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This week’s featured topic: GV Generations – The 3rd

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Evil never sleeps... we pass out. • #34

The Generations of Godville

Putting the “fun” back in “dysfunctional”.
The 3rd Generation
By: GodHairplug4men 

Last week, we discussed the “Ignorant and Ambitious” 2nd Generation. Today we discuss the “All GV can BE” 3rd Gen.

The Third Generation of Godville: 462 g.e. - 694 g.e
Gods 14-22 months old

As a first generation god, GodUlvolose  said “As for us Belteshazzar, I think we’re now officially old. Though I dare say we are not, yet, quite washed up.”

The wars were ancient history and the 2nd generation was busy breaking records, but a whole new generation of gods wanted more out of their “zero player game” experience. The developers added new activatable artifacts and the Enhancement Room by late December but could not seem to keep up with the thirst for excitement that these new gods craved. The old gods, on the other hand, could! 1st Gen gods found a new role for themselves in helping to educate the young skulls full of mush in the ways of Godville.

New guilds were created around the idea of special events, or gimmicks like...

  • Skeatseria Lodge was founded 9-14-2011 with it's pantheons celebrating the most spent on booze.
  • Open Bar was founded 10-2-11 as more of a nightclub than a guild, a social hangout for all breeds of god.
  • sowing Sun was founded 11-14-11 and with a new play each week, they became the place for date night for the dateless.
  • Gamer’s Guild was founded 3-25-12 and did their first, highly loved, murder mystery – a fun role play adventure.

Even old guilds wanted to get in the fun. Harvest Moon started the “1st GV Gladiator Open” which began 10/3/11 and was the inspiration to all the great tournaments to follow! The winner was GodFist of Fury  and his hero Afrobenny.

Wiki Leagues had their first “Interspecies Mud Wrestling Tournament” on 3/23/12. Winner: GodKing of Popstar  and his hero Mighty Kirby.

Great gods of the third generation:

Favorite HM 3rd gen gods:

Doctor Frank's Advice Corner

An evil queen
Dear Dr. Frank,

Needless to say, we City Watch cops go through a lot of handcuffs. What’s your favorite type and can you get us a bulk discount? Signed, GodAzzageddi 

Dearest, Azz (a.k.a. the author of the 2nd-most-loved poem in all of Godville)

Your question is pure poetry, and I’m so glad you came to me with this. I know there have been times when the … legalities of my … business have come into question, and I’m very thankful you’ve been willing to let bygones be bygones and that I’ve since learned to disguise my activities but, anyway, here we are and oh, boy, do I have an answer!!

The standard brands in favor are: ASP, Smith & Wesson, Peerless and Hiats. I used to say Peerless, but since they discontinued the 301s (unless you can find them on gvBay, you’ll be stuck with the 801s) and they’ve been plagued with recalls, I’d avoid them. If you’re concerned about the comfort of your victims umm... perps? I’ll run with that. If you’re concerned with the comfort of your perps, you’ll want double locking cuffs so they don’t tighten too much on the wrists or ankles. My favorite double-locking cuffs are the S&W, but I know others who really prefer the ASP. For all-purpose, fits any perp with no fuss and no muss, go with the Hiats “big guy” cuffs. Mmmmm... Love those big guys! I’m speaking of the cuffs, of course. Not to confuse things further, but you really should look into getting a set of the Clejuso brand cuffs, leg irons, and security belt for those... special occasions. The pieces work seamlessly with each other, they have a variety of cuff types, and they’re really pretty, too! Pricy, but well worth it!

Sadly, I cannot get you a discount on any of these cuffs, but perhaps if we went in on an order together, we could get a bulk rate?

Yours,

Dr. Frank

Fun with Fiends

We’ll make you wish you were dead.
Here we sit down periodically with a common opponent (a.k.a. a Godville monster) and find out what’s behind the mask. This week’s fiend is: Lying King.
  • Q: Why do you fight heroes?
  • A: Because I'm a porcupine.
  • Q: You're not a porcupine...?
  • A: I am a porcupine in disguise as a sea lion.
  • Q: Are you lying?
  • A: Everything I say is a lie, including this.
  • Q: Alright. So, how did you become a Lying King?
  • A: Through my natural ability to lead lemmings up a cliff.
  • Q: Up a cliff?
  • A: Yeah, why would they go down?
  • Q: Eh... Uhm... Moving on. What is your primary method of transportation?
  • A: I usually travel by pig, but when the flying pigs can't hold me, I may call for my private luxury jet.
  • Q: I see. As a Lying King, how many subjects do you have?
  • A: Around two billion, and they're all interviewers like you. You look like a fine example. I might be willing to accept you as my subject if you ask nicely.
  • Q: Oh...kay... I think we should round off here...
  • A: Oh, don't go, I need to tell you about my brave rescue of a Maítre Demon from the desert of Python last year! You see...
  • Q: I'm sorry, Your Lying Highness, but-
  • A: ...and the double dragon was flying around the square tower of the Feral Hero, ready to fight back against anyone who wanted to rescue the fair maiden...

