Difference between revisions of "Talk:Harvest Moon"

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This week’s featured topic: '''Retirement'''
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This week’s featured topic: '''A Visit to Town'''
  
 
Other useful links:
 
Other useful links:
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|'''''There can be only one.''''' #23
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|'''''No refunds.''''' #24
 
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{| id="mp-left" style="vertical-align:left; background:#E3DAC9;"
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:RetSavings.jpg|right|thumb|Better than filling your mattress with gold coins.]] '''Influencing your hero's Savings'''
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk"> [[File:InTown1.jpg|right|thumb|Drinking and wasting money and drinking some more!]] The great random controls all...or does it? Upon close inspection by {{god|Syrocko}}, our heroes seem to be very structured when it comes to heading back to town. Now, this can be very useful to know when trying to revive your pet, as sometimes he will not waste his money and sometimes he'll waste more, and in the end it is very interesting...
  
 +
Upon entering Godville, your hero will get one of three options:
 +
# 1 to 4 gold coins per brick in your temple (more when temple has grown a bit, with 2 to 4 gold coins per brick when your temple is complete);
 +
# a charge (only if your temple is complete); or
 +
# a trade of 10,000, 20,000 or 30,000 gold coins for experience (again, only after your temple is complete).
  
You have a temple and BOOM! A new goal pops up: Retirement and the [[Pantheon of Savings]]. If you decide you want to climb the ranks, here’s some information you might find helpful.
+
Sometimes,  a guard will charge them taxes first, which can be a real pain if it makes the difference between getting a trade for experience or not. None of this happens if you send your hero to the arena or use an artifact to transport back to town. It is also skipped if the hero has a cancelled quest.
  
 +
Other than the above-mentioned scenarios, a typical town visit goes like this:
 +
# go to the doctor and heal,
 +
# go to the trader to sell your loot and possibly buy a skill upgrade,
 +
# head to the equipment shop to windowshop and maybe buy equipment or a brick,
 +
# idle in town, possibly going to the tavern, to a show, or on a hot date, all of which generally result in wasting gold (maximum gold wasted is about 54% unless in you're in Beerburg or Los Adminos, in which case it's more like 45%-99%),
 +
# go to your temple to pray and often donate more gold, and finally
 +
# leave town. Normal gold wastage can be and usually is much, much lower than the maximum of 54%.
  
Whether your hero/ine donates in town is a random occurrence, but there are towns that have higher donation percentages when they do donate. If you want to work on savings the trick is to visit those towns that typically have a larger percentage donation rate when your hero does donate. The two best towns for savings post temple are, not coincidentally, the two known for being the worst for wasting pre-temple: [[Beerburgh]] and [[Los Adminos]]. The new town of [[Herowin]] also appears to be great for savings and horrendous pre-temple wasting.
+
After arena or with an aura of abstinence, the equipment shop, idling in town and money wastage phases are skipped. Note, however, that the hero can still upgrade a skill, since this happens immediately after selling loot.
  
 +
With a cancelled quest, the temple reward and healing are skipped, but the other phases proceed as normal.
  
In addition to visiting those towns you will want to have plenty of gold/bold items to sell. Best-case scenario: when a donation happens, you have a large sum to donate from and are in a town with known large-percentage donations. With a temple comes the occasional free charge and the handy-dandy miracle button! If you’re a payer, even better. Use your charges for miracles while traveling to fill your inventory with bolds on the way back to the targeted towns to increase the gold balance. Digging for gold, bricks and bosses also helps, but we all know the miracles are a sure thing for bold items.
+
With a completed quest, your hero sells loot as the first phase after getting the temple reward. Then he has the skill upgrade phase. At this point, his health is checked and different things will happen depending on whether health is in the red level (roughly a third or less), or a higher level.
  
 +
With red health, he'll skip the equipment shop and buying of bricks and equipment, then heal up, skip idling in town and money wastage, and head straight for the temple.
  
The "go to town" Voice Command seems to increase in the chance for a donation but this is anecdotal and not definitively proven. Also note: an aura of abstinence will prevent any retirement donations.
+
With health above the red level, he'll shop for equipment and bricks, skip the healing phase, idle and waste money as usual, then go to the praying phase.
  
 
+
Finally, if a hero decides to go to town due to low health and he's carrying less than a certain percentage of his maximum amount of loot, including potions (this percentage varies with the town milestone, being only about 33% before about the 50th milestone and slowly rising to 50% after that point), there will be a special diary entry about him heading to town to heal or because he forgot something. He will then ONLY heal (skipping his chance of a special guild health boost at the beginning of his healing, which he would otherwise get) and then leave town again, without any of the other phases (except the temple reward phase at the beginning ONLY if the town he visits is Godville).
Good luck with retirement! 30 million gold coins seems a lofty goal, but one of us is bound to get there sooner of later and it might as well be you!
 
 
 
 
 
''Special thanks to {{god|SBFH}} for letting us <s>plagarize</s> borrow his savings info! You rock bearfriend!''
 
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That?</p>
 
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| [[File:Bella Stewart.jpg|thumbnail|Queen of evil]] '''Advice from the Mavin of the Macabre, the Mistress of Mystery, our very own Empress: Bellatrixie The Strange!'''
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| [[File:Firefox1.jpg|thumbnail|right|Pumba the Firefox, PITH Deity Relations Department]]'''Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That? Part I'''
 +
 
 +
Lately, we of Pets Into Tormenting Heroes (PITH) have noticed an alarming increase in the proportion of “punish” incidents where heroic pets come away flambéed, shorn, smashed, and electrocuted. We attribute this to the fact that PITH has not lately reminded the deities that we are on your side. We’d like to remedy this oversight by answering your most common variations on the question, “Why does my hero’s pet do that?”
 +
 
 +
This week, the question we get the most often:
 +
 
 +
''Eating Bold or Activatable Artifacts''
 +
 
 +
''What Deities Think:'' That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!
 +
 
 +
''Why a PITH Does It:'' Unlike dumb heroes, we smart beasts can actually tell when an artifact is useful to a deity. When one of these has been sitting in a trophy bag for a little while, we will deliberately target it for theft, begging, eating, burying, or other form of destruction. This is not to annoy you, the deity, but to heighten the emotional impact of a deity’s eventual punishment of a hero; somewhere, deep within the hero’s thickened, dense, lightning-scarred skull, he is tracking that these are the artifacts that make you, his deity, exceptionally upset to lose. It takes a while to bubble to the surface, so any decently-skilled PITH can get one of these artifacts away from the hero, but soon thereafter the hero will start to feel dread.
 +
 
 +
“Was that one of ''those'' artifacts?” he wonders.
  
