Talk:Harvest Moon

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This week’s featured topic:
AMCW, pt. 2

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Yeah, we’re pretty sure we could do better. • #44

Behind the Guild: Ankh-Morpork City Watch, cont'd.

They aren’t really Legos… or are they? Dun-dun-duuuunnnn!

By: the AMCW writers

Again, GodLord77  steps on stage, walking stiffly in his ridiculous Shakespearean style outfit and too-snug tights.

"Stupid feathery hats and puffy shorts and purple tights that itch and chafe. ‘They look good on you’, they said. ‘Purple is the color of kings’, they said. Ohhhh, just you let me get to my temple and I’ll show them what ‘situation appropriate’ really means! Who comes up with this stuff, anyway?!" he grumbles. Shrugging, he resumes his narration.

"Aaaaaanyway....," Lord77resumes and then halts as GodGodofbeer  walks in with a beer stein. As he walks in front of Lordy, Lordy gumbles, "You could have brought me one, you know..."

Looking forward again, he snaps his script and starts narrating again.

"So, the strangeness continued with a luau and Azz’s visit to his homeland Mardi, closely followed by a V-Day party which led to Susan’s… departure,” Lord77’s voice trails off, a catch forming in his throat. Motionless for a moment, he steps to the stage, steals GoB's beer stein and quickly downs it. Handing back the empty stein, he rubs his eyes and again looks at the papers finally announcing, "I'm not reading this anymore..."

Tossing the papers aside, he takes a chair GodAzzageddi  is setting up, places it next to GodSusan Sto Helit , sits down and takes her hand in his. Susan smiles at him and squeezes his hand as she says, "That’s OK.".

As GodThe Almighty Anne  and a now-empty stein (and unhappy about it) carrying Godofbeer take seats in the other chairs, Azzaggeddi clears his throat to break the silence.

Azzageddi: "Well, yes, we did go through some... complicated times. But a lot of good has come out of it, too. Nyrini joined us when Susan left, and let's not forget the creation of our adorable little Twilight!"

Susan: "Ah, yes. They are living with you now, aren’t they? How are they getting along? I know that life with Nyri isn’t exactly a smooth ride."

Azzageddi: "Well, it can be... challenging, yes. Just the other day, she blew up one of my monks--with coffee. But that was just an accident!"

Lord77: "Remember when Susan blew up Never More? That one was NOT an accident."

(Group laugh)

Susan: "You became a cattle baron not long after that." (chuckles at the memory) "Even wanted to ride Binky!" (noticing Lord77’s sad expression) "What is wrong, dear?"

Lord77: "I just remembered someone else who blew up."

Susan: "Oh… Your drinking buddy..."

GoB: "Hey, I thought I was his drinking buddy!"

Susan: Very well, his first drinking buddy, the Rabid Walrus."

Azzageddi: "Well, him and his friends made fine chili! Hey, wasn’t that right around the time Ravey joined us?"

Susan: "Yes, he had a rather… unique way of dealing with the walruses."

Lord77: "Unique?! He kept changing realities on us?! That’s why Azz had to make that new law blocking use of non-members’ magic in our guild!"

Azzageddi: "Well, by the time he became a member, he’d straightened up, and he’s helped us many times since then. Like stopping that demon invasion. And hey--" (looking Lord77 straight in the eye) "--remember the Godbinder?"

Lord77: "Ok, Ok, the kid’s got some neat tricks, I’ll give him that..."

GoB: "Hey, speaking of Godbinder, where’s that grumpy father of yours?"

Lord77: (shrugs) "I don’t know! I haven’t laid eyes on him since he found my mother."

GoB: "Well, that’s too bad. He may be a grumpy sack of old bones but he did give me that sweet axe-guitar."

Azzageddi: "Which Nyrini then proceeded to defile with a pop song. Amazing how that girl managed to get back on her feet after being impaled by the Godbinder."

Lord77: "Yeah... That one was a close call."

Susan: (squeezing Lord77’s hand) "He is gone now."

