Talk:Harvest Moon

From GodWiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This week’s featured topic: AMCW

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Website
  2. HM Merchandise
  3. Our Town Influence

Who thought of this genius Idea? • #41

Behind the Guild: Ankh-Morpork City Watch

The Watchers... Watching.

By: the AMCW writers

GodLord77  walks in, dressed in a Shakespearean style outfit, trying hard to avoid the chafing caused by the ridiculous purple tights he’s sporting. Clearing his voice, blowing on the feather in his cap to keep it off of his face and then half-choking on it, he prepares to recite.

“...In the beginning, there was GodSamuel Vimes . And, Samuel Vimes said, let there be the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, and it was good. And, GodSamuel Vimes  imparted wisdom, knowledge, aided those that were confused, in need, and the guild was peaceful.

Then, Samuel Vimes was pulled away from our guild, and things got...well, strange...”

The image of GodLord77  pulls away, unfocusing for a moment and then becoming clear again. GodSusan Sto Helit  and GodAzzageddi  sit at the Watch House’s Historical Archives (mostly known as “The place where we throw everything we don’t need, want or eat, please beware of the llamas” these days), surrounded by ancient manuscripts, dusty books and the occasional llama.

GodSusan Sto Helit  closes the tome she’s been consulting, killing a small mouse in the process, and says,The AMCW goes back several millennia, having been created in the year of the cross-eyed cow, some months ago. Our honorable founders, who are no longer around much, established it so that Godville could have some sort of order."

GodAzzageddi : “Even if we are using a rather forgiving concept of order here...”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Indeed. After all, with such a vast and diverse body of competent, zealous, law-abiding law-enforcing... hmm, competent officers, it is easy to sometimes step on someone’s toes (number of toes may vary, mainly because of Mith Igorina’s fine work).”

GodAzzageddi : “I still have a few extras. They’re quite useful. They make fine chopstick holders.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Right... too much information there... Anyway, we are not, by far, the oldest officers in the Watch but I guess we have seen the Guild through some rough times.”

GodAzzageddi : “The crickets... oh, the crickets(shudders)

GodSusan Sto Helit : (smiles nostalgically) “The crickets... And the fire-breathing vampire bats. They took a liking to you.”

GodAzzageddi : "They liked me WAY too much!"

GodSusan Sto Helit : "Well, they were nothing compared to the chocolate hippos...

GodAzzageddi : “Was that really chocolate in the pool? Because I certainly never tasted any of it.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “And just how curious are you?”

GodAzzageddi : (silence, crickets sing in the background) "...I withdraw the question."

GodSusan Sto Helit : "Well, fortunately, Leonard took care of them. Well, sort of... But there was one infestation that turned out rather well."

GodAzzageddi : “Ah, yes! The Sex-crazed Llamas!”

GodSusan Sto Helit : (facepalms) “No! I mean the baby-oh-baby buga-buga bunnies.”

GodAzzageddi : “Oh, that infestation!”

GodSusan Sto Helit : (sighs) "Well, the baby-oh-baby buga-buga bunnies did start off as one of the main ingredients in the creation of the sex-crazed llamas.”

GodAzzageddi : "That... explains a few things...”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “I guess it does. But, of course, the bunnies were not always the omnipresent, self-confident beings most people know them to be... Take Mitzi, for instance...”

GodAzzageddi : "Yes (dreamily). Well, true, she didn’t use to speak much. In fact, she used to hit me a lot... and rather hard, too.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : "Remember when she broke Lordy’s nose? Twice?”

GodAzzageddi : “Well, I was splintering into thousands of copies of myself all over the land at the time, so I didn’t catch it personally.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Yeah, I guess you just had to be there...”

GodAzzageddi : “Oh, I was there, all right... and there... and there... and (tossing a thumb over his shoulder) over there too!”

GodSusan Sto Helit : "And, of course, there’s always Sasha and Pasha.”

GodAzzageddi : "Didn’t they sell Lordy to some gnomes once?"

GodSusan Sto Helit : “You mean Gnome-a-geddon? The great gnome invasions? Our one and only dungeon crawl?”

GodAzzageddi : “Oh yeah! That’s how Sasha and Pasha got enough money to start their bar, actually.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “You mean the bar we’re not supposed to have because we’re the Watch?”

GodAzzageddi : "Um, call it a neighborhood-watch meeting room...that just happens to sell hard liquor and have a piano and a chocolate fountain. And a karaoke machine that never plays what you want it to play.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “It always seems to please our guests at parties. And we’ve had some good ones.”

