Progress Bar

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Taverns of Godville
Progress Bar
ProgressBar.jpg
Progress Bar Logo
Feature 100% Bio and Local
Signature Drink Beer Cub Ale

The Progress Bar is a chain of taverns established by one of Godville's most renowned craft brewers Lara Craftbeer. The franchise is famous for serving locally brewed beers made out of “real non-artifical ingredients.”®️

Origins

Lara Craftbeer left her hometown to become an adventurer. While hanging out with other heroes and heroines, she found a deep-rooted love for beer. She decided to retire from slaying monsters and raiding tombs, and devote the rest of her life to brewing beer.[1]

Lara's first brewery was started in an old carriage house. Her brews were experimental and innovative,; she tried to come up with new flavors, shapes,[2] and viscosities. She had a lot of success among the local connoisseurs, but struggled to compete with the big taverns. She figured she needed an original staple brew, so, inspired by a rumour of bear monsters brewing beer, she left again to live the life of an adventurer in the hopes of them and some inspiration. She found and observed Beer Cubs for weeks, ultimately coming up with Beer Cub Ale,[3] her most popular and award-winning brew

After she earned enough resources, she opened her first Progress Bar in Beerburgh. To provide the support she’d never received to others, Lara made Progress Bar available as a platform to young craft brewers for testing their own beers, and that in turn attracted adventurous patrons. Her bar became extremely popular, and now she owns an entire chain of taverns all over Godville.

Signature Craft Beers

In-house brewing system
  • Beer Cub Ale — Lara Craftbeer's own recipe inspired by wild Beer Cubs; passionless fruit-infused brew.
  • Blue Porter Lagoon — porter type of beer; brewed with clear water from the Blue Portal Lagoon located in the deep wilderness of the Sacred Archipelago.
  • Fairy Ale — rumoured to have hallucinogenic Green Fairy dust in it; in reality, it's brewed with Forget-me-now flower.
  • Glass Hopper — bitter with a distinctive taste, given by flakes of dried Hypnotoad skin.
  • Why So Pale Ale — original brew designed by her close friend and brewer Countess Illiana Draculette; like its creator, it's very light in colour, but surprisingly strong.
  • Pil-Lager's Choice — cool-conditioned beer; suitable for all cold-blooded killers, both pre- or post-pillaging raids.
  • Life Sup-Porter — without it, you might literally die.
  • Little Red Riding Hop — red ale style beer; fermented with Pixie dust instead of ordinary brewers’ yeast.
  • Stout Hearted — strong stout, contains essential oils made out of organic Beerserker hearts.[4]
  • Yggdrasil Pale Ale — your classic YPA, made out of “real non-artifical ingredients”®️ from the distant and mysterious lands of Yggdrasil.

Menu

The Progress Bar menu contains a selection of steaks and burgers made out of prime, free-range monster meat.[5] Among the most popular are the Juicy Unicow Burger, Pulled Aporkalyptic Sandwich or Interrupting STEAK! Ribeye.

The Progress Bar, of course, serves breakfasts. You can order meals like Fabergé Omelette or Good Ol' Pancakes with extra Pigasus bacon. To be considerate of all heroes, heroines and vampires, breakfasts are served all day and night and come with a complimentary Bloody Mary. Newly, if requested, virgin Bloody Mary is being served with 0% blood and 0% gluten.

Saving (for) the Heroes Initiative

As a former adventurer, Lara knows the "Do I save some money so my freckin' Goddess stops smiting me, or do I go and have a beer...?" struggle that all heroes and heroines face every day. That's the reason she decided to start a special Saving (for) the Heroes Initiative: every 33rd customer that comes into the Progress Bar will get her money deposited in her own name, and progress in the Pantheon of Savings.

!Hero's Diary
12:03 Stopped by the Progress Bar. Gave 3189 gold coins to the bartender and waited for my drink. But instead of beer, I received a note that I progressed in my Savings Pantheon ranking. Don’t know whether to feel happy or betrayed.

Lara also uses this as a way of preventing brawls when Progress Bar runs out of a particularly popular beer (an unfortunate problem of small-batch brewing). In that case, all customers get their money deposited, ensuring that Lara already has damage compensation in the rare case of a riot.

References and Footnotes

  1. McPherson, John E. The Best of Godville's Beer. Unsettlement Printing Press
  2. "To be fair, that was mostly experimenting with funny shaped glasses more than brewing," Lara says.
  3. Craftbeer, Lara. Extreme Brewing: Into The Wild and Beyond. Beerburg's Brewer Publishers.
  4. When asked how she determines that the monster's heart is organic, Lara's habitual reply is, "Hearts are organs, dummy."
  5. "The young 'uns keep slaughtering them. We're just making sure it's almost ethical and the meat doesn't go to waste," Lara comments.
JanuWiki 2019
Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery
Taverns and Bars
All Inn • At the Dragon • The Battle Toad • Boatmurdered • Caravanserai • The Den of Iniquity • The Drunken Clam • Dunquestin • The Glass Cannon • Khaki-colored Dragon • The Mended Drum • Molotov's Cocktail Bar • Progress Bar • The Rumor Mill • The Rusty Goblin • Shepherd’s Stuff • Space Bar • The Sword & Sandal • The Whinery