(The group falls silent at the memory of the Godbinder’s destruction.)

Anne: "Hey, speaking of Nyri and singing, remember that stormy day when everyone broke into spontaneous singing?"

Azzageddi: "How could we forget the effects of the ‘Almighty Anne’s Reality Distortion Field’? That’s how Twilight got her three gifts!"

Susan: (looking confused) "Come again?"

Anne: "Oh, Azz, Mitzi and I are Twilight’s godparents. So, we gave her three gifts."

Lord77: (looking at Azzageddi and chuckling) "You’re a fairy godmother?"

Azzageddi: "Sure. Wanna see my wings?" (winks) "It probably didn’t help that the Watch House got raided by pirates while we were dealing with the... you know..."

Anne: "All I’m saying is, NEVER leave me in charge again!"

Susan: "But you did such a good job of it, Anne."

Anne: "Right... Well, I’m just glad our allies at sowing Sun came in to help."

Lord77: "If you think of releasing a small zoo of rabid animals as help..."

Anne: "Um… that was not so much our Allies fault as mine… But I didn’t see you coming up with anything better!!"

Lord77: "I wasn’t even there!!"

Azzageddi: (raising his voice to settle things down) “WELL, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED (lowers voice again), no matter how dark or funny our stories are, writing for the AMCW has always been a blast."

Lord77: "A true life-changing experience."

GoB: "A unique adventure. I wouldn’t trade it for anything."

Anne: "It’s better an an afternoon with the chocolate hippos! No seriously, it’s been lovely"

Susan: "And our adventures have sprouted new worlds. And even new gods. I wonder what they're doing right now?"

Azzageddi: Remember how it was to be that young?

Lord77: And screwed up?...

(The gods rise from their seats and step off of the stage.)

Susan: "As for us, my friends, it is time we get back to the AMCW and return to our task of keeping Godville on its toes. Please, feel free to come by and join in the madness. We will be waiting for you."

The end

Thank you to our good friends at Ankh-Morpork City Watch for finishing the telling of their guild’s history! As part of our quest to conquer get to know our neighbors, we hope to look at many more guilds in upcoming issues. If you’d like to share a bit of your guild’s history, contact one of the Weekly Harvest staff.

Dom’s Not-so Delicate-Essen

What? Flame-broiled is cooking!
In case you didn’t know… Our very own War Lord of the Moon has a passion for evil cuisine. Sit back and enjoy our newest feature in the Weekly Harvest, brought to you by GodDomerthos !

An Evil Breakfast

You, surely, have asked yourself more than once: “How can I have myself an evil breakfast?” Ask no longer! With these simple recipes, you will go to jail have lots of fun and won’t have to ask yourself “Am I crazy evil enough to be a member of Harvest Moon?"


Have you ever wondered what evil overlords with obvious mental disorders are drinking with their breakfast? This is it!

Penguin Smoothie:

What you need:

  1. 3 Penguins of different kinds
  2. A blender
  3. 250g sugar
  4. 1L fresh blood (whatever species you prefer)
  5. An empty glass (1.5 L)

How to prepare:

  1. Remove the penguin’s heads and cut the bodies in small strips so that they fit in the mixer (you can do whatever you want with the bones - leave them in for extra calcium!).
  2. Add the other ingredients and blend on High for around 5 minutes.
  3. Pour into the glass and serve!


Obviously, the staple of your breakfast diet as an absolutely mad person who will definitely go to jail one day evil overlord is... (drum roll)

Kitten Sammiches:

What you'll need:

  1. Kittens, kittens and more kittens.
  2. Oil for cooking (we recommend peanut oil).
  3. Bread slices (white, wheat, rye, heffalump - your choice!).
  4. Mayonnaise or other dressing.
  5. Lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes (optional - spinach and other veggies can be substituted).
  6. Cheese (optional but highly recommended. Note: kitten tastes great with Muenster.).
  7. A trap and/or weapon (to get the kittens).
  8. A sharp knife.