GodAzzageddi : “I guess the luau was our first big one, wasn’t it?”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Pretty much. The ones before that could just be classified as ‘spontaneous attempts to get everyone pissed drunk’.”

GodAzzageddi : “Worked for me.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Well, they were fun... Drinking has been one of our most effective ways of recruiting new officers into the guild...”

GodAzzageddi : “Like GodGodofbeer ! Yes, he joined us right around the time of the luau.”

GodGodofbeer  peeks in at the sound of his name associated with parties. “Did anyone mention booze?”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Upstairs, Corporal. Upstairs.”

Godofbeer: “Oh, right.. Thanks!” (Leaves)

GodSusan Sto Helit : “O-kay... Moving on...”

GodAzzageddi : “Hey, wasn’t the luau held right after GodLord77  joined us?”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “No, that you’re thinking of the Hogswatch party. But, yes, that luau changed a lot of things for the guild.”

GodAzzageddi : “Yes... GodLord77 , then GodGodofbeer , then GodRavenvalykre ...”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “The unfortunate loss of Lordy’s drinking buddy...”

GodAzzageddi : “That was around the time I straightened up. Waking up from a blackout to discover I had somehow been put in charge of things while the Commander was away, pretty much did the trick.”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “Well, technically... GodThe Almighty Anne  should be in charge. You were just too drunk to figure that one out.”

GodAzzageddi : “Wait, what?? (checks the Guild lists) YOU’RE RIGHT! She’s senior to me! Does this mean I can stop being in charge?”

GodSusan Sto Helit : “I have no idea and I really don’t care. But I’d say yes, you’re off the hook.”

(GodThe Almighty Anne  materializes in the room, hands on her hips, tapping her foot) “Nuh-uh! No way is he off the hook! This watch is a meritocracy- it doesn’t matter how long I’ve been here! Besides, Sergeant Colon was in the watch longer than Mister Vimes, but you don’t see Colon in charge do you? See? I’m like Co... I’m not even going to finish that! You get the point. And anyway (sidling up to the spluttering GodAzzageddi ), it’s so nice seeing a nice, strong, manly demon in charge... (flutters eyelashes), the watch just wouldn’t work with little ol’ me running the show." (sighs deeply causing a disconcerting amount of movement under the bodice of her dress).

Thank you to our good friends at Ankh-Morpork City Watch for sharing their guild’s history with us! We look forward to Part 2 of “Behind the Guild: AMCW” soon. As part of our quest to conquer get to know our neighbors, we hope to look at many more guilds in upcoming issues. If you’d like to share a bit of your guild’s history, contact one of the Weekly Harvest staff.

News Briefs

  • What: Beach party!
    When: this weekend
    Where: The Ankh-Morpork City Watch guild forum.
    Why: BBQ, volleyball, watermelon smashing, burying heroes in the sand (possibly not including their heads), and other traditional beach activities. Giant crab attacks likely but not guaranteed.

  • What: Gambling!
    When: All the time!
    Where: The Lucky God Casino guild forum.
    Why: Monster Wheel, White Russian Roulette, Fuzzy Dice and more!

Special Announcements

Congratulations to:
  • GodKlldarkness  on the conpletion of his temple!!
    “48 levels, 41 deaths. 344 days, 31 wins, 20 losses. 3 pets, and 54603 monsters killed. Finally...My first temple is done: 02:38 AM Dearest diary, today was the day! I carefully laid the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all windows to let your glorious light shine in. I can't believe it, your temple is finally finished, my Lord! I feel delirious with happiness.”

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#941 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1188 g.e.
Zostacular - 68th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☾ Zoson of Spoltog ☾”, stands at the 46th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god GodZoson . She is deeply gratified by her place in the pantheon and is not planning to give it up any time soon.

Member of the Week

What? He’s Hercules, dang it!
Get to know a member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodMattX 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: My hero met Kyrin and she said HM was always looking for new members.
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: What kind of snacks are salty?
  • Q: What song do you love to dance to?
  • A: Uh...the ones my hero don't like
  • Q: What color underwear are you wearing?
  • A: Same kind my hero is: none. :/
  • Q: Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
  • A: Yes. I don't like wasting my power on my hero.
  • Q: How do you like to spend your spare time?
  • A: I like to spend my spare time admiring other heroes. Sorry WiCKeD_ClOWnZ
  • Q: What is the most memorable thing your hero has done so far?
  • A: Most memorable thing my hero has done so far is died.
  • Q: If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
  • A: Brain because he doesn't know how to use it.
  • Q: What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
  • A: My hero's a bum. Didn't even build my temple yet.
  • Q: Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
  • A: Ultimate dream outfit: his colorful underwear, of course.