Hello, Evil Readers! It's time again to answer some of your inane, I mean astute questions! Nothing brightens my day like a good belly laugh after opening the mailbag, so keep sending them in!
+
For a hero new to punishment, this leads to wondering if a punishment will come. In deliciously wretched terror, the hero first tries to pretend that everything is normal, and hopes you will not notice. This is a notion stillborn, so he soon switches to trying to win your favor and get out of punishment. He hits every monster harder, digs every hole deeper, and slaughters every opponent faster in a mute and desperate bid to escape your wrath.
  
''"Dear Bella, My solar bear keeps relieving himself all over my new shiny temple. I've tried all the traditional ways of potty training but nothing's working - help!"''
+
For a hero experienced in punishment, the question becomes not “if,” but “when.” He let his stupid animal eat something he suspects was valuable. It’s a foregone conclusion that you’ll be upset, as if you really needed a reason to punish him, so where is the blasted lightning bolt? He starts in a bad mood, expecting your fury at any moment, and taking out his frustrations on nearby monsters. When you wait longer, he ends up with a full inventory and has to visit the trader, where his scowl deepens because now he’s certain that you will decide he deliberately sold the artifact, not that his pet tricked him out of it. The look on his face terrifies the trader into giving better prices. ''And,'' if you should refrain from punishment during trade phase, the hero becomes sure that you’re saving something special for him. By the end of the rest and prayer phases, when the hero has done everything he possibly can to ''make'' you drop your deific combat boot, he is jumping up and down in the middle of the town square, demanding in loud and no uncertain tones that you punish him. Imagine the fear this engenders in the populace, and then send him to the Arena.
  
I hate to break it to you, but there is no way to potty train a solar bear, though it would have been really amusing to see you try. I don't suppose you have any video....? At any rate, you've apparently forgotten that you have a hero to do your dirty work. A shovel, bucket, scrub brush and an itchy punish button finger are all you should need to convince him to keep your temple clean and odor-free. He's still balking? Tell him you want a new temple. I'll bet he starts right in scrubbing.
+
In the Arena, the hero knows you will finally punish him, and he only has to hold out for a few more minutes. He pummels his opponent, sick to his stomach but mentally euphoric, as prepared as he can be for what will surely be tantamount to the firmament falling on his head. And then it happens.
  
''"Dear Bella, It's STILL snowing. Make it stop!!"''
+
A punishment.
  
Can you see me shaking my head in disbelief? Why on earth would you even think of wanting such a thing? You do know what follows winter, don't you? Spring! The worst season of the year! Trees budding, flowers blooming, birds singing, bees buzzing, rainbows, baby things, cheerful, happy faces. Gag. How nauseating. Relish the snow as long as you can! And when you can't hold back the warm weather anymore, shut the drapes, stay inside and pretend there's still a blizzard out there! Honestly, I'm tempted to revoke your Evil License.
+
A normal punishment.
  
''"Dear Bella, What can I do with all my leftover decorations now that Easter is over and done with?"''
+
A ''NORMAL'' punishment?! ''This'' is what he’s been anticipating all. Day. Long?!
  
Well, obviously, if it's anything chocolate, eat it. Or better yet, send it to me. I'll...dispose of it. Here are some fun ways I recycle some of my other Easter stuff:
+
And because he can’t do anything to you, he displaces his rage onto the pansy before him and rends limb from limb in glorious fountains of gore.
* Old Easter eggs? Keep them out at room temperature until they're good and ripe, then - to the pup-a-pult! Pelting your friends' and rivals' temples with rotten eggs is a perfect way to ruin one of those awful lovely spring days!
+
 
* Stale Peeps? A cardboard box, a knife, and a bottle of ketchup are all you need to make a fun diorama of "After the Battle of Waterloo." Microwave for added authenticity!
+
All this anguish, all this horror, all this productivity was made possible because a pet laid the groundwork of eating a bold or activatable artifact. A PITH did this, which makes punishing one of us entirely counterproductive. So let’s review.
* Baby bunnies, chicks and ducklings? Are you sure you're in the right guild? I mean, really...you may need a total alignment adjustment at the Harvest Moon day spa. Hurry. It may already be too late.
+
 
 +
''What Deities Think:'' That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!
 +
 
 +
''What Deities Should Think:'' That beast ate--! Ohhh… that pet’s a PITH. I have an ally down there. Heh-heh-heh. Let’s see what I can do with this.
 +
 
 +
And have you ever wondered why your heroine’s pet heals her just as soon as she’s down into the red where you want her? See this spot, next week.
 +
 
 +
''Pumba the Firefox is a long-serving member of PITH and delights in his work fully. He began in the PITH Deity Relations Department shortly after his predecessor retired with a severe case of seared fur and mange.''
 +
 
 +
''Pets Into Tormenting Heroes: We don’t get mad—they get pithed!''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Get To Know a Deity</p>
 
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| [[File:Beeps.jpg|thumb|right|Watch out, kiddos, this one bites!]] Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Beeporama|temple=0}}
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| [[File:BawsB.jpg|thumb|right|Scary in every way... except in the arena.]]Here we sit down weekly with a [[Harvest Moon]] warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: {{God|Baws Banger|temple=0}}
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
 
* '''Q:''' What is your favorite salty snack?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The tears of my hero.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH! THE TIME OF THE PURIFICATION IS AT HAND!}}
* '''Q:''' What are your hero’s marketable skills?
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* '''Q:''' What GV pet would you like to have?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' He's been renting himself out as a lightning rod for parades and picnics.}}
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* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Feral Hero. In all seriousness though, I think the devs should make the Feral Hero a tameable monster. Does anyone else agree with me... or should I start seeing a counselor again?}}
* '''Q:''' What color underwear are you wearing?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Black. Like the color of my soul.}}
 