How to prepare:

  1. Ready your weapon and go kitten hunting.
  2. After you have the little beasts, tie or skewer to a spit and rotate them over an open flame to get rid of the fur.
  3. Using a sharp knife, cut the meat off in strips. Make them as thick or thin as you like.
  4. Saute in a pan with oil at 90°C until done to your liking.
  5. Slice the vegetables and place them on the bread slices.
  6. Add the kitten-meat.
  7. Add mayo or dressing and cheese.

And your Kitten Sammich is ready to eat! Of course there are many ways to make a Kitten Sammich but this is how I do it. One alternate method is to broil the kitten meat and cheese on the bread and serve as an open-faced Sammich.

Now, your evil overlord breakfast that will land you into jail for numerous reasons is ready to serve to your friends! By the way, don’t tell them what it is... it's more fun that way! ;) And, if they don't like it... well... just send them on a free tour of Frank's lab…

We hope to bring you many more fun recipes in coming weeks! Send your ideas to GodDomerthos  or any member of the Weekly Harvest staff.

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#964 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1211 g.e.
Diolo – 66th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “yo me llamo Ralph!”, stands at the 8th position in the pantheon of destruction under the vigilant supervision of the god GodSir Diolo . He is a huge fan of Los Adminos’s pubs.
#967 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1214 g.e.
Mr Murda Mo – 75th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Ouija, are you with me? ”, stands at the 60th position in the pantheon of destruction under the vigilant supervision of the god GodMr Ouija . He is known for his disarming smile and ability to wake even the most exhausted comrades with his laughter.
#968 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1215 g.e.
Lol Buddy - 73rd-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Moon of the Night Sky ☾”, stands at the 157th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god GodZeerty . All she ever wanted was a little love and affection.

Member of the Week

Creepy much?
Get to know a member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodBruise 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: I clicked 'guilds' on the forum, saw 'Harvest Moon', read 'evil guild', clicked 'add to shopping cart'.
  • Q: Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
  • A: He hides his coin purse like he thinks he is drug smuggling... Enough said about that.
  • Q: Name something you and your hero have in common.
  • A: He is invincible.
  • Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
  • A: When I make 'kitten sammiches', I go for exotic flavours. I usually cut up 3 bananas after I've marinated the kitten pieces in vodka and place them on top. Then I place the sammich in a tub full of olive oil and freeze it. This is left for 34.7 days. When it is finished, I melt it and place cheese on top of my sammich. I then use a bunsen burner to melt the cheese on. After that, I serve it with a glass of milk and eat.
  • Q: Where would your hero go on their first date… assuming they ever get one?
  • A: Nando’s Chicken Restaurant... well, that's where I usually go.
  • Q: If you could change one thing about the City of Godville, what would it be?
  • A: The name. It should, clearly, be named after the greatest hero ever. 'Swollenville' has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!'

Fun with Fiends

It all depends on your definition of the word "art".
Here we sit down periodically with a common opponent (a.k.a. a Godville monster) and find out what’s behind the mask. This week’s fiend is: Starving Artist.
  • Q: Tell us a little something about your art?
  • A: As you may know, I am an artist of several kinds. I can do drawing, painting, composing and playing music, conning, fighting and singing, to mention some. The only arts I don't master are cooking and ladder-climbing.
  • Q: How did you perfect so many skills?
  • A: Mostly through long and arduous training journeys (especially for the art of mathematics).

At this point, the Starving Artist put a sock on his hand to show off his skills in the art of ventriloquism.

  • Q: Why do you fight heroes?
  • Sock: Well, that is a good question with many answers - or rather one answer that consists of many reasons. There are several reasons the artist holding me fights heroes. Number one: As a drawing artist and painter, dead bodies are extremely useful for posing. Number two: He's admitted to not mastering cooking, right? Because of that, he gets hungry enough that even heroes taste gourmet. Number three: It's great training in the art of slaughtering. Not that he hasn't already mastered it.
  • Q: Have you tried dating? Maybe you can get a monster wife who can cook.
  • A: Of course I could, I am a master in the art of seduction. However, I have yet to find a suitable wife.
    Sock: Just admit it, ma-- monster, you've failed because dating counts as a form of ladder-climbing!
    A: It is not!
    Sock: You may say so, but don't forget that I'm you - oops, I'm not supposed to say that - and you are a master in the art of illogical logic.
  • Q: Do you have any tips for aspiring artists?
  • A: Don't starve.
    Sock: And get a sock friend as soon as you can.

