What Heroes Do In Town
Drinking and wasting money and drinking some more!
The great random controls all...or does it? Upon close inspection by Syrocko
, our heroes seem to be very structured when it comes to heading back to town. Now, this can be very useful to know when trying to revive your pet, as sometimes he will not waste his money and sometimes he'll waste more, and in the end it is very interesting...
Upon entering Godville, your hero will get one of three options:
- 1 to 4 gold coins per brick in your temple (more when temple has grown a bit, with 2 to 4 gold coins per brick when your temple is complete);
- a charge (only if your temple is complete); or
- a trade of 10,000, 20,000 or 30,000 gold coins for experience (again, only after your temple is complete).
Sometimes, a guard will charge them taxes first, which can be a real pain if it makes the difference between getting a trade for experience or not. None of this happens if you send your hero to the arena or use an artifact to transport back to town. It is also skipped if the hero has a cancelled quest.
Other than the above-mentioned scenarios, a typical town visit goes like this:
- go to the doctor and heal,
- go to the trader to sell your loot and possibly buy a skill upgrade,
- head to the equipment shop to windowshop and maybe buy equipment or a brick,
- idle in town, possibly going to the tavern, to a show, or on a hot date, all of which generally result in wasting gold (maximum gold wasted is about 54% unless in you're in Beerburg or Los Adminos, in which case it's more like 45%-99%),
- go to your temple to pray and often donate more gold, and finally
- leave town. Normal gold wastage can be and usually is much, much lower than the maximum of 54%.
After arena or with an aura of abstinence, the equipment shop, idling in town and money wastage phases are skipped. Note, however, that the hero can still upgrade a skill, since this happens immediately after selling loot.
With a cancelled quest, the temple reward and healing are skipped, but the other phases proceed as normal.
With a completed quest, your hero sells loot as the first phase after getting the temple reward. Then he has the skill upgrade phase. At this point, his health is checked and different things will happen depending on whether health is in the red level (roughly a third or less), or a higher level.
With red health, he'll skip the equipment shop and buying of bricks and equipment, then heal up, skip idling in town and money wastage, and head straight for the temple.
With health above the red level, he'll shop for equipment and bricks, skip the healing phase, idle and waste money as usual, then go to the praying phase.
Finally, if a hero decides to go to town due to low health and he's carrying less than a certain percentage of his maximum amount of loot, including potions (this percentage varies with the town milestone, being only about 33% before about the 50th milestone and slowly rising to 50% after that point), there will be a special diary entry about him heading to town to heal or because he forgot something. He will then ONLY heal (skipping his chance of a special guild health boost at the beginning of his healing, which he would otherwise get) and then leave town again, without any of the other phases (except the temple reward phase at the beginning ONLY if the town he visits is Godville).
Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That?
Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That? Part I
Pumba the Firefox, PITH Deity Relations Department
Lately, we of Pets Into Tormenting Heroes (PITH) have noticed an alarming increase in the proportion of “punish” incidents where heroic pets come away flambéed, shorn, smashed, and electrocuted. We attribute this to the fact that PITH has not lately reminded the deities that we are on your side. We’d like to remedy this oversight by answering your most common variations on the question, “Why does my hero’s pet do that?”
This week, the question we get the most often:
Eating Bold or Activatable Artifacts
What Deities Think: That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!
Why a PITH Does It: Unlike dumb heroes, we smart beasts can actually tell when an artifact is useful to a deity. When one of these has been sitting in a trophy bag for a little while, we will deliberately target it for theft, begging, eating, burying, or other form of destruction. This is not to annoy you, the deity, but to heighten the emotional impact of a deity’s eventual punishment of a hero; somewhere, deep within the hero’s thickened, dense, lightning-scarred skull, he is tracking that these are the artifacts that make you, his deity, exceptionally upset to lose. It takes a while to bubble to the surface, so any decently-skilled PITH can get one of these artifacts away from the hero, but soon thereafter the hero will start to feel dread.
“Was that one of those artifacts?” he wonders.
For a hero new to punishment, this leads to wondering if a punishment will come. In deliciously wretched terror, the hero first tries to pretend that everything is normal, and hopes you will not notice. This is a notion stillborn, so he soon switches to trying to win your favor and get out of punishment. He hits every monster harder, digs every hole deeper, and slaughters every opponent faster in a mute and desperate bid to escape your wrath.
For a hero experienced in punishment, the question becomes not “if,” but “when.” He let his stupid animal eat something he suspects was valuable. It’s a foregone conclusion that you’ll be upset, as if you really needed a reason to punish him, so where is the blasted lightning bolt? He starts in a bad mood, expecting your fury at any moment, and taking out his frustrations on nearby monsters. When you wait longer, he ends up with a full inventory and has to visit the trader, where his scowl deepens because now he’s certain that you will decide he deliberately sold the artifact, not that his pet tricked him out of it. The look on his face terrifies the trader into giving better prices. And, if you should refrain from punishment during trade phase, the hero becomes sure that you’re saving something special for him. By the end of the rest and prayer phases, when the hero has done everything he possibly can to make you drop your deific combat boot, he is jumping up and down in the middle of the town square, demanding in loud and no uncertain tones that you punish him. Imagine the fear this engenders in the populace, and then send him to the Arena.