* '''Q:''' Do you get emotional using Encourage when in times of crisis?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Fortunately I am a sociopath and incapable of feeling emotion.}}
 
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
 
* '''Q:''' How do you like to spend your spare time?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Hiking, reading, long walks on the beach, quiet evenings in front of a fire, watching my foes crushed before me and hearing the lamentations of their women.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I like to meet women with tattoos. Women without tattoos. Women without any kind of facial piercings, especially labrets, and those that have them.}}
* '''Q:''' If you had to eat your hero, which part of the body would you tuck into first?
+
* '''Q:''' Do you have any hidden talents?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' The brain... best to start with a very light aperitif, practically an amuse-bouche, before a meal of substance. Fortunately the liver is sufficiently pickled to save that part for a rainy day.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I frequently offend those who are easily offended, and those who are not.}}
* '''Q:''' Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?  
+
* '''Q:''' Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' SEVEN PAIRS OF ICARUS WINGS.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I think Felipe would be unstoppable with the Banhammer and Diplomatic Immunity, topped off with the Falcon Punch skill.}}
* '''Q:''' What's the most evil thing your hero has done in your temple?
 
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' That is base slander cooked up by my political opponents. I did not have relations with that [[Blue Feather]]. This interview is over. ''(throws mic on floor, storms off)''}}
 
  
''Okay, then! If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
+
''If you have a burning question for [[Harvest Moon]]'s Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!''
 
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
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| <div id="mp-tfa" style="padding:2px 5px"> <div id="mp-dyk">[[File:MoonNi.jpg|left|thumb|No holds barred! Bring it!]]
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|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
  
It's [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Harvest_moon HM] vs [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/Knights_who_say_Ni KWSN] in the first ever Moon-Ni tourney!
+
'''How to play:'''
  
The Absurdity begins this Saturday, April 13th. The gladiators will be competing for Fabulass™ prizes in the form of charges '''PLUS''' instant self gratification (and bragging rights for their respective guilds).
+
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
 +
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 +
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 +
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 +
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
  
There are some great matchups in this tourney and we’re sure you won’t want to miss a beat!
+
'''This week’s Answers:'''
  
Feel free to join the [godville tournament of champions] group on Palringo for more “live” action! Special thanks to the ToC organizers for letting us borrow the group. Not on Pal? Get there! Or you can track your favorite gladiator’s progress by keeping an eye on the brackets: [http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity http://damdai.com/tonamento/tournaments/3674/april-absurdity].
+
# These are seven of the ten (or more) known attack keywords in the arena.
 +
# This is the time that the Godville Times will change to the next day's issue on 17 April 2013 (give time zone also).
 +
# This is the minimal number of characters a Godname can be.
 +
# This is the major significant event to occur on 10 May 2013.
  
Good luck to the warriors of Harvest Moon!
+
Congratulations to last week’s winners: {{god|Godofbeer}} and {{god|Varza}}! Who will be joining them in this month’s Championship round? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
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| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
 
 
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In lieu of anything special to announce, we give you:
 
 
''~Words of Wisdom from H. J. Simpson''
 
 
“All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.”
 
 
 
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! style="padding:2px;" | #819 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1063 g.e.
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! style="padding:2px;" | #825 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1069 g.e.
 
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| ''Masselin'' - 76th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Blood Moon Marauder ☾”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/might?page=1#p_47 47th position] in the [[pantheon of might]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Masse}}. He is a huge fan of Anville’s pubs.
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| '''Gehena''' - 75th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “Striving for medio☾rity”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/mastery?page=1#p_68 68th position] in the [[pantheon of mastery]] under the vigilant supervision of the goddess {{god|Starryshine}}. We've had many reports that a Major Disappointment has been afraid to make eye contact with her since their last encounter.
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! style="padding:2px;" | #826 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1070 g.e.
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| '''Sauriva Amon Shie''' - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “☾ Rest in pieces”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/mastery?page=1#p_17 17th position] in the [[pantheon of mastery]] under the vigilant supervision of the goddess {{god|Sauriva}}. She's asking someone to take the moral high ground, by force if necessary and report the results via express mail.
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! style="padding:2px;" | #828 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1072 g.e.
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| '''The420Bob''' - 66th-level adventurer, member of the “[[Harvest Moon]]” guild, with the motto “BIRD'S THE WORD! ”, stands at the [http://godvillegame.com/pantheon/show/taming?page=1#p_13 13th position] in the [[pantheon of taming]] under the vigilant supervision of the god {{god|Damienpoe}}. He was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during his youth.
 
|-
 
|-
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Belteshazzar the Confounding</p>
 