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!'


Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
PERSONAL: Good natured hero seeks a heroine who shares his love of adventure and beer.

FOR SALE: Snow blower. Almost new! Only used on snowy days. North Pole residents only - no shipping. Call Santa Claws for more info.

SERVICE: NEW Hero's Repair Agency. We rebuild bodies that last a lifetime. For more information, call 555-BDY-SHOP today!

FOR SALE: Almost new parachute - never opened, only used once, stains are barely noticeable. Find this and other great deals at “They Couldn’t Take It With Them” located just west of Bob’s Discount Funeral Home.

WANTED: Hero to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

NOW HIRING: Girl wanted to assist Hero-turned-magician in cutting-off-head act. Salary plus benefits. For details, call 555-86mom, please! I’m on the phone! I’ll take the trash out in a second. MOM! Wait! Do you want to help me with my new magic trick? Weekly Harvest? I’ll call you back.

Doctor Frank's Advice Corner

An evil queen
Dear Dr. Frank,

Lately, I’ve been checking on Godville more often than before... OK, a lot more often. My friends tell me I’m addicted, but I don’t think I am. My question to you is: can you tell me where the lines are between “casual goddess”, “hard-core goddess” and “it’s time for an intervention”?

She only dies when her goddess is sleeping.

Dearest, Insomniac

You’re fine! If your friends don’t get it, they clearly don’t understand. I mean look at GodSBFH ! His hero is 16 months younger and 14 levels higher than the hero of the amazing and awesome goddess directly below him in the pantheon of might and he’s just “a casual player”. He’s a bit too goody-goodie to be a compass for all situations, but when it comes to checking on your heroine and making sure she stays on task, I say: if SBFH is a “casual god”, I’m downright lazy. A minion is a big responsibility and one you shouldn’t take lightly. You’d feed a child once or twice a day, I’m guessing, which requires prep work in the lab kitchen, clean up after - but it’s a labor of love, right? I’m suddenly really hungry. Anyway, in my book, you only have a problem if you can’t ignore your heroine, even on purpose, for a solid 4 hours of sleep. You have to take care of you if you’re going to be an effective goddess.

~Dr. Frank

Need advice? Send GodDoctor Frank-n-furter  your questions directly or submit them to any member of the newspaper staff.

Over the Moon

This week’s quiz:
  1. Your hero is selling at the traders, still has three more items to sell, and you activate an artifact that starts a mini-quest. This is the next thing that happens.
  2. Your hero is selling at the traders, still has three more items to sell, and you activate an artifact that makes your hero search for allies against an underground boss. This is the next thing that happens.
  3. This is the maximum number of different gods that could be featured on 'Famous Heroes of Godville' and 'Ideabox News' per week.
  4. These are three ways to get rid of tribbles.
Games and winners and prizes! Oh, my!
Congratulations to GodRosalind Vivian  for answering last week’s quiz! It was a toughy, but with three correct, she was the closest. She’ll be joining GodGodofbeer  and GodNever More  in the Over the Moon Championship round.

Who will be our final contestant in this month’s championship? It could be you! See you in the forum!

How to play:
1. Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!) and submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
2. The first god/dess to get all questions right (or with the most correct) will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo.
3. The winner of the Championship (based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

Hidden Shadows Riddles

This Week’s Riddle:

Mysterious and round, I shine with pale light. I've known only darkness. I'm familiar with night. Still, though grown in the dark, I make someone’s face light.

When is a door not a door?
Congratulations to GodGodofbeer  for answering last week’s riddle! He’s won a role in this Sunday’s Sock Puppet play at Sowing Sun!

Answer this week’s riddle and get your chance to shine! Good luck!

How to play:
1. The riddle will be posted here (and only here) in The Weekly Harvest.
2. Answers should be posted on Hidden Shadows guild forum.
3. You have 3 guesses. Once you’ve used those 3, you will be unable to guess again.
4. If the riddle goes unanswered for five days, anyone can guess regardless of number of previous guesses.
5. The answer will be posted the day of the new riddle if there isn’t a winner.
6. The winner will get a spot in the Sowing Sun Sunday sock puppet play!

A Hero’s Chronicle

By: GodSomnias Vagus  and GodNekomancer 
Missed last week’s? Click here!

Beer rain. Don't expect sober heroes this week.

Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Elementarion, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Makaze, Raindropstop and SourceRunner. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.
Past Issues Of the Weekly Harvest