History of Godville 101
Young Gods these days, I tell ya...
Shuffles up to the podium with his walker, puts in his teeth, adjusts his trifocals and peers out at all the young faces in the audience.
Good afternoon. I'm your guest lecturer today for History of Godville 101, and I'm going to tell you what playing Godville was like back in the early days. You young whippersnappers have no idea how soft you have it. Spoiled, the lot of you! Why, in my day....
- There was so little game content, it's a wonder our heroes didn't die of boredom doing the same things over and over and going on the same old quests.
- Level 60 was elderly. Now 60 is the new 30!
- There was only one guild pantheon. That's right. ONE!
- 3G was considered pretty darned speedy!
- We had to live with grammar and spelling errors. That's right - there was no grammar correction button. No report button, either, though a few trolls remedied that in a hurry.
- Our heroes didn't just lose a skirmish, they died! Poof! Gone!
- We could count all the temple owners on less than ten pairs of hands.
- Due to the Great Glitch of 2010, our heroes occasionally went to negative milestones and kept moving backwards into no man's land. Or maybe another dimension, we never knew.
- Tied in the arena? The flip of the coin counted on your arena record.
- Guild Council? What's a Guild Council? That's right, kiddies, we actually used our forum for fun and roleplay!
- Monsterdam, Last Resort, Bumchester and Unspecifiedstan hadn't even been built yet. It was all just wasteland.
- Our pets didn't get knocked out, they all died of broken necks! No humane release into the wild, no trips to the vet. The countryside was littered with their furry, lifeless bodies.
- There were no mini or epic quests, no break from the tedium of normal questing.
- We had no dig or boss monsters, either. We had to earn our gold and build our temples the hard way.
- Retirement fund? Ha! We didn't even have banks!
- To get from Godville to Tradeburg and back again, our heroes had to walk uphill both ways. Barefoot. In the snow.
So next time you pass an old timer in the GC or around the forum, remember what a hard life they had and thank them for helping make Godville what it is today. And be sure to say it good and loud, because they're probably pretty darned deaf by now.
Fun with Fiends
|New feature! Here we sit down periodically with a common opponent (a.k.a. a Godville monster) and find out what’s behind the mask. This week’s fiend is: Major Disappointment.
- HMWH: Mr. Disappointment...
- MD: What did you call me? I work for a living! You will refer to me as Sir Major D.
- HMWH: Umm.. okay, Sir Major D., what has been the most memorable moment in your life?
- SMD: That would probably have to be the day I dropped out of high school and my parents kicked me out of the house. I joined the Monster Core that day.
- HMWH: All of that happened on the same day?
- SMD: It was a long day! Anyway, my Commander said I'd make a fine piece of meat to throw up on the front lines.
- HMWH: Sounds like your Commander was not impressed?
- SMD: What?! That was a term of endearment! He had other ones for me to like “Dumbbell” because I like to lift weights. He’s also where I got my name Disappointment.
- HMWH: Tell us about that. Did you do something to disappoint your Commander?
- SMD: Not at all! He said he’d set the standard so low for me that there was no way I could ever disappoint. It's like when you call a really big guy “Tiny” or or a tiny guy “Moron.”
- HMWH: I see. What were your duties while you were in the Monster Core?
- SMD: Well, my main duty on day one was to check all of the ammunition. But when it accidentally went off in the barracks, I was assigned to the much more important task of holding the barracks floor down. I pretty much sat there for the rest of my stay.
We’d like to thank Major Disappointment for spending this time with us so we can get to know the monsters of Godville better.
If you have a burning question for a Godville monster, or a particular monster you’d like to know more about, submit your questions or ideas to the HMWH staff. Thank you.
|His collar says "Pinky":
Will the God/dess who parked their hero/ine’s Alpha Centaur on the guild hall lawn, please come get them?
Yes, it was St. Patty’s Day and we’re sure dying him green was amusing, but the dye is running and, quite frankly, not even the Venus Hero Traps around here are green. Prompt removal would be appreciated.
Famous HM Heroes This Week
|#799 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1042 g.e.
|#800 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1043 g.e.
|ViSM - 81st-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Requiescat in pace ☾”, stands at the 44th position in the pantheon of taming under the vigilant supervision of the god ViSM . He is deeply gratified by his place in the pantheon and is not planning to give it up any time soon.
|#801 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1044 g.e.
|Quadfather - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☾Speaker of the Moon ☾”, stands at the 12th position in the pantheon of might under the vigilant supervision of the god Thirdeye0pen . He always wanted to catch a tiger by the tail, but never found the time.
|#802 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1045 g.e.
|Landica - 62nd-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☾There is only Landica☾”, stands at the 47th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the god Lucidic . She is a huge fan of Anville’s pubs.
|Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
|This week’s Classifieds are sponsored by: Monsterdam Urinal Cakes. “We aim to please, you aim, too, please!”
NEW: Mindbleach. For those moments when a goody-goody gets in your head with stories of puppy dogs and gingerbread. Now available at shady traders everywhere. Ask for it by name!
WANTED: Big-brained applicants wanted for hire at ZombInc. No experience necessary.
FOR SALE: The number one bestseller "Ye Tome of Goodvile Spells and Missteaks" now available in pubs across the land!
SERVICES: Learn the new martial art of self abuse. Hit yourself before others can! Warning: self abuse may cause blindness, stiff joints, or public embarrassment. If you self abuse for more than four hours, hit harder. Visit our new training center in Bumchester to sign up!
FOR SALE: Hair grease. From my hairs to yours. Psssssst! I'm under the stairs...
SERVICES: Lost your shoe and don't know what to do? Call MOM-CAN-FIND. Whether she wore it last or not, she can find anything!
Over the Moon
The Weekly Harvest Quiz
Games and winners and prizes! Oh, my!
How to play:
- Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
- Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
- Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
- The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
- The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
This week’s Answers:
- This was St. Patrick's given name.
- This religious leader has only 1 lung.
- This is the total number of possible Godville achievements including different ranks and iOS-only achievements.
- This is roughly the amount of gold required to resurrect a level 20 pet.
Congratulations to last week’s winner Royal Highness who will be joining Godofbeer to play in the Over the Moon Championship. Who will be their next competitor? It could be you! See you in the forum!
Doctor Frank's Advice Corner
|Dear Dr. Frank,
I just went and got a pet zombie.Unfortunately, he’s recently deceased and not very terrifying. What can I do to have the most horrific zombie on the block?
Signed, he only answers to “Normie”
Dearest Grrr... Argh,
So “Normie” isn’t scary? Sadly, if you artificially increase his rate of decomposition, you also rapidly decrease his shelf life as a pet. You paid good money for the little guy, so enjoy him for as long as possible! The recently deceased are so trainable, you could teach him to play an instrument. With a guitar or piano player as a pet, perhaps you can make frenemies with those you’re trying to horrify rather than going straight for the scare. Normie can always eat their brains later after they've had a few drinks. Congrats on the new pet and good luck!
No question is too great or too small! Submit your questions for Doctor Frank-n-furter to any member of the staff. No invites? Send them via email to firstname.lastname@example.org.