|-
 
|-
| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] '''New feature!''' {{god|Belteshazzar}} ''can'' predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found three questions from {{god|Doctor Frank-n-furter}}.
+
| [[File:Carneshazzar.jpg|thumb|left|Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.]] '''New feature!''' {{god|Belteshazzar}} ''can'' predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found three questions from {{god|SourceRunner}}.
* '''Q:''' Should I build an interocitor?
+
* '''Q:''' Is the Robopocalypse really coming, or is that nutty Cray just talking through his grey hat?
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Yes. Then, you can find out just how unintelligent you really are for asking this question. An interocitor? I have the brain power to move galaxies, and you ask that?!}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Cray, you say? Erm, um...yes, let me see what the future holds for this Robo-clips, is it? Not sure why robots would need barbers, but to each its own. Unless, of course, they've figured out how to harvest humans for our hair, thus perpetuating the end of civilization as we know it! But that's getting to far ahead. You didn't want to know all that. Nope, you just wanna know if androids will need wigs or if they'll sprout locks that need a good trim from time to time. My prediction: yes...or no...I'm 100% positive that this might happen.}}
* '''Q:''' Will I one day succeed at building the perfect man?
+
* '''Q:''' Where will those scourges of the relays, the most ancient enemies of all beings electronic, the Moths, strike next? Knowing places to pre-site zappers would be so useful.
* {{color|red||'''A:''' Not if you waste your time on that blasted interocitor! Plus, once you find out how feeble-minded you are after the interocitor finishes your test, you'll be too depressed. Your "perfect man" will end up a goth.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Knowing that computers will be interested in hair growth, the Moths will most likely strike at the hair follicle receptor thingies. You can't get this kinda accuracy just anywhere. My cubic zirconia ball sees everything.}}
* '''Q:''' Will my hero’s dust bunny rule an evil empire? (Fingers crossed!)
+
* '''Q:''' Will we have to switch from "magic" to "more magic" to deal with them this time? Please say no; that surge makes for an unpleasant reboot.
* {{color|red||'''A:''' If it's stuck with someone more interested in interocity, then I highly doubt it. Besides, everyone knows the most evil place a dust bunny can rule is a dark corner in a storage shed.}}
+
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' I dare say, you'll have to switch to "most magic". All of your "more magic" will be tied up in hair-cell research. And what's all this "we" business? I thought I was answering human questions. I can't be certain my readings are accurate with all this electro-hoohah floating around! Did the government put you up to this?! Wait, don't answer that. Let me read the ball...}}
 +
* '''Q:''' I get that I'll still have to go through the motions so that it'll actually happen in the future, but that smug petascale twerp Blue Waters is using every billionth flops to taunt me about being slow: what will this phrase he challenged me with say when I finally get it unencrypted?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Let me check the tea leaves...very interesting. It will say, "Your mother was nothing but a cheap Acer laptop and your father smells of MS-DOS."}}
 +
* '''Q:''' So I met this super-cooled guy who... well, let's say just thinking about him sets my hard drive thrashing. He might have a few shorts, since he has an unpredictable habit of killing off other people's heroes, but he has an awesome sense of humor that makes it all better and I've never met another electronic so adept at teasing the bone-and-bloods. Preeeeety sure I've got dedicated port access, but before I start making silicon wafers, exchanging keys, and considering token rings, I have to know: what does our future hold? It doesn't feel like I'm in the cloud, but am I headed for a crash?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' This "fella" you speak of...I'm feeling a strong connection here. The initials T.G.R. are pouring out of the Alphabet Speghetti-O can nicely. I'd say he's exactly your type. Just don't leave him unattended for three days, or he may be capable of atrocities unheard of and mood swings that'll send you running. He definitely won't disappoint in the spontaneity department. Go for him...it...whatever!}}
 
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
 
''If you’d like your future confounded, PM {{god|Belteshazzar}} or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.''
 +
|-
 +
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Member of the Week</p>
 +
|-
 +
| [[File:AngelShinra.jpg|thumb|left|Pfft! She ain’t no angel!]]Get to know a member of [[Harvest Moon]]! This week's guest is: {{God|Angel Shinra}}
 +
* '''Q:''' How did you choose HM?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' When I first started the game, I made friends with {{god|Syrocko}} and it all just kind of went downhill from there.. lol }}
 +
* '''Q:''' Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Usually in his signifigant otter's stomach. Where do you think all those gold brick hairballs come from?}}
 +
* '''Q:''' Name some things that you and your hero have in common.
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' We both have an uncanny knack for getting ourselves into situations where we know we shouldn't, but we do it anyway.}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What advice would you give a newer player?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Just have fun with the game! And don't be afraid to ask others for help, there's so many nice, friendly (even if they are evil) people here!}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Another kitten sammich? I mean seriously, what else can satisfy the hunger you've built up from plundering all day?}}
 +
* '''Q:''' Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:'''  HAHAHA-- oh wait, you were serious. Er.. probably the closest pub. My little Shinra employee certainly loves that pub. All of them. >.>}}
 +
* '''Q:''' What’s your favorite voice command?
 +
* {{color|maroon||'''A:''' Probably the punish button, honestly... Even though I know it's technically *not* a command, its about the only thing he listens too! Lol}}
 +
''What would you like to know about your [[Harvest Moon]] guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!''
 
|-
 
|-
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Classifieds</p>
 
! style="padding:5px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Classifieds</p>
Line 164: Line 218:
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
! style="padding:2px;" | Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.
 
|-
 
|-
 +
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Sleep No More short-term elder care. We take care of your elderly when you don't want to anymore.  Call DEAD-AGAIN2 and select option 3 from the menu for more information.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''NEW''' from Wamco: the first ever selective hearing aids. Now you can ignore your boss, mother in law, or wife with a clear conscience but still be able to hear your best friend, girlfriend, or hero whenever you want. Inquire at your local healer!
+
| <br>'''PRODUCTS:''' Make your enemies suffer with an overpriced weapon at Sam’s Slings and Arrows! For an outrageous fortune, you can have top-of-the-line, stylish weapons. Located 1/2 milestone east of Monsterdam.
|-
 
| <br>'''FOR  HIRE:''' Boa constrictor. Will work for food. No references <s>alive</s> available.
 
|-
 
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Dead Again Mortuaries. Rebury your hero in a lovely ceremony. Call DEAD-AGAIN2 for a quote today!
 
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''NEW:''' [[Blue Feather]] tour bus. See the sites that will scare the pants off of even the most evil gods on this goody-goody bus tour! Mild sedatives provided. Call SCARY-GOOD-1 to book your ticket today!
+
| <br>'''FOR HIRE:''' Out of work woodchuck looking to forecast weather based on shadow. Call 555-PHIL today!
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Deity Bank - we put a high rate of interest in your coin purse. Multiple locations to <s>service</s> serve you.
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' The most interesting man in the world. He doesn't always sell himself for money, but when he does he does it through the Weekly Harvest. Call DOS-OR-TRES-X. You won’t regret it.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''PRODUCTS:''' Executive Lines Pet Leash now available with a rent-to-own plan or lease. Even the poorest hero can afford to make their Heffalump look like a superstar with a brand new rhinestone leash. Call today: RHI-NO-STONE!
+
| <br>'''FOR SALE:''' Sea Biscuit recipe! Fun, salty, meaty snack.
 
|-
 
|-
| <br>'''NEW PRODUCT:''' Gag-a-Maggot Incense, for all your ritual purification needs. Now available in: Putrid Flesh, Decaying Flesh, Burning Hair, and Apocalypse Rush.
+
| <br>'''SERVICES:''' Bob's bottom apparel. Ship your pants anywhere. Bet your bottom dollar we’ll get it handled! Visit Bob’s newest location in Bumchester!
 
|-
 
|-
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
! style="padding:2px;" | <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Ravings from a Geezer</p>
 
|-
 
|-
|,
+
|
 
! style="padding:2px;" |
 
! style="padding:2px;" |
 
|-
 
|-
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
 
| [[File:RavingOldGuy.jpg|thumbnail|left|King of curmudgeons]] '''''Disclaimer:''''' ''The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of [http://godvillegame.com/gods/Belteshazzar the author] and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the [[Harvest Moon]] Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other <s>sane</s> HM member or GV participant.''
  