In the Arena, the hero knows you will finally punish him, and he only has to hold out for a few more minutes. He pummels his opponent, sick to his stomach but mentally euphoric, as prepared as he can be for what will surely be tantamount to the firmament falling on his head. And then it happens.
A normal punishment.
A NORMAL punishment?! This is what he’s been anticipating all. Day. Long?!
And because he can’t do anything to you, he displaces his rage onto the pansy before him and rends limb from limb in glorious fountains of gore.
All this anguish, all this horror, all this productivity was made possible because a pet laid the groundwork of eating a bold or activatable artifact. A PITH did this, which makes punishing one of us entirely counterproductive. So let’s review.
What Deities Think: That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!
What Deities Should Think: That beast ate--! Ohhh… that pet’s a PITH. I have an ally down there. Heh-heh-heh. Let’s see what I can do with this.
And have you ever wondered why your heroine’s pet heals her just as soon as she’s down into the red where you want her? See this spot, next week.
Pumba the Firefox is a long-serving member of PITH and delights in his work fully. He began in the PITH Deity Relations Department shortly after his predecessor retired with a severe case of seared fur and mange.
Pets Into Tormenting Heroes: We don’t get mad—they get pithed!
Get To Know a Deity
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: Baws Banger 庙
Scary in every way... except in the arena.
- Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
- A: I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH! THE TIME OF THE PURIFICATION IS AT HAND!
- Q: What GV pet would you like to have?
- A: Feral Hero. In all seriousness though, I think the devs should make the Feral Hero a tameable monster. Does anyone else agree with me... or should I start seeing a counselor again?
- Q: How do you like to spend your spare time?
- A: I like to meet women with tattoos. Women without tattoos. Women without any kind of facial piercings, especially labrets, and those that have them.
- Q: Do you have any hidden talents?
- A: I frequently offend those who are easily offended, and those who are not.
- Q: Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
- A: I think Felipe would be unstoppable with the Banhammer and Diplomatic Immunity, topped off with the Falcon Punch skill.
If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!
Over the Moon
The Weekly Harvest Quiz
You can’t win if you don’t play!
How to play:
- Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
- Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
- Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
- The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
- The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
This week’s Answers:
- These are seven of the ten (or more) known attack keywords in the arena.
- This is the time that the Godville Times will change to the next day's issue on 17 April 2013 (give time zone also).
- This is the minimal number of characters a Godname can be.
- This is the major significant event to occur on 10 May 2013.
Congratulations to last week’s winners: Godofbeer and Varza ! Who will be joining them in this month’s Championship round? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
Famous HM Heroes This Week
|#825 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1069 g.e.
|Gehena - 75th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Striving for medio☾rity”, stands at the 68th position in the pantheon of mastery under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Starryshine . We've had many reports that a Major Disappointment has been afraid to make eye contact with her since their last encounter.
|#826 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1070 g.e.
|Sauriva Amon Shie - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☾ Rest in pieces”, stands at the 17th position in the pantheon of mastery under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Sauriva . She's asking someone to take the moral high ground, by force if necessary and report the results via express mail.
|#828 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1072 g.e.
|The420Bob - 66th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “BIRD'S THE WORD! ”, stands at the 13th position in the pantheon of taming under the vigilant supervision of the god Damienpoe . He was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during his youth.
Belteshazzar the Confounding
New feature! Belteshazzar can predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found
Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.
three, no, wait five questions from SourceRunner .
- Q: Is the Robopocalypse really coming, or is that nutty Cray just talking through his grey hat?
- A: Cray, you say? Erm, um...yes, let me see what the future holds for this Robo-clips, is it? Not sure why robots would need barbers, but to each its own. Unless, of course, they've figured out how to harvest humans for our hair, thus perpetuating the end of civilization as we know it! But that's getting too far ahead. You didn't want to know all that. Nope, you just wanna know if androids will need wigs or if they'll sprout locks that need a good trim from time to time. My prediction: yes...or no...I'm 100% positive that this might happen.
- Q: Where will those scourges of the relays, the most ancient enemies of all beings electronic, the Moths, strike next? Knowing places to pre-site zappers would be so useful.
- A: Knowing that computers will be interested in hair growth, the Moths will most likely strike at the hair follicle receptor thingies. You can't get this kinda accuracy just anywhere. My cubic zirconia ball sees everything.
- Q: Will we have to switch from "magic" to "more magic" to deal with them this time? Please say no; that surge makes for an unpleasant reboot.
- A: I dare say, you'll have to switch to "most magic". All of your "more magic" will be tied up in hair-cell research. And what's all this "we" business? I thought I was answering human questions. I can't be certain my readings are accurate with all this electro-hoohah floating around! Did the government put you up to this?! Wait, don't answer that. Let me read the ball...