This was the last transmission received from our interviewer. We hope he will be back by next week. If you have a burning question for a Godville monster, or a particular monster you’d like to know more about, submit your questions or ideas to the HMWH staff. Thank you.

Belteshazzar the Confounding

Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.
We welcome back GodBelteshazzar  after a short institutionalized respite from the daily grind of being the most confounding god in Godville. He can predict the future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week's Confoundee, GodElementarion !
  • Q: What question are you unable to answer?
  • A: This one. Oops! I mean... Wow, really? Right out of the gate, you ask that one? I can see already how this is going to go....by using my cubic zirconia ball, that is!

    The question I will never be ABLE to answer is this: "How old are you, Belt the Confounder, in Xyrtium years?" See, I only SEE the future. Doesn't mean I can suddenly read Xyrtium script.
  • Q: Will you ever be able to answer that question?
  • A: Um, is this a trick question? Did I miss something? Obviously, the answer is no.
  • Q: What is the answer to the answer of question #1?
  • A: ...you're really trying my patience now. Get on with it.
  • Q: Will people ever figure out what the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is?
  • A: Yes, just before it crushes them flat under its immense weight.
  • Q: Will heroes ever become friends with monsters?
  • A: Seriously? Two words: so simple. Heard of pets? Former monsters. So, yes. We can be friends.

That'll be an extra fee for this week’s confoundee for these all too simple questions for a mind such as I have! Read next week’s column for a special retrospective interview with one of history's famous royalty!

News Briefs

  • What: Part 2 of “Revolution” by GodThe Only Good God .
    When: Sunday!
    Where: The sowing Sun guild forum.
    Why: Part 1 was awesome and Part 2 is sure to please!
  • What: Libations and good company.
    When: Always!
    Where: The Open Bar guild forum.
    Why: See the “What” section. Need we say more?
  • What: Riddles!
    When: Friday.
    Where: The Hidden Shadows guild forum.
    Why: Riddles are fun! As an added bonus, if you win, you’ll get a part in Sunday’s sock-puppet play at sowing Sun.

Special Announcements

Congratulations to:
  • GodHairplug4men  who proved that evil shall triumph over ALL by besting the competition and winning the Tournament of Champions III: Good vs Evil. We are all SO proud of you!
  • GodMagic Merlin  whose hero hit Patriarch in Harvest Moon today. Congrats! You'll be an "old timer" in no time!
  • GodArtsonian  who reached her “evil anniversary” today! That’s 666 days in Godville! We knew you had a slice of the devil in you, you goodie-goody, you!

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#893 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1140 g.e.
Aricatus – 53rd-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Kaboom, I say, kaboom! ☾”, stands at the 109th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the god GodElementarion . His worst enemy – a Red Robin Hood. Favorite trophy – something that looks like some behemoth-flavored tea. He is also a huge fan of Herolympus’s pubs.
#894 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1141 g.e.
Vrena - 68th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☽Valar Morghulis☾”, stands at the 51st position in the pantheon of gladiatorship under the vigilant supervision of the god GodTamlyyn . The heroine has no distinctive features to date; however, she promises to get some before her next appearance.
Korndogg - 67th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Got Bricks?”, stands at the 148th position in the pantheon of survival under the vigilant supervision of the god GodD w P . He is a huge fan of Godvillewood’s pubs.
#896 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1143 g.e.
Tastyhotdog - 81st-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☾ Gastronomer 陰 恶”, stands at the 24th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god GodGod Of Tasty . He is known for his disarming smile and ability to wake even the most exhausted comrades with his laughter.
Darth-malachi - 47th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Killing you will be easy!”, stands at the 189th position in the pantheon of gladiatorship under the vigilant supervision of the god GodMalachi1213 . All he ever wanted was a little love and affection.

Member of the Week

Warning: Do NOT ask if he’s creamy or chunky. And he’s heard ALL the Captain Kangaroo and “kanga-RUDE!” jokes already.
Get to know a member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodSkippyryan 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: After making it up to Hierarch in Fairy Tale guild, I wanted something more from my guild, so after investigating the top guilds and their influences in towns, I chose HM because the evil alignment intrigued me.
  • Q: Where does your heroine hide her coin purse?
  • A: She likes to keep it in her pouch since she is a “Bush Kangaroo” coming from a long line of a well-known family of kangaroos.
  • Q: Name something that you and your heroine have in common.
  • A: We both like to hunt boss-monsters with our long tails.
  • Q: What advice would you give a newer player?
  • A: Just because koalas sleep most of the day, doesn’t mean they aren’t useful for training your pet!
  • Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
  • A: A few fresh spinach leaves, diced chives, and crispy fried Kale!
  • Q: Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
  • A: She found an abandoned boss-monster cavern just outside of Herowin – Perrrrr-fect!