I can't keep silent on this week's subject anymore. One of the most ridiculous, one of the most mind-numbing, one of the most absurd and appalling issues ever to face mankind. Science in children's television programs.
+
A short one for you this week, as I find this topic so annoying, that I can't be bothered to rant about it too much. Tribbles. Pointless little twerps. Here's MY list of ten things Tribbles remind me of...
  
Remember when science knew its role and was shoved into a program made especially for it? That buffoon Bill Nye and the strange menace Beakman's World at least had the decency to mind their business and stay put on nearly unwatchable shows.
+
# All the stupid things in life. Enough said.
 +
# Fireside rug. Nothing like shooting, stabbing, and/or strangling a furry creature to death, gutting it, and laying its hide on your cabin floor.
 +
# Dingleberries. They just won't go away, no matter how often you pick 'em and toss 'em in the furnace.
 +
# Death. Not my own, but everything "cute" and "cuddly".
 +
# Target practice. Remember the days when space cadets could confidently shout, "Pull!" and know their comrades would launch a Tribble in the air for them to deep fry with a laser blast? Glorious days.
 +
# Smothering apparatus. They may look innocent, but I guarantee Tribbles are up to no good. Lying in wait at nursing homes, just waiting to be used by a triple-shift nurse...
 +
# Something to shove my feet in to keep warm on cold, winter nights. Preferably while still alive. You know, for that extra warmth.
 +
# Why Star Wars will always be leaps and bounds better than Star Trek. Ewoks would make Tribbles into slaves.
 +
# Trek nerds. AKA punching bags.
 +
# Nazis. Remember, they too wanted to make the "perfect race" by controlled breeding. What's more controlled than being born pregnant?! Tribbles are up to something. Don't truck with that lot.
  
But nowadays, science feels the need to infest many shows that it has no business being in. Dinosaur shows, for instance. Science has managed to ruin one of the once truly great things about childhood, dinosaurs. It's made them out to be sissies. Quit putting moronic designs and feathers on these terrible lizards! For the love of all that is still pure, right and sane, take a flying leap, science. Why don't you just dress up dinosaurs in feathered boas, and have them doing a conga into a massive tar pit? That's what you've done, emasculated the once incredible Tyrannosaurus Rex.
+
''If you are a Tribble sympathizer and are thinking of writing to complain, don't. I have a Tribble in my hands as I write this with my feet. I will strangle it, if you even so much as think of writing a letter to my editor.''
 
 
If I have to hear the phrase, "Fifty million years ago..." in kid's programming ever again, I'm going to take my HDTV to the nearest broadcasting company and cram it down the throat of the first executive I meet. If you have to promote your viewpoint in the same way propaganda gets hammered into people's brains, then your stuff is weak sauce. Pathetic. "Get 'em young, and get 'em often" is science's motto.
 
 
 
I mean, when did nerds earn the right to our attention. These are the same dorks and dweebs that on the street you would openly mock and give wedgies to on the subway. And no one would stop you! But give them a camera and microphone, and suddenly we eat it up. That's my biggest gripe.
 
 
 
All this science in kid's shows is going to be the death of imagination. One of the greatest things you have to look forward to in parenting is making stuff up and having your children's minds blown. Or just letting them make it up on their own! I want to tell my son rainbows are made when unicorns eat a particularly spicy Mexican dish and fart themselves to death as they arc across the sky, but I can't now. He says, "Oh no, daddy. Rainbows are made when light gets refracted through raindrops and..." By that time I've walked off, after grounding him to his room for "lack of imaginative humor." Soon, the only good books written will have to come from asylum inmates and drug addicts, because children will no longer be able to think for themselves.
 
 
 
I have a perfect solution for this, though. Why don't you scientists take your microscopes, which you're SO fond of, and put them in Sun Don't Shine Land? That's one area we'd all love to see you study. And the best part about this is, science will try to tell me that that fantastical land doesn't exist. But it does, I assure you. Just let me help you with that microscope...
 
 
 
''If you have complaints about this article, that's because you're a halfwit who needs to spend more time reading science'' fiction ''and talking to the opposite sex. So instead of whining, why don't you pass me your microscope?''
 
|-
 
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> '''Over the Moon'''</p>
 
|-
 
|[[File:OverTheMoon.jpg|thumb|left|You can’t win if you don’t play!]]'''The Weekly Harvest Quiz'''
 
 
 
'''How to play:'''
 
 
 
* Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
 
* Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la ''Jeopardy!'').
 
* Answers must be submitted via the [http://godvillegame.com/forums/show_topic/546 Harvest Moon Forum]. ''Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.''
 
* The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges ''and'' be automatically entered to play in the '''Over the Moon Championship''', held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
 
* The winner of the '''OtM Championship''' (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!
 
 
 
'''This week’s Answers:'''
 
 
 
# This is the term for being afraid of an empty beer glass. ''(Hint: not to be confused with being afraid of an empty glass.)''
 
# This is the full term of the part of the Diary that shows what your hero is doing right now.
 
# This is the number of items your hero can carry when he or she is level 80.
 
# This is the sum of the minimal level your hero/ine needs to be in order to be sent to the arena and the minimal level your hero/ine needs to be before they can start having sparring (challenge a friend) fights.
 