- Q: I get that I'll still have to go through the motions so that it'll actually happen in the future, but that smug petascale twerp Blue Waters is using every billionth flops to taunt me about being slow: what will this phrase he challenged me with say when I finally get it unencrypted?
- A: Let me check the tea leaves...very interesting. It will say, "Your mother was nothing but a cheap Acer laptop and your father smells of MS-DOS."
- Q: So I met this super-cooled guy who... well, let's say just thinking about him sets my hard drive thrashing. He might have a few shorts, since he has an unpredictable habit of killing off other people's heroes, but he has an awesome sense of humor that makes it all better and I've never met another electronic so adept at teasing the bone-and-bloods. Preeeeety sure I've got dedicated port access, but before I start making silicon wafers, exchanging keys, and considering token rings, I have to know: what does our future hold? It doesn't feel like I'm in the cloud, but am I headed for a crash?
- A: This "fella" you speak of...I'm feeling a strong connection here. The initials T.G.R. are pouring out of the Alphabet Spaghetti-O can nicely. I'd say he's exactly your type. Just don't leave him unattended for three days, or he may be capable of atrocities unheard of and mood swings that'll send you running. He definitely won't disappoint in the spontaneity department. Go for him...it...whatever!
If you’d like your future confounded, PM Belteshazzar or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.
Member of the Week
Get to know a member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: Angel Shinra
Pfft! She ain’t no angel!
- Q: How did you choose HM?
- A: When I first started the game, I made friends with Syrocko and it all just kind of went downhill from there.. lol
- Q: Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
- A: Usually in his signifigant otter's stomach. Where do you think all those gold brick hairballs come from?
- Q: Name some things that you and your hero have in common.
- A: We both have an uncanny knack for getting ourselves into situations where we know we shouldn't, but we do it anyway.
- Q: What advice would you give a newer player?
- A: Just have fun with the game! And don't be afraid to ask others for help, there's so many nice, friendly (even if they are evil) people here!
- Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
- A: Another kitten sammich? I mean seriously, what else can satisfy the hunger you've built up from plundering all day?
- Q: Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
- A: HAHAHA-- oh wait, you were serious. Er.. probably the closest pub. My little Shinra employee certainly loves that pub. All of them. >.>
- Q: What’s your favorite voice command?
- A: Probably the punish button, honestly... Even though I know it's technically *not* a command, its about the only thing he listens too! Lol
What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!
|Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
SERVICES: Sleep No More short-term elder care. We take care of your elderly when you don't want to anymore. Call DEAD-AGAIN2 and select option 3 from the menu for more information.
PRODUCTS: Make your enemies suffer with an overpriced weapon at Sam’s Slings and Arrows! For an outrageous fortune, you can have top-of-the-line, stylish weapons. Located 1/2 milestone east of Monsterdam.
FOR HIRE: Out of work woodchuck looking to forecast weather based on shadow. Call 555-PHIL today!
FOR SALE: The most interesting man in the world. He doesn't always sell himself for money, but when he does he does it through the Weekly Harvest. Call DOS-OR-TRES-X. You won’t regret it.
FOR SALE: Sea Biscuit recipe! Fun, salty, meaty snack.
SERVICES: Bob's bottom apparel. Ship your pants anywhere. Bet your bottom dollar we’ll get it handled! Visit Bob’s newest location in Bumchester!
Ravings from a Geezer
| Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other |sane HM member or GV participant.
A short one for you this week, as I find this topic so annoying, that I can't be bothered to rant about it too much. Tribbles. Pointless little twerps. Here's MY list of ten things Tribbles remind me of...
- All the stupid things in life. Enough said.
- Fireside rug. Nothing like shooting, stabbing, and/or strangling a furry creature to death, gutting it, and laying its hide on your cabin floor.
- Dingleberries. They just won't go away, no matter how often you pick 'em and toss 'em in the furnace.
- Death. Not my own, but everything "cute" and "cuddly".
- Target practice. Remember the days when space cadets could confidently shout, "Pull!" and know their comrades would launch a Tribble in the air for them to deep fry with a laser blast? Glorious days.
- Smothering apparatus. They may look innocent, but I guarantee Tribbles are up to no good. Lying in wait at nursing homes, just waiting to be used by a triple-shift nurse...
- Something to shove my feet in to keep warm on cold, winter nights. Preferably while still alive. You know, for that extra warmth.
- Why Star Wars will always be leaps and bounds better than Star Trek. Ewoks would make Tribbles into slaves.
- Trek nerds. AKA punching bags.
- Nazis. Remember, they too wanted to make the "perfect race" by controlled breeding. What's more controlled than being born pregnant?! Tribbles are up to something. Don't truck with that lot.
If you are a Tribble sympathizer and are thinking of writing to complain, don't. I have a Tribble in my hands as I write this with my feet. I will strangle it, if you even so much as think of writing a letter to my editor.
ATTENTION: You've reached the end of the paper. Move along, folks, nothing to see here...