowers voice again), no matter how dark or funny our stories are, writing for the AMCW has always been a blast."
Lord77: "A true life-changing experience."
GoB: "A unique adventure. I wouldn’t trade it for anything."
Anne: "It’s better an an afternoon with the chocolate hippos! No seriously, it’s been lovely"
Susan: "And our adventures have sprouted new worlds. And even new gods. I wonder what they're doing right now?"
Azzageddi: Remember how it was to be that young?
Lord77: And screwed up?...
(The gods rise from their seats and step off of the stage.)
Susan: "As for us, my friends, it is time we get back to the AMCW and return to our task of keeping Godville on its toes. Please, feel free to come by and join in the madness. We will be waiting for you."
Thank you to our good friends at Ankh-Morpork City Watch for finishing the telling of their guild’s history! As part of our quest to
conquer get to know our neighbors, we hope to look at many more guilds in upcoming issues. If you’d like to share a bit of your guild’s history, contact one of the Weekly Harvest staff.