 
 
 
 
Congratulations to last month’s winner: {{god|Static Panda}} The game came down to a riveting three-way tie and he won the “unGoogle-able tiebreaker.” Who will be this month's first winner and Championship round player? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!
 
 
|-
 
|-
 +
| <p style="margin:3px; background:#FF4500; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #a3bfb1; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Special Announcements</p>
 +
<br>
 +
{| style="float: left; margin-center: 3em; border: 3px solid gray;"
 +
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 125%; padding:0.2em 0.4em;" | 
 +
ATTENTION: You've reached the end of the paper.  Move along, folks, nothing to see here...
 +
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
|}
 
----
 
----
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
 
{| style="float: left; margin-left: 1em; border: 1px solid gray;"
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Belteshazzar, Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22]
+
! colspan="2" style="font-size: 66%;" | '''Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin, SourceRunner and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange.''' [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=32848 Issue #1] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=33287 Issue #2] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34116 Issue #3] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34477 Issue #4] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34550 Issue #5] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=34827 Issue #6] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35204 Issue #7] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35207 Issue #8] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35563 Issue #9] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35691 Issue #10] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35842 Issue #11] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=35991 Issue #12] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36100 Issue #13] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36241 Issue #14] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36368 Issue #15] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36512 Issue #16] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36726 Issue #17] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=36858 Issue #18] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37059 Issue #19] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37283 Issue #20] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37506 Issue #21] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37726 Issue #22] [http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php?title=Talk:Harvest_Moon&oldid=37944 Issue #23]
 
|}
 
|}

Revision as of 04:16, 17 April 2013

Masthead.jpg

This week’s featured topic: A Visit to Town

Other useful links:

  1. The HM Blog
  2. The HM Website
  3. HM Merchandise
  4. Learn About the Tourney
  5. Our Town Influence
  6. Our Forum
  7. The HM Day Spa
  8. Digging Advice

No refunds. #24

What Heroes Do In Town

Drinking and wasting money and drinking some more!
The great random controls all...or does it? Upon close inspection by GodSyrocko , our heroes seem to be very structured when it comes to heading back to town. Now, this can be very useful to know when trying to revive your pet, as sometimes he will not waste his money and sometimes he'll waste more, and in the end it is very interesting...

Upon entering Godville, your hero will get one of three options:

  1. 1 to 4 gold coins per brick in your temple (more when temple has grown a bit, with 2 to 4 gold coins per brick when your temple is complete);
  2. a charge (only if your temple is complete); or
  3. a trade of 10,000, 20,000 or 30,000 gold coins for experience (again, only after your temple is complete).

Sometimes,  a guard will charge them taxes first, which can be a real pain if it makes the difference between getting a trade for experience or not. None of this happens if you send your hero to the arena or use an artifact to transport back to town. It is also skipped if the hero has a cancelled quest.

Other than the above-mentioned scenarios, a typical town visit goes like this:

  1. go to the doctor and heal,
  2. go to the trader to sell your loot and possibly buy a skill upgrade,
  3. head to the equipment shop to windowshop and maybe buy equipment or a brick,
  4. idle in town, possibly going to the tavern, to a show, or on a hot date, all of which generally result in wasting gold (maximum gold wasted is about 54% unless in you're in Beerburg or Los Adminos, in which case it's more like 45%-99%),
  5. go to your temple to pray and often donate more gold, and finally
  6. leave town. Normal gold wastage can be and usually is much, much lower than the maximum of 54%.

After arena or with an aura of abstinence, the equipment shop, idling in town and money wastage phases are skipped. Note, however, that the hero can still upgrade a skill, since this happens immediately after selling loot.

With a cancelled quest, the temple reward and healing are skipped, but the other phases proceed as normal.

With a completed quest, your hero sells loot as the first phase after getting the temple reward. Then he has the skill upgrade phase. At this point, his health is checked and different things will happen depending on whether health is in the red level (roughly a third or less), or a higher level.

With red health, he'll skip the equipment shop and buying of bricks and equipment, then heal up, skip idling in town and money wastage, and head straight for the temple.

With health above the red level, he'll shop for equipment and bricks, skip the healing phase, idle and waste money as usual, then go to the praying phase.

Finally, if a hero decides to go to town due to low health and he's carrying less than a certain percentage of his maximum amount of loot, including potions (this percentage varies with the town milestone, being only about 33% before about the 50th milestone and slowly rising to 50% after that point), there will be a special diary entry about him heading to town to heal or because he forgot something. He will then ONLY heal (skipping his chance of a special guild health boost at the beginning of his healing, which he would otherwise get) and then leave town again, without any of the other phases (except the temple reward phase at the beginning ONLY if the town he visits is Godville).

 

Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That?

Pumba the Firefox, PITH Deity Relations Department
Why Does My Hero’s Pet Do That? Part I

Lately, we of Pets Into Tormenting Heroes (PITH) have noticed an alarming increase in the proportion of “punish” incidents where heroic pets come away flambéed, shorn, smashed, and electrocuted. We attribute this to the fact that PITH has not lately reminded the deities that we are on your side. We’d like to remedy this oversight by answering your most common variations on the question, “Why does my hero’s pet do that?”

This week, the question we get the most often:

Eating Bold or Activatable Artifacts

What Deities Think: That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!

Why a PITH Does It: Unlike dumb heroes, we smart beasts can actually tell when an artifact is useful to a deity. When one of these has been sitting in a trophy bag for a little while, we will deliberately target it for theft, begging, eating, burying, or other form of destruction. This is not to annoy you, the deity, but to heighten the emotional impact of a deity’s eventual punishment of a hero; somewhere, deep within the hero’s thickened, dense, lightning-scarred skull, he is tracking that these are the artifacts that make you, his deity, exceptionally upset to lose. It takes a while to bubble to the surface, so any decently-skilled PITH can get one of these artifacts away from the hero, but soon thereafter the hero will start to feel dread.

“Was that one of those artifacts?” he wonders.

For a hero new to punishment, this leads to wondering if a punishment will come. In deliciously wretched terror, the hero first tries to pretend that everything is normal, and hopes you will not notice. This is a notion stillborn, so he soon switches to trying to win your favor and get out of punishment. He hits every monster harder, digs every hole deeper, and slaughters every opponent faster in a mute and desperate bid to escape your wrath.

For a hero experienced in punishment, the question becomes not “if,” but “when.” He let his stupid animal eat something he suspects was valuable. It’s a foregone conclusion that you’ll be upset, as if you really needed a reason to punish him, so where is the blasted lightning bolt? He starts in a bad mood, expecting your fury at any moment, and taking out his frustrations on nearby monsters. When you wait longer, he ends up with a full inventory and has to visit the trader, where his scowl deepens because now he’s certain that you will decide he deliberately sold the artifact, not that his pet tricked him out of it. The look on his face terrifies the trader into giving better prices. And, if you should refrain from punishment during trade phase, the hero becomes sure that you’re saving something special for him. By the end of the rest and prayer phases, when the hero has done everything he possibly can to make you drop your deific combat boot, he is jumping up and down in the middle of the town square, demanding in loud and no uncertain tones that you punish him. Imagine the fear this engenders in the populace, and then send him to the Arena.