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!'

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
NEW PROMO: Do you see names of your close friends in the Weekly Harvest each week announcing personal milestones like leveling up, templing, anniversaries or guild promotions? Well, don't stay jealous! Get the fame you deserve by announcing your successes and milestones in the GC and via PM to any contributor to the Weekly Harvest and you, too, can be infamous! Know someone who’s proud but shy? Submit something on their behalf! The more the merrier!

WANTED: Sticks of dynamite that innocently look like fireworks. Deliver, gift wrapped, to the bear trap in front of Ceccetticat's temple.

WANTED: Hired assassin to eliminate newly acquired Vogon Poet. He just lays around writing bad poetry all day and destroying artifacts. Granted he is only 3 days old but that is 3 days too many. Contact GodKatie Scarlett  to discuss payment options.

SALE: Skull-n-bones 2-for-1 sale. Exit 666 in Deville.

WANTED: Flaming bag of poo. I can provide the bag if you can light it, and place it on top of the gift wrapped present, next to the bear trap in front of Ceccetticat's temple.

NOW OPEN: Dracula's Diner – where the elite meet to eat. Visit us in San Satanos today for a meal that’s simply to die for.

LIMITED TIME OFFER: Act now! Do not miss out on this amazing, incredible, one time deal! You’ll be sorry if you miss your chance at... Seriously, Jimmy, I’m on the phone here! What do you mean we’re all out? Already? Umm... OK. Sir? Hello? Nevermind! (click)

PERSONAL:Single Evil God seeks Goddess of any alignment for heavy breathing, moonlit runs, screaming, and axe murdering. I’ll be the guy in the hockey mask. Just walk through the woods, no application necessary.

The Writers’ Coroner

Where Creativity gets disembodied.
Chant of Doom
Wooosh, crash and boom!
Goddess is out of her tomb!
A screech and a roar,
Evil is never a chore!
Spreading the world full of doom!

Written by: Miss SixthSatan

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or sane other HM member or GV participant.

You know what I miss? The good ol' days, when you could go outside around the 4th of July, and you were guaranteed to see some middle-aged gentlemen wearing absurd outfits to entertain people. A true staple of freedom and patriotism. I'm talking about the barbershop quartet.

This was a more simple time, when you could point out the dorks in a crowd if you were strapped to a rocket and launched a mile into the air. Easy pickin's. The ones wearing the tweed hats and tweed jackets, tweed pants and even briefs I bet. A time when America's freedom was at its best.

Barbershop quartets are very much a symbol of democracy. Because if they'd happened in a dictatorship, they'd all been dragged outside and tossed in an icy lake. While wearing matching cement shoes. Only in a free country could such a reversal of atrocities occur.

Subjecting folks to their singing, these quartets were the original gangs. It's a little known fact that such infamous people as the Jesse James gang, Al Capone's syndicate and the Olsen twins all started out as barbershop quartets. I mean to tell you, slaying people with cheesy numbers and waxed mustaches only paved the way for the brutality they would inflict on the country in later years.

What may surprise you is that some people (much like those who idolize Jesse James and Al Capone) still think of these quartets as something to be admired. What won't surprise you is that the majority of the audience won't reciprocate these feelings. They can't seem to admit it or voice their sentiments, and therefore encourage such crimes against the state to carry on every summer.

So let me help you out, by being the first to stand up and defend our earholes. Grab your metaphorical hooked canes, and yank these dingleberries off the stage.

If you were bothered by anything you've read in this article, that probably means you're in a barbershop quartet or know someone that is. Well, let me soften the blow for you by saying that I'm not singling out these groups. I now loathe you, as well. Get off the stage!

Over the Moon

Games and winners and prizes! Oh, my!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. This man sang: “Because I’m still in love with you on this Harvest Moon.”
  2. This is the name of the largest crater nearest the Apollo 11 moon landing site.
  3. This is the name of the only real Man in the Moon.
  4. Dr. Frank is out of legs, so he visits the local Legs Dealer to restock. The Legs Dealer has Naturalblondechicks (NBCs), goats, and sheep available. NBCs have two legs and cost $1.75. Goats and sheep both have four legs, and cost $3.50 and $7 respectively. After Dr. Frank bought at least one of each animal, he made sure to maximize the number of legs he could get for his money. He paid with a $100 bill. This is the number of legs he received, the number of each animal he bought, and the change he got from the transaction.

Congratulations to GodGodofbeer , the winner of last week’s quiz and the first to move on to the next Over the Moon Championship round! We have an amazingly fun game lined up for the Championship this time. Who will join him? It could be you! See you in the forums!


AHCw3.jpg
Missed last week’s? Click here!

Unstable skies and ground; chance for unexpected canyons.

Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Elementarion, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Makaze, Miss SixthSatan, Raindropstop and SourceRunner. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.
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