At this point, the Starving Artist started stuffing a brick into the sock while staring at the interviewer and salivating. We think he can run faster than the beast and should return next week. If you have a burning question for a Godville monster, or a particular monster you’d like to know more about, submit your questions or ideas to the HMWH staff. Thank you.


Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
WANTED: Gladiators to fight in the upcoming Tournament of Champions. This will be an open tournament and we hope to get either 32 or 64 competitors signed up for this no-holds-barred tourney. Post in the forum (the GV National Tourney is wrapping up) or contact GodHairplug4men  or GodDogess  for more information.

PERSONAL: Easygoing, athletic hero seeking single heroine. Looks not important. Must be tall, slim and attractive. 555-SHA-LLOW

FOR SALE: Human skull. Only used once. 300 gold coins OBO. Removal and cleaning not included in price. Hero is waiting inside the Godville Arena.

WANTED: Friends for my heroine. She’s been resurrected completely naked one time too many. It would be great (for everyone) for her to wake up dressed and not missing stuff (since friends are so helpful, they always carry a hero’s equipment too). Contact GodObsessive  to apply!

PERSONAL: We met at Molotov's Cocktail Bar. You grabbed my butt and I told you if you did it again, I’d kill you. You did it again. Now I need your address. Call me? 555-YUR-DEAD

Hidden Shadows Riddles

When is a door not a door?
Congratulations to GodArtsonian  who correctly answered last issue’s riddle: Words with double letters.

Post your answer for your chance to shine in the next Sock Puppet Play at Sowing Sun! Good luck!

This Week’s Riddle:

I change shapes and vary in color.
Yet whole you'll find me stronger than ever.
The ocean moves, the breeze sings, those seeking guidance come to me.
Who am I?

How to play:
1. The riddle will be posted here (and only here) in The Weekly Harvest.
2. Answers should be posted on Hidden Shadows guild forum.
3. You have 3 guesses. Once you’ve used those 3, you will be unable to guess again.
4. If the riddle goes unanswered for five days, anyone can guess regardless of number of previous guesses.
5. The answer will be posted the day of the new riddle if there isn’t a winner.
6. The winner will get a spot in the Sowing Sun Sunday sock puppet play!

Over the Moon

Games and winners and prizes! Oh, my!
This week’s challenge:

Find the Plagiarized Phrase that Pays!

Hint: The page it can be found on is Death.

How to play:
1. A phrase from a godwiki page is hidden inside this issue of the Weekly Harvest. Find the phrase and copy/paste it, along with the title of the section in which you found it, as a forum post in the Harvest Moon Forum.
2. The first god/dess to correctly identify the phrase will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo.
3. The winner of the Championship (based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

Special Announcements

Congratulations to:

GodBellatrixie The Strange  and GodLady Darkness  who celebrated their 2-year Godiversaries this past week! Thanks for playing and being so wonderfully evilly inspirational for the past two years, ladies!

GodHairplug4men  who hit (and then passed) his 1000th win in the arena this week! Holy singed hero, Batman! That’s a lotta fightin’! We’re super proud of you, HP!! Here’s to 1000 more!

GodDomerthos  whose heroine completed a glorious temple in his honor! Yay, Dom! Enjoy making miracles and collecting free charges!

A Hero’s Chronicle

By: GodSomnias Vagus  and GodNekomancer 
Missed past issues' comics? Click here!

Watch out for flying clowns.

Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Elementarion, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Makaze, Raindropstop and SourceRunner. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.
Past Issues Of the Weekly Harvest