In the Arena, the hero knows you will finally punish him, and he only has to hold out for a few more minutes. He pummels his opponent, sick to his stomach but mentally euphoric, as prepared as he can be for what will surely be tantamount to the firmament falling on his head. And then it happens.

A punishment.

A normal punishment.

A NORMAL punishment?! This is what he’s been anticipating all. Day. Long?!

And because he can’t do anything to you, he displaces his rage onto the pansy before him and rends limb from limb in glorious fountains of gore.

All this anguish, all this horror, all this productivity was made possible because a pet laid the groundwork of eating a bold or activatable artifact. A PITH did this, which makes punishing one of us entirely counterproductive. So let’s review.

What Deities Think: That dumb beast ate something I wanted! Punish!

What Deities Should Think: That beast ate--! Ohhh… that pet’s a PITH. I have an ally down there. Heh-heh-heh. Let’s see what I can do with this.

And have you ever wondered why your heroine’s pet heals her just as soon as she’s down into the red where you want her? See this spot, next week.

Pumba the Firefox is a long-serving member of PITH and delights in his work fully. He began in the PITH Deity Relations Department shortly after his predecessor retired with a severe case of seared fur and mange.

Pets Into Tormenting Heroes: We don’t get mad—they get pithed!

Get To Know a Deity

Scary in every way... except in the arena.
Here we sit down weekly with a Harvest Moon warrior and find out what makes them tick. This week’s Deity is: GodBaws Banger 
  • Q: What is your favorite salty snack?
  • A: I AM THE ANGEL OF DEATH! THE TIME OF THE PURIFICATION IS AT HAND!
  • Q: What GV pet would you like to have?
  • A: Feral Hero. In all seriousness though, I think the devs should make the Feral Hero a tameable monster. Does anyone else agree with me... or should I start seeing a counselor again?
  • Q: How do you like to spend your spare time?
  • A: I like to meet women with tattoos. Women without tattoos. Women without any kind of facial piercings, especially labrets, and those that have them.
  • Q: Do you have any hidden talents?
  • A: I frequently offend those who are easily offended, and those who are not.
  • Q: Of all of the equipment out there, what is your ultimate, dream “outfit” for your hero?
  • A: I think Felipe would be unstoppable with the Banhammer and Diplomatic Immunity, topped off with the Falcon Punch skill.

If you have a burning question for Harvest Moon's Deities, please submit them to the staff. Thank you!

Over the Moon

You can’t win if you don’t play!
The Weekly Harvest Quiz

How to play:

  • Each week, there will be four “questions” posted here (and only here) in the Weekly Harvest. Answers to the questions can be found in the wiki, on the HM web site, in the forums or will be math/logic-based.
  • Your “answers” must be in question form (a-la Jeopardy!).
  • Answers must be submitted via the Harvest Moon Forum. Answers only, please! Don’t give away the questions to non-WH readers.
  • The first god/dess to get all four questions right will win four (4) charges and be automatically entered to play in the Over the Moon Championship, held monthly on Palringo (yes, you’ll need to join Pal to play).
  • The winner of the OtM Championship (to be based on a different game show each month) will receive 45 charges!!

This week’s Answers:

  1. These are seven of the ten (or more) known attack keywords in the arena.
  2. This is the time that the Godville Times will change to the next day's issue on 17 April 2013 (give time zone also).
  3. This is the minimal number of characters a Godname can be.
  4. This is the major significant event to occur on 10 May 2013.

Congratulations to last week’s winners: GodGodofbeer  and GodVarza ! Who will be joining them in this month’s Championship round? It could be you! See you in the forum! Good luck!

Famous HM Heroes This Week

#825 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1069 g.e.
Gehena - 75th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Striving for medio☾rity”, stands at the 68th position in the pantheon of mastery under the vigilant supervision of the goddess GodStarryshine . We've had many reports that a Major Disappointment has been afraid to make eye contact with her since their last encounter.
#826 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1070 g.e.
Sauriva Amon Shie - 80th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “☾ Rest in pieces”, stands at the 17th position in the pantheon of mastery under the vigilant supervision of the goddess GodSauriva . She's asking someone to take the moral high ground, by force if necessary and report the results via express mail.
#828 GODVILLE TIMES Day 1072 g.e.
The420Bob - 66th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “BIRD'S THE WORD! ”, stands at the 13th position in the pantheon of taming under the vigilant supervision of the god GodDamienpoe . He was known to distribute counterfeit Godville invites during his youth.

Belteshazzar the Confounding

Belt knows all! Or he’s lost it. We aren’t sure yet.
New feature! GodBelteshazzar  can predict your future! Will he? Eh... Maybe. This week’s mail-bag grab found three questions from GodSourceRunner .
  • Q: Is the Robopocalypse really coming, or is that nutty Cray just talking through his grey hat?
  • A: Cray, you say? Erm, um...yes, let me see what the future holds for this Robo-clips, is it? Not sure why robots would need barbers, but to each its own. Unless, of course, they've figured out how to harvest humans for our hair, thus perpetuating the end of civilization as we know it! But that's getting to far ahead. You didn't want to know all that. Nope, you just wanna know if androids will need wigs or if they'll sprout locks that need a good trim from time to time. My prediction: yes...or no...I'm 100% positive that this might happen.
  • Q: Where will those scourges of the relays, the most ancient enemies of all beings electronic, the Moths, strike next? Knowing places to pre-site zappers would be so useful.
  • A: Knowing that computers will be interested in hair growth, the Moths will most likely strike at the hair follicle receptor thingies. You can't get this kinda accuracy just anywhere. My cubic zirconia ball sees everything.
  • Q: Will we have to switch from "magic" to "more magic" to deal with them this time? Please say no; that surge makes for an unpleasant reboot.
  • A: I dare say, you'll have to switch to "most magic". All of your "more magic" will be tied up in hair-cell research. And what's all this "we" business? I thought I was answering human questions. I can't be certain my readings are accurate with all this electro-hoohah floating around! Did the government put you up to this?! Wait, don't answer that. Let me read the ball...
  • Q: I get that I'll still have to go through the motions so that it'll actually happen in the future, but that smug petascale twerp Blue Waters is using every billionth flops to taunt me about being slow: what will this phrase he challenged me with say when I finally get it unencrypted?
  • A: Let me check the tea leaves...very interesting. It will say, "Your mother was nothing but a cheap Acer laptop and your father smells of MS-DOS."
  • Q: So I met this super-cooled guy who... well, let's say just thinking about him sets my hard drive thrashing. He might have a few shorts, since he has an unpredictable habit of killing off other people's heroes, but he has an awesome sense of humor that makes it all better and I've never met another electronic so adept at teasing the bone-and-bloods. Preeeeety sure I've got dedicated port access, but before I start making silicon wafers, exchanging keys, and considering token rings, I have to know: what does our future hold? It doesn't feel like I'm in the cloud, but am I headed for a crash?
  • A: This "fella" you speak of...I'm feeling a strong connection here. The initials T.G.R. are pouring out of the Alphabet Speghetti-O can nicely. I'd say he's exactly your type. Just don't leave him unattended for three days, or he may be capable of atrocities unheard of and mood swings that'll send you running. He definitely won't disappoint in the spontaneity department. Go for him...it...whatever!

If you’d like your future confounded, PM GodBelteshazzar  or submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff! Minimum of three questions, please, and no more than five.

Member of the Week

Pfft! She ain’t no angel!
Get to know a member of Harvest Moon! This week's guest is: GodAngel Shinra 
  • Q: How did you choose HM?
  • A: When I first started the game, I made friends with GodSyrocko  and it all just kind of went downhill from there.. lol
  • Q: Where does your hero hide his coin purse?
  • A: Usually in his signifigant otter's stomach. Where do you think all those gold brick hairballs come from?
  • Q: Name some things that you and your hero have in common.
  • A: We both have an uncanny knack for getting ourselves into situations where we know we shouldn't, but we do it anyway.
  • Q: What advice would you give a newer player?
  • A: Just have fun with the game! And don't be afraid to ask others for help, there's so many nice, friendly (even if they are evil) people here!
  • Q: What toppings do you like on your kitten sammiches?
  • A: Another kitten sammich? I mean seriously, what else can satisfy the hunger you've built up from plundering all day?
  • Q: Where would your heroine go on her first date...assuming she ever gets one?
  • A:  HAHAHA-- oh wait, you were serious. Er.. probably the closest pub. My little Shinra employee certainly loves that pub. All of them. >.>
  • Q: What’s your favorite voice command?
  • A: Probably the punish button, honestly... Even though I know it's technically *not* a command, its about the only thing he listens too! Lol

What would you like to know about your Harvest Moon guild mates? Submit your questions to any member of the Weekly Harvest staff!

Classifieds

Selling Evil Since Day 898 g.e.

SERVICES: Sleep No More short-term elder care. We take care of your elderly when you don't want to anymore.  Call DEAD-AGAIN2 and select option 3 from the menu for more information.

PRODUCTS: Make your enemies suffer with an overpriced weapon at Sam’s Slings and Arrows! For an outrageous fortune, you can have top-of-the-line, stylish weapons. Located 1/2 milestone east of Monsterdam.

FOR HIRE: Out of work woodchuck looking to forecast weather based on shadow. Call 555-PHIL today!

FOR SALE: The most interesting man in the world. He doesn't always sell himself for money, but when he does he does it through the Weekly Harvest. Call DOS-OR-TRES-X. You won’t regret it.

FOR SALE: Sea Biscuit recipe! Fun, salty, meaty snack.

SERVICES: Bob's bottom apparel. Ship your pants anywhere. Bet your bottom dollar we’ll get it handled! Visit Bob’s newest location in Bumchester!

Ravings from a Geezer

King of curmudgeons
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy, position or opinion of the Harvest Moon Blood Council, any deity on the HMWH staff (or remotely associated with the Weekly Harvest) or any other sane HM member or GV participant.

A short one for you this week, as I find this topic so annoying, that I can't be bothered to rant about it too much. Tribbles. Pointless little twerps. Here's MY list of ten things Tribbles remind me of...

  1. All the stupid things in life. Enough said.
  2. Fireside rug. Nothing like shooting, stabbing, and/or strangling a furry creature to death, gutting it, and laying its hide on your cabin floor.
  3. Dingleberries. They just won't go away, no matter how often you pick 'em and toss 'em in the furnace.
  4. Death. Not my own, but everything "cute" and "cuddly".
  5. Target practice. Remember the days when space cadets could confidently shout, "Pull!" and know their comrades would launch a Tribble in the air for them to deep fry with a laser blast? Glorious days.
  6. Smothering apparatus. They may look innocent, but I guarantee Tribbles are up to no good. Lying in wait at nursing homes, just waiting to be used by a triple-shift nurse...
  7. Something to shove my feet in to keep warm on cold, winter nights. Preferably while still alive. You know, for that extra warmth.
  8. Why Star Wars will always be leaps and bounds better than Star Trek. Ewoks would make Tribbles into slaves.
  9. Trek nerds. AKA punching bags.
  10. Nazis. Remember, they too wanted to make the "perfect race" by controlled breeding. What's more controlled than being born pregnant?! Tribbles are up to something. Don't truck with that lot.

If you are a Tribble sympathizer and are thinking of writing to complain, don't. I have a Tribble in my hands as I write this with my feet. I will strangle it, if you even so much as think of writing a letter to my editor.

Special Announcements


 

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Special Thanks to our staff writers: Bellatrixie the Strange, Belteshazzar, Doctor Frank-n-Furter, Hairplug4men, Lady Darkness, Mistress of Science and Zeerty. Content contributors: Cecceticat, Iduna, Jarlbank, Lady Shadows, Magic Merlin, SourceRunner and Syrocko. Staff photographer: Bellatrixie the Strange. Issue #1 Issue #2 Issue #3 Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Issue #7 Issue #8 Issue #9 Issue #10 Issue #11 Issue #12 Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15 Issue #16 Issue #17 Issue #18 Issue #19 Issue #20 Issue #21 Issue #22 Issue #23